Sungmin scowled across the room at Ryeowook. Perfect slim Ryeowook. The more he looked at the boy, the angrier he got, but he just couldn't look away.

The boy was perfect, with his shy personality, happy outlook and flawless skin. Sungmin wanted to be him.

 

Every night, before he put his pajamas on, he would stare at the mirror and hate himself. He would prod his fat stomach and thighs, and wish that he was anyone other than himself. He was a good singer, but not the greatest. He was a good dancer, but not the best. He would always be second best, the member that was easily forgotten and overlooked. Ryeowook was never forgotten.

 

He knew that it was wrong to hate Wook, that it wasn't the other boy's fault, but he couldn't help it. When Ryeowook would cook in the kitchen, singing high notes effortlessly, Sungmin had to leave the dorm and punch a wall to stop himself from hurting the boy. When he had returned to the dorm afterwards, Ryeowook had held out a steaming bowl of noodles for him. Sungmin had pretended not to be hungry.

 

Wanting to cry, Min quickly left the practice room when it was Wook's turn to sing, telling a questioning Kangin that he just needed a drink. Pacing up and down the corridor, he kept telling himself that Ryeowook wasn't out to annoy him, wasn't trying to make him feel pathetic and useless. But he never believed it.

 

Standing next to the vending machine, he felt a small hand touch his shoulder. He twirled around to see Yesung's face. 

"Minnie, are you okay? You seemed a little off in practice earlier."

"I'm fine, thank you."

Yesung didn't believe him, and pulled the younger boy to sit on a chair with him. "What's wrong Sungmin? You can tell me."

"Nothing's wrong hyung. Just go back to practice."

"Min, it's not just me. Wook's noticed it too. You seem a little distant, please don't suffer alone." At the mention of Ryeowook's name, Sungmin felt his blood boil. Why did Ryeowook care if he was distant? Why did he care about Sungmin at all? Feeling angrier than before, he pulled away from Yesung and walked out of the building. The look on his face told Yesung that he didn't want to be followed.

 

Going back to the practice room, Yesung felt Wook's hand on his arm. "Is Min okay?"

Shaking his head, Yesung felt the fear rise in him. "He went off. I tried to talk to him but he just stood up and walked away.."

Kangin looked over. "Just give him space. I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready. There's no need to worry."

The leader, however, was not quite as relaxed. Jumping to his feet, he immediately left the room and went to find Sungmin.

 

Searching everywhere, he called Sungmin's phone multiple times, and finally the boy answered. 

"Min, where are you?"

"Just in a cafe hyung."

Locating the boy, Leeteuk ran in and sat panting next to the boy. Sungmin was holding a coffee, and looking miserable.

Catching his breath, Leeteuk spoke quickly. "Sungmin, why did you run away? Please come back. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, hyung. Please just ignore me, go back to practice."

"I'm not going to ignore you Min, please let me care for you. Everyone is so concerned, Ryeowook's worried sick about you."

Sungmin stood up, spilling his coffee everywhere. "He doesn't care about me at all!"

Sprinting out of the coffee shop with tears in his eyes, he ran as far as he could before eventually sitting down on a bench. He had no idea where he was.

 

Leeteuk felt the fear rise in him, why had the boy run off? Why was he upset with Ryeowook? Figuring that the boy would come home when he was ready, he left to go back to the practice room. Calling Sungmin many times, he sighed to find out that the boy had switched his phone off.

 

In the practice room, Yesung had his arm around a nervous Wook, and everyone looked up eagerly as the door opened. When Leeteuk walked through alone, everyone sighed. Going to Ryeowook, Leeteuk softly began to question the boy.

"Wookie, can you think of anything that has happened recently between you and Min?"

There was a pause, and then the small boy shook his head. "No, not that I can think of. Is he angry at me?"

"I don't know completely, but he seemed upset at you for some reason. He thinks that you don't care about him."

The boy gasped tearily. "But I love Min!"

"I know Wookie, I know you do. Don't worry, we'll sort this out."

Leaving Ryeowook in Yesung's care, he watched the older boy hug and caress Wook. The boy was distraught, sobbing relentlessly into the soft material of Yesung's shirt.

 

The leader tried continuously to contact Min, dialling the boy's number over and over again. Eventually giving up, he sobbed in relief when his phone lit up with a call from the boy.

"Sungmin? Where are you? Please come back!"

"Hyung.. I don't know where I am, it's scary here.."

"Okay Minnie, just take a deep breath and tell me what you can see."

"There's houses and a circle of trees. I'm so scared hyung.."

"Don't be scared, I'll be right there. I think I know where you are."

 

Eventually, he found the boy and pulled him in for a hug. "Sungmin, please don't run off like that again. Everyone is so worried." Then he took a deep breath. "Ryeowook is really worried. Can you tell me why you're upset with him? Did he do something wrong?"

