Hello, here's your goody bag for joining my TMaF semi-contest! Thank you!

Plot: Intriguing, very intriguing. It surely is backed with a concept that easily sets this apart from other entries. The idea is quite genuine –although this might be an idea that is sometimes used in the manga/anime universe. And it definitely, as I said, intrigued and fascinated me. In the kpop fandom, it is quite original and executed well enough.

Another thing that I'd have to commend is the way you actually build the plot. The scenes are effective, not too draggy, not too fast. It's focused and goes to the point –a definite plus point. And additionally on the plot building, I do say you are also good in building the suspense. The plot keeps me curious and I kept on wondering what could be inside the plastic bag, what ordeal could this all actually be. Surely, this is something important –because you have managed to lure the readers to continue reading your story. The element of surprise at the end also adds more points to your entries –I definitely love it.

One thing that kind of deducts your point a bit, is the rather abrupt way the plot is ended. Like, you're building the extremely well, and I am all fired up, but when Sooyoung took Kyuhyun's hand at the end of the chapter, I kind of feel mildly disappointed. I'm not disappointed with the concept, I'm a bit troubled by the lack of motive for Sooyoung, who was undeniably skeptical in the beginning (even until the part where she said "Excuse me?"), suddenly received that hand offered to her. Yes, it's one thing to believe in Kyuhyun's surreal existence (as you pointed out, it is plausible since that's the only explanation for the sudden halt of time), but it's a different thing to actually go with him. The lack of motive and reasoning is the tiny point that I think you could have elaborated more. This might seem like a minor point, but since it is actually the conflict-solving part of the story (and thus one of the, if not the most, crucial part of the story) the issue becomes more substantial.

Characters: You got it. I do love the fact that you make the readers able to decipher part of Soo's personality from the very first paragraph that you wrote. This is a strategy that I think works well, because indeed, you do not have to go into a thorough analysis on different aspects of Sooyoung's characters –her perception, behavior, attitude towards time is sufficient. I think it's better to focus on one thing rather than to sporadically throw many unrelated points to a character. The focus on Sooyoung's attitude towards time actually explains a lot of things: her anxiety, her mild impatience beneath her seemingly cool persona, and it's good! Another bonus point is because the characterization actually ties well with the plot.

Then we have Kyuhyun. You also stole my heart right away with the enigmatic air that he has ever since the first meeting outside the grocery store. There is also consistency in his character (maybe persistence), and definitely there is a flair that makes him as a good male lead in a story. There is an extra something in him, I love it. Of course, maybe there are a lot of aspects that are not explained, but with Kyuhyun, I think it's the correct approach –considering it would be best to maintain him as this 'superstitious', enigmatic being or something. The fact that he might be another existence that is apart from the human race also justifies his lack of attention to other things, aside perhaps Sooyoung and time.

Style: It is the style however, that I think can be slightly be improved. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because your writing style is anything but mediocre. It's clear-cut, efficient yet enigmatic at the same time. Your effective style is also appropriate for building the suspense. I just think that a bit of extra push is needed, a bit more description is required. And this is a matter of preference, but since this is clearly a surrealistic kind of AU, you might want to choose using more 'flowery' words to emphasize the 'distinction' between this world and the realm that you're introducing. Play more with metaphors, personification, in other words, flair to your writing. Another minor comment would be to use a comma before you end your quoted speech. ('"...," he said.', for example).

Suggestion:
• Elaborate more on the ending. While it's understandable to make it vague, but at least, I need to see more of Sooyoung's reasoning. The way it is now, it's like you're building the very well, but then left it with the "ah, it almost hit it!" kind of feeling.
• If you'd like to try, add more metaphor to the writing style. On one hand however, I'm not exactly saying that your efficient/effective writing style is wrong. I might be wrong instead. Maybe the effective stylistic works best with this fic, I don't exactly know –maybe this is just a matter of preference.

Favorite Parts:
• Kyuhyun and his enigmatic air. His character here is able to make me fangirl ^^
• The concept and the way that you, again, build the plot.
• Effective strategy on choosing the part of characterization to be focused on.
• Sooyoung is kinda relatable, and I don't know, I like how she's portrayed here.
 

Chapter 1: Since I don't know how to look for a good Kyuyoung fic, I found this on Pinboo's Treat Me a Fic's comment :3 Just one shoot and I know you are a good writer! More kyuyoung please? *pleading face* *wink*

Chapter 1: Wow I really like this :D its soooooooooo fantasy-ish ^^