~Selina~

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As I was quietly hugging Changmin, he was holding onto me tightly and was quiet as well

What exactly did he understand?

Neither did I have the guts to ask either

Changmin pulled away and smiled at me

"You really must feel lonely, traveling all the way from Japan huh?"

My disappointment was bigger than my sadness as I realized what he had understood

I sighed

"Nae~~"

He put his arm around my shoulders as we started to make our way to my apartment

"I didn't realize that until now.. Mianhe~~" He apologized

I rolled my eyes

"You really don't have anything to apologize for.. " I said slowly

"I do.. in a way.. since I feel awkward for some reason.."

"AwkwarD?"

We eventually arrived outside the apartment and I unlocked the door as we entered

"Do you want some tea?"

"Sure" He answered

I put the two cups on the table, and some sliced kimbap as I looked at him

"So.. what.. is it that you feel awkward about?"

"I don't know.. I can't really explain it.. It's just a feeling.. intention.." he shrugged

"I see.."

Changmin smiled at me

He grabbed some kimbap and ate it slowly and then he looked at me

"I can't believe that we actually did.. the same kimbap as Selina did.." He mumbled

"The same?" I asked

He nodded

He took one kimbap and showed me

"She usually puts more eggs than any other stuff in it.." he chuckled

I started to laugh and I remembered that he had complained to me about it once, when we were going to make kimbap for lunch

"I see.."

"It's almost crazy how much .. you resemble her.. if it weren't for your face and such.. I'd probably think that you're her" He said and drank some tea

I looked at him excitedly as I drank some tea as well

"It's because I am Selina Changmin ah~~" I kept thinking

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~Yunho~

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The head was banging and my body felt so sore

I don't know why but it felt like someone had been .. torturing me all night, making me feel this way

i felt like I was going to throw up any minute now and I instantly flew up and ran towards the bathroom

I let it all out as i was trying to calm myself down . The vomit smelled badly and so did my breath

"Gosh.. What have I done?" I groaned

Tears started to form in my eyes as I let another round of vomit out

"Hyung.. Gwenchana?"

Changmin bended down and looked at me, clapping me on my back gently

"I'm fine.."

Changmin was covering his nose so that he wouldn't smell
the nasty smell. About 10 minutes later, He helped me up and flushed the toilet. On unsteady feet, he ice cold water and splashed it on my face and handed me a toothbrush

"What for?"

He rolled his eyes

"You smell. I don't think you want your bed to smell like you do right now" He said

He sure got a point there

I started to brush my teeth, in slowmotion as I was trying to think clearly

Afterwards, I washed my face with cold water again to wake up and he handed me a towel and helped me over to the bed

"I'll be right back"

I lied down, feeling exhausted as Changmin went back to the toilet, probably cleaning up after me and then he went out of the bathroom, from my bedroom and outside.

In a few minutes he came back with a glass of lemonade

"Drink.. It'll help"

I did as I was told but it was so sour that I almost spit it out but he covered my mouth, forcing me to swallow it. His facial expression was really serious as well, which all the members were really scared about so I swallowed it

"What was that good for?" I asked

He rolled his eyes

"even though i'm the maknae, I'm smart as well. especially when it comes to food" He said

I rolled my eyes

I looked at the clock to see it was 4 am in the morning

I looked back at him as he was looking at me

"What in the world are you doing up?" I asked

"I just came home"

"From?"

"Yuki's place"

"Yuki?"

"Yeah you know.. Selina's.. friend?"

Oh.. that girl..

I nodded slowly. Changmin lied down on my bed next to me

"You remember what happened last night?"

Flashbacks started to replay inside my head as I looked down on my hands.. Oops... what have I done?

"Yuki's the one who wrapped it for you" Changmin said pointing at my fists

"She was here?"

He nodded

"Wae?"

"We were.. at her place.. making Kimbap.. me and junsu hyung and suddenly JaeJoong Hyung called and we got back here and yeah.. I guess you know the rest" Changmin shrugged

"I see.."

"She was.. really scared.."

I looked to the side as Changmin was still staring at the ceiling

"She looked so sad and hurt.. for some reason.."

"We barely know her.. I don't even know her.. but still she cares for me" I sighed

"I think it's because you were Selina's boyfriend. From the way I see it, she really treasured and cherished Selina a lot. I just came back from her place and we talked a lot. I got to know her more and it's almost scary to get to know her"

"Wae?" I asked

"She resemble Selina so much.. But that's understandable since they were child hoodfriends.. but still.. it's so scary"

I sighed

Selina .. was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now

Silence took over as I heard Changmin breathing and my own breathing. I guess both of us were thinking of her

"What are you thinking Hyung?"

I folded my arms still staring at the ceiling

"Mol la yo.."

"You're not thinking but still it's something there right?" He asked silently

I nodded

"Yup..."

"Hyung.."

