CHOICES

 

 

“Instead of hearing another story from me,” Lu Han says while he watches her playing with the water sprinkle at the bottom of the fountain. The silver bracelet around her right wrist faintly gleams, reflecting the dim light of the crescent moon on the cold night sky. “Why don’t we talk about, I don’t know, us?”

 

Cara looks up, staring at him with a secretive smile hidden not behind her lips, but her eyes. “Us…?”

 

“Yeah, you know,” Lu Han shrugs, trying to look casual as he places his hands inside his pants’ pocket. The night is just as chilly as the many nights before. He wonders sometimes, how Cara can stand firmly on her feet without shivering so much from the cold when she’s only wearing a beautiful white-knitted sweater and a matching pale white scarf around her neck. Lu Han can barely hold his teeth from clenching even when he’s wearing a double-layered sweater and a coat on top of it. “We should talk about ourselves more. I want to talk about us. About you. About me. I’ve already had enough with fairy tales and my ridiculous stories starring my dear idiotic friends named Ben Ben and Xing Xing. Haven’t you?”

 

She softly shakes her head, making her hair ruffle and partially fall to her cheeks. Lu Han bites his lip so he won’t take long strides to approach her and tuck those wild strands back behind her ear. “I like hearing stories about Ben Ben and Xing Xing. They’re… They’re funny.” Her lips finally break into a smile, and for the past few days, Lu Han has witnessed it more than once, but he still has to learn how to breathe properly every time her lips curve up.

 

“Ah~ I’m so jealous,” Lu Han announces in a playful tone. “If they can make you smile, why can’t I?”

 

Cara looks like she wants to explain that she’s not smiling because of Ben Ben or Xing Xing; she’s smiling because of the way Lu Han tells his stories. Lu Han watches her struggles, fumbling with her words. “It’s—it’s not…” She blushes, chewing on her lip as she grows nervous and awkward. “You’re…. I like it when you—I mean…”

 

“It’s okay, I get it,” Lu Han chuckles, holding a hand in the air to calm her down. “I’m just kidding Cara, come on. Just relax.”

 

She nibbles on her bottom lip more as she brings her eyes back to her hand, feeling the droplets of water grazing her skin. She still looks tense so Lu Han decides to take the lead again.

 

“Is it okay if I start first?” Lu Han asks, voice light and playful, making the distressing tension between them start to waver with each word flowing from his mouth. “Hi, I’m Lu Han,” he says, actually waving at her while showcasing his teeth. “Twenty-seven years old, but still look like I’m seventeen,” he stops to add a greasy wink that surprises Cara a little bit. “I’m a lawyer, trying to solve my first big case here in Seoul. I’m currently single and I’m only telling you that because I know that’s what you’ve been wanting to know,” he adds a heartwarming laugh, indicating that he’s just kidding around. “I’m 178 cm tall, with insoles, but sshhh, don’t tell anybody that, okay?” Lu Han presses a finger to his lips, still grinning. “I like to play soccer—I’m such a great soccer player, just so you know,” he puts an arrogant smirk, “And I can solve the Rubik’s cube under two minutes. Hmm, what else…?” he taps his chin, thinking more things to say. “Oh! My favorite bubble tea flavor is taro, my nationality is Chinese, blood type O, aaaand I hate it when people sit or sleep on my bed without my permission,” he says it in one breath and he still manages to laugh lightly at the end.

 

Cara doesn’t give any kind of apparent reaction, but Lu Han knows she’s taking the whole information into her memory.

 

“Yep, I think that’s about it,” he says, inhaling deeply. “Is there anything you want to ask?”

 

Her expression looks more relaxed now and Lu Han is just starting to give himself an imaginary pat to the back of his head when she suddenly asks, “Why do you keep calling me Cara?”

 

Even though it catches him off guard, Lu Han just simply asks back, “Why not?”

 

He takes a step closer to the fountain—still a bit far away from her spot, yes, but Cara doesn’t show much reaction. She usually freaks out over small things like this. After seeing her for almost two weeks in a row, Cara has unconsciously lain down her guards. Maybe she’s starting to remember him more, and to actually trust him. Lu Han can never be more grateful for this, even when he still can’t touch her—or even stand near her. “Do you not like it when I call you Cara?”

 

She hesitates, shyly shifts her face upward and looks at him again. “What does Cara mean?”

 

“Well,” Lu Han laughs awkwardly, rubbing his nape. “Maybe you don’t remember this, but the first reason I called you that was because you said your favorite flavor was caramel, so it’s Cara from the word caramel.’”

 

“I remember,” Cara whispers quietly and Lu Han’s heart almost leaps out of his chest.

 

“You… do?” he softly asks, trying to stop the heat rising on his cheeks.

 

She nods and this time, she smiles directly at him. “You went out to see me that night. You gave your blazer to me so I wouldn’t get cold but I noticed you were shivering yourself.” She brings her head down and focuses her gaze on the water that sprinkles to skin of her palm. “That was the first time I thought that, oh maybe he’s not that bad.”

 

“Damn it, Cara, you’re not being fair,” Lu Han curses under his breath and Cara lifts her face up with a frown written on her temple.

 

“What?” she softly asks, eyebrows curling in genuine curiosity.

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” You keep making me fall for you over and over again when you don’t even let me stand a hand reach away from you. “You see, there’s also another reason why I keep calling you Cara.”

 

She blinks her eyes cutely. “Hmm?”

