"Want to tell me what happened?" Chanyeol says gently.

"Where's Kai?" I ask.

"Kyungsoo came and managed to persuade him to go back to my house." Suho sighs.

I nod and draw my knees to by chin, linking my arms around my legs. Although the flashbacks lasted seconds, the headache it left me with seems likely to last forever. These were meant to be exciting days, preparing for the China boys' arrival. I still have so much to sort out, including the moment when I reveal the surprise. And instead of preparing, I'm sat in Kai's apartment, without Kai, looking at all the smashed glass like snow and the holes in the wall.

"Ara?" Suho says, "What are you thinking about."

"Nothing really." I say. My head feels drained as if it's used up its emotional capability for the night. "Just this mess. I'm still in shock."

"I don't understand," Chanyeol frowns, looking at me concerned. "This is so unlike Kai. He's never lost control before and I'd never expect him to lose it like this."

"Something's wrong with him." Suho says grimly, "Something happened to him while he was away. He's changed."

"I've noticed it too," Chanyeol nods vigorously. "He seems permanently tense. As if he's waiting for the explosion."

"Everything was so fine." I say, already feeling tears burning the back of my eyes. "Then he saw my email and got the wrong idea. And now everything is ruined."

With one breath I start to cry, face buried deep into my eyes as I howl.

"Ara no" Chanyeol says, distressed. He sits next to me on the sofa and puts his arms around me.

"It was horrible. Hearing him say all of those horrible horrible things. It makes me so upset and so angry. So so angry."

I get to my feet needing to stand up and release these feelings. Chanyeol makes a move to stop me but Suho puts a hand out.

"Let her get it out."

"I waited for him for weeks. I was walking around like some ing zombie, not eating, sleeping, talking barely even breathing. Then he comes back half dead on my damn door stop, bleeding a ing stream down the hallway. Then suddenly I'm cheating on him? How can he even allow himself to come to that conclusion, is he blind to the care and stress and ing ridiculous I have put up with for him? Every time a misunderstanding like this happens he never allows me to explain. When I hid the fact I was rich he didn't even listen to my side of the story, my point of view. Out of everyone I thought he would be on my side, listen to my explanation but no. Instead I get reactions like this and I can't handle it. I can't handle always ing cry, I can't handle arguing and I sure as hell can't handle having flashbacks..."

"Flashbacks to what?" Suho interjects.

I open my mouth to speak but the words shrivel up like my throat is a desert. My body is so reluctant to talk about this subject that it can't even create the right environment for the words to survive in my throat.

"When you were younger?" Chanyeol tries gently. I nod.

"Your parents, did they used to argue a lot?" Suho says.

Another tight nod. What feels like vomit is rising up my throat.

"So all the shouting must have brought it back," Chanyeol says, taking my hand and pulling me back to my seat.

"He used to abuse her," I whisper. It's not vomit that's rising up my throat, it's words. The subject so disgusting that all I can do is whisper. Chanyeol rests his cheek against my hair, "Punch her, kick her, whip her. Verbally assault her. I first remember it when I was five. And it carried on until she died."

Suho gives a long sigh.

"How come you never told us," Chanyeol says. "We could have supported you."

"I don't talk about it normally." I say, "Ever."

"You know what I'm going to say right." Suho says. I close my eyes, a tight feeling in my stomach.

"I know. I know but I can't. I need him."

"And he needs you. But not like this. This isn't healthy. Look what he's done to the apartment at a mere misunderstanding, look what he's done to you."

"I don't know," I moan, "I just don't know.  I can't Suho I can't, what if he leaves again?"

"He won't," Chanyeol says firmly, "Even if I have to handcuff myself to him,"

Suddenly raised voices in the hallway.  Automatically I tense and Suho jumps to his feet.

"I need to see her."

"Kai now isn't the right time-"

"I don't care I need to see if she's okay, need to tell her how sorry I am."

"Tomorrow Kai."

"NO!"

The door to the apartment opens. Kai, his hair disheveled and his leather jacket half off his shoulders bursts in. Sehun follows him looking defeated.

"Ara," He says, like it's the start of a letter, a speech.

"It's late Kai," Suho says, "Do this tomorrow."

"Tomorrow isn't close enough!" Kai cries. There are tears in his eyes. "Tomorrow is hours and hours away. Hours that can be spent over thinking and coming to the wrong conclusions."

"What is there to over think Kai?" Chanyeol sighs, "You smashed your apartment to pieces and accused her of cheating."

"I know I don't know what I was thinking. Ara," Kai comes over and pulls me to my feet, holding my hands so tight it's painful. "I know you probably don't want to see me right now. But we have to sort this out."

"There's nothing to sort out Kai." I say. He falters and I feel his hands twitch. There's a nervous click in his jaw.

"What do you mean?"

I don't answer. His familiar smell is all around me, the familiar softness of his hands, his beautiful face.

“We’ll be outside,” Suho says, and him, Chanyeol and Sehun quietly leave the apartment.

"Ara," Kai shakes my hands slightly and his voice cracks a little. "Ara answer me."

I reach up and his cheek. His eyes close and he leans in to my touch. We are made for each other; there can be no one else in this world that makes me feel like he does. To think that in years to come I could be with someone else, with some faceless stranger who's not Kai is unfathomable. It's these thoughts that give me the courage to say:

"I can't do this right now Kai."

