VOW

 

“I want to apologize,” Cara said, sitting down on the couch beside the man who just e year older that day. “I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.”

 

“Why, because you made the most perfect cake ever?” Lu Han teased, the last icing of the cake away from his fingertip. “Damn, this is so good!”

 

“I wanted to surprise you,” she admitted, her head was down in disappointment. “I wanted to make a surprise for you but you got here faster before I could be ready and… well, I guess I’m just saying that it could’ve gone better… I’m sorry.”

 

Lu Han stared at her with a disapproving frown because what the hell was she even talking about? Everything was absolutely perfect! Cara’s simple celebration was way better than any kind of half-assed birthday bash his friends ever made him back then in college. Well, of course, maybe this one didn’t have alcohols or half- girls surrounding him with sloppy kisses but Lu Han did not need any of that anymore. He only needed her company and there she was, baking him his most favorite flavor birthday cake presented a smile that was much sweeter than any kind of icing in the world.

 

“I’ll forgive you,” Lu Han said, finding another opportunity to again. “But only if you grant my birthday wish.”

 

She tilted her head upward, looking fond at the idea. “Of course. What is it?”

 

Lu Han opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out because, holy hell, he just completely forgot everything he wanted to say right at that moment when he noticed Cara’s eyes fell to his lips.

 

Why is she staring at my lips? Why is she blushing? Why does she suddenly avert her eyes away from me? What is she thinking?

 

Those questions continuously ran through his head and he kept on pondering over and over it again until he suddenly blurted out—

 

“Do you want to kiss me?”

 

Cara gaped, probably thinking that a trip to hell seemed to be a much more appealing option than sitting in the same room with Lu Han after he asked such question. She had her tongue tied, face burning with darker shades of red and Lu Han, finally noticing how stupid he was, tried to fix things up with an even embarrassing line.

 

“I mean, I do,” he said, spluttering words before he could think properly. “I mean, I want to kiss you. R-right now and… so much that all I can think about is—”

 

Cara covered her own face with her hands, mumbling, “Oh my God, Lu Han, stop,” under her breath.

 

But Lu Han was already this far. He’d rather die than to have to back away. “Can I?” he asked, his own face tingling, “Cara, can I kiss you?”

 

His eyes hid no secrets and the question almost took the breath out of her lungs. It was too all of a sudden, though both of them had seen it coming. But even though they had kissed a few times before that, Cara still couldn’t handle it when she was being asked directly like this.

 

“W-we’ve kissed plenty of times before,” she said, her voice was so thick with humiliation. “You’ve never asked for my permission before this so why now?”

 

That line gave him a startled jolt before he went flustered as well. Had he always been that impolite before? Although he was curious, Lu Han didn’t want to know the answer right then. Not when his desire was running thick in his veins like that.

 

“I… I know, but, uhh…” He looked away, rubbing the tip of his nose with his finger as he stared at his feet. “I’ve actually been holding back a little whenever I kissed you… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything so…” He cleared his throat, gaining more courage before he locked their eyes together once more. “But for once, I want to kiss you in the way I’ve always wanted to. For once, I want to kiss you like a man—not a shy little boy who’s having their first kiss. For once, I want to really kiss you. Place my hand against your cheek, tangle my fingers in your hair, and kiss you until I have to remember how to breathe.”

 

For once, I want to lose control.

 

Cara stared at him with her pupils blown, eyes unblinking and wide. It took about two seconds for Lu Han to realize that he’d just literally poured his heart out and how stupid and creepy his words sounded. He hoped that he wasn’t too late to recover from his awful state just yet.

 

“I—I mean,” he stuttered as he tried to will the blush away from coloring his face. “God, you must think I’m a ert. You know what, pretend I was just joking—it’s… It’s completely fine if you don’t want to do it, just… Just forget it. I was being dumb, that’s all. Wow, that was so embarrassing. Why on earth did I do that?” Lu Han ended it with a laugh to sound casual but all it did was just making his words seemed more like a lie rather than just an excuse.

 

A deafening silence came through and Lu Han felt like the heavy tension between them was trying to wash him away into void. “Anyway, thanks for the cake, Cara. It was really good. Maybe we should call it—”

 

“Okay.”

 

“—a… night…” Lu Han’s tongue lay dead on his mouth. He froze, staring at her in disbelief. “What…?”

 

Cara took a deep breath, her hands fiddling with the bottom of her sweater. “I said, okay.”

 

Lu Han must have been imagining things because he just heard her whispering that she agreed to what he asked for. And not once, but twice!

 

He laughed gracelessly, “I’m sorry, my ears must be playing tricks on me. Did you really just say okay?” He tried his luck anyway.

 

A nod. Please, a simple nod will do. Just…

 

But Lu Han got more than what he wished in his mind. Cara shifted closer to his spot on the couch and leaned up, bringing her face closer to his. Lu Han’s question was soon awarded with a kiss—a warm, soft brush of her lips that missed an inch away from his mouth and didn’t last long for more than a brief second but it did send him the message.