 

Lu Han can’t help but to feel his face grow hotter when he tells her the next reason, “Yeah, uh, I tried to look it up once on the Internet—to know the meaning behind the name Cara, I mean. At that moment, I knew that this name—Cara—really belonged to you. That’s why I keep calling you that.”

 

“What is it?” She unintentionally tilts her head to the side. “What does Cara mean?”

 

Lu Han smiles softly to her, holding her gaze firmly with his eyes. “Beloved.”

 

Cara doesn’t blink for a second too long. “Beloved?”

 

“Yes, beloved,” Lu Han says, turning his gentle smile wider until it becomes a grin. “You’re here, breathing in this world, because you deserve to be dearly loved by everyone around you. And to me, that’s what you are, Cara.” Lu Han imagines himself caressing the skin of her cheek with his fingers and pulls her into a warm embrace. “You deserve to be called Cara, because you make everyone falls in love with you.”

 

“That’s not true,” she immediately says, but her words are so quiet that Lu Han almost mistaken them as the cold wind of the night.

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

She shakes her head as she bites her lower lip. “No, it’s not.”

 

“You make me fall in love with you.” It comes out just like that. Lu Han doesn’t have the time to think straight because she needs to be corrected as soon as possible. Lying doesn’t suit her personality, and saying that it’s not true for her to be loved is nothing but a one big, fat lie.

 

She sighs, looking like a mother that is bored and tired of seeing her child doing the same mistake over and over again. “Lu Han, you shouldn’t love—”

 

“You can’t tell me how to feel, Cara,” Lu Han dares to cut her words, and even if he wants to slap himself for being impolite, he doesn’t regret it. She has to know this—to really understand this. Lu Han just won’t have it any other way.

 

Cara breathes deeply. “Lu Han…”

 

“No, listen to me.” He practically begs. “It’s not your right to decide whether I can love you or not, Cara. It’s my choice, and I’m saying yes. I want to love you. I call you Cara because I think you deserve it. You deserve all kinds of love in the world.”

 

She panics, eyes wavering. “But—”

 

“Are you saying that I don’t deserve to love you?” Lu Han can’t stop talking no matter how much he knows he should stop. “Because if that’s what you’re saying, then you’re just selfish.”

 

She steps back, a shaky hand placed on her chest. “I’m…” she breathes in, eyes still filled with shock and anxiety. “I’m sorry if my words made you think like that, but…” her voice quivers, as if she’s on the edge of holding herself from crying. “I—I didn’t mean it like that, I s-swear…”

 

Lu Han curses under his breath, mentally shoving his own face to the ground for being so stupid and letting his emotions take control just like that. “No, I’m sorry. I was overreacting, and… And I shouldn’t have said any of those things—I’m sorry—”

 

“L-Lu Han,” she suddenly calls, her tone is full with hesitation. “I’m… I’m not… I’m not like the person I used to be.”

 

Lu Han knows it takes so much courage for her to admit that. “I know you’re not,” he sympathetically replies, sending her a delicate smile. “But that doesn’t mean I’m gonna throw away all my feelings for you.”

 

“No…” Her eyes shine like mirrors, glistening with unshed tears. “I’m different now, Lu Han.”

 

He takes a step closer to her, shaking his head in disagreement. “I don’t care.”

 

“You loved the old me.”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” he says, voice heavy with pain. “I love you. The whole you. There’s no old or new. I just love you.”

 

“But...” She staggers backward again with one hand clutching tightly to the hem of her sweater. Lu Han can see a gleam of her silver bracelet peeking out underneath her long sleeve. “I’m sick.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Lu Han says, taking another step. “You’re just in a difficult situation right now. It’ll pass away, I’m sure of it.”

 

She shakes her head more than once, looking desperate and traumatic when she closes her eyes and bring them down to her feet. “You can’t fix me.”

 

“Not if I’m doing it alone,” he responses, taking another step and now he’s only a bit further than a hand reach away from her. “I need your help.”

 

“I’m going crazy,” she says, placing her hands around her ears. Her shoulders hunch forward as if she’s trying to hide herself. “I’m going crazy. They all say that.”

 

“No, you’re not,” he murmurs quietly and her body jolts in surprise when she realizes how close he’s standing across her right now.

 

She wants to take a step back—her whole body almost runs away by instinct. But when she shifts her body, Lu Han flinches, already looking hurt that she’s still trying to avoid him.

 

Not If I’m doing it alone. I need your help.

 

Cara holds Lu Han’s words like a promise and she braces herself to keep her feet glued to the same spot she’s been standing. She keeps her eyes closed tightly as her face confronts the ground, not daring to look at Lu Han when the man is standing a hand reach away from her.

 

Lu Han doesn’t touch her no matter how much he wants to hug her at the moment. He can tell how hard it is for her to try to stand still like this. He can see it in the way her lower lip quivers; he can see it in the way she grips the end of her sweater until her nails go white; he can see it in the way she’s holding her breath as if she’s drowning.

 

He lifts a hand in the air, but stops just before his fingertips can touch the strands of her hair that fall covering her face.

 

He closes his eyes, breathes in, and retreats.

 

Lu Han takes three steps back, returning the safe distance between them. And although it makes his chest ache a little bit when she immediately exhales in relief the moment he’s being far enough from her, Lu Han still feels like he’s a man who just finally accomplished something he’s been working on.

 

Cara doesn’t run away from him anymore.

