When Yongguk woke up the following morning, his mouth was dry and his body ached and his head was pounding with the worst headache he’d ever had. His mind was so foggy from the amount of alcohol he’d consumed the night before that it took him several minutes to crawl his way from the depths of sleep. When he did, the first thing he noticed was a warm body cuddled up to him, his own arms wrapped around the thin frame.

His eyes snapped open at once, ignoring the way the bright sunlight streaming through his blinds stabbed at his already-monstrous headache. His eyes landed on Junhong. Junhong sleeping peacefully, Junhong with shoddy stitches in his arm, Junhong .

Yongguk let out a yelp and leaped out of bed.

The noise and sudden loss of something warm against him woke Junhong, and he opened his eyes sleepily. His cheeks were flushed as if he was still drunk – which, in all probability, he was – and his hair was a tangled mess where Yongguk had been tugging on it last night. “Hyung?” he croaked out, his voice hoarse and thick with sleep. “What’s going on?”

Yongguk grabbed a blanket and quickly wrapped it around his waist, hiding his own ness. He opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to think of something, anything, to say, but nothing came to mind.

As Junhong woke up a bit more, he realized why Yongguk was so upset and flustered and embarrassed. His blush deepened and his hands fisted anxiously in the sheets. “Hyung,” he said again, this time a pleading tone in his voice.

“Get out,” Yongguk cut him off hoarsely. The panic was so overwhelming that he couldn’t think straight.

Junhong blinked at him, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. “B-but Yonggukkie-hyung,” he tried again.

“Just get out!” Yongguk all but roared.

With tears standing out in his eyes, Junhong snatched up his clothes and fled the bedroom. There was a pause while he presumably pulled on his clothes in the living room – thank god no one was home that morning – and then there was the slam of the front door as he left.

Yongguk sank down onto the edge of the rumpled bed, his chest heaving, his breath coming in short gasps. Surely what he was remembering hadn’t actually happened. He was Bang-ing-Yongguk and he was not under any circumstances gay, especially not for some twisted little middle schooler like Junhong.

He thought maybe a shower would help calm him down, but it did quite the opposite. Seeing the marks all over his body from their lovemaking the night before just sent a guilty feeling to the pit of his stomach, where it settled and gnawed at him until he wanted to throw up.

Once he was dressed, he knew he should eat something but the queasiness in his stomach wouldn’t let him so he downed some aspirin and a glass of water and called the only person he knew wouldn’t judge him.

“Morning little brother!” his sister’s bright voice chirped after only two rings.

“Yongjoo-noona,” he managed to croak out, and his voice sounded disgusting and hoarse and guilty even to himself.

There was a pause while Yongjoo took in the sound of his voice. “Damn, what the happened to you? You sound awful!”

“I-I think I did something terrible…” Yongguk admitted, though he wasn’t sure which was the more awful part – the sleeping with Junhong or the kicking him out this morning.

Yongjoo’s voice softened into the motherly tone she always adopted in situations like this. “Just tell me what happened, Yonggukkie.”

“I-I…” Yongguk wasn’t quite sure how to tell his sister that he’d slept with another guy. It wasn’t something he’d ever expected to say and words failed him.

Yongjoo was intuitive though. “Does this have something to do with a girl?” she suggested.

“Not exactly,” Yongguk muttered.

She made a humming sound. “Does it have something to do with a boy?”

His lack of response was answer enough.

“Is there a boy you like?” she suggested, and the careful way she kept all judgment from her voice was encouraging.

“Sort of,” he sighed, running his fingers through his still-damp hair. “You can’t tell anyone, noona. Especially not Yongnam.”

She snorted. She was on almost as bad of terms with their brother as Yongguk was. “I’m not going to tell anyone, Yonggukkie. Who you like is your business. But what did you do?”

Yongguk took a deep breath. “I slept with him.”

“Well that’s not so bad, is it?” Yongjoo said lightly. “I mean, if you’re gay then you’re obviously going to sleep with guys.”

“I’m not gay!” Yongguk snapped irritably. “I-I just…I don’t know. And that’s not really the bad part anyway.”

“What is the bad part?”

Yongguk took another deep breath. “He’s only fifteen. He’s in his third year of middle school.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Yongguk could almost see the expression on his sister’s face. “We were both really drunk and it never should have happened. A-and I kicked him out this morning when I woke up.”

“You what?”

He cringed.

Yongjoo had switched into her superiority mode. “You took advantage of a kid and then you kicked him out?” she spluttered. “Bang Yongguk, you are a better person than that! How could you be so cruel?”

“I didn’t call you so you could yell at me,” Yongguk snapped. “I called so I could get your advice, so if you’re just going to chew me out then I’m hanging up.”

As expected, Yongjoo softened. “Look, you need to talk to him. You need to be honest with him. If you really feel like sleeping with him was a mistake, than you need to tell him so, but don’t be mean about it. But if you really do like him, then don’t be cruel just because you’re worried about what mom and dad and Yongnam and your friends are going to think. Just be honest with yourself and with him.”

