Luhan had managed to get his mother to agree on letting Baekhyun and Jinah stay at their home for the night. Frankly it wasn’t that difficult because his mother adored both Jinah and Baekhyun.

Right now he and Baekhyun were trying to decide on which movies to watch while Jinah was microwaving some popcorn.

“Are you really okay with letting her leave?” Luhan asked knowing that in a few short weeks Jinah was going to leave. Sure Luhan was happy she was leaving because Jinah was one of the strongest people he had ever met and he knew she deserved this chance. The chance to be free.

What he wasn’t sure of was how Baekhyun would react. Contrary to popular belief Jinah wasn’t the one who needed Baekhyun, at least not as much as Baekhyun needed her.   

“No. Not at all.” Baekhyun replied without looking away from the television screen where he was watching Luhan flip over a list of movies using the remote.

“Then why are you?”

Baekhyun thought about it was a good minute before he answered. “Because I believe that someone like Jinah needs to see the world. She needs to live, and really live. I believe that she’s trying to make something of herself, she’s trying to learn and grow. I believe that she’s trying to be whoever she wants to be, wherever she is and however she does. And she can’t do it here.” He explained.

A calm silence filled the room the two boys were in. It was Luhan who finally broke the silence.

Luhan sighed deeply looking back at his friend. “I think that’s one of the reasons why she loves you so much. Because you believe in her so much more than she does herself, you expect more from her than she does from herself.”

Baekhyun stared back at Luhan. Luhan honestly expected Baekhyun to ask him what he meant, but Baekhyun never said anything back. If only he knew those were the same words she had told Baekhyun.

That was when Luhan realized that Byun Baekhyun knew all along; his best friend’s feelings for him.

Luhan rethinks everything he’s ever known about the so-called Byun Baekhyun. Dimwitted Byun Baekhyun who didn’t know his best friend was in love with him. Stupid Byun Baekhyun who didn’t realize he needed his best friend as much as she needed him. Naïve Byun Baekhyun who couldn’t read between the lines for .

And Luhan thinks that maybe Baekhyun’s known all along, and that would make him the absolute worst in the history of the world.

“You’re a horrible idiot who doesn’t deserve someone like Jin.” Luhan spoke honestly. Baekhyun laughed like what Luhan just said was the most obvious thing in the entire world.

“I know.”

“How long?”

“How long what?”

Luhan scoffed, “How long have you known about how she’s felt for you?”

“Remember the day Soojin broke up with me and I told Jinah to stay after from me for a while. She went to your place that night and the next morning we met up at the café.”

“I remember.” Luhan replied. He remembered the knocking at ten at night. He remembered seeing Jinah standing there looking miserable and sad. He remembered insisting that she slept in his bed and he’ll sleep on the floor. He remembered her refusing. He remembered how broken she sounded. He remembered telling her that he loved her like a little sister.

“That day at the café. That was when I realized. Honestly I felt stupid.”

“Because you’re a and it took you forever to realize how your best friend felt about you.”

“No because I stole a bit from her lemon cake, of course Luhan, what else would I feel stupid about.” Baekhyun snapped. Luhan just rolled his eyes back at his friend.

Silence followed after that as they sat in silence. Luhan scrolled through the list of movies to watch and the sound of the microware and the closing and opening of cabinets were all they heard.

“How long? How long have you known about how she’s felt?” Baekhyun finally asked.

“How old were we when her dad died?”

“Eleven.”

“Since then.” Luhan answered without looking away from the television screen where he was still scrolling down the long list of movie titles.

“Dude, I don’t think Jinah realized she loved me. Come on, we were eleven. Liking me was probably the last thing on her mind.”  Baekhyun insisted.

Luhan smiled knowingly. “I know. I think I’ve knew even before she did.” 

“Let’s never discuss this again.”

“Agreed.”

Both boys nodded, silently making vows to keep this conversation to themselves. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to discuss this, no, it was quite the opposite. They wanted to talk this out. They had to have this conversation, but not now. Not now when the girl they were talking about was in the other room, not now when she already made up her mind about leaving.

“Are you guys ready?” Jinah asked walking into the room with a large bowl of popcorn in one hand and a bowl of ice cream in another hand.

“You pick the movie Jin.” Luhan insisted. She rolled her eyes.

