A/n: This chapter is really short (like 3,300 words short; ave. chapter 4,800 words), but I just had to post it tonight! So much drama. I hope you guys like it. Next chapter will be long again. :) Thank you to the many people reading, subscribing to, and commenting on this fic, you're all awesome! :)

Jongin’s dreams were filled of a boy he was falling in love with; of his tiny hands and huge eyes, his petit body clinging to him, his soft lips forming their heart-shaped smile, mouthing the words I love you. Jongin couldn’t hear his voice, he couldn’t hear him saying it, and he told him so. But no matter how much he said so, the words didn’t come any louder, and the boy still looked happy but it scared Jongin. I can’t hear you!

I love you. I love you. I love you…

Jongin’s eyes opened and his heart was pounding. That wasn’t real. It’s just a dream. It was dark in his room and he strained his eyes to see his clock when he suddenly became aware of the fact that there was someone lying beside him. I’m still dreaming?

His chin was rested on the top of Kyungsoo’s head and the smaller boy’s arms were wrapped around his neck, Jongin holding him by the waist. He could feel his fingers brushing Kyungsoo’s hair, feel Kyungsoo breathing across his collarbone, his toes pressed against Jongin’s ankle. All these little stimulations sent shivers down Jongin’s spine. Carefully he looped his arm out from around Kyungsoo and the bangs out of Kyungsoo’s face so he could see his eyelids, peacefully closed, eyelashes brushing his cheeks. His mouth was open in an O-shape, and Jongin brushed his thumb very, very lightly over Kyungsoo’s lower lip, and then moved his hand to Kyungsoo’s neck, which he found to be covered in a sheen of sweat. Jongin pulled his hand away and returned it to the older’s waist, shaking the smaller boy.

“Hyung,” Jongin said quietly. Kyungsoo’s eyelids fluttered and his face scrunched up. He kicked his feet, pushing the blanket off of them, trying to get the source of the heat away from him. Then his hands left Jongin’s neck, smacking Jongin’s hand off his waist and grabbing the bottom of his sweater. He pulled it over his head, throwing it away from him before letting his head fall back on the pillow, eyes closed all-the-while. Jongin returned his hand to Kyungsoo’s waist and Kyungsoo’s arms were bent between them, hands up on Jongin’s chest. Jongin smiled, loving not-so-awake Kyungsoo; he was so gentle and needy.

After half an hour there was a knock on the door and Jongin’s older sister poked her head in his room to tell him it was already ten and they needed to get up. Surprised, Jongin pulled back the curtain on his window, because it didn’t seem very bright out. It was raining though so Jongin woke the older again and Kyungsoo grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Wutimsit?”

Jongin chuckled. “Didn’t catch that hyung.”

Kyungsoo grumbled. “What time is it?”

“Oh,” Jongin said. “Ten.” Kyungsoo plunked back on the bed, groaning. “Don’t go back to sleep hyung.”

“Mm.” Kyungsoo turned his head to look grumpily at Jongin. “I don’t remember coming up here.”

Jongin frowned, and then understood. Last night. “I – you fell asleep downstairs, so I took you up here.”

“Why didn’t you stay?” Kyungsoo asked. “Why would you go back down?”

“I… I thought about staying, I just didn’t want you to get mad at me.”

“For what? Sleeping with me? You slept at my house before; you fell asleep in my lap last night! Do you think I care?” Jongin felt stupid now. He hadn’t thought of any of that. “I woke up and you weren’t there. It was weird; I’d forgotten where I was. You know how hard it was finding the basement in the dark? And you lied. You were cold in there.”

“I didn’t mind,” Jongin shrugged. “But thanks, for coming and getting me. I’m glad I got to be with you. And everything you told me…”

“Forget about it,” Kyungsoo said quickly. “It was just… I was half-asleep, I don’t know what I was talking about.”

“That’s not true hyung and we both know it.” Kyungsoo scowled but Jongin brushed his arm, then he cupped his chin and turned his face towards him. “There’s nothing wrong with being afraid, feeling alone. Or with talking to someone. I’m glad you told me.” Kyungsoo pushed his hand away, and Jongin took the chance to twine their fingers together, earning a glare. “I know you want me to forget, pretend everything last night never happened. Forget that I kissed you because you said it was alright. Forget that you have problems and worries that are breaking you down. Forget that you’re human and not the machine you’d love to have everyone believe you are. But I’m not going to and I don’t even want to. You trusted me, even if it was just for a moment. That’s what I want, hyung; I want you to feel that you can trust me. I’m not going to hurt you, or lie to you, or betray you – I promise.

