-=- Five Little Video Tapes-=-

 

It’s my day-off today. I sat cross-legged by the kitchen counter, nursing my mug with one hand and petting my dog with the other. I was planning on catching another pay-per-view of the game when the sound of the doorbell caught my attention.

It was the delivery boy, carrying a large box covered with what looked like seals stamped all over it. I grinned sheepishly at this. The package must’ve traveled a long way to get here. After I moved out of my parent’s house when I graduated high school, I’ve never had a permanent address. What can I say? I had a sense of adventure when I was young.

“Package for a Mr. Andrew Burrows?”

“That’s me.”

“Sign here, please.”

I took the box from him-my god, it’s heavy- and took a peek at the return address. I blinked once, twice, three times before I was convinced I wasn’t hallucinating. Why would Leah Thomas, my high school classmate whom I haven’t seen for over three years, send a package to me?

“I’m sorry, but I think there’s been a mistake.”

“You are Andrew Burrows, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Have a nice day, sir.” He said, tipped his hat and crossed my porch towards his truck.

I placed the parcel on the coffee table and went to grab a knife to cut the adhesives with. Lo and Behold! The package contained a map of the woods down where I used to live, and five video tapes. Wow, if Leah’s purpose was to confuse me stupid, she’s done a hell of a job.

All the tapes were labeled 1 to 5, so I plugged the VCR in and played tape number one. After a few seconds, the screen shot up, showing a small room with blue walls. In the middle of the room showed Leah, her brown hair tumbling down in thick waves. My heart skipped a beat. I guess it couldn’t forget its former flame.

She was wearing a blue cotton shirt and jeans, and even while she was wearing a forlorn expression, she still looked beautiful.

“By the time you get this, it’s probably too late for you to see me-alive, that is. And if you’re watching this, then that means YOU are one of the reasons I took my own life.”

I stopped breathing. Leah, shy, sweet Leah, Leah who would never hurt a fly had killed herself? And what did she mean if I was watching the tape? I’m one of the reasons? It’s like another way of saying I killed her. The way she spoke about it so nonchalantly, it was like she considered herself unimportant.

She continued. “I know you’re asking yourself, “What have I got to do with your death? Don’t worry. Each tape contains one person, and I’ll tell you what they are. It’s your choice whether you want to continue watching or not. I won’t blame you if you don’t. But I’d appreciate it if you will. I’ll give you ten seconds to decide. If you don’t stop this video, then that means you want to know what you did which contributed to my killing myself. But if you stop it, right now even, then you’re free, and you can do whatever you want with the tapes and whatever. Chuck them, burn them. Do what you want.”

I grabbed the remote and put it on fast-forward. I didn’t need ten seconds to decide, I wanted to know what I was doing in her list. I was sure as hell I treated her right back then. How could I not? I mean, I was practically over the moon for her.

“Remember the time when everybody laughed and wolf-whistled whenever I walked by? Well, I found out that my name was placed on “The List”. I have it right here, actually.” She was clutching a slightly crumpled paper in her right hand. “I’ve got to tell you, I was surprised I found my name here. I was even more surprised when I found out who did it.” She paused, turned her head so cascades of her hair was hiding her face as she took a small pink hanky from her pocket. When she faced the camera again, her eyes were swollen and a little red. “How could you do that, Connor? Connor Samuels, the person I thought was my best friend? How could you put my name on that list? The list contained all of the girls who most likely slept with all the guys in school and is the perfect material? Why did you rank me as number one? And why did you hand out copies of The List to everyone in school along with my phone number?” she hiccupped, and I felt my fist curl up in anger.

I never trusted Connor. Not once. He looked like a guy where innocent looks went skin-deep. I always thought Leah was making a big mistake befriending him. And it hurt me to know how right I was.

“I never should’ve trusted you, Connor. I wish I could take back the day I ever felt sorry for you, and I wish I’d never held out my hand to you when you needed me.”

The tape stopped and I quickly plugged the second tape in. I waited anxiously for the screen to fill up and I grabbed a pillow from the couch as I settled myself in. I was blowing my top already and I wasn’t even close to breaking the ice. Why would anyone do that to her? And when is it going to be my turn? What part did I play in all of this?