Sungmin just shook his head. "I don't want to talk about Ryeowook."

"Minnie, you can't carry on like this. Please will you talk about it with me?"

"Maybe I shouldn't carry on at all then.."

Leeteuk gasped. "Sungmin you can't leave the group. Please let us help you, we want to look after you." He looked at the boy's tear stained face. "You don't have to talk now, please just come home and rest. Maybe you'll feel better after sleeping."

Sungmin knew that he wouldn't, that he had been feeling like this almost a month, but he nodded wearily and agreed to come home. 

 

Leeteuk pulled Sungmin to his feet, and gasped when Min cried out in pain and almost fell to the floor. 

"I twisted my ankle when I was running.."

Carrying Min to the car, Leeteuk let the boy sit comfortably before he inspected the injury. The boy's ankle was swollen and red, it looked painful and Leeteuk felt his heart clench as he realised how desperate Min had been to get away.

Driving home quickly, Leeteuk got Min into the dorm and started to prepare some ice for the swollen ankle. 

 

Lying on the sofa unhappily, Min felt Yesung's soft hands his hair and pull his head onto his lap. "Why did you run Min?" he whispered.

Sungmin just shook his head, not wanting to say anything. The members wouldn't understand, they would all side with Ryeowook. Everyone always loved Ryeowook more.

 

Returning with some ice, Leeteuk pressed it against the skin and heard Min hiss in pain. There was a small shuffle, and then Ryeowook held the ice. "Is-is it okay if I do it?"

Sungmin just shrugged, not wanting to say any words to Ryeowook. He hadn't said a word to him in over two weeks. 

He cried out in pain as the ice hit his skin. "Sorry Sungmin" came the tiny whisper. The touches loosened up, and Min relaxed a little, but hated having Ryeowook's hands on him. Hated having those slender perfect fingers on his fat frame. He closed his eyes and wished that Ryeowook would leave.

When the boy began to sing lightly as he pressed the ice again, it pushed Min over the edge. Standing up and limping to his bedroom, he slammed the door behind him.

 

"I hurt him.." whispered Wook, as Leeteuk hugged him close. 

"You didn't hurt him Wookie" came Zhoumi's voice, as the taller boy put his hand on the shaking figure's shoulder.

Kangin got up, and went to the room he shared with Sungmin, desperate to find out what was wrong. Why the boy was acting like this.

 

Pushing open the door, he saw Min curled up in a ball on the bed. Sitting next to him, he put a hand on his shoulder and waited for the boy to talk. Sungmin trusted Kangin, he was always the first person that the boy would go to when there was a problem. Kangin knew all of Sungmin's fears and nightmares, all of his dreams and wishes. He was the first person to find out that Sungmin was scared of the dark, and the only person to know of his fear of dying alone.

Eventually, Sungmin rolled over and sat against Kangin's chest. 

"You can tell me anything Min."

There was a long pause before Sungmin spoke. "Kangin, am I pathetic?"

"No, of course not. Why do you ask?"

"I feel pathetic, everyone is so much better than me at everything. And Ryeowook's best of all. Everytime I stand next to him it feels like he's comparing himself to me and feeling happy that he's better. A better singer, a better dancer, more popular."

"Sungmin, I know that Ryeowook would never do that. He loves you."

The younger boy pulled away from Kangin's embrace. "I knew you would side with him.."

"I'm not siding with anyone. It isn't an argument that has sides. You're jealous of Wook, but you can't take it out on him, it's not his fault."

Sungmin sniffled. "Nothing is ever Ryeowook's fault. People always help him."

"People help him because he's kind and gentle. People help you too Min, and Wook helps you as well. When he found out that you were upset with him, he looked so sad, so scared. He didn't know what he'd done wrong. Min, you can't hurt him just because you're jealous."

At the silence, Kangin looked over at Sungmin. 

"Just go away Kangin, go talk to Ryeowook if you love him so much."

"I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay with you. Please help me Min, help me to understand."

Sungmin just lay on his side, sobbing into the cushion. 

"Minnie, please talk to me."

A small shake of the head.

Kangin lay down next to the boy, and hugged the shaking frame. "Come here Minnie, let me hug you." 

 

They lay together like that, Sungmin quietly whispering the ways that Ryeowook made him feel inadequate and pathetic for a while, before Kangin pulled the younger boy even closer.

"Sungmin, you are not fat or ugly or untalented. You are perfect and sweet, everyone knows you and loves you. Please don't cry."

Min sniffled a little before pulling a crumpled piece of paper from beneath his bed. The marks on the page told Kangin that Sungmin had reread this letter multiple times, and the tear stains told him how much heartbreak it had caused. 

 

Reading the letter made him want to cry, made him want to scream. It was a whole page of tiny writing detailing Sungmin's flaws and comparing him to Ryeowook. The letter finished with a plea for Sungmin to leave the group, because he was just trying to steal the spotlight from the other members. A disgusting hate letter.