“You said you were afraid to lose me? Well, I’m afraid to lose you too. Every day. I’m barely hanging on to you because you just push me away every time I come anywhere near you. I just… I like you hyung, and I trust you, and I want it to be mutual.”

“I don’t,” Kyungsoo whispered. “I don’t like you, and I don’t trust you. I can’t. I don’t have a reason to.”

“What can I do?” Jongin nearly pleaded. “Kyungsoo, I’ve liked you for months and I haven’t tried anything, I haven’t pushed you, I’ve waited until you say anything-”

“I can’t know,” Kyungsoo told him. “If this is all some big joke. Or if you’ll leave. Or if I’m just your dirty little secret. Have you told anyone how you feel about me? Do you plan on it?”

“Yixing knows-”

“Does Kris?”

Jongin shook his head. “I can’t-”

“Exactly.”

“Kyungsoo-”

“Don’t,” Kyungsoo stopped him. “I’m not the only one pushing away here. I’d trust you if I thought it wouldn’t screw me over. But I just… I can’t.”

“

“I want to share a room with Minseok.”

Minseok looked up and saw Luhan speaking to their coach. It was the end of practice and they were talking about who would be sharing hotel rooms; they were leaving for their game tomorrow morning and Minseok had returned to the team for the last few days. He was doing better, but still wasn’t as good as he used to be.

The coach glanced to Minseok. “Are you okay with that?”

No. “Yeah, I guess.”

When he went home that night he lay awake thinking about the next day. Luhan never explained why he wanted to share a room with him. Maybe there was just no one else. But that didn’t seem to be it…

The next day Minseok sat alone on the plane. He sat alone on the bus to the hotel. He couldn’t find Luhan so he got his room key and headed there by himself as well. He wasn’t in the room long when he decided to take a shower. If he cried then, the tears blended in with the water raining down on him.

He left the bathroom, towel tied around his waist, eyes feeling puffy. Luhan was sitting on one of the beds staring up at the ceiling.

“Oh, sorry…” Minseok said quietly, hurrying to grab his clothes. “I didn’t know you were in here…”

“It’s my room too you know,” Luhan pointed out, eyes taking in the dripping boy. For some reason Minseok thought he looked sad.

“Sorry…”

“Minseok,” Luhan said suddenly as Minseok turned to go back to the bathroom. “Come here. I wanna talk to you.” Luhan sat up, staring expectantly.

“I – can’t I go get dressed first?”

“No.” Minseok sighed and sat on the side of Luhan’s bed awkwardly. Luhan sent his legs over the side of the bed, taking his place beside Minseok. “I heard you crying.”

“Sorry,” Minseok repeated, feeling like a broken record and not even sure what he was sorry for.

“Why were you? Crying, I mean.”

“Why did you want to share a room with me?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Luhan said simply.

“Okay?”

“Without everyone else around,” he continued. Minseok nodded thickly, waiting. “Just… when we spoke last week – it didn’t really go how I wanted.”

“What were you expecting when you started out yelling at me?” Minseok said, quiet but distant.

“I know…” Luhan sighed, seeming to lose his hold on reality for a moment. Then he returned and his eyes turned to stare into Minseok’s. “I’m happy you came. To the tournament, I mean.”

“Luhan, you’re really not making any sense-”

“Do you remember your first kiss?” Luhan said suddenly.

“What?”

“Your first kiss, do you remember it?”

“Yes…”

“You told me you didn’t want your first kiss to be bad. I never even asked you if it was any good. I’m sorry. I mean, I shouldn’t have – taken advantage of you like that…”

“Luhan,” Minseok tried to say, but the word got caught in his throat. Where had this come from? This Luhan was different. He wasn’t Minseok’s best friend or the boy he’d been for the past few months, the one who hated him. Minseok was scared, because suddenly Luhan seemed like a fragile glass vase tipping on a ledge, like he would shatter any second.

