~Selina~

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As soon as I came home, I entered the apartment, noticing that it felt and sounded more quiet than before..

The walk that had made me loosened up a bit, made me feel even more.. sadder than earlier. I guess it's because I saw Jaejoong at the cemetery
I didn't like seeing the guys so hurt.. furthermore, seeing Yunho having that teddybear..

I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes as I tried to think it all over. If I had been at my old apartment, what if Yunho would have found me there?
Wouldn't that be total disaster? Cause I had forgotten the extra key that I had given him a long time ago..

I sat up again and went to the kitchen to clean and wash the dishes. Having Yunho was extremely hard, and that he even stayed to take care of me while I was sick made me feel worse for not telling him that.. I'm me..

It started to get harder to be close to him, knowing that I'm not aloud to say anything.. Having all these burdens on my shoulders as well as trying to accomplish this mission..

I thought this mission was only going to be about saving Yunho. Not going through all these pain, frustration and trying to fight back my will of wanting to hold him, to kiss him and tell him how much I love him..

I sobbed quietly as I washed the dishes.. It's getting harder for everyday that's passing by. I really.. don't know what to do anymore.. I wanted him with me here right now..

I can't stand.. being his friend when I know that I mean so much more to him..

I started to think about when we were in the bedroom talking about.. myself.. He wanted to marry me..
That's what I want to .. Yunho and I.. can't.. be apart.. We just can't.. I can't..

I can't bare the pain to loose him..

I turned off the cold water and went back into the livingroom and sat down
I can't stand it.. I can't stand JaeJoong's coldness towards me..

I can't stand having Yunho so close to me yet so far..

I want to tell them that it's me.. that.. I'm.. Selina..

I'm his girlfriend.. JAeJoong's bestfriend.. The dongsaeng of Changmin, Yoochun and Junsu

My heart started to beat faster as I became determined.. I won't take this anymore.. What's the worse thing that could happen?

That's when I decided.. I grabbed my jacket and and got out of the house, heading towards the guy's dorm..

I'm telling them..

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~Yunho~

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When Changmin and I entered the dorm, it was extremely quiet. Not even a sound could be heard as we got into the dorm

"We're home!" Changmin shouted

I remained silent as I waited for an answer and soon Junsu came out and greeted us

"Oh.. You're back.. " Junsu said

I noticed the facial expression and walked towards him and followed him into the livingroom.
Yoochun were sitting on the couch with napkins and wiping away his tears

"What.. happened?" I asked slowly

Junsu and Yoochun sighed heavily

"Where's JaeJoong hyung?" Changmin asked

Yoochun pointed at the bedroom

"He's in there.. He just got back"

"But.. why.. are you crying? Where did he go?" I asked

"He went out for a walk.. that's all.. He came straight home and looked devastated" Junsu sighed

"But.. what.."

I then followed the lights that were coming from the tv that Junsu and Yoochun had been watching. I stopped breathing as I saw what they were looking at

"Where... did you find this?" I breathed

"Where the rest of the videotapes are.." Junsu mumbled

Changmin walked over and sat down on the couch as he looked at the screen. The atmosphere was really.. depressing and I could feel the sadness, the pain and also the longing after Selina.

My grip around the bear hardened as I sat down and kept my eyes on the screen
This was the New Year Party that her parents and relatives had planned and seems like.. someone had taped it

"I didn't know.. we had this.." Changmin mumbled

"Neither did we.. We wanted to watch a movie.. waiting for you guys.. and we saw this one. IT wasn't marked and didn't have a name.. and well..we just started it.. and it turned out to be this tape.." Junsu said quietly

I felt like choking.. Like throwing up..

"When.. who.. brought it here.." I mumbled

"I have no idea.." Yoochun mumbled

"Selina?" Changmin choked

I didn't know if I wanted to watch it but soon Yoochun pressed play and the sounds from the tape started

"DAD! You're not suppose to film! You're suppose to have fun! It's NEW YEAR!" Selina laughed

"Now say a few words to this tape and the viewers" I heard her dad laugh

Selina rolled her eyes

"Come on!!" her dad said

Selina smiled widely at the camera

"Annyeong!! Selina Imnida~~! It's.. almost 2009! Just a few more minutes left! I don't know who's watching it but I hope you'll have a great 2009! Smile and keep it up!" Selina winked

"What are you doing?"

I recognized my own voice as I saw myself wrapped my arm around her shoulders as Selina looked at me and chuckled

"Whoa.. the love couple.." HEr dad laughed

I smiled embarrassed at the camera

"So Yunho! Say a few words to the new year" Her dad said

"Uhm.. Happy new year?" I started to laugh embarrassed as Selina hit my on the arm

"Araso araso~~" I said

I looked back at the camera and was holding my glass of champagne

"Well.. uhm.. I'm graduating this year.. and I .. hope you guys will have .. a nice 2009? I'll stay with Selina through out this year as well.. and yeah.. I promise we will live happily" I said jokingly at the camera

Her dad then walked around in the familiar house of Selina's parents and were taping everyone. Unknowingly tears had started to fall as I watched the tape.