 

When she pulled back, her face was practically on fire. She fidgeted in her seat, already looking like she was on the verge of running away to her room in case Lu Han didn’t give her a proper reaction soon. He just gaped at her again and again and again until she finally said, “O-or if you don’t want to, I can just—” she stood up, almost burying her face in shame. “Oh God, I don’t know why I just did that. I-I’m just going to go back to my room and—”

 

Lu Han didn’t waste another second. He stood up so quickly on his feet that he began to have a head rush but that didn’t stop him from catching her with one arm around her waist and another one holding her firmly around her nape. And he kissed her, lips interlocking, warm breaths mingling with one another. The kiss was longer, his lips pressing a little harder against hers but Lu Han still held back a little and Cara knew. She always noticed everything about him.

 

“Lu Han,” she whispered, her lips only an inch away from his. Though she wasn’t certain, she thought Lu Han had a tint of alcohol in his breath. “Have you been drinking?”

 

“Yixing made me, but only a little,” Lu Han confessed. “I’m not drunk enough to forget this in the morning. How could I forget? You’re finally giving me the chance to do this.”

 

“And yet, you’re holding back,” she said, shyly gazing up at him with faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Do you not trust me?”

 

Lu Han gulped. Such bravery in her voice was tempting but Lu Han still knew his boundaries. “Of course, I trust you.” He pressed his temple against hers and waited until she said something more. “But if you want to stop, I still can—”

 

Cara stood on her tip toes, catching him off guard again with her velvety, butterfly kisses on his mouth. Lu Han felt like his breath got stolen every time he felt the warmth of her curvy lips on his.

 

“Then…” Lu Han said, finally accepting her permission to lose control for a brief moment. “I’ll take you up on that offer.”

 

That time, he really did kiss her in the way he’d wanted to do since the first time he met her.

 

He pressed his lips hard against hers, pouring all of his feelings and passion he’d been trying to keep within himself for years in that one, breathtaking kiss. Cara stumbled on her feet, her knees fell out under her when Lu Han pulled her closer against his chest to the point she could feel the rapid beat of his heart. They were standing but Cara felt like the ground was consuming her whole existence. Lu Han was being so demanding but she didn’t complain because although this scared her, a part of it sent fire to her skin. It was… exciting.

 

Lu Han made a low groan at the back of his throat when Cara parted her lips to take a breath. “More,” he said, placing his fingers around her chin and pulled it down before he slanted his mouth against hers again. He kissed harder, tracing his tongue at the seam of her lower lip and she trembled, fingers clutching hard at the back of Lu Han’s shirt. She wouldn’t have been able to stand if Lu Han hadn’t had his arms around her.

 

That actually wasn’t the first time she’d ever been kissed so roughly like that, but it was the first time she could actually enjoy the excitement in it. There was no pain, no dread, just passion and need and desire and joy and everything she thought she didn’t need before mixing into one scorching kiss. She couldn’t think of anything else. Just Lu Han and his lips. Lu Han and his comforting warmth. Lu Han and his hand grasping desperately against the soft strands of her hair as if she’d run away if he didn’t hold her close enough.

 

His kiss made her brave and she became afraid of how much she wanted to kiss him back in the same way.

 

She tried to reciprocate the movement of his lips with the same pace but Lu Han didn’t give her much room to improvise. He knew what he was doing and all she needed to do was just relax and blend into the kiss. He already made everything so easy for her. The only problem was, he made her feel like something was stirring inside her chest and her stomach was doing crazy flips over and over again.

 

Lu Han cupped the side of her cheek and angled her head to the side for a deeper kiss. She could feel his tongue probing against her lower lip again and her stomach did a somersault. Her skin tingled everywhere and she let out a muffled sound when she parted her lips to let him in.

 

“Lu—Lu Han,” she gasped against his mouth, clutching tightly to his shoulders as if she was drowning.

 

Lu Han fell back to the couch and she ended up falling on top of him. She was sitting on his lap, with his legs between her thighs and she almost fainted because how could they be in such inappropriate position?

 

“Lu Han—mmph!” She pulled away only to get pulled back. Lu Han held her around the waist, pressing her closer and closer and closer to the point their chests were pressed up against one another. Maybe if she could concentrate better, she could feel his heartbeat rumbling to match hers. “God, Cara,” Lu Han said in a split second when their lips disconnected. “I swear, I’m never letting you go.” But Cara could never have the time to respond or think. Lu Han didn’t even give her the time to breathe!

 

He didn’t stop, only kissing her with enough passion to burn her alive. Everything he did was so overwhelming and she still couldn’t get enough of it but for the time being, she really needed air. “Lu Han, wait—”

 

“One more,” Lu Han begged, already smashing his mouth against her in another heart thumping kiss. “Just let me have one more.” And this time he kissed her with an open mouth, nibbling on her lower lip before unconsciously tugging it away between his slightly thicker ones. She could feel his muffled moan against her kiss and she shivered at the low, vibrating sound coming from his throat. Lu Han could taste her on his tongue and he almost whimpered because a girl shouldn’t have tasted this sweet. She’d put those cakes into shame if she dared to let him taste her one more time.

