Ren had welcomed Mei with open arms. He had pulled her into an embrace, kissed her forehead and told her, “I’m glad you’re back.” She wished she could have returned the same.

When he had asked her how the ride was, she had answered “It was fine.” When he had asked her whether she was tired, she had answered “I’m fine.” When he had asked her whether she liked their room, she had answered, “It’s fine.” When he had asked her how dinner tasted, she had answered, “It’s fine.” – and she didn’t mean it even once.

In fact, Mei felt like everything had gone from a colorful brightness to a sudden grey dullness from the moment Ren had gotten her back again. It was like someone had switched off the light in her world which she had grown comfort around and now needed to get used to the darkness again in which she had lived for so long.

Ren’s hug was warm, but not intensive. His kiss was soft, but not expressive. His touch was tender, but not electrifying. Being with Ren was the same as before – and that was the problem she needed to get used to again.

It wouldn’t be so hard to get back to the roots in which she had lived all the time, would it? She was there once and she just needed to find her way back.

One of those things to begin with was that Mei and Ren didn’t talk about their issues. They didn’t talk about the lost engagement ring, they didn’t talk about her journey, they didn’t talk about what she had experienced, they didn’t talk about her answer to his proposal and they certainly didn’t talk about Luhan. They thought that they were better off brushing it under the carpet, concealing it and waiting for it to pass by – like her love needed to pass by. They were just waiting for everything to pass over soon.

Mei was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom after she had taken a shower that evening, brushing her hair. Her first day in Ren’s parents’ house had passed and she didn’t feel a slightly bit better. Ren showered her with affection and his parents with attention, and although there were moments where she had forgotten about her issues, the day had ended with her feeling as awful as before. She realized that it was quite silly of her to think it would go away so easily when Luhan had captured her whole heart.

And in this moment, where no one was near, where no one could see her, Mei allowed herself to be weak. She thought of Luhan. She wondered what he was doing right now, whether he was thinking of her and whether he missed her as much as she was missing him.

A sudden knock on the door made her jerk in shock like she had been caught doing something forbidden where of course, no one could read her thoughts. In her thoughts, her feelings were safe.

Mei opened the door and found Ren standing in front of her, giving her a worried look. “Is everything alright? You’ve taken quite a long time.”

But Mei just shook her head and assured him, “I just needed to clean my wound.”

“Let me see.” Ren took her hand, led her out of the bathroom and seated her on the bed. Gently, he pushed her bangs aside and examined the wound which had slowly begun to heal and close itself with the right treatment. In a few days, there would only be a scab left and after it fell off, a scar would remain. That was basic knowledge, after all, Ren was an aspiring doctor.

Mei felt Ren’s tender touch and it was the point where she gained hope again. Maybe everything was going to be easier than she had thought.

“Plastic surgery could reduce the visibility of the scar.”

“What?” Mei asked, wondering whether she had heard wrong. She had expected other words, words which would tell her that she didn’t need to worry about her looks, that the scar wasn’t bad at all and that she was still beautiful. (Like Luhan did.)

“Mmhm. But let’s talk about it when it’s fully healed. Come here.”

With one swift movement, he had laid her down on the bed and placed himself beside her. Ren’s arms reached out, held onto her waist and pulled her close to him so that he could hold her on his chest.

Mei smelled the familiar minty scent, felt the familiar heartbeat, laid in the familiar secure arms, touched the familiar warm skin and heard the familiar husky voice whispering in her ear, “I’ve missed you so much.” She snuggled up to Ren and he pulled her with a tight grip closer to his chest, his arm holding her with such a firmness like he was scared that she would escape anytime.

“I’ve missed you too,” Mei answered and it was true. She had missed this familiarity, because somewhere along the way, she had lost her touch to it.

It was quiet for a moment, just Ren’s hand rubbing soothing patterns on her back. Mei didn’t know how much time had passed by when he asked. It was the first and also the last time he’d ever mention Luhan.