 

Sungmin was lying very still in Kangin's arms, hicupping from his sobs. Eventually Kangin put the letter in his pocket, hiding it from view.

"Sungmin, nothing in that letter is true. You're not useless, you're a brilliant dancer and you have such a sweet voice. You keep the group strong and happy, we wouldn't be the same without you."

He looked at him with gentle eyes, and held him impossibly close. "And Ryeowook doesn't hate you at all, he loves you Sungmin. He trusts you with everything, doesn't he? When he has a nightmare, he goes to your bed. When he feels uncomfortable, he reaches for your hand. He wants you to be happy Min, he would never want you to feel helpless and scared."

Sungmin just shook his head. "He wants me gone so that he can have more fans."

Kangin sighed, and held Sungmin closer without speaking.

 

They finally fell asleep together, their arms around each other. In the morning, Kangin woke first, and carefully left the bed to avoid waking Sungmin. Glancing back at the sleeping boy, Kangin had to resist holding him close. Min looked much younger in sleep, his features soft and his hair falling over his eyes. Kangin wanted to hug him, to protect him. But there was something he needed to do.

 

Padding quietly along the corridor, he pushed open a door and went to a bed. "Wookie, wake up."

The smaller boy slowly opened his eyes, and Kangin could see from the tear stained cheeks that Wook had spent all night crying. Spent all night feeling guilty for something he didn't do. Kangin could see Yesung on Wook's other side, holding the boy tightly. 

 

Kangin Wook's hair as tears reappeared in the smaller boy's eyes. 

"Is he still angry at me, Kangin?"

Kangin held out the hate letter, and sat up with Ryeowook as the boy read it. The words and comparisons on the page made the boy cry even more, and he gasped to realise that Sungmin had taken everything on the page as fact. Even the words about Ryeowook hating him.

 

"I don't hate Min, I don't!" The boy was almost shouting as he tried to make Kangin believe him.

"I know Wookie, don't cry. Deep down Sungmin knows that you love him. He's just scared and sad because of this letter."

Kangin quietly leaned down and whispered his plan in Wook's ear, smiling when he felt the boy nod in agreement.

 

A few hours later, and Kangin was rushing everyone out of the dorm. "Urgent schedules! Come on come on!"

"What is it Kangin?" called Hae sleepily. 

"Umm it's a photoshoot!"

Sungmin got to his feet, but Kangin shook his head. "It's the photoshoot you did last week Min, you have a free day today." He didn't mention that Ryeowook also had a free day.

After pushing a disgruntled Heechul through the door, Kangin called goodbye and left the dorm. Heechul was going to kill him for getting him up so early for fake schedules, but Sungmin and Ryeowook had to resolve their problems.

 

Sungmin walked into the living room and sat quietly on the sofa, turning on the tv. He was curled up under a blanket, watching silly cartoons when he felt a hand touch his shoulder.

 

He jumped up and screamed, turning around to see Wook standing there awkwardly and apologetic.

"Sorry Min" he half whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you.."

When Sungmin didn't respond, Ryeowook felt like sobbing. But instead he pulled the hate letter from his pocket, and showed it to Sungmin. 

"Kangin gave me this. Is this why you're unhappy with me?" His voice was low and soft, and there was pain in every word. The boy's voice cracked towards the end, and Sungmin wanted to hug him. The letter had hurt both of them, when neither were to blame.

Eventually, Sungmin nodded in response to the boy's question. 

 

"C-can I sit down?"

Another nod.

Ryeowook sat away from Sungmin, and held the letter. "Nothing in this is true Min, I love you so so much. I would never hate you, or want you to be gone, and anyone who would write such things to hurt you is no fan of mine. Please Sungmin, I love you. I trust you and care for you. One time, when I was crying, you came to my room and held me close when no one else was there for me, and I've never felt safer. That was before debut, and I've always remembered it. 

You hold my hand when I'm scared, and I cook for you when you're sick. We need each other Min, please don't go."

 

Listening to the speech, Sungmin felt tears well up in his eyes. Seeing tears drip down Wook's cheeks, he knew that the boy was speaking the truth. Reaching out a hand, he wiped the tears away.

Wook cried more at the kind gesture, and Sungmin pulled him close.

 

Nuzzling into the warm fabric, Wook felt safe again, home again. He held tight to Sungmin, never wanting to let go. The older boy his hair, and pressed gentle kisses to the top of his head.

"I'm sorry Wookie, I'm sorry I hurt you.."

They hugged together, neither wanting to let go. Ryeowook was overjoyed to have his hyung back, and Sungmin felt love and care from the smaller boy.

 

They were both loved, both special. They had different talents, different backgrounds, but in their hearts they were the same. No comparisons could be made.