 

“Are you all right?” Lu Han asks, “Cara, are you all right?”

 

She doesn’t answer or gives him any reaction, but Lu Han knows she is. She just needs some time to adjust herself with the situation.

 

“Thank you,” Lu Han eventually says, voice soft and a bit shaky from how much he tries to keep his joyful feelings locked inside his chest. “Thank you for trying for me. Thank you.”

 

When Cara finally dares to stare back at him again, it feels like forever but also feels like a second for Lu Han before he sees her smile.

 

“We did it, Cara,” Lu Han says, making a heartwarming laugh from the back of his throat, “Maybe it’s not much, but we did it.”

 

Cara’s smile grows softer but wider, and Lu Han has never ever witnessed something so beautiful but fragile at the same time. “We did it?”

 

“Yes,” Lu Han tries to blink something that makes his eyes watery. “You’ll be all right, Cara. You’ll be all right.”

 

***

 

“It’s PTSD,” Lu Han confirms as he reads the new page he just opened on the Internet. His eyes run back-and-forth on his MacBook’s screen, reading through every word as his mind tries to translate every scientific term that he’s not really familiar with. “Yep, it’s definitely PTSD.”

 

“What is?” Sehun asks, currently finding his own entertainment in biting his nails. He’s supposed to help Lu Han cleans up his new apartment and helps him move some stuff they just bought together on IKEA before Lu Han officially moved there. But the brat just ignores his work as always and settles himself down in a barcalounger.

 

“Cara is suffering from PTSD.”

 

“PTSD? Ah! I know, I know! Jongdae-Hyung told me about it once! Err, let me remember it for a sec. It’s in English, right?” Sehun responds with unusually lively eyes. “Umm... Oh yeah! Potential Tremor when ?”

 

Lu Han stares blankly at him. “I’m going to spit on your eyes, I swear.”

 

“Hey, it’s Jongdae-Hyung who told me about it,” Sehun whines in return.

 

“Do you even know what you just said?”

 

“Something about a ?”

 

“Oh, God...” The older one rubs his temple as he exhales heavily. “Look, I don’t care who taught you that, Sehun—”

 

“Funky JD!” Sehun barks out a laugh. “He dances so funny, Hyung, you should meet him someday—”

 

“I don’t care,” Lu Han says again with more pressure in his words. “Listen, I don’t want you to say things like that ever again. It’s not polite.”

 

“Not polite?” Sehun’s laughter starts to vanish along the way. “You used to talk about s all the time, Hyung.”

 

“No, I didn’t,” Lu Han said, scrutinizing him. “I used to get s all the time, but I don’t talk about it.”

 

Sehun raises an eyebrow, judging him.

 

Lu Han finally sighs and throws a hand in the air. “Fine, okay. Maybe I did, once in a while. But still, Sehun-ah, I don’t want you to say things like that. Do you understand me?”

 

The rainbow haired kid scoffs loudly. “Geez, what a mom.”

 

Lu Han glares viciously until finally, Sehun makes a gesture with his hand that he’s going to shut up from now.

 

“Okay, back to the point,” Lu Han said, focusing back to his macbook’s screen. “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD, to be short. See, the symptoms fit. Look!” The older boy shifts his laptop from his lap and brings it closer to Sehun’s eyes so he can take a look.

 

“Hyung, it’s all in Chinese,” Sehun complains, already focusing back to his nails. “The only Chinese words I understand are the ones that are related to .”

 

“Congrats on your brain,” Lu Han comments, not taking him seriously like always. It’s no use; Lu Han just have to start explaining what’s written on his computer’s screen for his benefit. “Okay, here me out and tell me if I’m wrong—”

 

“You’re wrong, that curtain doesn’t match the color of your wall at all,” Sehun says, forehead creasing in deep thinking as he examines Lu Han’s brand new curtain in his apartment. “I think we should’ve gone with cherry pink instead of maroon—AAW!” The boy lets out a girly yelp when Lu Han kicks him right on the shin. “That hurts! What the hell was that for?!”

 

“Can you focus for a second?” Lu Han spat back, glaring. “Listen! Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms are generally grouped into three types: intrusive memories, avoidance and numbing, and increased anxiety or emotional arousal.”

 

“Arousal? OH!” Sehun jabs his finger to the air, looking proud. “It means like, , right?”

 

Lu Han rolls his eyes and doesn’t even bother to correct him. He translates more Chinese words into Korean, and the younger one nods along to his explanation. “Now I still don’t know if she fits the symptoms in the first type—symptoms of intrusive memories may include flashbacks and upsetting dreams about the traumatic incident—maybe she does, but I don’t know. But she definitely fits most of the symptoms in the second and the third type. I know she has trouble with her memories—she didn’t seem to remember me when we first met again—”

 

“And poor Luhannie-Hyung had to spend the rest of his night crying over his Juliet,” Sehun dramatically says and loudly sighs, “Oh, the hard life of Xiao Lu—”

 

“Get the out of my apartment.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

 

“Another symptom that fit,” Lu Han continues as if nothing had interrupted him, “is that she is being easily startled and frightened. That’s why it’s so hard for me to reach her without seeing her flinching.”

 

Sehun raises a hand, asking for a permission to talk. Lu Han gives him an if-you-say-something-ridiculous-again-I’m-gonna-have-to-shave-your-rainbow-head look before he grants him his approval.

 

“If you’re sure she’s suffering from PTSD,” Sehun asks, “Do you know what kind of traumatic event that happened to her?”

