Disclaimer: I don't own the story. Story belongs to Hangukffindo.

---

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

---

This has been my dream for so long, not others'. No one forces, no one asks because I want to, even if I have to go through a long way, but this is the only thing I wanted in the world.

I wanted to be a singer and here it is, Byun Baekhyun—lead-vocal of a group called EXO. And I have numerous fans.

Fans.

I've heard those things when I was merely a trainee in SM. They said, “Byun Baekhyun, soon you'll get your own fans after your teaser is released. Not only one or two, but many of them. You might not be able to count them all.”

This has been proven so right, so true. When I talk, they scream my name. When I sing, some of them cry. When I dance with all my heart and power, they like me. They are my fans.

Billions of flashlights splash over my face, blinding my eyes each time a fansigning event is being held. I don't really like it, but my smile can't be absent because we were taught to always smile with some reminders like: “you don't wanna look bad in camera, right?” or “you don't want that yawning face of yours spread all over the internet, do you?”

Smile.

Sometimes, just smile when you're sad, when you're sick, when you have a fight with another member, and when emotion is in the tip of your head. For the sake of not looking so bad or... just for fans, because we don't want them to think the other way.

Talking about fans, sometimes I wonder: don't they feel tired?

I mean, this trip, isn't it too long for them? Because, even for me, this feels so long and it gets me tired.

Following me around... would be so tiring.

From one music-show to another. From one place to another. It's not uncommon to see some familiar faces with same clothes from morning to night, holding big cameras in hands.

And one of them...

Her face is too familiar...

Since the first time I saw this girl and her usually-hidden-behind-camera face, all I could do was smiling when my eyes met with her lens.

Then my heart would ask, 'Who's she?'

“Don't tell me you're having a crush with your own fans,” Chanyeol says as soon as we've finished a fansigning event in Busan.

I tell him about that girl, the one wearing white shirt, and has straight hair. Whichever the type of camera she brings, I don't know, but I realize that she just takes my photos from afar. She must be one of my fans.

I slowly shrug. “Is it illegal?”

“I don't know,” Chanyeol's eyes stare at the distance outside of our dorm's window, “no one ever give a damn about that, but... one thing for sure, you will break many women's hearts in the world, Baek.”

Hahaha, ironic.

Chanyeol lies by my side and open his mouth to say something, “Is she pretty, Baek?”

Is she?

“Mm… yeah, you can call it like that.”

“Well, me too, saw one cutie just now.” Chanyeol grins from ear to ear. He is far creepier than Joker. “Her hair is shoulder-length; she asked for my sign with shaking hands, but when she smiled,” Chanyeol nudges me, “the world seems to stop, Baek!”

“You're overreacting.” I hit him in the head with a pillow and we laugh.

Yeah, unlike Chanyeol, my world didn’t stop rotating when I see her. You know, it feels like there are thousands of sun ray beaming at my eyes, not from the flash of her camera.

But from herself.

When my mind drifts far enough, what Chanyeol has said thirty-seconds ago pulls me back down to earth to face the truth.

“Don't take it too hard, Baek. You'll soon forget it anyway. Tomorrow you’ll find prettier girl and it will always be.”

Will I?

Is it true?

I’ve seen thousands faces of fans, I remembered some today, but they’ll be forgotten the next day. And this one is different. What makes her different? I don't know, either.

“Hey, are you talking about fansite? I heard Jongdae-hyung has one which is maintained by a fanboy. He can't stop taking Jongdae-hyung's photo.”

“Really?!” Chanyeol rises from the bed. This is going to be a hot topic to talk about.

“HUANG ZITAO! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING IT UP AGAIN!” Jongdae shouts from the bathroom and that fact makes me smile.

Well, at least I got pretty fans, not the handsome ones.

---

Yes, she caught my eye,

As she walked on by

I saw her again. Today at fansigning. Her hair doesn’t dance freely like yesterday, she tied it, her clothes are bright yellow, and for the nth time, I look at her camera. I smile while raising my thumbs up towards her.

'Good job'. Yes, good job, for taking my picture.

But this time...

For the very first time, the girl lowers her camera and my mind wanders, 'has she grown tired of taking my picture?'

Nope. Not that.

I'm stunned when our eyes met, without barrier, without anything else. Her eyes meet mine. As if talking, but who knows what she's talking about.

She is beautiful. Beautiful as if defined as.... as... I can't explain, because I have no idea if she is my type or not, but who cares about that when a girl as pretty as her stands amidst the crowd—looking at you with firm gaze.

I can hear my heart beating faster, my blood rushing, and I’m awake from my trance for a few seconds when Tao nudges my hand, I blink. And then...

I lost her in the middle of the crowds.

And I don't think that I'll see her

again,

But we shared a moment that will

last 'till the end.

---

“Polar... light?”

“Uhuh, Polar Light.”

I scratch my itch-less head as I look at the website. There are so many of my photos—with various positions. I admire her that she could take my picture from many different angles, makes me look... more handsome?