Leah appeared at the screen and I crushed the pillow beneath my fists as the camera began to focus on her. I noticed she was in a different setting now. It looked familiar; the woody background and the truck she was leaning on seemed to jog something in my memory. Where was that? My attention was pulled back to her as she pulled something out from her back and I recognized it as the map that came along with the tapes. I reached for the map and turned the volume up as she began to talk.

“The next person on my list is connected to where I am now. If you’re wondering where I am, just look at the map I gave you. We are going on a little field trip. Sounds exciting, right? All you have to do is follow it until you reach the little red mark I put there. Play the video again once you’re there.” I clicked off the video and grabbed the keys. I took the video tape out and loaded it on my handy-cam. I got into my Sedan and crossed the I-45 back to the place where it all started: my hometown.

By the time I got there, my tank was half-empty. I decided before I got out to the main road, I’ll stop by Jack’s gas station to get some. It’d be a good chance to say hi to the old folks too, I realized.

After two hours of driving, I finally got to the woodsy place Leah marked on her map. I got out and left the car running. I was too transfixed by the sight in from of me to care about my gas mileage as I figured out who was next.

I was looking at Dorothy Maye’s house…and Dorothy was my stepsister.

I turned the handy-cam on, glad that I charged it the night before, and waited. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until my chest hurt from the lack of oxygen. I breathed in a lungful and watched as the screen began to show.

Leah was sitting on Dorothy’s bed, her small feet dangling a foot from the floor. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought she looked so at home; looked being the operative word.

“By now you’ve figured out who the next person is. And I’m here to say: You’re right. You must be wondering Dorothy, why you’re the second reason I’m dead right now, how the heck did I get in your room, when I filmed this here, and what am I in here for. Don’t worry; I’m going to tell you. In fact, let me show you.”

She jumped out of bed and crossed toward the night stand, fiddling with something behind it, and produced a stack of pictures. I gulped. No…Dorothy wouldn’t…

But she did.

“Remember now, Dorothy? You had your boyfriend, Tristan McHale take some photos of me wherever I went, especially in my room. Ever heard of privacy, Dorothy? That was all I ever had; all that I had left. And you took that away from me. Did you have fun selling all of the pictures of me sleepwalking? How about the pictures of me while I was changing my clothes? Did you gain enough profit to buy some more film? No wonder Connor thought of me as a . What did I ever do to you, Dorothy? You know as much as I do that we’ve never even exchanged two sentences before. So why feel the need to invade my personal space? Why destroy me when I’ve done nothing to you? Thanks for making me suffer, Mayes. Thanks a lot.”

I felt the blood drain from my face as the video stopped. My hands were shaking while I fished around my pocket for my cell phone. My whole body was quivering in anger by the time my stepsister answered.

“How could you do that, Dorothy?” I spoke quietly, trying to control my rage and refraining myself to shout at her.

She was silent on the other line, so I guess she’d been expecting me to call. The she replied with two small words that came too late to save Leah. Whether she meant them was a different story.

“I’m sorry.” And she hung up.

I walked back to the car and sat on the driver’s seat for a couple more minutes, contemplating about everything, and went off to Jack’s. I filled up my car and went home, the contents of the second tape still replaying in my mind.

Once I arrived home, I immediately plugged the third tape in and sat on the couch. I was expecting my name to be next, since Dorothy was done, but my Leah surprised me again.

“My sophomore year was the second worst thing that ever happened in my life. The third person, well, make that two persons, are the reasons I suffered day after day staying after classes looking for all my things that went missing.” I heard about that. Everyday, one or two of her stuff went missing. Whenever she reported her things were stolen, they would “mysteriously” be placed under her desk minutes after she made the report, looking like she just forgot them. It was clear someone was out to get her, but I never found out who it was.