 

More.

 

Lu Han’s hand was placed dangerously low on her hips; his fingers hovered tauntingly at the edge of her sweater.

 

I can’t get enough.

 

Cara clutched hard against his shirt, unconsciously pulling on his shoulders for support. The taste of Lu Han’s tongue was foreign, making her toes curl but it wasn’t unpleasant.

 

I want her.

 

“Lu Han,” she breathed, and it wasn’t so much of a cry of surprise than a whisper of adoration of his name. “Lu Han…”

 

I want to make her mine.

 

But when she trusted him enough to let herself fully sink into his embrace and relaxed in his arms, he knew that it wasn’t enough.

 

I want her to love me too.

 

Lu Han didn’t want to blame the alcohol for acting unlike himself, but at that moment, it was like he didn’t even have control over his body.

 

“Lu Han…?” Cara frowned when Lu Han’s expression seemed to darken. His eyes were wild, staring at her as if she was something to be consumed. “Lu Han, wha—”

 

When Cara blinked her eyes again, she found herself lying on the couch with Lu Han hovering above her with his knee between her legs. “Cara,” he called, teeth grazing against her lower lip and she flinched because this time, it was a bit painful.

 

“W-wait—” she said, pushing him over the shoulder to give them some distance, but Lu Han was quicker and a lot stronger. Hastily, he held one of Cara’s hand above her head and pinned her down. She began to panic.

 

“Cara,” he said, moving his lips to the corner of , down her chin, before tracing his tongue down the line of . “Be mine. I don’t want to share you with anyone else. Be mine only.”

 

Cara’s eyes went wide. The memories of her previous relationship with her ex-husband began to devour her sanity once again.

 

Say that you only belong to me, her former husband used to say, I own you.

 

Cara’s breathing became erratic, her fingers shaking in what she recognized as fear. Lu Han, caught in his own delusion, began to kiss her lower, touch her in some places he never dared to lay a hand before and he just did not stop.

 

“No—” Her voice started to break. “No, stop…!”

 

Lu Han didn’t hear her. Even if he did, his mind was so clouded with something else that all he could do in response to her words was to cup her chin and slanted his lips against hers again to muffle her speech

 

“No—” Cara tried to look away but Lu Han had a strong hold of her face. “Lu Han, stop—Let me go—”

 

He groaned, kissing her deeper and deeper until—

 

“I said, STOP!”

 

A hard kick to his stomach sent his body tumbling down the couch and he landed with his back on the floor. Lu Han gasped, pain rushing to his brain, waking him up from whatever that was that controlled him. Cara was already rushing back to her feet, running away with threatening tears covering her eyes before Lu Han could even utter her name.

 

“Ca—” Lu Han’s voice was rewarded with a slam of a door. She locked herself inside her room and Lu Han never felt so pathetic in his life.

 

What have you done? He screamed in his head. Lu Han, what have you done?!

 

Suddenly feeling like he was about to burst, Lu Han rushed to her door, knocking his knuckles against it. “Cara, I’m sorry!” He said, with an obvious desperation in his voice. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me and—Cara, are you okay?”

 

The girl had her back pressed against the other side of the door with her hands covering her ears. Her heart was still racing. Her body was still trembling with fear. She didn’t know Lu Han could look like that. He terrified her.

 

“Cara, please…” Lu Han begged, closing his eyes and pressing his temple to the door. His knuckles were still knocking the door with no purpose. “Cara… Forgive me…”

 

The girl slid down to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest and trying her best to regain her calm. “Lu Han’s not him,” she whispered to herself over and over again. “Lu Han is different. He’s not him. Lu Han is kind—you know him. He’s different. Calm down. Calm down!”

 

If Lu Han could punch himself in the face, he would’ve done that since long. He had his bottom lip between his teeth and he gnawed at it so hard, he began to taste copper in his mouth. He deserved it. He deserved to be treated like trash and thrown away by her. How could he do that? How could he do something like that to a girl who was several times under her husband’s order?

 

“Cara, I have no excuse,” Lu Han said, his voice trembling with agony. He was standing with his forehead pressing against the door, his palms never letting go the surface as well. His head was hanging low when he began to reflect over his action. “I would offer you anything in the world right now but I know it’s not gonna do you anything good. I… I don’t know what had gotten into me, and I could’ve blamed everything on the alcohol but I won’t because it won’t change the fact that it was me who just hurt you. It was me, the guy that promised to protect you, who almost forced himself on you. If there’s anything I can do to fix this, please tell me because I’m terribly lost. Cara, I can only beg for your forgiveness and…” The pain in his chest was so apparent; he began to have trouble breathing. “And if you… If you want me to leave, please just say so and I’ll—”

 

The door suddenly swayed open, only a little, not even big enough for him to stick his hand inside. And Lu Han never forced it open, never said anything until she first tried to speak.