 

“Well, I have guesses, of course,” Lu han answers, clicking another tab to read a different page on his web browser. “War and terrorist attacks are very unlikely, but a car accident or sudden death of a loved one seems to have potential. But...”

 

“But...?” Sehun looks a bit intrigued with the topic now.

 

“I have this feeling that maybe,” Lu Han breathes out slowly, not wanting his presumption to be true. “Maybe she’s suffering from PTSD because she was .”

 

“But Hyung,” Sehun frowns, “She’s married and—”

 

“I know, I know,” Lu Han waves him off, still concentrating hard on his assumption. “But it’s written here that ual or physical abuse is an option too.”

 

“So, what, you’re saying that The Kim Woo Bin physically abused her?”

 

“I don’t know,” Lu Han says, suddenly feeling his chest burning with anger he doesn’t know from what. He closes his laptop and folds his arms on his chest as he leans back to his couch. “But that’s a possibility. All we need to do is research.”

 

“Hyung,” Sehun says, voice quiet and soothing—totally unlike his usual voice at all. “I know you care about her. But you have a life, Hyung. You told yourself you came here to work, didn’t you?”

 

“I know,” Lu Han sighs, rubbing his temple with his thumb and index finger. “I know, Sehun-ah, but it’s... It’s hard to let it go just like that. If it’s true—if that guy abused her—if he made her like this, then I—”

 

“Hyung. Hyung, calm down,” Sehun moves towards him, kneeling in front of him and shakes his shoulders softly with gentle hands before the older one bursts out in anger. Sehun can tell how much Lu Han’s voice is trembling with rage, pain, and desperation. “We don’t know for sure what happened to her, okay, Hyung? We don’t even know whether she’s really suffering from PTSD or not, do we?”

 

“Well, we can check.” Lu Han seems weak and restless, and yet Sehun can still see the determination in his eyes. “You said she just got out of rehab, right? Tell me where’s the place so I can go and get some information about—”

 

“No, Hyung. You can’t do that,” Sehun firmly states. “You’re invading her privacy. And even if it’s true—if she was or physically abused like you said—we can’t just make assumption that Kim Woo Bin is the wrong guy here.”

 

Sehun’s right. Lu Han knows he’s right. But there are things that you can accept with your mind, but not with your heart.

 

“And most importantly, Hyung,” Sehun continues, patting his shoulders in assurance. “This is not your business. You don’t have the right to dwell in this matter.”

 

Lu Han props his elbow on his thighs, burying his face in his hands. “I feel like I want to explode, Sehunnie,” he admits loudly, exhaling. “I have this pain in my head that I can’t get away from.”

 

“You’re stressed out,” the other boy responds, standing up and grabbing a glass of fresh water for him. “Here. Drink this and try to relax.”

 

Lu Han does as he says, taking a sip of the mineral water while he presses his spine to the backrest. “Since when are you so wise, Sehun-ah?”

 

“I’m not wise, Hyung. Not at all.” Sehun chuckles as he sinks himself to the couch, taking a seat next to his Hyung. “I just don’t easily let my emotions affect my actions.”

 

And somehow, Lu Han freezes in silence after that.

 

That’s right, Lu. Don’t let your emotions shape your actions more than your mind.

 

Lu Han laughs to himself, covering his eyes with his fingers.

 

Who are you even kidding, Lu?

 

***

 

“Is that for me?” Lu Han asks excitedly when Cara tells him to grab a small floral patterned cake box on the side of the kitchen counter, just a meter away from where she’s standing. When Lu Han moves closer to her to reach the box, she doesn’t recoil anymore. But she keeps looking at him with guarding eyes, ready to withdraw herself if he does something that’s too much for her to handle.

 

Lu Han tries to cover up his smile at her reaction—how she kind of accepts his presence completely now. When he talks, she listens with a small smile, sometimes just for the sake of being polite to someone who’s older than her, but most of the times, she smiles because Lu Han’s words are too funny and random for her that she can’t stop herself from not smiling.

 

“Can I open it?” Lu Han asks but doesn’t linger around too long to hear the answer. He opens it anyway. “Woaaaah~” His jaw falls down on his face, completely awed by the sight of beautifully made red velvet cupcakes with tiny sweet macaroons on top of them.

 

“It’s—I tried a new recipe, and…” It’s cute that sometimes Cara still stumbles on her words. “I... I want you to be the first one to try it, so…”

 

“Seriously?!” Lu Han shouts and this time Cara does flinch but it’s purely his fault from shouting at her so suddenly like that. “I’m sorry for screaming, it’s just…” He scratches the back of his neck as he laughs awkwardly. “I’m so happy that you…” And because he sees the blush on her face even before he says the rest of his line, Lu Han just stops right there. “Thank you. These cupcakes already look so tasty. Am I drooling?”

 

Cara covers with her thin fingers but Lu Han can tell that she’s smiling by the wrinkle at each corner of her eyes.

 

“Is it okay if I try it now?” Lu Han asks, grinning like a dog asking for more food to its master. “I don’t think I can wait till I get home to eat them.”

 

“Of course,” she says. “But promise me to tell the truth. If they taste bad—”

 

“I think ‘bad’ isn’t really an option,” Lu Han cuts in, winking at her before he takes a huge bite of one of the red velvet cupcakes. The moment the soft cake lands inside his mouth, he moans gratefully, tasting the sweet flavor on his tongue. “My God, this is a piece of heaven right here.”

