Four

Four

 

"Mr. Choi?" The girl in a pristine white uniform called out along the hallway. A man stood up, in his late twenties basing from his physique. He left the seat and the three other people waiting in the gloomy corridor of the hospital. He entered the room where the girl with the clipboard directed him. The man identified as Mr. Choi had skimpy feelings. These past few days, he had been unwell. From the nature of his job, a full rest was luxury and finding time for it was another misery. He complains of dizziness at sudden incidents, sometimes he would appear pale and white as canvass when he diligently took his vitamins and what brought to his alarm was fainting at an event. Luckily he was backstage and the media did not make a fuss about it, all because the company ensued a blackout regarding the case, which to him if not happened with cause only panic to his fans and clamor to his private life. 
 
His recent visit to the doctors made him uncomfortable. He was never really fond of things like these, although ironically, his bandmates saw him as a health buff, still he was like a five year old too stubborn to care for a check up. Glancing on the clinic's interiors, he saw a lot of stuff that pointed to the interiors of the body, a poster about family planning and pamphlets on the side of the table regarding drug abuse and depression. Nothing captured his attention for long, not until his wandering was rattled when the man in a white jacket sat in front of him and carried an envelope with him. The man in a white robe looked stern, but maintaining his professional composure. They exchanged bows politely, the doctor was rubbing his temples when he sat on his leather chair, while the younger sitting on the opposite side of the table fidgeted on his feet.
 
"Siwon? Choi Siwon am I right?" Clearing his throat, the patient's name came out hoarse. "Yes, yes." he muttered to the doctor. Reviewing again the piece of paper he got inside the envelope, the doctor plastered a straight face. Siwon could feel his heartbeat intensify its own beating. He felt like something unlikely was going to happen, but then again he tried to shoo it away, there is nothing wrong and all he needs is a complete rest the he will be okay.
 
"We have a situation, Siwon." Those words rang like sirens that disturbed him. Breaking down bad news was one of the worst parts being a doctor, Siwon felt strangeness in the other man's voice as if telling him a shattering story will come by.
 
"Dr. Jung?" He could barely call out the name, the man gave him the piece of paper that came from the brown parcel. Siwon took a good look, there was nothing but numbers, and medical jargon that only his doctor could explain. "Wh-what is this? What is the prognosis?" It sounded so threatening but he was just eager to find out the truth.
 
"Mr. Siwon, I regret to inform you but you have been diagnosed with lupus." The words resounded through the walls and reverted to his senses. Lupus? He was not familiar but he has heard of it once or twice.
 
"Lupus?" His curiosity spurted.
 
"Yes, it's an auto-immune disease that your immune system gets hyperactive that it attacks your normal cells." The doctor explain trying to give an imaginative chart of what the diagnosis was. Siwon was still left confused and disembarked with the situation itself.
 
"What-what's with it? I mean, how long is the medication period? Do I have to quit my career? Or leave?" He almost shook the table with his questions but breaking to him gently won't do any less.
 
"I'm afraid Mr. Choi there's no medication. Only supplements, but this, cannot assure your recovery." 
 
His mind went blank. 
 
No recovery.
 
It was incurable.
 
His lifeline is slowly fading away.
 
These words stabbed Siwon's fragile hope. It was like a traitor, an inner demon that possessed his Godly nature. Right now, he can't think of another question but the words 'why does it have to be him?' He was young, free spirited and on the days of his youth. He should be living every side ofit, he was too young, it was too early and no one is ready. 
 
Not to mention the fame, fortune and the people around him, his fans, his friends, his family, and the most important person in his life right now, the girl he loves. The girl who he fated himself to love until his dying day, Tiffany. 
 
And his dying day was now.
 
All this circled his thoughts. Sinking slowly into his system, that time is running out.
 
***
 
He went on for days, wrapped around his blanket at home, pondering on the words of his physician. It was not a terminal disease, nobody would know when. He could die tomorrow, later, a week, a month, a year. No one knows. He kept this a secret, vowed for his protection and his own will of living his melting minutes while it is still there. 
 
He lied about his doctor telling him only to have a full rest. The company being a generous, humanitarian sort for his situation, cancelled his schedules for two months. Per his request and the medical requirements combined. It was half-heartedly done, but a PR was released that he was given a break to rest and prepare for a bigger project vowed to his return in the limelight. Now he is keeping himself busy for the things he wanted to do, like in movie cliches that the protagonists plans the last days of his life to be meaningful and jubilant. He wanted the same, he wanted nothing to change that's why the choice of keeping it a secret was the choice he made. 
 
A phone call plucked his cloudy thinking.
 
"Yoboseyo?"
 