 

But instead of words, she gave him a paper, folded into half. She slid it out from the small gap of her door and Lu Han could finally hear her whisper.

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, voice hoarse and solemn with enough amount of fear. “I still believe you.”

 

“Believe…?”

 

“Happy birthday, Lu Han.”

 

The door was closed once again and after that, no matter how many times he called her name, she never reached back.

 

Lu Han spent that night staring into space with his back pressed against her door. He couldn’t sleep. And when he opened the paper, he found a sketch of a fairy who was wearing a crown with her tummy showing a little because the shirt she wore was too little to cover her bloating stomach. She had icing around , indicating that she was just finished eating a cake. The fairy was sitting on a table with her back pressed against a tea cup, which was just about her size. She looked satisfied and content as she rubbed her full stomach proudly with closed eyes. On the other side of the table, there was another fairy, just as plump and just as short, but that fairy was certainly a male. He was approaching her with a little box hidden behind his back. From the way the male fairy blushed, Lu Han guessed he was about to propose.

 

As he gazed upon the picture, Lu Han began to remember that day when he visited her in the pastry shop. “Do you know the history of cupcakes, Cara?” he had once asked her. It was such a long time ago, nearly a year, even. How could she still remember that?

 

And his chest throbbed a little when he found something at the end of the paper. Under that drawing was a train of words, written directly by her hands: He saw her at her worst but he didn’t give up. They made me believe in fairy tales.

 

Another memory flashed through his eyes.

“We don’t live in fairy tales, Lu Han.”

“But we can create one,” he’d said, with his hand holding hers as they exchanged words on the hospital bed. “Let me live for you, and in return, you have to live for me. Our souls are connected and if you break yours, I won’t be able to live anymore. That’s our fairy tale. It’s our turn to decide our own happy ending. I’m saying I want to live, and I want to love you with all my heart. Will you do me the honor of doing the same thing for me in return?”

Lu Han remembered the way Cara smiled that night—sheepish, but honest and bright. “I don’t believe in fairy tales,” she’d said, “But you make me believe there’s a happy ending for everyone.”

Lu Han finally could connect the puzzle. It was exactly why a moment ago, Cara said, “I still believe you.” She still believed in him even after what just happened. It wasn’t exactly a forgiveness, but it did make the pain and the fear in his chest cease a little.

“Thank you,” Lu Han softly whispered, closing his eyes and laying his head against the door. “I’m so sorry…”

***

“Sehun.”

 

Sehun looks up from where he’s been sitting idly on the green grass. The light of the sun immediately finds its way through the branches of the trees to place warmth upon his face. A lady in a black pencil skirt and a white blouse stares at him with a smile. Her hands are busy holding a bouquet of white daisies and yet she still tries to wave at him. “I thought I’d find you here,” she says, approaching his spot slowly.

 

Sehun tries to reply her but it’s hard to find a word to say to an ex-girlfriend you’re still very much in love with. So he just smiles once before he brings his eyes back to the tombstone in front of him. His mother’s name is no longer freshly carved on the stone and yet the cut on his chest still feels new, no matter how many times he has come to visit her grave.

 

It’s been almost a month since the last time they saw each other in his mother’s flower shop. When Sehun remembers how he embraced the blue-eyed girl back then—how he held on to her so tightly with his voice nearly breaking into sobs when he tried to speak her name, the pale guy still feels embarrassed though he doesn’t think that it was the wrong thing to do. She didn’t pull away from him, which was a good thing, of course, but… It wasn’t like it was easy for them to date each other again like nothing happened.

 

Sehun still has his scars, and she understands him enough not to force him to do anything he’s unsure of. So they’ve decided to part ways, at least for now. Even if it seems like it’s pointless, it does make a difference to him. And the girl with the blue eyes has no other wish than to stay beside him for the rest of her life so she agrees with him with no condition.

 

The first week was horrible. She still visited his mother’s flower shop everyday, helping him to water the plants and taking care the place like always. And just like usual, she never spoke much words. If everything had been normal, that wouldn’t have become a problem because Sehun was always there to speak his mind about every little thing in the world that served to his amusement. But the silence for these last few weeks continued to grow considering Sehun barely opened his mouth as well. They still secretly glanced at one another and it wasn’t only once or twice that their eyes met each other’s. As more days passed by, the blue-eyed girl began to take the initiative. She smiled when their eyes met, she called his name when she caught him staring blankly into space and sometimes, when Sehun looked particularly lonely, she would take off her working gloves, reach out a hand toward him and gently pat his head. Not too long, not too soft, just a simple touch to let him know that ‘I’m here. You’re not alone. We’ll get through this together.’