“Brent Saunders, Jr. Did you actually think that if you helped her, she’d finally go out with you? She was just using you, and you were stupid enough to fall for it. And Mr. Saunders, how could you help him torture me and take my possessions? You rebuked me about falsely accusing your son of stealing and hiding my things when you knew better. You should’ve stopped him, Sir. You could’ve, but you didn’t. And now, I’m the one who’s laying on the ground, and not you.”

The third tape was done. Each tape featured people who did unthinkable things, things that would definitely ruin a teenager’s life and make it a living hell at school. If the first one was bad enough, the second overshadowed it. And the third was the worst so far. I still haven’t seen mine.

With the way the tapes were shown, how cruel had my actions affected her? I didn’t know what I did, I was sure I’ve never done anything wrong to her. NEVER. But why do I feel like I’ve done the most horrible thing imaginable?

Was I the next person to be revealed?  Or am I the last? And if I were the latter…will I be able to forgive myself, knowing I was the cruelest person in her life?

By the time I composed myself, night had fallen. I took a deep breath and played the 4^th tape, hoping against hope that I was next and my sins weren’t the most despicable.

Needless to say, I was disappointed a second time.

Leah’s eyes were bloodshot and swollen now as she began her fourth tirade. “I mentioned in the last tape that my sophomore year was what I considered the second bad thing that happened to me. I am now going to tell you the worst. She was the last straw. She plucked the last of my strength and left me raw and bleeding. She stabbed the last knife on my back and it went straight through.”

“All of you remember, don’t you? Our last year in high school? Someone drew a very ugly image of me on every single white board in the high school department. And my class ganged up and threw their rubbish at my feet, and laughed at my face while they were at it. One girl led the attack. She was the mastermind of every bad thing I mentioned, and all the others I have left unsaid. You obliterated me, Nelle Sanchez. You destroyed my life and incinerated the leftovers. I hope you had fun ruining my life, because I certainly didn’t. You blacklisted me, I, who has done nothing. Are you having fun now, Nelle? I hope you are, because you took that privilege away from me.”

Leah was shaking throughout the fourth tape and I found myself shaking with her. My head was throbbing with every new information revealed, and every word Leah said was like a splash of ice water on my face.

The fourth tape was long over, but I was still shaking, pondering why on earth anyone would do that to her. Why would Nelle Sanchez do this? And if it was the worst thing that happened, what did I do? What was my contribution to her death?

All of these questions will be answered by the final tape. And I have come to realize that the last tape would either make me…or break me.

I plugged the last tape in, and prepared for the worst. The feature finally came, and it left me staggering.

Leah was smiling.

Granted, her eyes were even more swollen and bloodshot that the last time, but she was smiling, and it was a smile of regret.

“This last tape is different from all the others because unlike the four people, this person made me as happy as can be. He brought out the best, and although he never meant to, he brought out the worst in me, as well.” A stray tear fell from her eye as she said this. “This last tape is for Andrew Burrows: My first and last love.”

She raised a tape recorder from her lap and pressed play. I heard my voice come out a few seconds later.

“Leah, I erased all of the boards from the East Wing. I’ll handle the rest. You go report this to Mrs. Priestley.”

“Andrew, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It’s never okay.”

I could hear some shuffling in the background.

“Are you alright?”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow. Andrew thanks for your help.”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“No, it’s fine. I can get home by myself. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You do know that I’m always here, right?”

“I know.”

“Well, if this happens again, don’t be afraid to tell me. I want to help, Leah. I really do.” The recording stopped.

Leah was crying now, but she wasn’t making any move to remove her tears. Instead she just kept right on talking. “I wanted to tell you, Andrew. Believe me, I do. But the more we get closer to each other, the more Nelle tries to ruin me. And that’s why you’re one of the reasons I did this, Andrew. I was hopelessly and desperately in love with you. And unfortunately for me, so was Nelle.”

“But don’t get me wrong, Andrew. I’m not blaming you for what happened. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have. You were the reason I had lasted this long. You gave me the courage to go to school everyday. And you never disappointed. You were there when I needed you, and I appreciate it so much. But my love, no matter how much I loved you, it wasn’t enough to keep me from doing this. It would never be enough. I’m too damaged to be saved, and I’m too broken to deserve you.”