Yongguk hesitated. “You really wouldn’t care, noona? If I was…you know…”

“No, I wouldn’t care,” she replied instantly, and there was a smile in her voice. “You’re my baby brother and you always will be, no matter what your ual preferences are. So…are you?”

“I don’t know,” he admitting, groaning. “I’ve never liked a boy before now. I’ve always liked girls. But I’ve never liked a girl as much as I think I like Junhong.”

“Ah, so he has a name,” Yongjoo grinned. Then she clucked her tongue. “Wait a minute. That name sounds familiar…Junhong…you wouldn’t be talking about Choi Junhong, would you?”

Yongguk was momentarily surprised that Yongjoo would know him but then he reminded himself that they’d all been neighbors for five years. “Yeah. He lives a few apartments down from us.”

There was another long pause, and he was starting to get worried. “Be careful with that one, Yonggukkie,” his sister finally said, and there was a reserved tone in her voice. “He’s a good kid but…just be careful.”

“What are you talking about?” Yongguk demanded suspiciously. “What do you know?”

“Nothing,” she said quickly, as if regretting bringing it up. “You really need to tell him how you feel, okay?”

“Noona,” Yongguk tried again.

“I’ve got to leave for work now,” she cut him off. “Good luck and text me how it goes. I love you! Bye!” And she hung up before he could ask again.

He sighed and let his handphone fall limply in his lap. He knew Yongjoo was right, he needed to tell Junhong the truth, but he wasn’t exactly good at these sorts of things. He’d never told anybody he liked them before, and he wasn’t even entirely sure that he liked Junhong that way. He sighed. He wished they could just go back to the way things were.

He sat there for a good half an hour before he worked up his nerve. He pulled his jacket on and, even though he’d promised Junhong that he wouldn’t go to his apartment again, that was where he found himself. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Mrs. Choi answered right away, as if she’d been waiting for someone. Her face looked a little crestfallen when she saw who it was. “H-hello,” she murmured in that soft voice.

Yongguk cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to bother you,” he said as politely as he could – which was no mean feat for someone like Yongguk. “But is Junhong-ah home? We had plans this afternoon.”

The woman shook her head. “No, I’m afraid he hasn’t been home since last night. I don’t know where he is.” She looked like she was about to cry.

Yongguk felt his heart sink even lower, so that now it was crushed into the very tips of his toes. “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

He pulled out his cell phone the second the apartment door shut, but of course Junhong didn’t answer. The call went straight to voicemail, so either Junhong was screening his calls or he had the device turned off. Cursing to himself, Yongguk went in search.

He finally found Junhong in the same play park that he’d been in the night before, sitting on the same bench, all huddled up in on himself because he wasn’t wearing his jacket or his face mask or his shoes. He didn’t look up when Yongguk cautiously sat down beside him.

“What do you want?” he demanded, keeping his face buried in his knees. His voice was hoarse like he’d been crying, but mostly it was sullen and flat and rather emotionless.

Yongguk forced himself to sound cheerful. “Weren’t we supposed to watch movies today?”

Junhong snorted derisively. “Yeah, because that’s at the top of my to-do list right now.”

The elder sighed. “Look, about this morning-”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Junhong growled, his voice low in his throat. “I’m pretty sure you said enough this morning.”

Yongguk cursed himself silently. “Look,” he said again, forcing himself to take a deep breath. “I think I overreacted a bit this morning.”

“You think?” came the sarcastic reply, muffled because Junhong’s face stayed buried in his knees.

Yongguk felt himself losing his temper. “Look, I’m trying to apologize here, you little ,” he snarled. “And I don’t apologize to anyone. Ever.”

Finally Junhong looked up. His eyes were red but it seemed like he had stopped crying a while ago. “Are you apologizing for being a jackass? Or for kicking me out of you house? Or for taking advantage of me when we were drunk?”

Yongguk cringed. “For everything, I guess. I never meant that to happen, okay? I already told you that I’m not gay.”

“Why does that matter so much to you?” Junhong demanded. “Labels are stupid. You’re attracted to people, regardless of gender.”

“Well I’m attracted to you, okay?” Yongguk snapped, rubbing his temples wearily. “And that freaks me the out. I’ve never been attracted to a guy before, and you’re just a kid. What I did…I shouldn’t have done. Okay? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I slept with you and I’m sorry I kicked you out and I’m sorry I’m such a jerk and-”

Junhong’s warm hand on his knee stopped him mid-rant. “I’m not really sorry that you slept with me,” he admitted, a cute blush spreading across his pale cheeks as he looked down at the ground, steadfastly refusing to meet Yongguk’s searching gaze. “I-I sort of liked it.” There was a pause, and when Junhong spoke again, his voice was trembling nervously. “D-did you like it, hyung?”

Yongguk sighed and put his hand over Junhong’s. “Yeah, I think I did,” he muttered. He quickly withdrew his hand, though, as the play park was crowded at that time of day and he didn’t need anyone to see him holding hands with another guy, a kid at that. “Didn’t we have a movie date today?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Junhong quirked an eyebrow at him. “Oh, so it’s a date?”

“It could be,” Yongguk shrugged, smiling despite himself. It really wasn’t his fault that Junhong was so goddamned cute.