 

Sehun never wanted to break up, but noticing how dangerous he could be when he let himself be near her in his unstable state, he tried to keep his distance to prevent himself from hurting her again. He knows that she has forgiven him already but he still can’t bring himself to do the same to himself. That’s why he never asks her to take him back like the old days. Though if Sehun asked Kim Jongdae about their relationship, he would’ve snorted and smacked Sehun on the head because, “Dude, you guys are so in love with each other, you’re on the verge of driving me insane! And you’re saying you want to stop dating?”

 

Sehun also thinks it’s dumb to break up with someone who’s still very in love with you as much as you’re in love with them. But he has his own reasons and she has enough reasons to play along with his game and love him unconditionally.

 

“May I sit next to you?” she asks, still a bit awkward in trying to speak to him. Sehun doesn’t answer her with words but instead, he takes her hand and pulls her closer to him. She smiles, letting her fingers trace the rough skin of his palm before she sits down next to him. Sehun almost lets go of her hand but she holds on to it so he doesn’t. He never wishes to let go of it in the first place anyway.

 

They don’t speak but the silence is nice to share.

 

The wind blows against her brunette hair, making her bangs a little messy on her forehead and Sehun tries hard not to reach out and brush them away from her blue eyes. She smells like her strawberry shampoo, the one Sehun remembers by heart, and the one he secretly used when he showered at her place. It was a nice memory to reminiscence because Sehun can imagine her puffing her cheeks in anger. “I just bought this yesterday and it’s already empty,” she had once said, sighing while holding her shampoo bottle. “You have less hair than mine, how is this possible?” And Sehun only shrugged, sending her his best puppy look so she would forgive him and his hair. Sehun never told her that he was using her shampoo as bath foam to soak the whole tub and fill it with bubbles. And he would never tell her that the reason why he did it was so he could bathe in her scent—the scent that he really loved, the one that made him sleep with a smile on his face. He knew she would call him a ert, and of course he is. He’s a full grown man with the most beautiful lover in the world (at least according to him). She should’ve been grateful that he didn’t try undressing her in public everytime he got the chance.

 

“You’re staring into space,” the girl suddenly states and Sehun nearly jolts awake. “But you don’t seem sad so I guess it’s okay.”

 

Sehun turns his head to look at her and she smiles, almost sheepishly which is a little too out of character on her part but Sehun loves it. She takes her hand away from his and Sehun nearly mumbles out, “No,” before he catches himself and maintains his composure.

 

“When I was a kid,” she says, still smiling when she takes a look at the white daisies in her hands. “I asked my father a question when my grandmother passed away. I was so little, I didn’t yet understand the pain of having someone you love took their final breath. But I saw my father crying on her grave so I asked him a question.”

 

Sehun has his knees curled up to his chest, lying his chin above them as he basks in the warmth of the sun.

 

“’Dad’, I asked him,” she says, “’Why do the best people die?’ And my father, he smiled, but I guess he still had tears lingering in his eyes. Then he asked me back, ‘When you’re in a garden, which flowers do you pick?’”

 

Sehun lets the wind ruffle his hair and he mumbles quietly under his breath, “The most beautiful ones.”

 

His former lover smiles at him warmly, beautifully, and reaches out to swipe his bangs away from his eyes. Sehun swallows, holding his breath. “Correct,” she says, standing up on her feet to step forward and place the flowers on his mother’s grave.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Oh,” she begins, smiling not with her lips but with her eyes. “I’ve brought you some daisies today. I took the liberty and grew them myself in your garden—I hope you wouldn’t mind. And forgive me if they don’t look as beautiful as yours. I’m still learning.” Then she leans a bit closer to the tombstone, cups the side of the mouth as if she’s whispering to someone’s ear and loudly says, “Though I think I’d do better if your son didn’t cling on me all the time.”

 

“Noona!” Sehun shouts, his face burning slightly. His girlfriend—or ex-girlfriend, as he puts it—almost giggles and falls back to her previous spot again. Sehun has been looking empty for quite a while. She’s more than satisfied to be pulling that kind of reaction from him. She kneels on the soft ground, closes her blue eyes, bowing her head down and pressing her palms together.

 

“Dear, Mrs. Oh,” she begins to pray, “Thank you for spreading happiness to this world. Thank you for existing, for sharing your warmth and kindness to us. I realize that we did not spend that much time together when we could have been, and that is my only regret. If I did, perhaps I could remember better about how beautiful your laughter sounded to my ear, the way your eyes crinkled at the end just like your son when you smiled, and the way you cared so deeply to the people around you that you make me realize how great it feels like to have a family. I am eternally grateful for that.”

 

Sehun nibbles on his lower lip, listening in silence to her every word.

 

“And lastly,” she says, opening her blue eyes for the world to see again, “Thank you for walking Sehun back from Heaven to this earth, for raising him into a fine young man with flaws I’m willing—yearning—to love. Your son is the best man I know, the first man I have ever adored so much, and the only man I will love with all my heart. If it wasn’t because of you, he would never had been born and I don’t know if I’m ever going to be happy like this without him. I believe you are still here with us, and that’s why we will never forget you. Please give him your blessing, protect him, and forgive him if he still cries in his sleep. No matter what, he’s still your son, you know. You must still remember how big of a crybaby he is.” She smiles, bowing her head deeper toward the grave.

