~Selina~

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Breathe...

Breathe..

I was trying to breathe slowly, trying to stay calm and tell myself that I will make it on time. I was persuading myself that he was alright and that nothing bad had happened to him
The clock was like a drug and I don't know how many times I kept throwing glances at it cause it always showed me the same, 9:46 pm

I had 2 hours to go before the day of 100 is over and I was soon there, at the ski resort.

During my car ride, I had cried, I had angrily shouted at myself and cursed at myself.. I have prayed.. I have..

Told myself a billion of times that I had to make it..
I had told myself .. repeated the words allover again, how much I loved him.. and that.. he would still be fine when I found him..

I didn't dare to think of anything else, just the thought gave me chills, messed up my feelings and my heart , it couldn't take it.. Nothing of it..

Just the thought of seeing.. him..

NO I can't even think about the word..

I looked at the clock again, 9:50 pm

I speeded up and soon I spotted the ski resort. I hurried to drive myw ay up to the hotel and where the lifters were going back and forth from the top. Lights were allover the hotel, the snow and the lifters. It was so bright that if you didn't see the black sky, you might as well would've thought that it was broad day light

I looked around but there were seriously no one there.. no one nearby

After I had parked the car I hurried inside the hotel and ran to the reception. The girl looked at me confusingly

"May I help you Miss?"

"I'm.. just wondering where everyone is?" I asked

I was hoping that she wouldn't say anything like, 'There was an accident a few minutes ago.. and it drew the people attention'

She smiled

"There's a big party today and I guess that explains why everyone is out and it's almost quiet around here.. It takes about 10 minutes away from here.."

"Oh.."

I looked at the clock again.. It was ticking away..
Less than 2 hours

"May I ask you a few questions? I'm looking for someone.. I was wondering if you've seen him?"

"Oh, Can you describe him?"

"He's tall.. about 184 cm.. and he has a small face, very gentle smile and his hair is short..."

"He.. uhm.. has like.. light brown hair? Fashionable?"

Fashionable? I guess he must have put on some really nice clothes.. I knew that Yunho had a great sense of style.. but I never thought that he would actually dress up.. What is he planning to do?

"There was a guy, neatly dressed early.." She said slowly

I grabbed the couple ring around my neck hardly and closed my eyes in order to take a deep breath

"A very gentleman like guy.. Very polite" She smiled

I opened my eyes

"It must have been him! Did you see like..a ring.. necklace or anything?" I asked as my grip around the ring hardened

She smiled

"Nae~~ He did wear a couple ring" She smiled

I gasped and opened my hand which showed her my couple ring

"Hmm.. it has the same color.. I don't know.. I didn't look so.. close at it.. but I'm sure it's that guy you're looking for" She said

"Do you know where he went?" I asked

She laughed

"You must be his girlfriend..? I think he's.. at the top . He took the lift not long ago.. About 30 minutes or s..."

I didn't listen to the end of her sentence. I just bowed and started to run immediately. I ran all my way to the station where you were suppose to get on the lifters and soon I was on my way

I was trying to control my tears, my breathing. I was trying to persuade myself that he's still there.. That he was still breathing.. That his heart were still beating for me..

About 20 minutes later, The lift finally stopped and I got out of it..
I was panicking.. and I just wanted to find him.. I had to find him really fast..

I looked around in the entire station, where the lifters stopped and dropped their passengers. It was so high already but still I couldn't see him. I suddenly spotted someone standing outside, at the platform, looking at the view over the entire ski resort.

I soon realized it was Yunho. But my eyes widened in shock as I saw him what he was doing. He was standing close to the edge..

he's going to jump..

My feet immediately started to move and I ran out from the station, pushed the glass door and soon I was standing outside on the platform

"YUNHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted

He reacted immediately and spun around and saw me

"Wh ..wh...what.. are you doing here?" He stuttered

I started to cry

"Please.. Please.. Go away from there" I shouted

"NOO!" He said stubbornly

He was so close to the edge. Since it took me 20 minutes to reach the top, can you imagine how high it was?!
He was going to die immediately if he jumped..

"PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM THE EDGE!!" I cried while I shouted

He shook his head

"I HAVE TO DO THIS! I CAN'T STAND IT! YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!!" He screamed at me

"PLEASE YUNHO! DON'T DO THIS!!!" I shouted

"NOOO!! YOU'RE HAUNTING ME!! A CRAZY PERSON LIKE ME SHOULDN'T EXIST!!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M ALL WRECKED!!"

I Could hear the sad voice of his, his hurting heart.. and his mind persuading him that this was the only right thing to do.. To kill himself to end all the suffering from missing me, blaming himself for the accident.

TO get away from me. Even Yuki's body.. since I resembled her.. He thought I was haunting him since in his head, he was the one who was at fault for killing me..

He had so many deep scars inside of him.. It's almost.. impossible.. to understand his grief

"PLEASE YUNHO! TAKE MY HAND !!" I shouted

The platform was surrounded by a fence.. Although, there was a small space that was stretching out a little bit further, like a balcony and the sign of 'CLOSED. NO ENTERING', was making me even more frustrated. He had ignored the sign and went out on the small balcony anyway.
I guess the were reconstructing around that and it wasn't finished yet.. it can't be.. I wonder if the fence is even steady .. The path is probably not strong enough to let people out there but Yunho were out there
I didn't dare to go close to him.. If I scared him, he would fall..

"YUNHO PLEASE!! EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT!!" I shouted

"NOO!!!! IT WON'T IT NEVER WILL!!!!" He cried

He looked at me, hurting

"All I did.. was loving her.. and she left me.. because.. I'm not good enough for her.. YUki, don't you understand? If I can't have her.. in my life.. I can't live.. I'd rather die than to spend the rest of my life , being alone .." He cried

"PLEASE!!! Yunho .. You have to listen to me.. please.." I sobbed

He shook his head

"I can't.. I want to be with her"

"YOU CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I spun around and saw JaeJoong run to me, with the other guys behind him

"YUNHO COME BACK HERE!!" Yoochun shouted

"HYUNG!!!!!!" Changmin cried

Yunho looked at them and as he was crying he smiled at them

"I love you guys.." He said

"IF YOU LOVE US THEN YOU WON'T LEAVE US!!" Junsu shouted at the top of his lungs even though he was crying

I didn't stop my tears either.. I looked at my watch on my wrist.. 11:40 pm
I started to panic and I looked at him. I soon spotted the small space where there was no fence around. I gasped

"JAEJOONG! THERE'S NO FENCE WHERE HE'S STANDING!!" I said and looked at him

JaeJoong stared at me and then at Yunho

"COME BACK TO SELINA YUNHO!!" JaeJoong shouted

I froze

"COME BACK TO HER !! SHE'S STANDING RIGHT HERE!!!" JaeJoong shouted

I stared at JAeJoong

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!!?"

"SELINA!! WE'RE ALLOWED TO TELL HIM! BUT YOU AREN'T! FAITH ONLY SAID THAT YOU COLDN'T SAY ANYTHING BUT THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE US!!" Yoochun shouted behind me

I stared at them and then I spun around and looked at Yunho.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Yunho shouted angrily, almost hurt

"Selina is standing right next to me! It might sound ridiculous now but you have to come back to us. I'll explain everything!!" JaeJoong

"What are you talking about?! That's Yuki!!" Yunho shouted

"NO IT'S SELINA!! SHE WAS REBORN INTO THIS BODY IN ORDER TO SAVE YOU FROM THIS CRAZINESS YOU'RE DOING NOW!!" JaeJoong shouted

I had noticed that JaeJoong had moved away from me, he had been approaching yunho secretly without Yunho realizing. It was pretty dark..

I looked at the clock again

11:54 pm

"Please hurry!!" I cried

JaeJoong looked at me, with sincere and hurting eyes.. I didn't know how to read his expression but why did it feel like.. he was.. saying goodbye?

