*chapter four;

It went silent for a while and although Soah kept attention, although she was trying to hear if Luhan returned something... he didn’t say anything. The only sounds she could hear was the chatter of the students which was slowly fading away and the wind blowing through the trees. Soon, the silence became almost unbearable and she intended to go, but when she was about to stand up, he finally spoke up.

“If I had not meant it, I wouldn’t have asked you.” His voice was soft and warm.

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Luhan.” She turned around to face him, just to find him smiling at her so lovingly that her heart jumped. “Think about it. Just think about it.”

“I did.”

He had had 5 years to think about whether he wanted to be with her or not and he had decided that he wanted to the first moment he saw her. His decision would never change, no matter how hard she was trying to convince him.

“Don’t say that so easily.”

Soah knew boys well enough to know what they wanted, what they needed. She knew a lot about love. She had seen it and read about it. When she walked around, love was everywhere. There were couples on the streets, in school, just everywhere. They were holding hands, hugging each other, they would share a kiss and people at their age would even go further. It was normal and for Soah, it used to be normal too. Inwardly, she probably missed it, but her fear was bigger than her wish to be loved again.

She shook her head and clenched her eyes shut. “Don’t say that so easily, Luhan, you make me feel so..” ..loved? Good?

“Soah.. look at me.” Luhan felt the urge to touch her cheek and turn her head to him, but he didn’t. He waited until she would do it by herself and she eventually did, locking eyes with him the next moment. “I would have been gone a long time ago if I wouldn’t mean it. Do you think I would still sit here if I only wanted to have ? That’s not why I want to be with you.”

She had heard these words before and it had just ended with a broken heard. But she knew Luhan was different the first time she had spoken to him. She had told him her fears and he had listened, and above all... he was still here. What did this tell her?

“In the end... you’re still a guy.” It wasn’t an allegation, it was a statement. “And guys... well... at our age...”

“If I only wanted that, I would have chosen another girl, right? Someone more willing, someone with a lot of experience.”

“Hmm... maybe.”

“I don’t say it won’t be difficult. In fact... it will be. But I’m willing to go this path together with you. And I will show you that it can be beautiful.”

Soah shook her head while her heart tightened more and more at his loving words.

“Who did this to