It was so lively.. and so.. much happiness and now.. it's only.. an empty.. space.. a hole that needs to be filled.. which seems to be impossible

"JAeJoong~~ssi! Say something to the camera about the new year"

JaeJoong looked up from his plate with food and soon I saw Selina joining him happily

"What's this?" JaeJoong laughed

"Hidden camera" Selina joked

JaeJoong rolled his eyes

"Just kidding! Dad's recording I think! Say something to the new year!" Selina encouraged him

JaeJoong ate some buns before putting down his plate and looked at the camera

"Uhm.. My wonderful Selina.. I hope you had a great 2008.. cause I did" JaeJoong smiled

"Oh Wae?" Selina asked

"Well.. You came into my life as well as the other members.. and uhm.. I met your family.. and I've been receiving lots of love from you.. Uhm..I hope everyone lived a happy and healthy 2008 and continue to do that in 2009! Happy new year"

JaeJoong smiled widely at the camera as Selina roughed his hair

"Sillyhead!"

"YAH!! Selina! Eat this!!" Junsu squeaky voice came out of nowhere and soon he was holding a fork with some kind of food

"I remember that" Junsu chuckled while sobbing.

Changmin sobbed and laughed quietly

"Yeah me too.. I remember you loved that dish"

I looked behind me as I saw JaeJoong standing there, folding his arms while tears were running..

I moved to the side and dragged him down on the couch. JaeJoong sat down and grabbed a pillow and looked at the screen

"Junsu~~ssi! Is it good?" Her dad asked

Junsu looked up

"Oh.. it's really del.." Junsu quieten and looked shocked at the camera

"Why are you recording?" He asked

Selina and her dad laughed as Junsu stood there dumbfounded

"MEMORIES HYUNG!" Changmin came onto the screen smiling widely while wearing a New year hat

Yoochun came onto the screen as well and he was holding onto a champagne bottle

Selina's dad started to film the rest of the big room where we were celebrating and soon, Selina's sister stood up on a chair and shouted

"10..!!!!! 9!!!!!!!!"

The countdown started and everyone joined into the counting

"0! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Stuff were being thrown and her dad even filmed when Yoochun started to spray the champagne on everyone as her family and relatives started to laugh

"Omo~~ .. My daughter is kissing.. Aigoo~~" I heard her dad groan jokingly as he recorded me and Selina having our New Year kiss

I didn't feel embarrass .. just more.. sad.. since.. I knew deep down inside I wouldn't be able to .. get the chance to kiss her again

Soon the screen became black and the movie was shut down . All of us kept staring at the screen, not knowing what to do..
We had never seen this tape before and now when we've seen it.. it just reminded us of how big place she has in our heart.. what she did to fill us with happiness.. now what's left? Nothing but.. an empty space..

I closed my eyes and rested my back onto the couch as everyone was sitting quietly, sobbing

*Ding Dong

All of our heads spun around and looked at the door

"Who can it be this late?" Yoochun asked

"I'll get it" Changmin said

I heard him open the door, voices mumbling. Soon Changmin came back and I looked up to see Yuki standing there.. Tears in her eyes.. as well as.. looking at us with frustration

"Yuki.." Junsu said softly and stood up

I stood up as well

"Yuki.." Yoochun whispered

I saw JaeJoong standing up as well

"What are you doing here?" JaeJoong asked

Yuki didn't look at the other guys, she didn't even say anything or respond. Her eyes were on me.. and she didn't look away

"What's.. wrong Yuki?" I asked

"You.. know her?" JaeJoong asked

I nodded

"How?"

I felt Changmin warning me by looking at me but right now I didn't care about that. Yuki.. It must have happened something if she came to our place this late

"Get her out of here" JAeJoong said

"Hyung.. That's not how you treat Selina's child hood friend" Yoochun mumbled

I felt JaeJoong freeze right next to me

"Child hood?" JaeJoong gasped

"Nae~~" Junsu said

Minutes passed without anyone saying anything. Yuki's eyes were still on me, as I started to feel a bit.. weird.. As if.. she was trying to tell me something.. I stepped up and was about to walk closer to her but I felt JaeJoong grab my arm

"Don't get so close to her. A childhoodfriend? Impostor.. that's exactly what she is" JaeJoong said coldly

"HyunG!" Changmin scolded

"I'm being honest here. What kind of friend.. is she if she's trying to take Selina's place?" JaeJoong gritted his teeth

I released myself from his grip and automatically.. I felt my feet going towards her. I don't know why but something was wrong.. Really wrong

"Yunho.. Don't..talk to her.. WE DON'T KNOW HER!" JAeJoong said

"JaeJoong.. Shut up" I said and looked at Yuki

I wiped away Yuki's tears as I looked at her

"She said she had something to tell us" Changmin said slowly

"What is there to say? She probably just want some affection... She wants to take Selina's place" JaeJoong said angrily

"JAEJOONG SHUT UP!!"

Everyone quieten as Yuki said those words

Yuki looked back at me

"I have.. something to tell you.." She whispered , loud enough for us to hear

"What's wrong Yuki? Did something.. happen?" Junsu asked slowly

All of us gathered around her as JaeJoong were stubbornly looking at us from afar

Yuki's eyes flickered around as I saw her shaking

"You're.. shaking.. Gwenchana?" I asked

She took a deep breath as a silent tear fell down on her left cheek

"I'm...S.."

"You're?" Changmin asked

She looked at all of us, even at JaeJoong

"I'm.. S.."

I don't know why but I started to get nervous, patiently waiting for what she has to say..

What is she trying to tell us?