*chapter thirty three;

Song: Olivia inspi' Reira (NANA Best) - A Little Pain

"Soah.."

When her mother walked into her room later that evening, when she was supposed to be asleep already, she found Soah still lying in her bed in the same position. Her back was turned to the door, her legs were brought up to her body and  her arms were wrapped around her body. She lay there in the absolute darkness as her mother switched on the bedside lamp as she still heard her sobbing and crying. It was the third time she came in to look after her daughter, just to find her crying every time. She didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to eat nor get up.

Everything Soah was doing was just lying there like life was blown out of her.

Her mother sat beside her, leaned over her upper body and slowly the hair out of her face. She brushed over her skin, wiping the rest of the tears away which made her face wet. Soah ran out of tears a long time ago and her mother was asking herself if she ever stopped crying since Luhan left. Quiet sobs were heard as both didn’t say anything for a long time. Her body trembled and the woman pulled the blanket over her body to keep her a little warm. She knew the trembling wasn’t caused by the coldness, but she didn’t know what to do otherwise to calm her daughter down.

“He didn’t break up with you, Soah,” she murmured and smiled softly, although the girl couldn’t see her. As she didn’t receive an answer, she continued speaking about what she was thinking of the situation. The woman took her hand and her fingers automatically clenched around her mother’s hand.

“All he needs is just time to come to terms with this situation. I can understand that this is just too much for him. It wasn’t easy for all of us either when you told us, Soah. We needed days to handle the situation. You know how your father was raging and wanted to sue that guy. But since that isn’t possible according to his lawyer, we can’t do anything but be here for you, because you need us now. There is no need to think whether it was right or wrong. It’s about your life, your condition, we’ll be here to support you and Luhan will do that too, I’m positive about that. Give him time to handle this new situation. It’s his teacher, a person he looks up to and the fact he had a fling with the person he loves the most is something hard to take, especially if the teacher is so two faced and in reality a cruel person. He loves you. He will come back.

If it’s real, he can’t walk away from his feelings for you.”

Soah blinked a few times, but she stopped trembling since her mother began to speak. The warmth of her hand calmed her down a little and her breathing was regular again.

The past hours she did nothing but lay in the fetus position and cry the whole time. She cried harder than when she fell from the swing, when she was 7. She cried harder than that time Yeowa destroyed her favorite doll, harder than after she realized that Taehyun had dumped her. She felt restless, lifeless, not being able to move a single inch because all her strength vanished from her body.

The look on Luhan’s face was burnt into her head and every time she closed her eyes, she saw his sad, disappointed, hurt doe eyes she loved so much.

“It hurts,” Soah just murmured with a dry and cracked voice.

“I know..” Her mother her arm up and down, letting her feel that she is not alone. “When the person you love walks away without even listening – it always hurts. But don’t give up, Soah. You won’t let this love slip through your fingers, right? You need to fight. I’ve seen a lot of people living a good life and I want you to get such a life too. You just have to put a little effort in it.”

Her mother planted a kiss on her forehead and stood up. “Talk to him again, but give him time. After all, tomorrow is another day. Now you need to rest.”

She walked over Soah’s desk and took the folded sheet in her hand. “You didn’t open it.”

“I don’t want to see it. I already know the results, because the letter from the principal came today. I saw you picking it up.”

The woman smiled slightly and sighed. “You’re right. Our appointments are next week, it’s already set. But I’m still asking you again: Do you really want to do that? We can find another lawyer, a better one.”

“Mum..” Soah sat up and rubbed her eyes. “I did my research. We talked about this for days. It’s my decision, it’s my second chance. I will do everything better than before and study as hard as always. Harder.”

Soah bit her lip and looked down, knowing that she broke her promise she gave Luhan with this decision. To be with him after they graduated, to attend the same university, to be together as often as they could. And now she wouldn’t even get the chance to graduate next year.

“Okay. I’m sure he will understand too. Talk to him, Soah. It’s the best you can do now. He will understand. I’m sure.”

When Soah laid down on her bed again, she felt much more relaxed due to the kind words of her mother. Maybe she was right. Thinking as a person who was not involved in this situation before, she got it that it could be too much for them. Especially for Luhan who really liked that teacher. If she could talk to him calmly and explain everything again and the next steps she was about to take.. she hoped he would understand.

He had to understand, because she couldn’t make it through this without him. Their promise was not really broken. Just delayed.

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