 

Sehun only stares from behind her, noticing how small her shoulders are and yet she moves forward with much bravery than he has. And he loves the way she just seems to know what to say, and how now that he has lost the ability to form words, she seems to be able to throw her usually cold demeanor aside and speaks more often for his sake.

 

“But, see…” She continues, this time her face shows no playful smile, only sincerity and hope. “I appreciate the honesty Sehun shows in his eyes. When you left, he became like someone else. He’s different, he has changed, but my love for him will never become less. But it seems like he blames himself for everything. I just hope one day, he will trust me enough to believe that I still see him burning just as bright, that we still love him just as much, and that we still crave to hear his laughter everyday.”

 

Sehun would be lying if he says that her words didn’t just trigger something in him.

 

“May you rest in peace, Mrs. Oh,” she finishes and Sehun can finally breathe properly. When she stands up and walks back to his spot, Sehun half buries his face on his knees. His cheeks blush slightly. “You’re gonna make me cry, Noona,” he mutters embarrassedly, trying to play it as a joke when in fact, he nearly did. She almost giggles at the sight.

 

“I was aiming to make you smile,” she responds, kneeling down on the grass in front of him and lifts his face up with both hands. “But if you’re really going to cry, is it okay if I video tape it? They just cut off my TV cable since I forgot to pay this month’s bill. I think your crying face can keep me entertained as I wait for it to go back up.”

 

Sehun pouts even more. “You’re a sadist.”

 

“Now, now, don’t say words like that in front of your mothe—” Sehun tugs remorselessly on her hand and she loses balance but he catches her with his lips placing upon hers in a scorching kiss that takes her breath away. She appears to be taken aback, not noticing that Sehun, after more than a month not even wanting to get close enough to tuck lose strands to the back of her ear, suddenly goes forward and kisses her like this.

 

It’s the same, she thinks as she slowly closes her eyes and parts her lips slightly to let him deepen their kiss. He still tastes the same. Nothing has changed. Sehun curls his fingers at the back of her neck, angling her head and bringing her closer. She breathes sharply through her nose when Sehun moves his lips, with a soft groan ringing at the back of his throat.

 

After a while, he gently breaks off the kiss and she’s left in daze. “Don’t…” She breathes, cheeks blossoming in beautiful red. “Don’t do something like that in front of your mother.”

 

Sehun’s eyes are deep and brown when he stares at her, their breath still mingling in the small space that separates their lips. “You’ve been smiling way too much today,” he says, swiping his thumb once across her glistening lower lip. “And speaking way too much too.”

 

His soft touch makes her shiver but she tries to keep herself composed. “Well, you’ve been too quiet,” she replies, “I was just trying to keep the balance and—”

 

Sehun interlocks their lips together again, slower, softer, but manages to keep her heart beat even faster. “Sehun,” she calls when he breaks apart for a split second before he begins to nibble on her lower lip, kissing her with another soft moan as if he’s been yearning for years just to kiss her like this. She clutches at his shirt, torn between pushing and pulling him closer. The former is the right one, but the latter is what she desires.

 

“Noona,” Sehun says underneath his breath, tasting her better and dragging her closer by wrapping his arm around her waist. All the feelings they have for each other begin to rise to the surface again and Sehun wants to embrace her tighter, wants to feel her warmth better, wants to kiss her until she forgets how to pronounce her own name.

 

He misses her. He misses being like this with her. He misses being in love without having to think about anything other than her.

 

“Sehun, wait.” She finally pushes him away and Sehun sits there on the ground with his chest heaving. Her cheeks are burning brightly when she wipes her lips with the back of her hand. Her soft pink lipstick is smudged and Sehun blushes when he realizes he’s the one who caused it.

 

“S-sorry…” Sehun quietly says, sitting up better but trying his best to avoid her eyes.

 

The blue-eyed girl blinks before she lowers her head. “Are you?” she asks and Sehun glances back at her. “Are you really sorry?”

 

He wants to answer and tell her, no, of course he’s not. In fact, he would kiss her all over again if she let him. To him, it was the right thing to do. But he chooses to be quiet. After all, that’s not the word he should say to someone he considers to be just friend.

 

So instead of speaking the truth, he stands up and says, “We should go.”

 

When they walk away, exiting the cemetery, the blue-eyed girl still has her blush on her face but her expression grows more serious. “Sehun,” she calls.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“This… isn’t exactly what friends do when they’re together, you know…”

 

Sehun stops walking and she nearly bumps her nose to his back. “I…” he says, clenching his hands tighter into fists. “I know, but…” She waits but he doesn’t speak right away. It’s until a few seconds passed that Sehun begins to shout loudly into the air, startling some people around them, and facing her with an embarrassed glare. “I just wanted to kiss you so I did, is that so wrong?!” he says, making her blink in surprise.

