Jinah remembered it like yesterday. She and Baekhyun were dragged by Luhan to a party one night. Jinah remembered laughing and enjoying her time with her friends. Baekhyun had wondered off some time during the party. It was one of those times when she felt carefree and fearless.

She was too busy laughing at jokes and stories her friends told her she didn’t realize Baekhyun wasn’t there.

She did notice though, at the end of the party when she was helping clean she realized where he was, and who he was with. Baekhyun was still there, along with Kim Soojin, an classmate of theirs who was only a year younger.

Maybe she noticed it then, maybe she always knew in the back of her mind that this day would come. He fell in love. Love, the stupid, foolish, kind of love that consumes you whole. It was inevitable; Jinah just didn’t think it would hurt so much. She felt numb at first, she felt nothing. Realization didn’t hit her straight in the face, well not right away.

There was something about the smile on his face when he talked to Soojin. It was the smile he never gave her. It was the twinkle in his eyes when Soojin talked, the twinkle she never saw when she was with him. Maybe it was just him being happy. It was bittersweet for her, because he was her best friend, and above everything else, she wanted him to be happy, even if it was killed her to see him with someone else.

It wasn’t until she bid good bye to Luhan and two of her friends that got stuck with cleaning up that she found herself walking through the street with tears dripping from her eyes.

She felt so stupid, so damn stupid. She was mad at herself for feeling this, for feeling the dark pit of jealousy. She was upset with herself for being upset. She couldn’t stop the pain though, no matter how much she tried.

So Jinah did what she did best, she did what she trained herself to do for all her life, she covered the emotions, faked a smile and continued walking, refusing to let anyone see her cry because of Byun Baekhyun.

She did it over, and over, and over time after time again.

Jinah convinced herself it was okay, because at the end of the day, Baekhyun would still be there for her. He was her best friend after all.

So today when she was staring at them from across the school’s cafeteria she couldn’t help but feel the same pit of jealousy.

Jealousy was that big green monster that ate away at everything until there was nothing left. She wanted to chase it crazy right out of her head. She was on the edge screaming like a fool at the top of her lungs, but no matter how much she screamed it was still there.

“Hey, are you eating?” Luhan asked as he stepped beside her. Aside from Baekhyun he was the only other person who knew what Jinah went through. He was the kind, understanding friend who was too nice for his own good.

“No, I need to study. I’ll see you later.’ She answered, slowly walking away.

“Hey Jin, everything okay?” He asked concerned about her well being, it was typical overprotective Luhan speaking again. Luhan was the only other person Jinah could talk to, she could tell him everything, everything except her feelings for Baekhyun.

“I’m fine.” She lied effortlessly.

“Okay,” He said not believing her one bit, “Liar.” He whispered just loud enough for her to hear. She froze in her place for a millisecond before she continued walking through the cafeteria doors.

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“You’re not at lunch.” Baekhyun stated. Jinah looked up from her book to find her best friend staring down at her. She noticed the snacks in his hand, and the two bottles of juice he must’ve gotten from the vending machines.

“I need to study. I’m not hungry.” She asked softly. His brows furrowed and he bit his lower lip, she hated how he did that because he looked so y when he bit his lips.

“You’re hungry, you always are.” He stated and pushed out the chair across from her and sat down. He pushed the snacks towards her along with one of the bottle of orange juice.

“Really Baek?” She scowled.

“Yes Jinah, I know I’m an awesome person who brings snacks for my workaholic friend because I don’t want her to whine to me about how hungry she is later.” He rebutted with a playful smile on his faces. Jinah pouted and kicked him from underneath the table.

“Ah, what was that for, you should be thanking me!” He complained, a little too loudly for someone who was in the library.

“That is my way of saying thanks.” She replied as she began eating. Baekhyun eyed her evilly before he snatched the bag of chips in her hand away.

“Yah, Baek I was eating that.” She whined.

“Yeah, now I am.” He answered. She knew he was just doing it to piss her off.

“Thank you.” She commented and she loved that cute smile that lifted on his face when she said that.

“Gosh Jinah, sometimes I wonder how you’ll find a husband.” He joked, not realizing the affect his words had on her. Jinah frowned and coughed. She lowered her head down to her book.

“I don’t think I want to get married.” She revealed and she saw the smile on Baekhyun’s face dropped as he eyed her curiously.

“Really? Well maybe not right now, its fine we’re still young, maybe you don’t want to get married now but you never know. You can’t pick who you love remember and you can’t pick if you want to get married or not. When you do, you’re know.” He remarked.

“Gosh Soojin is so lucky.” She blurted before she could stop herself. She mentally cursed herself for saying something like that out loud. Luckily Baekhyun didn’t take it to heart.

“I know, she’ll have a sweet, loving husband.” He praised and Jinah kicked him again for being so egotistic, even if she knew he was only joking around.  

“You really want to marry her, I mean eventually in the future.” Jinah asked.

He pondered on the question for a while before he answered, and just like how they always were, he was honest, “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about marriage, or marrying Soojin. We’re young, too young to be thinking about that.”

She found comfort in his answer. Maybe it was because she hoped Baekhyun would always be there and if he was married he wouldn’t be present in her life anymore. She needed him more than he realized, and because Jinah was selfish. Extremely selfish because she couldn’t bear to let him go.

Silence surrounded the two, and neither of them mind. It wasn’t awkward, it was just light and casual, like always. Jinah didn’t know what Baekhyun was thinking about, but she knew he was thinking about her question. He was thinking about marriage, asking when he wanted to marry, and more importantly, who.

Jinah knew she wasn’t the one he was thinking about. Besides, marriage was never something she wanted. She didn’t want to walk down the same path as her mother. She didn’t want to become someone so cold, so cruel, so evil. She didn’t want to be anything like her mother.

“If anything, you can marry food.” Baekhyun suggested with a shrug. Jinah looked up from her book and within seconds her soft angelic laughter filled the quiet library.

“Now I’m truly jealous of Soojin.” Jinah commented lightly but inside she was hiding all signs of jealousy from her voice. She could spend a lifetime sitting in that library just talking to him like that, but that dark pit always return whenever he mentioned Soojin, and Jinah hated it. She hated that she was jealous.

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This chapter reveals the back story between Baekhyun and his girlfriend Soojin as well with Jinah's feelings. She's a strong girl, being able to hold her feelings for him because she wants him to be happy. You start to realize she lets herself suffer in order for him to be happy. However, there are also lots of Baekhyun-Jinah moments which makes you think she's making such a big deal about not being 'the main girl' in his life because she is also so involved in his world.

Jealousy is an ugly trait which everyone feels once in a while and I wanted to emphasize that in this chapter with Jinah. She's jealous of Soojin because the younger girl has Baekhyun, and I feel that instead of being jealous that Soojin is dating Baekhyun, it's the idea of Soojin having Baekhyun's attention that Jinah's jealous of.