~Selina~

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As the nurse were taking me back to my hospitalroom, I started to feel scared.. And anxious.. I didn't know what to expect neither did I know what was waiting for me behind the doors..

A voice inside of me, kept telling me that something had happened or were going to happen . I didn't know what and that is what makes it all scary. It's.. unpredictable..

I had been away for a long time, the examination took more time than I thought it would and I didn't like to be away from the guys..

I sighed heavily as the nurse stopped by the reception to hand in my papers and then continued to wheel me towards my room.
The atmosphere and a few vibes kept giving me.. chills. I didn't like the feeling at all neither did I like the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen.

But I hope that I wasn't hallucinating or anything. Cause we all had survived, we were all safe and alive. So what is there to worry about ?

I entered the hospitalroom and saw JaeJoong standing by the window as I saw Yunho sleeping. The other guys were nowhere to be seen

JaeJoong spun around as he heard me and smiled at me.
I couldn't help but smile back at his angelic face. When the nurse had left us I was sitting on the bed, waiting for him to say something.

The questions came back, taking over everything. My brain, my feelings and my heart. I needed to know how he survived. Cause the fear inside of me, him meeting faith.. being given another mission..

NO !

"Selina? gwenchana?"

He was right next to me, sitting on the bed watching me. I hadn't noticed that he had moved himself from the window over to my side. I must have been thinking again..

"I'm.. fine.." I stuttered

"Yunho's asleep.. The doctor gave him some anodyne and eventually he fell asleep.." JaeJoong said

I nodded slowly. I could judge by the snores and the deep breathing of Yunho that he was asleep. I've heard it a lot of times

"Where did the other guys go?" I asked

"To have something to eat. They'll be back later" He said

I quieten. I think he knew that he had to answer me someday and isn't it time now?

"JaeJoong.." I started and looked at him

His eyes stayed still, vigilant waiting for me to continue

"I need to know.. you have to tell me.. "

He sighed heavily and I stopped in the middle of my sentence

"I know Selina. Your questions.. I know I won't be able to escape them" He said

"Why are you.. so.. reserved ? It's me! You know me! You can tell me anything. And it doesn't matter what it is cause we've been through stuff that we thought were impossible. I don't like hiding stuff from you and I'm sure that you don't like hiding stuff from me either" I whispered, so that I won't wake Yunho up

I needed this small amount of time to talk to him

He shook his head

"I'm not hiding anything from you. I will tell you soon enough"

"And when is SOON to you?" I asked

He smiled

"When the time is right. I'm not hiding or keeping anything from you. You will understand when the time comes"

I quieten

I loved JaeJoong. I loved him but I knew that I would never be able to give him the kind of love he wanted

Suddenly he pulled a strain of my hair and put it behind my ear as he watched me slowly

I didn't dare to breathe..

"I know that you're confused.. But I promise that when the time is right.. You'll understand"

I shook my head

"I've had enough with time.." I said

"Selina~~"

His soft way of saying my name suddenly made my heart skip a few beats. After he had confessed and said that he loved me, I started to feel awkward around him cause I knew that his feelings weren't the feelings I thought it were. He never thought of me as his friend. He has loved me.. No, I mean he did love me

"I can see that you're thinking over the things I said out on the platform.. But I don't want you to.. think about it.. I already know that your heart belongs to Yunho"

I didn't answer

"But it never stopped me from loving you.. "

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I whispered

Flashbacks and all kinds of pictures when I had spent time with JaeJoong started to flow inside my mind. He had loved me ever since we had met each other on that airplane. Now when I'm thinking about it... I must have had hurt him.. when I was spending time with Yunho..

When I kissed Yunho and hugged him and just..

I looked up

"WHy are you crying?" He asked as he wiped away the tear that was about to fall

"Cause I'm a horrible person.."

"No you're not. Don't you ever say that.." He said

I shook my head

"JaeJoong.. I've never seen or notice your feelings.. and all this time I had.. hurt you by being in the same room with you with Yunho.."