 

She begins to frown. “What does that even—”

 

“This is all your fault!” Sehun continues shouting, his eyebrows knitting in anger but his cheeks are blushing like a five months-old baby. “You’re complaining about me kissing you and yet you said something like you’re yearning to love my flaws and—”

 

Her face almost explodes. “T-that’s—”

 

“And how you still love me just as much—”

 

“Sehun—“

 

“You’re not being fair! You’re so unfair, Noona—you can’t just expect me to sit around and ignore everything as if you were just talking about flowers and puppies—you just can’t, okay?! You can’t do that!“ By the end of that line, Sehun is panting and she’s staring at him with a glare.

 

“But…” Her voice almost can’t be heard. “But you said we’re not dating—”

 

“I knew what I said,” Sehun rubs the back of his head exasperatedly. “I mean, I think I knew but… Look, I love you so much, okay? And sometimes you just look so beautiful and y and I just can’t help it—”

 

She nearly gapes. “Sehun!” How can you say something like that in public?!

 

“Like just now, it’s like my head was screaming for me to do something about those lips of yours. And I know, okay, that you changed your lipstick—”

 

“What does that even have to do with anything?!”

 

“That makes me want to taste it, of course!” Sehun yells and she wants to bury herself in one of those graves. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while and since I know you like strawberries, I thought that it would taste like one—”

 

“No, wait—”

 

“—but when I kissed you, you actually tasted like—”

 

“Sehun—”

 

“—cherries, and I’ve always liked cherries—no, I’ve always loved cherries and now I’m thinking that you might be doing that on purpose. And you know I’ve always loved you and then you just had to make it even worse by saying such words, about how I’m the only person in the world that you will love—just how do you think I can resist you when—mmph!” Sehun’s unstoppable speech is rewarded by a palm clasping harshly against his mouth.

 

“Sehun, people are staring!” The girl shrieks, panicking and Sehun can practically see steam coming out from her ears. “We are not supposed to be shouting in cemeteries!”

 

Sehun glances around, a little bit desperate for air since her hand is covering his nose too but she’s glaring at him despite his utmost embarrassing confession and he almost smiles because yes, this is her. This is exactly how my noona usually behaves. She’s losing her usual poker face and Sehun nearly smiles to himself because even when he thought they’d changed, they haven’t changed in the slightest. There’s only one person in the whole world that can make her behave out of character like this and that’s him. The cold, quiet Ice Princess can never stay in her silence when Sehun is around.

 

“If you promise to be quiet, I will let you go,” she says, still glaring menacingly like a mother scolding her child. “Can you promise me that, Oh Sehun?”

 

Sehun chuckles behind her palm and nods once. She scowls even harder at his sudden playful mood and yelps slightly when he begins to trace the lines of her palm with his lips.

 

“I’ve told you,” he says, lacing his fingers with hers as smiles beautifully at her. “You’re not being fair, Noona.”

 

She’s surprised to see him smiling like this. Even if it’s not much, she can sense that the old Sehun is coming back. He’s really healing. And she doesn’t care whether he’s healing because of her or an entire different reason, because at the end of the day, she only wants to see him smile like this—with lips curving up and eyes shaping like crescent moons.

 

To think that I’m able to miss him this badly.

 

“Well, what can you say?” she says, softly elbowing his stomach as she walks away with a hidden smile. “I’m a sadist, after all.”

 

***

 

“Because he said he’ll come back for her again.”

 

That one line keeps ringing in Lu Han’s ears as Cara sits next to him in the cab with her fingers tangled on her own lap. The two of them do not exchange words, and somehow the city is silent as well. The sound of the vehicle moving is the only thing that surrounds the heavy tension between them, and yet, Lu Han feels as if his ears were about to burst.

 

“He’ll come back for her again.”

 

It can’t be, Lu Han twists his fingers and sinks his own fingernails to his jean-clothed knees. It can’t be him. Why now? He threw her away, didn’t he? Why is he coming back now? Why?!

 

Lu Han is trembling, with what Cara is not sure. He’s only an arm reach away, but no matter how much she wants to stretch her hand and curls her fingers on top of his, she can’t. Not when Lu Han is drowning deep in his thoughts with his teeth gritting behind his lips.

 

“Excuse me, Sir,” the driver’s hoarse voice knocks them off guard. “We have arrived at your destination.”

 

Lu Han looks up to the driver before he glances at the window and finds out that he, indeed, has arrived in front of his apartment building. He knows he should move his hand inside his pocket, take his wallet and pay the bill but his mind is so distraught that he ends up just staring at the window blankly, and distractedly. The soft rain taints the glass and the sky is dark and heavy, as if mirroring the state of his heart.

 

“Sir?”

 

Lu Han’s shoulders jolt slightly and he blinks, looking lost before realization falls over him. “Oh, right, yes.” He fumbles, his movement awkward and twitchy as he tries to search for his wallet. He moves his hand from the pockets of his jeans, to his coat, to the back pocket of his blazer and still finding none. “Damn it, where is—” He curses under his breath until he winds his fingers back to the pocket of his coat and finally notices that it’s been there all along.