"oh.."

"You miss her.. a lot do you?"

It felt as if my heart stopped beating as he brought it up again. I knew that he was only trying to understand me, be there for me.. but still.. it felt so awkward to talk about Selina.. like that.. as if .. she was a part of the past..

In a way she was.. but .. I was still so used to having her around me

"You know what..? "

"Aniyo"

"I.. miss her too.."

I looked to the side as Changmin was looking at the ceiling

"When i was spending time at Yuki's place today.. it reminded me a lot of Selina and I realized how much I missed her.. how she actually was a big part of me.. of us.. of you"

I looked back on the ceiling as I was looking at the stars hanging down

"She used to scold me a lot.. I miss that" Changmin chuckled

I couldn't help but smile as well when he said that

"I remember that time when you put milk into the soup instead of water.. she was so angry with you" I chuckled quietly

"Not really.. you know.. even though she was angry with us.. she never showed it. She would like.. show us in a way, make us understand what we did wrong.."

"I know she has that ability.. seriously.. it was really annoying sometimes since we felt so guilty afterwards" I said

"Nae~~ . You remember how she complained about our dorm being all empty?" Changmin asked

I laughed

"Nae~~ She went and bought stuff and started to decorate it.."

"I still remember when JaeJoong started to argue about the painting that she bought . He hated it and wanted to throw it out while Selina loved it" Changmin chuckled

"I know.. and well.. the result is.. The painting is hanging above our couch right now.."

Both of us started to laugh as we thought about it

"I've never seen JaeJoong fight so hard for anything that he wanted in my life" Changmin said

"Well.. he's like that.. What do we do?"

Changmin shrugged

Both of us became quiet again as minutes kept passing, hearing ourselves breathing as the clock were ticking

"You were planning to propose to her .. right hyung?" Changmin asked quietly

I didn't answer. My chest became all heavy.. I really don't want to think about it

"I wonder how it would've looked like.. Girls are so .. picky with weddings"

"I know.. SElina's the same.. but I guess it's understandable. IT's.. the most important day in a girl's life"

"You mean one.. of them?" Changmin asked

"Whatever" I rolled my eyes

"How.. did you plan to propose to her?" Changmin asked

I looked at the stars that were hanging from the roof. Selina had decorated it since she thought that.. pretending to look at the stars before falling asleep, you would think that you're sleeping under the night sky..

"At a ski resort" I mumbled

"Wae?"

I pointed at the stars

"Selina.. said to me once.. that if you.. are sleeping under these handmade stars.. You'd think that you're sleeping under the night sky. I would want to .. propose to her.. on a mountain under.. the dark night sky.." I said quietly

"She made all these?" Changmin asked

I nodded

"While I was studying, she was sitting on my bed, spending several hours to make these.." I said

"You really can feel.. the love.. from them.."

I sighed heavily as I turned my head to look at the clock. 6:10 am

"You should go to sleep.."

"I know.."

"Kah.. Or else you'll be tired later.."

Changmin didn't move an inch

"Can .. I sleep here tonight?" He asked quietly, turning his head to the side to face me

"Wae?" I asked

"I don't know.. it just.. feels great to be here.. I just feel.. her love here.. for some reason.. and I miss that the most.."

I felt the big clump in my throat as he said those words

"I miss the love that she gave us.. and you know hyung.. I'm really jealous of you"

"Na?.. wae?" I whispered

"Selina.. she's really one of a kind. I would like to be like you guys someday.. You never fought.. and whenever I saw you together, she was always taking care of you, and you taking care of her.. "

He turned to me

"Her love for you, everyone could see it.. Sometimes I wonder how it would be like to receive so much love from someone you're holding close to your heart"

Changmin quieten and looked back at the ceiling

"I know hyung.. that Selina.. did mean a lot to you.. more than I know perhaps.. but.. it was surely not your fault.. I think.. God had made a plan for her.. "

I wiped away the tear that was falling as I listened to his words

"You know.. Life's like this.. We're suppose to loose people we love.. Cause that'll.. make us realize how much they meant to us.."

He turned his head to me again and smiled at me

"I'm sure she's watching you now.. looking over you. I don't think you would want her to .. see us mourning, grieving and all.... right? I think she wants us to move on.. and live happily"

"How can I changmin? How am I suppose to do that?" My voice cracked

"If you won't live happily here, how are you suppose to live happily in heaven with her later?" Changmin asked

"We have a life to fulfill and live here on earth hyung.. When it's out time.. we'll vanish from earth as well.."

He looked up at the ceiling again and took a deep breath

"You'll meet her again.. Just be patient hyung.."

HE suddenly grabbed the blanket over his body which was already dressed with pyjamas. He tucked himself in and turned to the other side, his back facing me

"I love you Hyung.. I don't want to see you unhappy.. that's all"

With those words, he soon fell asleep