“Are you sure you’re fine?” Luhan asked for the nth time. Jinah only nodded blankly. Luhan wasn’t sure if she was even paying attention to him, but she would nod every so often.

“I’m fine. Everything’s going to be okay.” She mumbled, it was worth more to her ears than Luhan’s.

“Does it work? Does it make you feel better saying that everything will be fine?” He asked curiously.

Jinah chuckled and shook her head. “Hell no.”

“Then why do you say it?” He questioned, confused by her method.

“Because,” She began that knowing smile lifted onto her face, “Saying this makes me believe there’s still something to hope for.”

“Hope.” He repeated letting the word sink in to his mind.

“Yes, hope.” She repeated after him. “So there’s that. I guess…it’s time for me to go.” She asked readjusting her coat as she stepped closer to the front door.

Luhan opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. However, Jinah noticed his hesitance. “What is it Lu?”

“Baekhyun texted me…he wants to meet up with you.” He said nervously. He watched for her reaction but was rather shock when he saw Jinah’s reaction, or rather her lack of reaction.

“Oh, okay.” She replied with a nod like nothing had happened the night before. He was in awe with how well she bounced back. He wondered how Jinah did it. With everything going on in her life he was amazed that she wasn’t an emotional wreck yet. But the thing was, maybe she was a wreck, underneath those fake smiles.

“Be careful.” He said to her before she left. Jinah wasn’t actually sure what he was telling her to be careful of.. Be careful of accidently slipping in the melting snow outside the doorstep. Be careful of her mother. Be careful of Baekhyun. No. He was telling her to be careful of herself.

------

Jinah sat down in the familiar café. The scent of sweets and warm tea filled the air and Jinah couldn’t help but feel her body relax.

Jinah in her breath, she feels like she’s been doing that a lot lately. Holding her breath.

She orders a slice of lemon cake and a glass of warm milk while she waits for Baekhyun. Jinah had this planned out. Or at least she though she did.

She was going to tell Baekhyun how she felt. She was going to be blunt and real and let everything out. She was going to tell him about her feelings, it was easier said than done. But it had to be done didn’t it. That way she was going to walk away knowing that she had no regrets.

There would be nothing to hold over her head, no dark cloud raining above her. That way she would be able to let go. Sometimes letting go meant putting everything you had on the line, so she was going to lay her feelings out for him.

But like many other challenges in life, nothing ever goes as expected. She would realize this when Baekhyun steps into the café and spots her from across the room.

He threw her one of famous smiles and like only Baekhyun can do she completely loses it once again. He walks over, his eye smile revealing nothing, no signs of a break up, no signs of tiredness, no signs of anything. It was scary how good his acting was.

“Hey Jinah.”

“Hi Baek.”

He sat down across from her, stealing a bite of her lemon cake which she willingly let him do. Jinah watched as he chewed and she wished she could open right now. But she couldn’t.

This was going to be harder than expected.

“I’m sorry.” He said stealing another bite of the cake. Jinah’s raises her brow.

“What?”

“I’m sorry about yesterday Jinah. I know that was a complete move, I don’t know why I asked you to stay away, I guess I was just fluster and stressed-“

“It’s fine Baek, I understand.” No I don’t.

“You do?” He asked bewildered like the little five year old child Jinah thinks he is sometimes.

“Yes, I understand.” No, I don’t understand.

“I was just shock. I didn’t see it coming. I guess Soojin really threw a curveball at me.” He said sadly, his eyes falling and Jinah frowned. She hated seeing sad Baekhyun.

“Did she explain why?” Jinah asked, honestly this was what she was most curious about. What was Soojin’s reason for breaking up with Baekhyun? The two seemed so lovely from Jinah’s point of view. But Jinah also knew that there was always more than one view.

“She said she didn’t think she could love me anymore. She said that I would be better without her.” He responded and Jinah felt a hint of disappointment in Soojin. That was no reasonable excuse to use when breaking up. No, in fact, that was a ty as hell excuse.

“Soojin said she didn’t want to be second, she said she didn’t want to always be the one who’s blinding me from what I really feel.” He added. Jinah made a mental note to ask Soojin what she meant by that.

“I was just hoping Soojin was the one you know. Now what? I don’t understand how the world’s god damn cosmic order works. How will I know?” He asked, flustered and upset.

“Well Baek, it’s because you’ll know.” Jinah mumbled softly. Baekhyun raised a curious brow, not understanding what she meant.

Jinah gulped, okay so she didn’t have the courage to come out straight up and tell him she is in love with him. Fine, she can speak between the lines. Sometimes speaking between the lines is easier.

“What do you mean you’ll know?” He asked. A small smile appeared on Jinah’s lips, it was so small it couldn’t even be categorized as a smile.

“That girl, whoever she is, wherever she is, whatever she’s doing right now, when she does enter your life, you’ll know and when you realize you know, you’ll never let her go.” Jinah replied, she tapped her tongue against the roof of , not sure if she should continue or not, in the end she did,

“She’ll be there with you, when you accomplish a goal, when your dreams come true, when you fall apart time after time again, and when you get back up despite just wanting to give up. She’ll know how old you when you first realized death was real, how there were points in your life when you felt like giving up, how you put on a smile to make people think you’re okay even when you’re not, she’ll know that you have your breaking points. She’ll put up with that denseness of yours, how you’re so naively innocent, how you lock the entire world out when you’re depressed. She’ll hate winter, but put on a pair of snow boots just because you want to walk in the snow, she’ll want to sleep in on the weekends but get up because you insist on watching the sunrise. She’ll put on a smile for you and make you laugh, even when she’s dying on the inside. She’ll give you advice, even when she’s the one who needs it. She’ll do all this and more, and she won’t complain or say a single thing to you. She’ll be there, she’ll stand in the shadows; comforting, following, guiding, cherishing, respecting, and lovingly you unconditionally. You want to know why, it’s because she loves you. When that girl comes, you’ll know.”

“Do you think so?” He asked uncertainly.

“Well,” Jinah stated flicking her best friend’s forehead playfully, “I know what an amazing guy my best friend is and I know that one day there’s going to be a girl for him. It could be Soojin, it could not be Soojin. All I’m sure is that I want my best friend to be happy, because that’s what friends want for each other.” Jinah commented.

She wasn’t his girlfriend, or his future fiancée or wife, but whoever that future lucky girl was, she hoped that girl could make him happy.

She knew that was all she wanted for Baekhyun. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to fall in love and be loved back. Secretly she wished she could be that girl, but if she wasn’t, that was okay too.

If he was happy, even if it wasn’t with her, she’ll learn to deal with it. Wasn’t that what it was all about, letting the person you love be happy.

Seeing Baekhyun happy was all she could ask for, and so much more. So here they were, her feelings and everything she’s felt about him, given to him in a pretty little box, but hidden under layers of wrapping paper.

Who cares if Baekhyun didn’t realize she was implying about herself, she knew. That was what mattered. 

“Hey Jinah.” He said softly.

“Yes Baek?”

“Thank you, for everything” Baekhyun said with a small smile. Jinah grinned with that pretty smile and undying belief that there was still hope.