 

Cara looks away, suddenly busying herself with the dishes as she shyly mumbles, “You’re exaggerating.”

 

“No, really, have you tried them?” Lu Han speaks with his mouth full of cupcake and Cara can’t help but laugh when he chokes on it. Lu Han’s eyes get all watery and he tries to breathe properly after coughing so hard. “You’re mean,” Lu Han says, pouting at her. “Laughing at me like that when I literally just got choked to death by your cupcake. You’re just plain mean.”

 

“I’m sorry,” she immediately says, abruptly stopping her laughter. “Are—are you okay?”

 

And Lu Han finds her to be so adorable once again.

 

“If you give me another box of these little angels, “Lu Han gestures his hand to those red velvet cupcakes, “I’ll be veeeeery fine!”

 

“You already look fine to me,” she says and Lu Han responds to it with a laugh.

 

“You realize we just reply each other’s jokes, right?” he asks, grinning ear-to-ear as he props his elbows on the kitchen counter. He stares at her with an adoring look on his eyes while he places his chin one of his knuckles. “I feel like we’re getting even closer now.”

 

There’s a faint blush on her cheeks that Lu Han still manages to catch before she brings her focus back to the dirty dishes. “You... You don’t have to state it out like that.”

 

Lu Han giggles despite his not-so-young age. “Aaaw, has my lwittle bwaby Cawa bwecome shyyy?” he speaks childishly like he’s talking to a baby.

 

Cara keeps shut and puts more effort to concentrate on washing her dishes.

 

“Can I help?” Lu Han asks but she shakes her head no. “Okay, then. Hey, can I ask you something?” He doesn’t wait for her approval. “Am I bothering you? I mean, I come here to see you everyday when you’re supposed to work—” Lu Han cuts his sentence short when he notices her shaking her head. “So I’m not bothering you?”

 

“No,” she answers quietly.

 

Lu Han’s lips breaks into a eating grin. “At all?”

 

She looks a bit flustered as she clears , but she’s not answering the teasing question.

 

“I just moved to a new apartment, by the way,” Lu Han says as he watches the way her shoulders move as she flicks her arm, washing the dishes with delicate fingers. This is the first time Lu Han has ever wished to be born as foam, or even those filth on the plates just so he can be touched by her pretty hands. “And guess where’s my new apartment is?”

 

“Where?”

 

“Right behind this pastry shop,” Lu Han even adds a “He he!” at the end of his line.

 

“Really?” Cara asks, toweling her hand with a napkin she keeps inside one of her pockets before she watches him back.

 

“Really~” Lu Han sings. “It’s easier for me to see you every day now.” Then he suddenly has the intention to , so he places a serious look on his face. “Unless you don’t want me to, then—”

 

“It’s…” She coughs once from trying to answer too fast. “It’s okay.”

 

“You don’t mind?”

 

She sheepishly shakes her head.

 

Lu Han chuckles and he almost blurts out “Damn it, Cara, why are you so cute?” out loud. Almost.

 

“Then I’ll come to see you everyday,” he exclaims happily. “Maybe I’ll bring better stories this time around. What kind of story do you want? Another fairy tale? Comedy? Love? Or even,” Lu Han puts his hands in the air, making imaginary claws as he bares his not-there fangs. He even hisses to indicate that he’s pretending to be a vampire. “Horror~?”

 

But she doesn’t laugh or even smile at his joke. Her voice grows even quieter as she says, “The Man and The Angel.”

 

Lu Han still has his hands hangs awkwardly on the air when he asks, “What?”

 

“I want to hear the rest of that story,” she says, clearer this time. “The story about The Man who found the broken angel.”

 

“Oh…” Lu Han does not see that coming. “Well, umm… That story doesn’t have an ending yet. It’s, uhh…” He glances away from her gaze. “I haven’t finished reading the book, so I still don’t know.”

 

There’s this feeling inside his chest that tell him maybe she can see through his excuses. But even if she does, she doesn’t react to it.

 

She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear and Lu Han really wants to do it for her next time she wants to do that again. “How do you think the ending is going to be?” she asks.

 

Lu Han smiles, feeling his cheeks tinged with heat from all the joy he’s feeling from the pit of his stomach to his head. “It’s going to have a happy ending,” he answers with all his heart. “I’m sure of it.”

 

Cara smiles back, although she’s too shy to keep her gaze on him. “I hope so too, Lu Han.”

 

***

 

“Okay, I didn’t want to ask about this at first, but...” Kris hesitantly speaks as he places his half-emptied mug on his desk.

 

Lu Han stares at him with half-lidded eyes and a goofy smile on his lips. “Don’t worry, ask away~ Ask the wind, ask the grass, ask the sky. Let them answer your soul, my precious little Ben Ben!”

 

Kris wills himself to remain calmly on his seat even though he’s about to jump forward and choke Lu Han to death, because damn it, he does not like it when people call him… that.

 

“Are you high?” Kris sharply asks. “Because if you are, I’m not sure working on our case with your current condition would be ideal for today.”

 

Lu Han can’t even pretend to be offended by his sudden accusation. He’s just too happy to care about Kris’ judging look at the moment. The words Cara said to him last night keep ringing through his ears, making the corners of his lips curve up and his heart sing in joy.

 

I hope so too, Lu Han.

 

Lu Han is one hundred percent sure that Cara knew what she was talking about. She definitely knew that The Man and The Angel in that story were Lu Han and herself. And she still said so.

