To be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing right now. Why am I flirting with her? Why am I even playing this game with her? She is not the one that I’m after. It was him that I’m going for. But why did it ended up like this?

It’s been a year now since the first time I lay my eyes on him. Our meeting was an accident. It’s not a bad one I would say. It’s just that I have no idea that it’s the noise that would lead me to him. I was furious that someone would be able to make so much of noise without considering other’s feeling or tolerance at that time. My anger was the one guiding me to him, leading me through the ally, to bang open that very door. What I saw that day was a beautiful creature drench in sweat with those red rosy cheeks staring at me with surprise. I would say that I was more in shock to see something this amazing standing there. Wait. Where did my anger go? Did he just diffuse all those anger I had seconds ago? No! I can’t stand here staring at him like this when I just bang open the door. I must say something. I must. “CAN YOU GUYS KEEP DOWN THE NOISE? IT’S SO LOUD THAT DEAFS FROM TWO BLOCKS AWAY CAN HEAR YOU! SUCH INCONSIDERADE HUMANS! ” . Yup… that was the first thing I ever say to him and it was not the best one pick up line either.

I found out later that he was practicing his dance. So he was a dancer then? But that still doesn’t explain why are they are making so much noise. Does music make him dance like a graceful angel or make him shake his hips like Shakira? The thought of loosing himself with music is somewhat fascinating to me. I can image him being leaded by the rhythm of the music with that beautiful face of his. How can such person loose themselves so much with just dancing? Curiosity got a better hold on me. I want to know more about him, without letting him know of course. I think stalking him this way is the best way since I just made the best introduction of myself like that by bursting out in anger for the little noise he made. Like I say, that was not the best pick up line ever.

Months went by and my prediction came true. He really doesn’t like me. I don’t blame him for that cause I wouldn’t like that guy too if he just come to me that rudely. I guess I couldn’t even hold a decent conversation with him at all. It’s just so obvious that he doesn’t want to be friend with me. The way he looks at me and the way he talk is just pure harshness begging me to disappear from his sight.  Yes, I am that much hated by him. Just because I’m trying my best not to look like I totally spaced out.

I was assigned to be this leader to like leads this stupid event assigned to me from that woman that has nothing better to do than to torture me and that was when I meet her. She was quite a pleasant girl with a determine mind. She makes a good leader, I would say. Being the one organizing this event, of course I would have contacts with other involve with this job too. We chatted and I find that we really have a lot of things in common.

This girl would find me to have a chat or two once in a while and I don’t mind sparing her a little of my time since I got nothing better to do myself. I was very surprise when she told me that she is dating him. I never thought that he would be dating her cause they are just not right for each other. I should be the one that is dating him. Well, I should be congratulating both of them for their meeting, but my jealous took a better hold of my thinking. I thought to myself that this is probably the best chance for me to get to know her boyfriend. I should probably start getting close to her so that I will be able to get some info about him. I might have to flirt with her if our relationship progresses.

My technique did work and I know quite some stuff about him now. Of course, I would have to sacrifice something in order to get something and that is probably my feelings. I hate it when I have to say flirty thing to her when it was just meant for him, but I have to because I want to know more about him. I feel like a giving away those private thought to her in exchange of knowing him just a little bit more. I don’t think there’s much that I can do if I wanted to feel like I know that boy even thought I know it will never happen. I know I am lying to myself, but I am happy living in my own little world thinking that I really know him. I just hope that she wouldn’t take my flirting this seriously because it was never meant for her in the first place.

She told me she broke up after 7 months of dating. Of course I am so happy that I could slap her for stealing him away from me, but I wouldn’t be doing that because it will just make things more complicated and obvious. I am sure there more things that I don’t know about him and it will be wise of me to know more about him before actually chasing him. If I need to betray what I’m preach just to be with him, I would willingly do so and that is probably how I ended up with her. I never truly love her, but why not be with her just to waste my time since my future is so uncertain.

Right now, everyone knows we’re a thing. Even he knows that I’m with her. I never thought that he would still stare at me with those cold harsh eyes that he is used to lay upon me, but he did and it was more intense than ever. But why? You already broke up with her, so why even bother? Does she mean that much to you? Does she mean as much to you as you are to me? Do you know how bad you make me feel right now? Do you know how much that gaze of yours hurt my very being? Do you? I don’t think you ever will. I don’t think I even have a chance to say a word to you now. But I am ok with it all, I have to. I will endure everything just for a chance to be with you. The state that I am in is painful to me, but I am happy that you notice me even thought your gaze is filled with hate. I am ok with it. I am.

So one day, I received a text from some stranger and it say called him back. So I did. What shock me was those smooth velvet voice of his that ran across my ears and immediately my heart just skipped a beat. That voice of his is so good that it make me shiver. I recompose myself and ask why is he finding me and all he say was to meet him. That was the brief conversation I had with him after the very first day I saw him. It was still not the ideal conversation I imagine we had, but the least painful one to go through.

So, both of us were sitting in this little café shop around my house. I never imagined that I would be this blessed to be with him alone. Of course, it wasn’t because we’re good friend just hanging out, but that he wanted something from me. I broke the cold silence because I couldn’t stand him being this quiet and I want to hear his voice. I don’t give a damn if it’s harsh, it’s just that I’ve been starving for so long that all I wanted was to hear his sweet voice. I love it when he speaks to me because it makes me feel like he exist only for me. He told me to back off from his ex because he still have feeling for her and the reason why he didn’t make a move to get her back was because I am his boyfriend. I never thought that he would be so straightforward. I thought he would go around and around before he gets to the point.  All this is about that ha? So what I have been right all along. He does love her as much as I love him.