“What have you two been doing all this time then?” She asked sitting between the two boys and grabbing the remote out of Luhan’s hand.

“Discussing.” Baekhyun answered blankly.

“Discussing what?” Jinah asked not looking at him. She was too focused on scrolling down the list of movies while munching on popcorn.

“Discussing this girl whose capture both our attention.” Luhan responded playfully. Neither of them missed the way a soft frown appeared on Jinah’s face. She shifted awkwardly.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” Luhan joked.

“No, I’ve just realized something.” She said trying to sound like she didn’t care. And if they weren’t paying attention they would’ve have. Jinah had a way of covering up all her emotions behind a delicate veil.

“What?”

“Nothing.” It wasn’t nothing.

“We’re not replacing you Jinah. We can’t replaced you, and if you’re too slow to realize, we were talking about you.” Baekhyun said huffing out air because he swore that sometimes girls let small things get to them.

Jinah smiled and pulled both the boys into tight bear hugs. “My boys.” She said in glee. “God I’m going to miss the two of you.” She added before releasing them both. Luhan complained and whined about how she treated them like five year olds sometimes. Jinah countered by saying they acted like five year olds.

Eventually they found a movie to watch and it wasn’t even half way through the movie did they run out of popcorn and ice cream, but no one noticed or cared.

Baekhyun however kept shifting his focus from the movie to his best friend sitting next to him.

And Baekhyun knew in the back of his head that in a few weeks the pretty girl sitting next to him would be leaving.

He’s one hundred percent sure he’s going to miss her like hell.

And he’s two hundred percent sure he’s taken her for granted too many times.

He’s three hundred percent sure he doesn’t want to let her go, but he will because it’s not just about him and Jinah. There are so many other factors and elements involved in her decision.

And he’s absolutely sure, so sure he can’t even define it using numbers that his best friend with the sad past, hopeful eyes, and broken smile is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

So he goes and he lets her go and calls himself the biggest , stupidest , and greatest wimp ever to exist.

-----

Jinah lived the next few months fast forwarding her last days of school. And somehow through all the exams, tests, stressing out, growing up, graduation, random laughs, exciting parties, and unforgettable moments, through all of it she found herself standing here.

Here was the middle of a warm summer day. Here was the middle of a crowded train station. Here was midway between crying and smiling. Here was her standing with a suitcase in her arm. Another one beside her and a large duffle bag hung over her shoulders.

Here was Han Jinah making a really selfish decision.

She grabbed her suitcases, with each hand on the handle of her two suitcases and her duffle bag safety secure around her she stepped onto the train. She soon found an empty seat at the back of the train.

She grabbed her earphones and ipod. She plugged her earphones into her ears and her music.

She pressed her cheek against the cool glass and let herself drown in the soft melody of her music list.

 She waited and watched as he train began to move. The image of the train station soon faded along with so many other things in her life.

There was the fading image of a quiet café in the middle of a wintery night which turned into the beacon of light for a sad, scared girl who had a certain sweet tooth.

There was the fading image of a small shop containing all the wonders in the world along its antique shelves.

There was the fading image of her mother taunting and shouting at her, before her father died, after her father died, after she was out of prison, after Jinah told her she was leaving home.

There was the fading image an eleven year old girl crying over her father’s gravestone.

There was the image of being totally confused, extremely scared, wondrously anxious about whom she wanted to be, where she wanted to be, and how she was going to get there.  

There was the image of everybody who ever cared about her as much as she cared about them.

And there was the image of a man who she loves so, so dearly. Sometimes she thinks she loves him so much that it could possibly kill her.

Jinah hates herself for what she was doing but she did it anyways because she needed this. She needed to do this.

You see, she was supposed to leave tomorrow afternoon. But here she was, bright and early on a Friday morning on a one-way train leaving the only home she’s ever known. The rising sun had finally settled into the world and the soft shades of reds and oranges which transition to calm yellows and purples withered away as a deep sky-blue took charge.

And she didn’t tell anybody she was leaving today, not her mother, not Kahi, not the old grandmother at the café, not any of her friends, not Luhan, and not Baekhyun.

So she left with the rising sun, and by the time the sun set everyone would have realized that Han Jinah had left without saying good-bye.

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