I started to get sick

He shook his head

"I wouldn't be a good person if I didn't wish the person I love luck.. and happiness right? "

I didn't say anything

He suddenly laughed quietly. It kind of.. sounded sarcastic and.. sad.

"I would be a horrible person if I had wished that you would be alone than to be with Yunho. But I've seen the happiness reflect in your eyes whenever you're with Yunho. It's.. pure and you're happy.. It if can't be me.. I'm happy that it's Yunho.. Even though he's blind and really stupid and it takes him about 3,5 months to understand that you were Selina.."

JaeJoong kept babbling but I didn't listen anymore. I looked at him and suddenly it all just became more and more clear.

I had never seen him like this. I had always thought of him as my best friend.. An guardian angel that's always there whenever I need someone .. Who's going to rescue me..

I watched his mouth moving as his eyes were looking at me, then looking away while talking.
It felt like my eyes became more and more clear now..
I saw JaeJoong .. I saw him as Kim JaeJoong now, a friend that has been hiding his feelings in order to make me feel happy..

The JaeJoong that I thought only saw me as a friend disappeared. All the flashbacks of him taking care of me.. Protecting me..

I sobbed

JaeJoong quieten as he heard me sob

"Please.. don't cry..." He whispered

I gathered my courage and looked at him

"Why Jae? Why.. did you.. fall in love with me?"

He became paralyzed because of my question.
He watched me and I was waiting. He was probably studying every move I would do with my eyes.. A sign of reaction or anything..

"Because.."

I waited for him to continue but he just watched me. I saw that he wasn't able to describe it

"You're just that person" He mumbled

I started to cry even more. Because I was angry. Angry with myself.. I want to give him what he wants but the word 'Friend' refused to disappear from my head

"I'm sorry.. that I can't give you.." I gasped for air and wasn't able to finish the sentence

He shook his head

"That's my problem.."

"But i don't want you to suffer around me"

He chuckled quietly

"I wish that Love wasn't that.. painful. If I could Selina, I would erase and take everything that has to do with pain away but you know that with Love, Pain has to be included. ."

"But you don't deserve to be in pain.. I don't want you to suffer whenever you see me.."

He smiled

"Who said I was suffering?"

I looked at him

"You don't?"

He smiled

"I won't say that I'm not suffering cause that would be a lie.. But I guess the feelings of knowing that you're happy and just seeing happy is the more dominating feeling.. So the positive takes over the negative.."

I sighed

"I'm so sorry.." I mumbled

"Don't be.. "

He pulled me into a hug

I put my arms around him and leaned onto his shoulder. I wanted to do so much for him.. but I couldn't. I love Yunho.. and will always will..

"Don't feel guilty.. Just.. be happy.. ok?"

"How can I when I know that my friend is suffering?" I whispered

"FOr me?" He whispered

He leaned forward and planted a kiss on my forehead before he stood up

"I'll see you later" He whispered

"JaeJoong?"

He stopped right in front of the door and looked at me

"Yes?"

"Will you.. ever tell me.. how you survived?"

He smiled

"You'll figure it out.. Soon enough"

With that he went outside and closed the door and the silence was a pain to me. I noticed that Yunho's snores had quit and I couldn't hear his breathing anymore

Suddenly my body started to move and I soon found myself walking over the small gap between Yunho's and my bed and I pulled the draper. Yunho was sitting up and he had made a small spot for me..

He didn't show my any signs of.. that he had heard our conversation. It was.. gentle and loving..

He pulled me down to him, I crouched myself into a small baby and he put his arms around me as my head rested onto his chest

"I'm sorry" He whispered

"For what?" I asked

"That you're.. feeling sorry.. about this whole thing with JaeJoong. Honestly, I didn't know he had feelings for you either until.. he told me earlier"

I didn't say anything

"But of course, I can't blame him.. You're really special Selina.."

I didn't say anything and pulled myself closer to him as his grip around me tightened. He kissed my hair

"And thank you"

I looked up

He looked into my confused eyes before he smiled at me, leaned forward and planted a kiss on my nose tip

"For saving me.." He whispered