I shed even more tears as I felt myself shaking

"Selina.. I love you"

My heart stopped as I stared at him, shocked after his words

"JaeJoong.. what are you..."

"I love you . Every part of you. Your heart, I cherish it so deeply.. I've always loved you and always will. From the very beginning on the airplane til the last breath of mine.. I love you Selina~~"

Shocked at his words I was so paralyzed that I didn't say anything. I could even hear gasping from the guys behind me

JaeJoong suddenly smiled at me, giving me his sweet smile like he has been giving me ever since we had met each other on the airplane. And then.. he just looked away from me and concentrated on Yunho

"SELINA WAS REBORN INTO A NEW BODY!! SHE'S HERE TO SAVE YOU! TO BE WITH YOU AGAIN!! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED ALL THE RESEMBLANCES.. ALL THE SIGNS HOW MUCH SHE REMINDS YOU OF SELINA?! YOUR SELINA?!!?" JaeJoong shouted

Yunho stared at JaeJoong

"You're crazy!!" Yunho shouted

"I'm not crazy!!! WHY DO YOU THINK ALL OF US HAS BEEN SO CLOSE TO HER RECENTLY?!?!?! IT'S BECAUSE WE FOUND OUT THAT SHE'S SELINA!! WE ALL FIGURED IT OUT OURSELVES!! I DON'T HAVE ANYMORE TIME TO EXPLAIN. I'LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING LATER! JUST ASK YUKI IF SHE'S SELINA OR NOT!!!!" JaeJoong shouted

Yunho stared at JaeJoong, still shocked by what he just told him

"ASK HER! HURRY! YOU HAVE TO ASK HER BEFORE THE TIME GOES OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Changmin cried

Yunho then finally spun around and looked at me, which felt like it took him forever to do so..

"ASK HER HURRY!!" Junsu cried

I saw that JaeJoong was about 1 feet away from Yunho now

"TRUST ME YUNHO! ASK HER! HURRY!!" JaeJoong said

I looked at the clock .. 11:58 pm

"PLEASE ASK ME YUNHO!!!" I shouted

I took out the couple ring that was hanging around my neck and Yunho gasped as he saw it

"IT's not true.." He said

"IT'S TRUE JUST ASK HER YUNHO!!" JaeJoong shouted

Yunho looked at me. He had started to go backwards, while shaking his head in disbelief, not beliving JaeJoong's words about that I'm Selina..

"ASK HER!!" Yoochun shouted

Yunho looked at me

"Selina... is..i..t.. yo ooo u?" He stammered

"YES IT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I shouted

I looked at the clock and this time it showed me 12:01

I looked up , with fear in my eyes as I saw everything happen

"IT'S TOO LATE!!" Changmin shouted

At that very moment, as Changmin had said those words, I saw everything happening. Yunho was staring at me, his expression mixed with confusion, but then replaced with a sensitive gaze, loving eyes as if his eyes were clear now. Like he had seen me..

But what he hadn't noticed that he wad been walking backwards all along and my heart was ripped out as I saw the scene before me

"YUNHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " Junsu, Yoochun and Changmin shouted in chorus, as all of them ran towards him

But then out of nowhere I saw JaeJoong throw himself at Yunho, He spun around and pushed Yunho back to us with all of his strength in order to make Yunho safe, so that Yunho would come back to us

Yunho fell down onto the ground , and Junsu were right next to him although, When JaeJoong had pushed Yunho with all of his strength towards us, He had lost his balance himself and he fell backwards and just like one of the biggest fears I have in my life.., which was loosing JaeJoong and right now it was happening right in front of me..

He fell backwards and he didn't even have time to grab the fence in order to save himself..

He was gone..

Right in front of my eyes, just like sand running through my hands, he just fell right in front of me, slipping so easily and disappeared..

My eyes widened in shock as I felt my heart break into pieces..

"JAEJOONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!"