Junhong got to his feet, wincing, and Yongguk felt yet another stab of guilt because he knew the kid was probably sore because of what Yongguk had done to him. “Okay then.”

The house was still deserted when Yongguk let Junhong in through the front door. His parents were both working and Yongnam was at the library, so he didn’t expect anyone home for a while. He handed Junhong his case of DVDs to select one and then went in search of a pair of thick socks and a blanket, which he promptly put on the kid. Junhong blushed but allowed this, trying to bite back his shy smile as Yongguk settled himself onto the couch beside him.

“You should let your mom know that you’re okay,” Yongguk said after a moment of silence, his arm draped across the back of the couch. “She seemed really worried earlier.”

Junhong tensed up at once. “You saw my mom? Where?”

“At your apartment.” Yongguk frowned. “I went over to see if you were there so I could apologize, but she said you hadn’t been home. She was worried about you.”

“Yeah, really worried,” Junhong grunted bitterly.

Yongguk gave him a quizzical look. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” The younger brushed his concern aside, handing him a disc. “I want to watch this.”

So Yongguk put the DVD into the player and then settled down beside Junhong. He didn’t mean to, but somehow his arm ended up around the kid’s shoulders and Junhong was leaning into his embrace, resting his head on Yongguk’s shoulder, and it felt sort of right to be cuddling up that way.

They had gotten about halfway through the movie when Junhong turned his head sleepily and pressed his lips to Yongguk’s. The elder was so surprised that he didn’t react at first, and then his hand was cupping Junhong’s cheek and his lips were moving expertly against the other’s and Junhong let out a whimpering little moan that made Yongguk’s eyes roll back in his head with want.

“I-is that okay?” Junhong asked anxiously when they broke apart. “I mean, am I allowed to kiss you? If it’s just the two of us and we’re not where anyone can see? I-I really like kissing you.”

Yongguk answered with another kiss.

“I told my sister about you,” Yongguk said when they broke apart again, nuzzling his nose in Junhong’s sweet-smelling curls.

Junhong seemed both surprised and alarmed by this. “You told your sister about me? What did you tell her?”

“I told her that I liked someone and that I did something really terrible to them,” Yongguk answered, his free hand coming to Junhong’s, lacing their fingers together.

Junhong blushed; Yongguk could see it even with his face buried in the younger’s hair. “A-and what did she say?”

“She said that I should be honest with the person I like and tell them the truth even if it’s embarrassing,” he answered, his deep voice muffled. He hesitated. “She also said that she didn’t care if I was gay. I’m not saying that I am,” he added quickly. “But she said that if I was, she wouldn’t care.”

Junhong stayed silent for a moment, nuzzling closer. “You have a really nice sister,” he finally said.

Yongguk nodded. “Yeah, she’s the best.” He grinned suddenly. “It sort of makes up for having Yongnam as a twin.”

Junhong chuckled and then an amicable silence fell between them. Neither was really watching the movie, both caught up in their own tumultuous thoughts. Even though what they were doing was against society’s standards and Yongguk knew his friends would never speak to him again if they knew and that his parents would probably disown him, it felt sort of right.

The movie was very nearly over before Junhong spoke again. “What does this make us, hyung?”

Yongguk frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, are we still just mentor and student?” he asked, his cracking voice giving away how nervous he was about asking the question.

The elder chewed on his lower lip for a moment, deciding how best to answer. “I think we’ve definitely crossed that line, and I don’t think there’s a way for either of us to go back to the way it was before,” he finally said. “But I don’t think we’re boyfriends yet either.” He blushed at the words, and that was something that never happened. He gave Junhong’s hand an apologetic squeeze. “And I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m ready for people to know. It’s not that I’m ashamed of you or anything, it’s just…” He trailed off, unable to find words for his thoughts.

“I know what you mean,” Junhong admitted, frowning. “I’ll get picked on a billion times worse if people knew that I had feelings for another guy.” He looked up at Yongguk. “But, when we’re alone and stuff, can we pretend? Can we pretend that we’re dating? Or something?”

Yongguk closed the distance between them and kissed Junhong again. “Whatever you want,” he purred.

Junhong smiled into the kiss. “So if I said I wanted you to me right now, you’d do it?” he said teasingly.

Yongguk clucked his tongue. “Such foul words from such a young kid,” he said. Then he sighed. “While I would love to you until dawn, my brother will probably be home soon and we can’t risk it.”

Junhong nodded, though he was obviously disappointed.

Yongguk ran his hands gently through Junhong’s curls. “Have you ever been with a girl?” he asked curiously after a moment.

Junhong shook his head. “No. You’re the only person I’ve ever been with.”

“I sort of thought that,” Yongguk admitted.

When it started to get dark, Yongguk walked Junhong to the door. They said their goodbyes inside, where there were no prying eyes to watch them kiss, hands straying to waists, tangling in hair, tongues meeting tentatively as though it was the first time they'd kissed. They were both breathless when they pulled apart, and then Yongguk was pressing one last kiss to Junhong’s sweet lips and the younger headed to his own apartment.