"Siwooooon! I miss you baby! Can I come over tonight?" A girly pitch pierced through the phone's receiver. He set aside the pen and notebook he was holding before the call.
 
"You're coming over? Sure, um do you want me to cook?" Siwon suggested. He seemed pretty positive when he talked to this one girl on the phone, completely turned his world upside down.
 
"Hmm really? You'll cook for me?? How about, lasagna? I really wanted to eat but I had no one with me to go." He could sense that she's pouting and sulking cutely now. He let out a soft chuckle.
 
"Why didn't you call me?" Siwon went to the kitchen and checked his list for the Italian dinner he was about to make.
 
"But I don't want to burden your rest, I really wish I could come there and take care of you but our schedules were really tight." Now she felt pitiful over the sad fact of being too busy.
 
"Silly, it's fine Tiffany. I'm glad you called, I'm missing that voice ever since." He made himself occupied on the kitchen gathering ingredients.
 
"So cheesy! Please get a hold of yourself. Haha! Babe, I have to go, shooting the last part of the show. I'll see you in two hours!" She chided. "Okay, looking forward to it, take care! I love you!" He sounded clingy but it was nothing anymore to him. Siwon now learned to value time. His vanishing time. 
 
***
"Tiffbaby, do you want to go somewhere?" Siwon asked the girl leaning on his shoulders right now. They were sharing a movie and a bucket of homemade popcorn when Siwon placed a random question.
 
"Somewhere, like a place you really want to go to..." He explained.
 
"What for?" Tiffany sat up while clutching the bowl of popcorn with her two hands.
 
"Maybe we could go there, over the weekend?" He beamed a hearty smile, then the girl beside her jumped in excitement. "Jinjja?! I really wanted to go to the beach! Can we Siwon? Can we?" She asked like she was a kid asking a parent to go to a theme park.
 
Then he remembered that the doctor reminded him not to stay under the sun for too long. He was photosensitive and fatigue won't do good for his condition, but he had to, for his girl. He would never regret one because he knew it would make Tiffany happy.
 
"Okay then, if the pink princess wants to go to the beach, we will go." Siwon grinned. The next event caused him to blush, Tiffany landed her lips on his for a quick kiss.
 
"The best oppa! Siwonnie jjang!" Then she pinched his cheeks until they became red. He chuckled on her display of affection, she could be so violent but it was one of her unique charms.
 
Before he knocked the nightlight low, Siwon reflected a little. He was thinking about Tiffany. Her innocent smiles, her big display of affections and her commitment to his. Siwon was afraid of dying not because he was still young and had to live a life, but because he didn't want to break fragile Tiffany's heart.
***
 
"Hey, hey watch it! Don't go too far alright?" Siwon reminded the choding like girlfriend who was ecstatic playing with water. Their beach day came and as promised he would bring Tiffany here. The sun was up, but he tried not to mind. Siwon sat down the sand and watch his girl have fun with the cold sea water. Gazing at her deeply he tried to imprint memories of her to his. 
 
"Here comes the wave~" suddenly Siwon felt a spray of water on his body. He stood up to scoot away from the culprit, which was his very own Tiffany.
 
"Hey! This is my favorite shirt, you can't get it wet!" Siwon protested drying off his shirt and shorts.
 
"I don't get why we came all the way here and say that you don't want to get your shirt wet." She laughed at Siwon who was continuing to stray away from the splash of water she makes.
 
"Eh, you said you wanted to come here so I brought you here, that doesn't necessarily involve me to swim." He skipped place to place just to avoid Tiffany.
 
"Who said you're going to swim? You're not, but you can get wet!" Before Siwon knew it he was pulled to the sea water making him drenched. He decided to take revenge by pulling Tiffany back and getting her hair messed up by both ducking under. It was a picture perfect scene, how Siwon wished it would last forever, that time would stop and paint this picture.
 
***
Packing up the same day to head home, Siwon felt his knees weaken. He tripped a few times on the way to the car making Tiffany notice the little accidents he had.
 
"Siwonbaby are you alright?" She tugged on his arms and cupped his face to see of he was looking fine. His face painted a bit of exhaustion and he sweats so much, Tiffany wiped it away with her palm and brought Siwon inside the car.
 
He was sat on the passenger seat, as Tiffany insisted to drive back. Siwon had to protest but this time he had to agree that he was really weak. 
 
"Siwon?" He heard Tiffany's voice but found it hard to respond.
He tried to open wide his eyes but a blurry vision was all he got, it seemed like his world turned around and the sounds he heard were slurred. The next thing that registered was a bright light, that shut to pitch black.
 