“I wish I’d gotten to say goodbye when you left. That way, I could’ve told you in person, how much you mean to me. And it would’ve been a wonderful way to see you for the last time.”

“Please don’t blame yourself. Relish in the fact that without you, I could’ve killed myself earlier, that you’re the reason I lasted up to this point. I’m glad I met you, Andrew. I really am. Thanks, I’m sorry…and I love you.”

She reached for something in front of her, and the video stopped. I dropped to my knees and cried, cried like I’ve never cried before. Leah, my sweet, sweet Leah… You’ve suffered so much. You’ve suffered so much because of me, and I never had a clue.

Memories came flooding to my brain instantly; Memories that quickly turned to regret. Regret for not taking care of her; regret for not telling her I loved her too. And I was sure that if I had told her then, none of this would’ve happened.

I struggled to get back on my feet afterwards, and I walked out of my house to my car, still crying. There was still one thing I had to do. One thing I could still give to Leah.

I stepped out of the car and ran towards the place I had to be. I heard another car stop beside mine and saw a woman with long blonde hair come out. By the time she reached me, I had reached Leah and mine’s sacred spot…

It was our tree; the apple tree where we had our last conversation, where we’d always meet up and spend time together. I dropped to my knees and cried; it was the only way to mourn.

“I thought you’d come.”

I froze. That voice…It can’t be…

I turned around and I couldn’t believe my eyes. The woman with the long blonde hair was my Leah. She was thinner, her face was gaunt, but she was…is still the most beautiful girl that took my breath away all those years ago.

“Leah…but I thought…how…”

“I did...I did try to kill myself.”

“Then how are you still here?”

“You stopped me.”

“What? But I never even knew you did this. How could I have?”

“Don’t you remember? When you called me before you left?”

My mind immediately flashed back to that time. Everybody went to say their farewells at the airport. Some girls were crying, Nelle went to hug me, and all the guys clapped their hands on my back. Everyone was there…except her.

So when the last of the guys left with my parents, I walked to the nearest payphone and pushed the quarter in. I waited for the tone and their answering machine got my call.

“Leah, it’s Andrew. Um, are you there? Well, obviously you’re not because if you were, you’d answer. (Laughs nervously) Anyways, my flight’s in an hour, and I was kind of hoping you’d be here to, uh, say goodbye but, well, I guess this is better, you know? I wouldn’t want to say goodbye to you, either. So hey, tell you what. I’ll come back, I won’t tell you when though, but I’ll go to our tree and wait for you, okay? I won’t tell you when; that way, you’ll check our tree everyday! So, Leah, you better be there when I come back, ok? And when I come back…I’ll come get you, then we’ll leave together…if you want! I’m not forcing you or anything. I don’t mind if you don’t want to come.  But I’d like it a lot if you would. Oh, hey I’ve got to go now, ok? I’ll see you soon, Leah.”

“After hearing your voice I…I just couldn’t do it, Andrew. You gave me hope. I really believed that when you made it back here, you’d take me with you. You’d take me away from here and help me start anew. I came here everyday after that, without fail. I was losing hope, but I knew you’d get here. I waited for you, Andrew!” and she tackled me with a hug and started laughing, tears streaming down her face.

I held her in my arms, pure joy and relief pulsing all over me. She was alive! She was alive, and we would be together. I fixed a strand of her hair out of her face as she raised her head to look at me.

“Why did you dye your hair?” I asked, frowning slightly as I pushed my hands through her silky mane.

“You don’t like it?”

“I’m not saying that…but I do kind of like your old hair color.”

“I thought that…” she blushed. “I thought that if I looked more like Nelle, then you’d…”

“I like your original hair color.” I said firmly.

“Not blondes?”

“I’m into redheads.” I said firmly.

“Promise you’d let me stay with you?”

I held her face with both hands and stared deeply in her eyes.

“To the ends of the world, if you want me to.” I vowed.

She smiled at me, and I knew everything was going to be alright. She’ll be with me from now on, and forever.

But I’ll tell her I love her later. For now, she’ll be safe in my arms where she belongs.

 

END