~JaeJoong~

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I kept reading the initials, the dates basically everything on that stone that said that she was dead.

I took a deep breath, looked away and closed my eyes for a second as I sa down and just looked at it

"I wonder what you're feeling.. what you're seeing.. what you're doing" I sobbed quietly

Selina Park.. My First Love..

Seriously.. I never thought.. that I would actually fall for her..

Flashbacks and pictures came back as I started to think about her..
Our first meeting.. I didn't feel like it was a coincidence.. more like.. it was.. suppose to be that way..
I guess.. I just.. had bad luck as well.. since I never got the chance to tell her what I felt..

We met each other just a few days before the school started and I was on my way back to Korea from Japan after visiting some friends over there..

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~JaeJoong's Flashback, First meeting~

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AS I was standing in line, waiting for the Girl to check my ticket, I was yawning and tried to not fall asleep

After she had checked my airplane ticket, I went to the airplane to find myself a seat. I looked around until I found it and of course, there was a girl, sitting and looking outside the window.

Captivated by hear beauty, I didn't dare to even sit down

Suddenly she must have felt my presence since she spun around and smiled at me

"This is your seat?" She asked in Japanese

I looked at her, trying to not stutter. I knew how to speak Japanese

She waited for my answer and then I smiled, and shook my head

"You can sit there if you want" I said

She nodded

"Thanks"

I sat down next to her, fastened my seat belt as I felt the stomach starting to get.. nervous.. a tickling happy feeling

"You're from Korea?" I asked

She looked at me and tilted her head to the side.. Even that tilting made my heart skip a few beats

"I'm half korean and half Japanese so I guess... I'm almost korean" She chuckled

I laughed as well.

The airplane soon took off and as the plane was getting up in the air I saw that the girl were kind of scared since her fists were folded and she looked really pale while closing her eyes

"Gwenchana?"

She opened her eyes and nodded

"Afraid of heights huh?"

She nodded

"It's so scary"

"Wae?"

"Mollah! I'm just afraid" She laughed

Suddenly the whole plane started to shake and within a second I felt someone grabbing my hand
I looked down on it to see it connected with hers

"Can I just borrow your hand for a second?"

I looked up as she was still closing her eyes

"I just need to feel someone next to me" She said softly

I felt her squeezing my hand as the airplane kept shaking. I soon felt my hand squeezing back and I couldn't help but smile during the whole ride..

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~End of flashback~

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So I guess... for the first time in my life, I had fallen in love at first sight and luckily I was even able to hold her hand.

During the whole ride to Korea, we talked. Even though I was tired, I didn't care since all I could look and smile at was her.. She was so cheerful and bright and by the time we landed in Korea.. I had to hold myself back to not follow her..

With the stupidity of mine, i wasn't even able to ask her for her contact details. Am I an idiot or what?
If I had asked, I might have...

I sighed..

Yunho were the last of the members that came back from our holiday and the first thing he says when he enters the dorm was that he had met a girl while he was on his way to the dorm

And of course.. it turned out to be her..

I found out that her name was Selina Park..
Since I had dyed my hair and cut it, she couldn't somehow recognize me but I could see at the first sight that it was her
I never said anything to Yunho about that I had met her before.. and to judge by his words. He had fallen in love as well..

Being the hyung, I didn't dare to say anything and seems like they got along well..

I ended up being alone with Selina once and I told her the truth about that we had met before.. She was surprised at first but she didn't get angry with me which was good..

I also made her promise to not tell the members. She never asked me why but agreed since I asked her that..

So.. watching her and Yunho develop their love.. was the hardest thing to do. Of course, I couldn't judge anyone.. and I couldn't... interfere..

But as the time kept passing, I found myself falling more and more.. and in the end, I had fallen in love with her

But to afraid to admit, to confess, and in order to not destroy the love that they had, I couldn't bare to tell them my darkest secret..

So what do I regret the most right now when she's not here anymore?

"For telling you that I loved you.." I whispered as I touched the stone slightly