 

She wants to have a happy ending with me. Lu Han smiles giddily. He suddenly has this urge to jump on Kris’ desk and dance like there’s no tomorrow but he tries to contain it. Because first of all, it isn’t appropriate and he doubts Kris would enjoy the sight of him wiggling his in joy.

 

“Lu Han?” Kris calls again, waking him up from his reverie.

 

“Ah, well...” Lu Han says, voice melodious as he takes one of Kris’ hands and rubs the back of it with his thumb. “I’m just feeling great.”

 

Kris stares in horror at Lu Han’s touch. He’s trying to remember where was the last time he put his hand sanitizer on.

 

“And I know you forgot to call me Hyung, Kris,” Lu Han smiles gently, looking a bit creepy, to be honest. “But it’s okay. I’ll forgive you today.”

 

“Err…” Kris winces when Lu Han holds his hand tighter. It’s not like he finds Lu Han to be disgusting. He just… doesn’t appreciate the fact that there’s a fully grown man touching him. Kris may not mingle—or whatever people call it these days—with women very often, but that does not mean he prefers men to them. And Lu Han is just… too creepy for his type. Especially now.

 

“I mean, it’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” Lu Han chirps merrily, finally taking back his hands away from Kris’ bigger one so he can point at his surroundings. Kris breathes in relief. “Why waste it on being angry over something so small? Isn’t that right, Wu Fan?”

 

“Uh... Yeah.” The taller man quickly retracts his hand back and subtly wipes the spot Lu Han just touched with the cloth on his branded work pants. “But you know, it’s actually… umm, raining outside.”

 

A sound of thunder rumbling through the air emphasizes Kris’ words but Lu Han doesn’t give a crap about that.

 

“Whatever, it’s still a lovely day to me,” Lu Han says, leaning against the back of his chair as he stares at Kris with his lovesick eyes. “You look handsome today, Kris.”

 

Kris drags his chair a few inches away from where Lu Han is sitting. “Thanks... I guess?” The taller man looks a bit scared.

 

“And your skin is so smooth, by the way.”

 

Okay, now he’s definitely scared.

 

“Where is Yixing when I need him?” Kris mutters quietly under his breath when Lu Han starts giggling to himself. Yixing would’ve been useful to divert Lu Han’s attention from him, but unfortunately, the man has gone away to do a good deed for the children today—at least that’s what he said anyway. Kris honestly thinks that Yixing is just spending his time in the bathroom because he just spent twenty minutes eating super spicy tacos—Kris’ super spicy tacos. That sly bastard.

 

Lu Han starts to hum—is that A Pink’s No No No?—as he taps his feet to the floor. It almost drives Kris crazy. Thank God he stops before Kris can call the security to drag his lovesick out of his office.

 

“Just what is wrong with you?” The man with the thick eyebrows asks with a slight annoyance displayed on his face. “You look so—”

 

Lu Han cuts in with a grin. “Happy?”

 

“Weird.” Kris firmly finishes. “You look so weird. Do I even want to know what happened to you?”

 

“Nothing, I’m just…” Lu Han can’t stop smiling to himself as Cara’s face appears on his mind. He’s just so close to telling Kris all about her, but he decides to go against it. After all, his relationship with Kris now is strictly business. He has to keep things professional. “You know what, it’s nothing. Nevermind. I’m sorry for acting a bit out of character. Should we get back to work now?”

 

“Err...” Kris looks uncertain. “Okay.”

 

“Okay~” Then the man begins to sing—Yep, it’s definitely A Pink’s No No No—and he doesn’t show any kind of stressful emotions like he used to. Kris suddenly feels very uncomfortable, because usually, Lu Han would come up to his office with an oh--everyone-my-life- look on his face, and just keep on sighing as he did his work. But today, he’s being the opposite of everything.

 

“You can stop staring at me, Kris,” Lu Han suddenly says, sparing him a glance. “Or is there something else you want to ask?”

 

Kris should’ve asked again about why Lu Han is acting like this, but his lips betray him because the next question he throws doesn’t have anything to do with the other man.

 

Kris doesn’t know what’s gotten into him.

 

“How is she?” Kris asks, looking as serious as usual but Lu Han doesn’t miss the small pain that appears in his eyes for a split second.

 

The older man doesn’t need to be told about whom Kris is referring to. After all, there’s only one girl Kris ever talks about.

 

“You mean, your ex-girlfriend?” Lu Han spells out his guess anyway. “The one you left heartbroken just for a scholarship?” He doesn’t intend to be mean; he’s just stating out the truth. And yes, maybe Lu Han is still a bit pissed off about the whole Kris-leaving-so-suddenly-without-saying-goodbye thing because the girl is one of his most precious friend. The way Kris treated her was horrible, and Lu Han can’t help but be a bit angry about it.

 

But when Lu Han sees how the pain in Kris’ eyes grows more vividly after his last statement, the anger slowly dissipates and he kinds of regret blurting out those mean words to him. “I’m sorry, Kris, I didn’t mean it to say it like that.” Besides, it’s all in the past now, right? She’s already found someone else too, so there’s really no reason for him to be angry at the other man.

 

“It’s…” Kris averts his eyes and waves him off. “It’s okay.”

 

The tension between them is so thick that Lu Han feels like he needs a freaking katana just to cut it off to pieces.