Luhan’s eyes were far away again. “And then that time you were drunk and started hitting on me. I was used to that; you’re always so cute when you’re drunk but that time… You kissed me and I didn’t want to stop you, and you would’ve let me – you would’ve let me you into the kitchen table because you were so out of it… But I had to stop you. I knew it wasn’t real and I couldn’t be selfish like that. I couldn’t steal your innocence like that, not when you’d been afraid of losing your first kiss. So I stopped you. Every day for weeks I thought about getting you drunk and letting you have it, but I couldn’t…”

Minseok’s brain was mangled. He vaguely remembered that night when he’d kissed Luhan. But what was Luhan saying? He would’ve slept with him, what? No, Luhan had stopped him, he didn’t want to sleep with him, they were just friends… Luhan didn’t feel that way about him…

“And then Sehun happened,” Luhan was still going on. “And I told you about how we’d kissed at that stupid party that you weren’t at. It wasn’t that fun, you know, without you, and when Sehun made his move I thought, hell, why not? I told you I thought he was cute. I didn’t think anything of it. But you got so mad it was almost funny. As if some one-time fling was going to steal my heart from you. But you… you and Jongdae… you two…”

Luhan’s voice faded for a moment and tears quickly sprang into his eyes. Then he gave a pained laugh. “I know you’re happy with him and I wanted to be happy for you too but… I couldn’t. I thought the jealousy was gonna rip me in half. I know you love him and I didn’t want to ruin that for you. But… I guess I convinced myself that maybe I would’ve been the one. I should’ve been. And he took you from me, and it just made me angry. I hated him and you, and I wanted to show you I was just as fine without you as you were without me… So I asked Sehun out. And when he tried to sleep with me, I let him. I wish I hadn’t. I wanted it to be you… But after the first time it didn’t matter, so I just kept letting him. I started liking him, but he wasn’t you…

“And then you-” He choked and wiped the tears rolling down his face. Minseok was crying too because he couldn’t process what Luhan was telling him, he couldn’t. What was he saying? What was he… “I don’t know why some stupid part of me was holding on to the idea that you wouldn’t, but then you told me you were sleeping with Jongdae. Why? God, why Minseok? How could you do that to me? Didn’t you realize he wasn’t me? I’m so sorry…”

Luhan buried his face in his hands but didn’t stop. Through his tears he went on, “I thought you cared – and you know it and you still just keep breaking my heart, every damn day Baozi… And I know – I know I should’ve gotten over you, I just – I can’t, Baozi… God, I’m so in love with you – I’m so ing in love with you and I always have been – I love you more than he ever could!” he cried, looking back to Minseok, eyes streaming with tears now. Then he dropped his head back into his hands. “I’m sorry – I’m sorry… I’m so ing stupid, I’m sorry… I want you to be happy, but it’s killing me, Baozi, it really is…”

“Luhan,” Minseok croaked. “Why are you saying this? Stop it. You don’t mean this, just stop…”

“You don’t believe me – of course you don’t… God, I’ve messed up so ing bad – I’m in love with you, Kim Minseok, okay?” Luhan grabbed Minseok by the shoulders and stared him in the eye desperately. “I love you so much it could make my heart explode. I want to marry you Minseok, I wanna be with you for the rest of my life. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life – and I ed up! I thought I could make you jealous but then you fell in love with him, and now I’ve lost you and I just – I want to kill myself for being such an idiot. I could throw myself off the balcony. I just wish I’d told you this all sooner… Maybe I still could’ve had a chance…”

No. No, he didn’t mean this. Minseok was going crazy; this was just a ridiculous dream. Luhan didn’t love him. He loved Sehun… “Stop lying to me!” he shouted. “Stop it! Don’t you think you’ve done enough? Don’t pretend like you’ve been the one suffering, like you are the one in love with me. We all know it’s the other way around! Is this why you wanted to room with me, so you could torture me, so – what? So I would up in our game tomorrow and be kicked off the team? Just – stop mocking me!”

They were both stunned when Minseok’s hand collided with Luhan’s cheek with a loud smack! Minseok immediately yanked his hand back and began spewing apologies. But Luhan, hands still gripped on his shoulders, jerked Minseok towards him and silenced the boy’s lips with his own. The kiss was rough, screaming with desperation, and then it was over.

“Do you mean that?” Luhan almost shouted. “Are you ing with me right now? Minseok, damn it, don’t do this to me right now!” He shook the smaller boy and Minseok’s hands reached up to stay the other’s hold.

“What are you-”

“Are you in love with me!?”

“Yes, I thought you knew that!”