(well, some photos make me look more like a kid. Thank you)

“This is considered one of the biggest fansite,” Chanyeol says, scrolling down the webpage until the bottom, noting the number of photos in each event; which isn’t a few at all. He looks at me with a frown. “Should I congratulate you, Baek?”

“Ugh, what for? You too have many fans and fansites,” I reply, rolling my eyes.

Chanyeol shrugs and speak again, “I don't know—I, too, want a personal photographer as pretty as your Polar Light-noona.”

“Polar Light-noona? Where did you get that name?” I chuckled.

“Hey, be more up-to-date, Baek. Netizens are talking about you and the-so-called Polar Light-noona.”

“Oh really?” I ask in disbelief.

“Baek,” Chanyeol throws his arm around my shoulder and his action makes my face got too close with the monitor. “Don’t you see, that you always look at that Polar Light noona's camera?”

Yes, he is right, indeed.

Why did I do it?

I stare at my own photo that looks like staring back at me. Looking at him feels like a reflection and Chanyeol is right.

“From hundreds of camera, Byun Baekhyun... why her?”

Chanyeol, why do you ask me that? Because, to be honest, I got the same question. Each of my veins asks me every day, until my brain is too overwhelmed to answer.

Because I actually don't have the answer.

Because every day I ask; think about it every single time we practice dancing and singing, ask it when I'm going to sleep despite fatigue runs over this body. This brain shouldn’t have thinking about anything. But I’m still asking...

'What is her name?', “How old is she?', 'What does she do when EXO doesn't have schedule?', 'Does she has another job?'

Even one not worthy to be asked.

'Does she have a boyfriend?'

Hell, I choose to stop asking before this feeling got worse, and I remind myself of Chanyeol's words, muttering them like a spell.

“Don't take it too hard, Baek. You'll soon forget it anyway. Tomorrow you’ll find prettier girl and it will always be.”

I will forget her. Surely.

---

'Can we meet out there, if I were not Byun Baekhyun, member of EXO?'

'Will you like me this much if I were just an ordinary man with ordinary clothes and free from all make-up on my face?'

'Will you still take my picture if I were just an ordinary college student who walks by with book in hand?'

It's funny when I think about how much possibility if I were Byun Baekhyun, an ordinary man who likes to joke and sing at school events—not on the big stage like SM Town Concert et cetera.

Will people love me like 'this'?

“You're daydreaming again.”

I hear Jongdae speaks beside me. We're now at the airport, about to have a flight back to Korea from USA.

“Ugh, what?”

“I noticed you were daydreaming all along. Come one, Bacon. What's the matter?”

“Oh, you sure are caring, Kim Jongdae.” I take him into my embrace and see some of fans take our picture. I'm sure this will be a bit of commotion.

“Get off me, you Bacon!”

I laugh and let him go. Then, I can't help myself to not look at the crowd of fans to see if Polar Light noona (ah, I became used to call her with that because of Chanyeol) is there.

But unfortunately, I can't find her figure. I smile sadly. Where does she go?

“Hey, Jongdae. I need to go to rest room.”

“Because I care for you I should accompany you there, too?”

“You , Troll Dae,” I mutter.

“Thank you.” Then Jongdae gets busy with his phone again, and I walk by myself to the direction of the toilet after asking where it is.

Fans move, yeah, of course as they see me walking alone. As long as they don't take my picture when I piss, there’s nothing to worry about.

And after I finished and walk out of the toilet, I cringe seeing the mass of fans there, and luckily the toilet has two doors, so I go through the other door.

I come out in a lobby near the escalator at the back of the airport. The place is quiet, no one knows me. We've walked past here and it takes one round until I'll finally meet the other members.

I'm walking.

Walking.

Walking.

Walking as I look at the interior of the lobby.

Occasionally stop to tie my loosen shoelace, and when I'm done, about to walk again...

She is there.

Right before my eyes.

Standing in a dark blue mini dress, green sneakers, and a camera in hand. We both freeze.

This time she doesn’t stand amidst the crowds. This time she stands not too far from me—just about two meters. This time we meet face-to-face. This time it's quiet, there’s only the two of us.

This time she smiles and bow to me, “Annyeonghaseyo, Byun Baekhyun. Nice to meet you.”

And Chanyeol was right.

This time my world seems to stop.

There are so many things I want to say to her, some questions, some statements, some other things which bother me because now she's still smiling and she doesn’t scream like the other fans.

This is insane, how come I fall for my own fans?!

I imagine if only I can take a crazy decision and pull her hand, we run away and leave everything behind...

But it's time to face the truth...

Then again singing is my dream.

“Hey, Byun Baek! What are you doing there? About time we get into the plane.” It’s Chanyeol's voice.

And maybe... she is another dream that can wait.

Or maybe not.

I walk off after bowing to her, not forgetting to smile and it's astonishing at why she doesn't take my picture. This is a big chance, isn't it?

I will never be with you.

The End

t/n: thanks to my beloved beta-reader, nutteu, so this piece can finally come out.