“Are you still thinking of him?”

Ren’s voice was soothing and she felt him brushing some streaks of her hair out of her face. He wasn’t angry or full of reproaches. He was just worried.

In the darkness, Mei nodded. He couldn’t see it, but he felt her movement. Mei was unsure how he’d react, but she thought that he had already known the answer anyways so lying to him and to herself wouldn’t benefit them in any way. She was scared of how he would take it, how he would react, but moreover of how she could make it less painful for him.

“Please forget him.” Behind that sentence, there was much more: Please stop thinking of him, please don’t reminisce about your time, please don’t wish to go back, please get over him, please stay with me. “At least try to.”

And Mei tried to. She tried to when his lips were on hers, as he shifted her up to kiss her. And this kiss had gotten deeper than they had ever shared. Ren’s lips were warm and soft, his movements a little helpless and shy in the beginning, but as they kept kissing he grew more comfort and courage. Ren figured that he wasn’t as experienced as Luhan in these kind of things, but he assumed that if he could give her what his best friend did and a little more, she wouldn’t miss anything in their relationship anymore.

He blamed himself that, what he had put in their relationship before, wasn’t enough to keep it stable. In fact, Ren wasn’t a man who put attention to those kind of things at all, because they weren’t important to him. (He just didn’t know what he might have missed). And he had thought that Mei was okay with it as well, but apparently, she had not been. His best friend had shown her sides they hadn’t experienced before and now he figured that everything he had given her wasn’t enough at all. If Mei had found those sides in Luhan, if that was really what she had missed, if that would bring them back together again, Ren would try it.

He kissed her like he had never kissed her before and although insecurity dominated his movements in the beginning due the lack of experience, Ren had found himself comfortable in his new position soon. Kissing his girlfriend like that, with a certain passion and desire lingering in him, made him realize that at times he still was a man and probably suppressed this too often.

Ren positioned himself on top of Mei, chests heaving on top of each other while he kept kissing her; his lips caressing the corner of , her cheeks, her chin, wandering down to her neck, to the crook and further to her cleavage. When he captured their lips again, he gently trailed his hand down to her hips. With one swift motion, he had slipped his fingers under her shirt and felt her soft, warm skin under his palms. Moving upwards, he caressed her side and shifted the fabric up to get a better access.

“Stop.” Mei’s hand had grabbed his wrist and prevented him from going any further. They stared at each other for a while, Ren in worriedness, she in shame. “Not like that,” she whispered.

Like it was a command, Ren let go and sat up, his gaze lowered and muttering, “I’m sorry. I just thought—“ He broke off and paused, trying to pick up where he had left off, but he couldn’t seem to find the right words.

Nonetheless, Mei knew what he was thinking. He thought that if he’d claim her as his, she’d get over Luhan. That, if they not only got mentally but physically closer, she’d see that there was nothing she’d miss when she was not with Luhan. However, between Luhan and her, there never was something physical like that. Luhan had another way to show her his love – not too less like Ren back then and not too much like Ren was trying now.

“I want to sleep.” Mei turned aside and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. She was disappointed that her boyfriend thought he could erase her feelings and make her forget about Luhan with such a huge step in their relationship, but that was not how things worked. She was not a prize somebody could put his stamp on and claim her as his forever.

Between Luhan and her, there had never been more than pure mental attraction, never something physical. He had kissed her, because he loved her and she had kissed him, because she loved him too - nothing else ever, ever mattered.

And maybe that was the problem.

“You’ll get over me, eventually.”

“Just… give me time, Ren,” Mei whispered. Time for her to get over Luhan and time for her to take the next step with him.

“Yes,” Ren answered obediently and laid himself down. Then he did something he had never done before and something which made Mei’s heart sink even more… He snuggled up to her, embraced her from behind and held her like that the whole night. And when he did that, Mei was positive that eventually, they could fix their relationship if they worked hard on themselves.

“I will never get over you.”<