Luhan jumped on him, sending them flying backwards, and connected their lips again. He straddled the older boy, forcing his lips apart and immediately allowing his tongue to explore the other’s mouth. Then he pulled back again.

“You mean it?”

“Yes.”

“You love me?”

“Yes! Gosh Luhan, I’ve been in love with you for years now!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew and were just too polite to tell me off. I never thought-”

“I’ve been in love with you this whole time and you didn’t say anything? Damn it, Minseok!” But Luhan was smiling now and he leaned down to kiss him again and again, because he’d missed out. Years of opportunities; he’d thought Minseok had never wanted this and now, oh God, he had him and Minseok wanted him too and nothing was stopping them now…

Luhan’s hands were reaching to his jeans when Minseok’s fingers s around his wrists. “Luhan, don’t.”

“What? Baozi, do you know how long I’ve waited-”

“I know,” Minseok said, looking full of regret. “Believe me, I have too. But not here, not tonight. I love you and I never, ever thought I would stop you from trying to sleep with me and I’m sorry, to you and myself. But we can’t, Luhan.”

“Baozi…” Luhan Minseok’s face, and leaned down to press his lips to the tears that were falling again.

“There’s just too much,” Minseok whispered. “It’s too sudden, and I’m afraid it’s not real… There’s more than that,” he continued as Luhan tried to speak. “The game tomorrow. And Sehun, Jongdae. It’s not fair to them. And I don’t want it to be here, not here. In my room, or yours. Somewhere that matters.”

Luhan laughed, and kissed him again. “I shouldn’t be surprised. Do you promise though? When it’s all over, I can – I mean…”

“I’m yours,” Minseok promised, pulling the boy down to press their lips together.

“And I’ve always been yours.” Finally. Minseok could kiss him, over and over, endlessly – forever. He couldn’t believe it. Luhan – Luhan – loved him. This was real. That was Luhan’s mouth, Luhan’s hands, Luhan’s love. Luhan loves me!

“You do, right? It’s real – you love me?”

Luhan didn’t answer for a long time, just kissing him hard and rough enough that Minseok was considering changing his mind about waiting.

“I love you, Minseok.”

“

Jongin didn’t talk to Kyungsoo for the rest of the weekend. He didn’t even bother on Monday in their English class. And Kyungsoo knew he’d done it. He’d finally gotten rid of Jongin, and he didn’t feel better about anything.

Tuesday morning came with three words.

“I still care.”

Kyungsoo had forgotten about Kai again, maybe because the boy was more of a fantasy than reality. But he was glad that the boy who had never spoken to his face still cared about him. You’re worse than Jongin, he thought as he ripped up the slip of paper.

When he went into gym class everything felt wrong. For one thing, he had never been more alone. But also, a small group of people were gathered around a bench and they seemed to be taunting and jeering at someone. Kyungsoo approached the crowd, trying to get a read on the situation.

“Leave him alone!” The voice cut through the group – and through Kyungsoo. Jongin. He saw the younger boy go up to Kris, heard him say, “He’s going through a tough time. Same as Jongdae. Just… back off for today, okay?”

Kyungsoo expected angry retaliation from Kris – who the hell did Jongin think he was, telling Kris off like that? – but Kris just nodded, looking somewhat sympathetic, and told everyone to clear out. As they parted Kyungsoo caught sight of the person everyone was talking about – and it was none other than Sehun. He was curled up in a ball sitting on the bench, head hidden in his knees, shaking. Kyungsoo’s heart dropped.

Kyungsoo wasn’t stupid. He could piece it together. What Jongin had said – He’s going through a tough time. Same as Jongdae – and with the soccer tournament that had been in China last weekend. Minseok and Luhan had been there. Now Sehun was here, crying. Apparently the inevitable had arrived.

“Sehun?”

Kyungsoo pulled no reaction from him. But Kyungsoo was worried and his chest felt tight. He leaned down in front of the boy tapping his knee gently. “Sehun, are you okay? Sehun?”

Still nothing. God, it’s bad. “Sehun? Hunnie, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

The old nickname slipped out but it seemed to be effective. Sehun let go of his knees and peered over them at Kyungsoo, eyes bright red and, worse, his cheek swollen with a purpling bruise.

“Hunnie! What-”

Sehun threw his arms around Kyungsoo and began sobbing again.

“Luhan broke up with me!”