For a long while he stares at me, stunned. Then his face clears and he breathes out a sigh of relief.

“That’s fine, that’s okay,” He says, attempting to smile, “I understand, we can do this in the morning. Sehun’s right; tomorrow would be better. After everything’s calmed down-”

“That’s not what I mean,” I sob but he continues over me,

“Tomorrow we can come to some sort of solution, or we can act like it never happened. I won’t do it again; I’ve learned my lesson, I swear to you…”

“Kai please stop,” I beg, my heart breaking into a piece every time it pounds against my rib cage. I lean my face against his neck, feeling his warm skin and his frantic pulse.  “I can’t do this, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Tomorrow Ara,” Kai whispers. His eyes are red from the effort of holding back his tears but finally the effort becomes too much and they fall down the windowpane of his cheeks. “Tomorrow let’s talk about this tomorrow.”

“What’s the difference?” I cry, “It will only be harder if we do this tomorrow. I won’t be able to do this tomorrow.”

“Then it’s not the right decision!” He says, “You’re just saying these things because of what happened. I know what I did was wrong, I regret it more then you can imagine. But don’t do this, you can’t just give up,” Hands shaking, he takes my fingers and places them on his chest. “Can you feel that? This is what you do to me, you make my heart beat. You can’t just leave me.”

“This isn’t healthy for either of us. We’ve both got demons we need to deal with.” I say. “We both need to sort ourselves out-” But Kai is shaking his head,

“I’m not going to let you do this. I have a say in this as well and I’m not going to let us give up.” He leans his head back, tears coursing down his cheeks, “I can’t believe you want to give up on us. Do I disgust you that much?”

“You don’t disgust me at all!” I cry, “Don’t think that. You’re the most important person in my life right now.”

“I did wrong Ara,” He holds my hands to his lips, eyes begging me to see his sincerity, “I did wrong, I will say it every day for the rest of my life if you want me to. Just please…”

“I’ve made up my mind Kai,” I say. I unhook our hands from each other and wipe my tears away, taking a step back. Kai looks horrified and shakes his head again and again. “We can’t be together right now. We need a break.” I cry.

“I don’t need a break,” He says immediately, “I’m fine-”

“Then I need a break Kai!” I burst out, “I need a break.”

I can’t stand there looking at him any longer or I know all my reasoning and justifications will fall apart like a house of cards and I’ll fall into his arms and forget anything happened. But I can’t. Deep down I know this is the right thing to do. I start looking around for my jacket and phone, needing to get out of his apartment needing to-

“I love you.”

No.

Everything seems to stop. Seconds come to a standstill, the earth stops rotating, I’m sure I stop breathing. All other impulses in my nervous system stop, apart from the ones conducting the phrase I love you again and again around my body.

“I love you,” He says again. Instinctively I turn around to face him. He’s looking at me, determined, brown eyes blazing.

“Kai…”

“I didn’t want to say it like this,” He says firmly, “I was planning to take you out and say it and do it all romantically but now none of that matters. I love you Ara. I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. I’ll do whatever I need it takes to give you the courage to do this again. To do us again.”

I let my body act of it’s own accord and walk into his embrace.

“I love you too,” I whisper, “That’s why we have to do this properly. We need to give this the best chance.”

“I’ll become a better person for you Ara.” Kai says, resting his forehead against mine. His eyes are so fiery with emotion I can practically feel their heat. “I won’t make you scared or upset ever again. I’ll make you happy.”

Noses brushing, our lips find each others for one last kiss.

And then I make myself step back and step around him and walk to the door. My heart is screaming at my brain to being logical and just give into this overwhelming love we feel for each other, we can sort out the problems later; it doesn’t need to lead to this.

But my brain commands my legs to keep on walking, out of his apartment and into my own. I’m like a robot, shutting the door and switching on the lights. Saja comes trotting over and winds himself around my legs. I remember the day I got him, after eating breakfast with Jongin and coming back to the apartment to see a small furry excited dog.

Also,” I hear Jongin say quietly. I feel his hand my hair. “I did it for myself. I can’t see you hurt like that again.”

Then I cannot stop and soon all of my memories with Jongin are playing on a loop in my head, like a cruel movie, letting me know what I’ve just ended.

“Good,” Jongin interrupts firmly, “Because you shouldn’t do that. You are a VIPTJ.”

“A VIPTJ? What’s that?” I say in confusion, my eye brows furrowing.

“A Very Important Person To Jongin,” He smiles, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Be honoured; it’s not easy to get that position with me. So don’t forget it.”

“I’m such an idiot to hurt you like this.” He cups my cheeks and looks steadily and clearly into my eyes. His gaze is frank and honest. “But that stops tonight. From now on I will never try to hide my feelings. I don’t want you; I need you in my life. I need my biggest fan…” He smiles softly and kisses me again, his bee stung lips enveloping mine into a captivatingly slow kiss. “And I need the girl I like by my side.”

Jongin leans back and looks at me, his eyes roaming all over my face. A slight smile softens his features and ignites the warmth in his eyes. He closes his eyes and leans in to deliver a slow soft kiss to my forehead.

“You are special,” He whispers softly, my hair. “You are very special to me.”

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A/N: Woo I am back on track with updating! Wrote this chapter listening to ten diffferent sad songs including Mircales in December T_T Poor Jongin...Hope you guys enjoyed it and tell me what you think ^^