 

“She’s alright,” Lu Han says, trying to put a comforting smile. “She’s doing really great, actually.”

 

Kris’ eyes light up a little at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. “She is?”

 

“Of course. I take care of my dongsaengs well, you know,” Lu Han responds, grinning a bit mischievously for some reason. “And she’s my most favorite dongsaeng ever. Of course I’m always trying to make her happy.”

 

“That’s…” Kris almost smiles to himself. Almost. “That’s great to hear. I’m glad she’s doing fine…”

 

Lu Han can somehow tell that Kris decided to leave the last two words—without me—and let his sentence hang in the air at the last second. “Yeah, she’s married now, by the way.”

 

Kris suddenly fixes his gaze back on the other man’s face. “­What?”

 

Lu Han exhales heavily. He hates himself for being the one who has to break it down for him like this. “Yes. She got married two years ago, I think.”

 

“Oh…” Kris his lower lip awkwardly. “Uhh…” He lets out a forced chuckle. “She… She never mentioned it to me.”

 

Lu Han raises an eyebrow. “What, have you talked to her recently?”

 

Kris looks a bit caught off guard. “Well, no, but—”

 

“Kris, you haven’t contacted her since the day you left her to go to Canada,” Lu Han states out. “You didn’t actually expect her to invite you to her wedding after that, did you?”

 

Somehow, the truth in his words makes Kris feel smaller despite how big his body is if being compared to Lu Han’s. “I know,” Kris admits. “It’s selfish of me to think that she still cares about me.”

 

“Oh God….” Lu Han sighs, suddenly feeling tired. “Don’t start being all emo on me, Wu Yi Fan. If you hadn’t left her back then, she would have stayed with you for the rest of her life. This is your own fault. Face the consequences like a man.”

 

Lu Han’s cold truth feels like a mean slap on the face but it drives away the awkward tension between them because now, Lu Han is being himself again. Kris just tries to put a better—a stronger—mask on his face and keeps his voice calm when he questions, “So who’s the lucky guy?”

 

Lu Han analyzes the other man’s expression and gives him the I-know-you’re-just-asking-this-to-look-strong-but-whatever look before he answers. “A friend of mine. Name’s Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Byun Baekhyun?” Kris repeats a bit bitterly. “I’ve never heard of him before.”

 

“Yeah well, of course. He’s not a billionaire like you, Kris.” Lu Han almost rolls his eyes. “He doesn’t live in five-story mansion nor he owns three Ferraris in his garage. He’s just a normal dude.”

 

Kris blinks twice before he smiles a little and says, “Four.”

 

“What?”

 

“Four,” Kris repeats, and for the first time, he shows a grin—a very cocky one, to be exact—on his plump lips. “I own four Ferraris.”

 

Lu Han gives him a look. “Really, Kris? You just really need to tell me that?”

 

Kris shakes his head as he chuckles a little. “You know, I prefer this kind of look on you rather than the weird, goofy, and a bit homoual look you pulled off a few moments ago.”

 

“Kris Wu,” Lu Han cooes, clicking his tongue in annoyance. “Always trying to eat other people’s happiness.”

 

Kris narrows his eyes at him. “Careful there. I’m still your boss here.”

 

“Bite me.”

 

“Very mature, Lu Han.”

 

“It’s Lu Han-Hyung to you!”

 

Kris just shakes his head in amusement again before he laces his fingers together and asks, “So tell me more about this Byun Baekhyun guy.”

 

“Oh, he’s just some I know,” Lu Han answers casually as if he just said something normal.

 

Kris waits for a few seconds before he repeats, “Some .”

 

“Yep.”

 

“She is married to some .”

 

“Yeah.” Lu Han can tell the pressure on Kris’ words. “But to be fair, he looks great with eyeliner. I think some girls cried because he wears it better than most of them.” He thinks about it for a sec. “You know, I think I cried once.”

 

Kris doesn’t look amused, not even for a bit. “Care to explain more?”

 

“Sure. It was Halloween when I wanted to dress up as Marilyn Monroe and—”

 

“Not the part where you cried,” Kris’ voice practically freezes the room. “About Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Oh, you know, he’s just the usual type of .” Lu Han waves his hand carelessly as he runs his eyes through the words on the paper he’s currently working on. He grabs a pen and makes a note here and there on the work sheet. “Likes to have careless, dirty with random girls; get drunk every weekend; bratty and cocky as . You know, the usual.”

 

Kris doesn’t show much on his face, but deep down, he is very, terribly shocked by the sudden information. “And you let her be with someone like that?”

 

Lu Han takes a sip on his own Frappuccino. “Yeah.”

 

Kris almost loses it, to be honest. “I don’t understand this,” the taller one says with a voice filled with venom. “I thought you said you wanted to make her happy.”

 

“And that’s exactly what I’m doing.” Lu Han nods his head casually while he brings his eyes back on the paper. “Making her happy.”

 

Kris snaps. “How is letting her marry some like that going to make her happy?”

 

Lu Han sighs loudly when he shoots Kris a look. “Because she’s finally with someone who’s going to stay with her as long as she wants him to. Because she’s marrying someone who is brave enough to promise her that he’s going to be by her side for the rest of his life. Because he promises her that he’s not going to leave her no matter what.”

 

Lu Han can tell how Kris stops breathing for a moment there before he sees his jaw clenches in anger and pain.

 

“Kris, she loved you,” Lu Han says, with a more soothing tone this time. “She told me that you were the first person she ever loved, but what did you do? You took off.” He snaps his finger in the air. “Just like that.”

