Hongki laid on his bed resting his arm behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling and took a puff of his cigarette. He moved it away from his mouth then blew the smoke out and sighed softly. He to his side and put his cigarette out before he stared blankly at the wall. There was a reoccurring memory that came into his mind. It wasn't really a memory, it was more like a nightmare. He closed his eyes and remembered it just like it was yesterday.

~

A sixteen year old Hongki was laying on his stomach as he played a video game and yelled at the television screen whenever he lost. He groaned a bit when the words 'Game Over' flashed brightly on the screen then he tossed the controller to the side and sat up. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and huffed, "Stupid game. I never liked it anyway" He muttered then raised an eyebrow when he heard someone calling his name from downstairs. He got up from the floor then headed downstairs, wondering what his mother wanted. He stepped down the stairs and looked at his mother then looked over at the man that was next to her, "Who are you?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows a bit. His mother smiled and gently nudged the man so that he would speak. The man coughed a bit, "I'm your mother's boyfriend. She thought it would be a good idea for us to spend some time together so we can get to know each other" He said then looked over when the mom left, leaving them alone. Hongki let out a sigh then rolled his eyes, "Well I guess it's nice to meet you. What do you want to do right now?" He asked as he went over to the couch and sat up. He ran his fingers through his hair then gasped when the man pinned him down on the  couch.

Hongki began to struggle and was about to scream but the man placed a rough and sloppy kiss on his lips. He let out a muffled scream as he felt his clothes being ripped off. He gasped and struggled even more when the cold air hit his bare skin. His eyes widened when his legs had been spread and the man began to violate him violently. He screamed loudly as his tears began to run down his cheeks. Why was this happening to him?! Why did his mother have to be in love with this bastard?! When the was over, Hongki laid onto his side and curled up into a tight ball. Blood ran down his thighs and his tears continued to run down as he suddenly passed out.

~

Hongki opened his eyes and shook his head, "I'm not clean." He said, getting up from his bed then headed into the bathroom. He removed all of his clothes then the water, letting it get warm as he opened the cabinet door and got a small knife. He then stepped into the water and shivered faintly when the warm water hit his beautiful skin. He looked down at his arm and slowly slid the blade along his arm, watching as the red liquid seeped out and the drops began to fall into the drain. He knew that harming himself wasn't the answer but what else could he do? No one would accept him when he was so dirty. Sometimes he wished he had enough courage to kill himself but that moment just hadn't come. He let out a sigh and put the knife to the side then began to wash his body, he scrubbed his skin roughly until it was red and it almost bled. He finished his shower after a while and then stepped out. He dried himself off then bandaged his arm and got dressed.

He walked out into his room then threw himself on his bed, "No one will ever love me" He said quietly then sat up quickly when Jonghoon came into the room. Jonghoon looked at him and smiled, "Hey, come on Hongki. We're gonna go do the video now." He said as he offered his hand out to him to help him get up. Hongki stared at his hand then took it and got up, "O-Okay let's go" He said about to leave but then gasped when Jonghoon grabbed him around his waist, "You look so beautiful" He whispered lovingly in his ear. Hongki panicked and pushed him away, "Don't tease me like that!" He shouted and ran out of the room. Jonghoon sighed and shook his head, he was going to have to try harder to get him to trust him. As he was about to walk out, a light reflected off of something in the bathroom. He was going to check it out but he heard his manager calling for him so he would have to do it when he comes back. He runs out of the room and heads out with his group, keeping an eye on Hongki who looks sad. He needs to figure out his past.....