***
Siwon opened his eyes only to find out he was lying inside a hospital room. The light was bright, and he tried to remember the last thing that happened but nothing registers after he sat inside the car. He sat a little bit up and looked around, Siwon saw Tiffany across the room with reddening eyes. His parents were outside, talking to his doctor. Only then he had realized that by this time, they already know the truth.
 
Siwon's dad saw him shot straight up from the hospital bed. Quickly, they sat beside their son. Now his mom, could not hold it in and bursted in to tears. Knowing that her precious son, is now a fading flower. 
 
"Mom it's okay, it's okay." Siwon soothed her mom as she continued to weep in his arms. Siwon saw Tiffany looking away, trying to hold her own tears. The scene was crushing his heart. It was too cruel because one moment they were happy and now, they were both in pain, and in denial.
 
"Mom, dad, mind if I talk to Tiffany first?" His dad nodded although nobody tried to speak about it yet. His parents went out of the room and Siwon climbed down bed to sit beside Tiffany. She just continued to suppress her feelings, Siwon held her hand and intertwined it with his. Tiffany couldn't hold it any longer and she hugged Siwon to cry in his arms.
 
Her tears were like daggers through his body. He promised never to make Tiffany cry, but it was his own fate that made her. Gently he rested her body on top of his.
 
"You remember back then? You were such a cry baby you always came up to me and said you wanted to go back to California. I thought you changed a lot since then, but you're still a cry baby now." Siwon tried to make the atmosphere light by teasing her, but Tiffany just bawled out more.
 
"You're not dying right? You're not, because-because, you're fine, you're healthy! See?" Tiffany pinched his arms that were a bit skinny than the usual buff boy he was. Siwon could not take the sight, he did not notice that his tears were already flowing.
 
"The doctors don't know anything Tiffany. What's important is that I'm here, I'm making you happy right? I'm here to make you happy. We'll spend your birthday together, I'll watch you in concert, we'll go to a theme park, we'll do everything as planned." He said. Tiffany held onto him tighter, afraid to close her eyes that Siwon might leave. How she wished that it was just a nightmare and when they both wake up, everything will be over.
 
"I love you Tiffany, remember that. No matter what happens, I hope you will remember those three words I said. I know, we won't be for long but as much as I can, I want you to know that I love you." It escaped from his lips and it tugged her heart. Sooner or later, Siwon will leave, and she's trying her best not to feel weak or be disheartened, because the last thing she wanted to do was let go.
 
***
From that day forward both of them did not waste time, they made every possible way to be together, do things together and spend his remaining days by filling it with vivid memories of their love. As these days go by, Tiffany can't help but think how was life when Siwon is gone. Slowly she has to learn to accept things she cannot change and make the most of what was left.
 
One day, Siwon asked Tiffany to go back to the beach they went to before. She was a bit hesitant to say yes because it was hot outside and the doctor's implied that Siwon couldn't stay out long. 
 
"Come on Fany-ah, just for today. Pleeeeeaaaasssee!" Siwon tugged on her arms begging his girlfriend to say yes.
 
"Arasso, arasso, but just to be sure, we'll be there by sunset. So you won't get too much sun." She thought of a good solution. Siwon clapped his hands from joy and chuckled. Later he had to do it, because they were running out of time. He was running out of time.
 
They sat on a rocky part of the beach, just in time for the sunset. It was breathtaking, the colors were vivid and the scenery needed no words. It was a perfect date by the beach. Side by side they leaned onto each other, adoring the life sized painting of nature on their front.
 
"Tiff?" He looked at her lovingly. "Yes?" she was still as gorgeous like the first time he saw her. Siwon clipped the loose strands of her hair to the back of her ears.
 
"I have to give you something." Tiffany gazed at his actions. He picked up a small red box from his shirt's pocket. It was tied with a ribbon of the same color. Siwon took Tiffany's hand and placed in between her palm.
 
"But you have to open it at the right time, you'll know when." Siwon smiled. He leaned closer and gave her soft lips a sincere kiss. Tiffany felt something with that situation, she felt like it was the last moment they will have together, but she didn't spoke of it. Tiffany tried to spend the day normally like any other dates they had in the past. She wanted nothing to change.
 
The next day, Siwon was found lifeless in his bed. He suffered from a liver complication that night. Tiffany almost broke down knowing what happened few hours before. She didn't knew that it would be their last. 
 
***
Days later, one of Siwon's closest friends Donghae went up to Tiffany's dorm. 
 
"Siwon wanted you to have this." He said. Tiffany got hold of the shoe box that Donghae gave. As soon as he left, Tiffany went inside her room and opened the box. It was a collection of movie tickets, their pictures and some of the stuff Tiffany got for him. She felt sadness overcoming remembering him, he never thought that Siwon was the sentimental type. Rummaging through the package, she saw a voice recorder and an envelope indicating that it was for the recorder.
 