 

“I didn’t have any choice!” Kris’ tone rises higher and his voice booms through the room.

 

“You did have a choice!” Lu Han retorts harshly. “You could’ve tried harder to stay.”

 

Kris breathes heavily when he says, “Why waste your energy trying to do something that you know it’s never going to work out anyway?”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Lu Han sternly replies. “You want to know why I let her marry Baekhyun?”

 

Kris knows that’s a rhetorical question so he keeps his mouth shut but his eyes speak many words. Most of them are indicating anger, frustration, and the most vivid one is regret.

 

“I let her be with Baekhyun,” Lu Han continues, “because when he proposed to her at first, she told him no. She rejected his proposal. But he stayed. Baekhyun stayed. He didn’t walk away from her. He had a choice, Kris. He could’ve left her and be with someone else, but he stayed.”

 

Kris falls quiet. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes are still. “Maybe he didn’t have to choose between her and his family,” Kris mutters spitefully, applying it back to his case.

 

“You’re right, because he didn’t have any family,” Lu Han says and this time, Kris looks genuinely surprised. “Baekhyun didn’t have anyone else but her, Kris. Now you know how much it hurt him when she told him no.”

 

Kris grits his teeth behind his tight lips but he doesn’t react more than that.

 

“Look, Kris,” Lu Han says, looking a bit pressured. “I’m not judging you here. You have your own problems. You have your own reasons and I respect that. Just…” He stops for a few seconds because Kris looks so heartbroken right there. The taller man tends to put on a serious and strong demeanor when he’s in front of people, and no matter what happens, he stays just like that. But now, with just the mention of her name, Kris starts to crumble away. “Just be happy for her, will you? If you still care about her, Kris, then do that. Accept the fact that she’s now happy with someone that is not you.”

 

Kris looks away, biting the insides of his cheeks to stop him from replying with more rude words.

 

“You know, it doesn’t have to be like this,” Lu Han says. “She doesn’t hate you, Kris. Maybe she did, but she’s moved on. You should too.”

 

“What do you want me to do?” Kris asks, finally staring back at him with tired eyes.

 

“See her and apologize to her.” Lu Han leans back to his seat. “Be friends with her again, Kris, you owe her that. She has lost so much, don’t make her lose her best friend too.”

 

Kris stays quiet for a while as his fingers idly play with the thin, golden pen on his desk. “You know, I wanted to take her with me,” Kris mutters softly, his mind starts dealing with the past again. “Back then, when my family asked me to go to Canada, I wanted to bring her with me.”

 

Lu Han gives him a moment before he asks, “Then why didn’t you?”

 

“My family didn’t want me to be with her,” Kris answers almost in a whisper. “They said she was just like any other girls, wanting me for my money. They wanted me to break things off with her.”

 

The thought makes Lu Han want to shout in anger, but he knows it’s not Kris’ fault. “And you believed them and just went along with what they said?”

 

“I followed their words,” Kris admitted bitterly, “But I didn’t believe them. Not even for a bit. I tried to convince them, but…” His words trail off.

 

Lu Han can only stare for a while. “Did you even love her, Kris?”

 

Kris looks up again, meeting his eyes with heavy ones. Even though his words are soft and quiet, Lu Han can hear the sincerity behind them when Kris says, “She was the only girl I’ve ever loved.”

 

Lu Han notices how upset Kris looks at the moment, but there’s nothing he can really do about it. It’s maybe a bit insensitive of him when he asks again, “Do you still love her now?” but the second the question is out of his mouth, Lu Han doesn’t take it back.

 

Kris looks a bit shaken but he succeeds in keeping his face straight. His voice is steady but also stiff when he replies, “Not anymore.”

 

Lu Han blinks a couple times before he smiles and brings his eyes back to his paper.

 

Not two seconds later, Yixing makes a sudden appearance in Kris’ office. He has one hand clutching his stomach and he looks like he’s constipated—which there’s one hundred percent chance that he is.

 

The man with cute dimples on his cheek groans as he rubs his belly. “Remind me not to eat Mexican food ever again,” he grumbles as he takes a seat beside Lu Han. “Whoa, what’s with the awkward tension? I swear, it feels like someone just died around here. What did I miss?”

 

Lu Han only shrugs casually and sneaks a glance at the tallest man in the room. “Oh, Kris was just telling me about his love life.”

 

Kris shoots him a glare, making it obvious with his eyes that he does not want to share such information with Yixing. After all, the girl Kris ‘no longer’ in love with is also Yixing’s ex-girlfriend.

 

“Oh really?” Yixing’s eyebrows wiggle in excitement. “Oh, I have to know about this. Mr. Wu finally finds a female dragon to keep him company in his fabulous lair.”

 

Kris makes a face. “What even—”

 

“Tell me, tell me, Lu Han-ge,” Yixing whines, clutching to Lu Han’s arm and starts pulling at it like a nagging five year old. “What did Ben Ben tell you?”

 

Lu Han looks at Kris and he smirks. “A lie.”

 

***

Hello, lovely readers! Sorry for updating a bit late, but here it is! I hope you enjoy it :)

I want to welcome the new readers, by the way. Ever since The Marriage Life of Mr. Byun got featured, the numbers of subcribers for this story have been constantly rising and I just want to say thank you for everything! Without you all, my stories would mean nothing. I LOVE YOU GUYS <3333