Tiffany opened the envelope which contained a letter. It was instructions. She laughed at the fact that Siwon thought she didn't know how to use it, but nevertheless she read it and the first thing it said was:
 
"Play number 001"
 
She pressed play and stuck her headphones in.
 
"Annyeonghaseyo Fany-ah!" As soon as she heard his voice she teared up, remembering how it sounded.
"Tiffany-ah, don't cry you'll get chinky eyes!" She laughed with the record that was playing. Siwon sounded so happy, lively and it was just like him. "Tiffbaby I want you to listen carefully, have you seen the box fish face got you? There's a letter containing the special dates and the voice notes that come with it, I wouldn't want to miss any of those dates so can you make a promise to hear my recording on that day? You have to promise. And oh, the red box, still keep it and don't open it yet okay? Good! I miss you now Fanybaby, I hope you miss me too, I love you so much. Til then, annyeong!" 
 
She went back on the letter, and there were other voice notes for each special day they will celebrate.
 
1. Instructions 
 
2. For your birthday
 
3. For your First day of your world tour 
 
4. For Christmas 
 
5. Anniversary
 
Knowing what Siwon went through to do this, she kept the smile on her face, she has chosen the right guy, but only if she could rewind time and be with him again. 
***
 
August 1
"Saengil chukha hamnida! Saengil chukha hamnida! Saranghae neun Tippani~~ saeng il chukha haminda! Pretty Tiffbaby! Happy birthday! ^^ I didn't send you cake today, instead I got you flowers! Did Kyu got the right color and kind? I made sure he remembered! I miss you Fany-ah, I hope you are doing well. Always remember that I'm here for you. I love you Tiffbaby! Happy birthday!"
 
It was one of the sweetest things Siwon did for her. From time to time, she remembers Siwon what they used to do as a couple. Tiffany was obedient on keeping her promise to Siwon, that on special dates, she would pull out the recorder and listen to his voice. 
***
On the morning of their anniversary, Tiffany went to the voice recorder, it was the last voice note on the recorder, and she was hoping it had something to do with the box he gave her.
 
"Fany-ah, I want you to drive to that same beach we went to, because I really miss it. Bring with you the red box I gave you, hope you have been obedient and you didn't open it! Play the next track once you get there, drive safely!" 
 
Tiffany grabbed her keys and the box and drove to the exact beach they went to. She was sitting on the same spot they spend the sunset. As told, she played the next track on the recorder.
 
"Fany-ah, I want you to open the box now." She did as she was told and it revealed an elegant ring. "Fany-ah, that ring is our engagement ring. I was supposed to ask you to marry me on our 4th anniversary but I don't think I can't make it. Fanybaby, I'm sorry if I can't make it, I'm sorry if you didn't had the chance to wear it. I want you to be happy, and you deserve all the happiness not only from me but from others as well, Tiffany, I know it will be hard but you have to throw the ring out the sea. Ridiculous right? But you have to do it Fany-ah, you have to let go of me. You have to be happy, and I will understand if you will love somebody else than me, just don't forget me, the first guy you loved and unfortunately made you cry.
Let go of me Tiffany. You have to let go." 
 
She was sobbing hard, she was not ready yet but he knew it would make Siwon happy. Tiffany threw out the shiny ring by the sea, losing it from her sight, and finally letting a part of her heart free.
 
She put everything back in the box, together with their other memories. Taking baby steps, she tried her best to live without Siwon, but live by his love and the things they shared. It was hard to let go of a person you truly loved, but as the saying goes, true love is setting him free. 
 

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
wonkyulegs
#1
Chapter 1: this is so sad T__T huhu
FanyGG #2
Chapter 1: I'm crying like a baby... :'( so sad!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa.........
sikat143 #3
Chapter 1: You made me cry a lot!!!
khunfanytaeny
#4
Chapter 1: True love is setting him free~~~ uwaa T.T I lOve This +.+
lovesupergeneration #5
Chapter 1: author-nim yo make me cry sooo much i read all of your fanfics and this is one make me cry like a baby¡¡¡ anyways it's a great update¡¡
Yuanne_Hwang
#6
CRYING so hard! :'(((((( You're really AWESOME author-nim!! :D
iamprincessJUI
#7
Chapter 1: yah!!! why it is so sad??!! im crying..huhuhu
Jungjunhee #8
Chapter 1: ㅠㅠ *sobbing, author-nim. you jjang!