 

Cara silently watches Lu Han’s fingers shake as he bends his arm and takes some money out from his wallet. With an awkward smile, he passes the money to the man in front of him, nearly dropping the cash from his hand when the driver reaches back. Lu Han seems so restless that even the man has to ask, “Is something the matter, Sir?”

 

Lu Han throws a quick glance at Cara, which makes the girl hastily avert her gaze. Does he know? Cara panics, her heart jolting a bit faster. Does he know that Woobin came to see me? God, please don’t let him know!

 

“No, umm…” Lu Han clears his throat, fixing the collar of his coat before he opens the door. “Just keep the change. C-come on, Cara.”

 

The lady quietly speaks her gratitude toward the driver before she follows Lu Han and climbs down the cab. “Lu Han, I—”

 

“Come on, it’s raining,” Lu Han says, without looking and hurriedly taking a hold of her hand. She doesn’t speak anything else although her mind is puzzled. Lu Han guides her inside his apartment building, and he presses the elevator button with so much force for a few times, it’s a wonder why the button doesn’t break. His hold around her hand is so tight; he paints her fingernails white because of it. Neither of them states a word.

 

Lu Han is scared and Cara knows that. She’s just not sure of what.

 

Lu Han slides his card to his apartment’s handle and the door slides open. He waits for Cara to step inside but he doesn’t display any warm gesture that indicates it. No smile. No flirty wink combined with a teasing line of “After you, Milady.” Not even a glance. But she walks in like usual as though her heart doesn’t feel heavier.

 

Lu Han closes the door after them and instead of turning back to exchange stares with her, he lays both palms to the door and just stays still as if the time just froze. His temple is pressed slightly to the surface.

 

Get a grip of yourself, damn it, Lu Han grits his teeth again. Calm down!

 

“Lu Han…” Cara has her fingers at the edge of her sweater when she speaks, facing his back. “Lu Han, there’s something I need to—”

 

Lu Han’s sudden action catches her words before they stumble down her lips. In a fast motion, the man turns around to face her, places his arms on the sides of his body and does a ninety-degree bow as he shouts, “I’m sorry!”

 

Cara takes a step back in reflex. “W-what…?”

 

“I’m sorry, I came late!” Lu Han has his eyes tightly shut as he keeps screaming while bowing at her. “I’m sorry for not being there! I’m sorry for not being able to protect you—”

 

“L-Lu Han, wait—” Cara reaches out an arm but Lu Han isn’t stopping.

 

“I promised you that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you,” Lu Han says, his tone growing desperate and filled with nothing but the frustration he has toward himself. “I promised you that I would take care of you and yet—” He grits his teeth, his fingers curling around the side of his jeans. “And yet… I…”

 

Cara stays still. The pain on the left side of her stomach is still there, somehow sending fire to her bloodstream but nothing can beat the ache she has in her chest now. She did this to him… Lu Han nearly loses his mind because he’s blaming himself for what happened to her today, when it’s not even his fault to begin with.

 

Cara thought that she should’ve put on a better act. She should’ve acted stronger—that she was not afraid though she was almost jumping out off her skin when he arrived at the orphanage. She should’ve been stronger for Lu Han so he wouldn’t know how terrified she was today. But does he really want her to pretend? Wouldn’t that only hurt him more?

 

“I’m sorry…” Lu Han’s whole body is trembling from the sin he holds for himself. He’s still bowing, nearly folding himself in half. “I’m so naïve… To think that he wouldn’t come back like that… To think that you’d be able to live yourself with me, without him for the rest of your life… I can’t believe I could be this careless! Leaving you alone in that place—God, I’m sorry! Cara, I’m so sorry, I—”

 

A pair of arms winds themselves around Lu Han’s neck and a burst of sweetness clouds his sense of scent. Cara bends down and embraces his head, bringing his face to the crook of her neck. “I’m all right,” she whispers, her breath warming his ear. “I’m all right, see? I’m here with you…”

 

Lu Han cannot explain how he feels but at that time, as he falls down to his knees and embraces the girl he loves with his whole heart, he pours all his feeling out and he lets himself sobs softly.

 

“I thought I lost you,” he says, pressing her closer until she falls to her knees as well and they both end up hugging one another while kneeling on the floor. “I thought he broke you again. I don’t want to lose you, Cara, please… Not anymore…”

 

He’s trembling so much, she thinks as she slips her fingers between the soft strands of his hair and his head to calm him down. “You’re not going to lose me,” she says, softly pressing her lips to the side of his temple before she embraces him again. “Calm down, I’m all right…”

 

“I’m just…” Lu Han croaks out, clutching to the clothing that’s pressed to her spine. “I can’t believe how I thought everything would be okay… I hate myself from thinking that he wouldn’t come around to see you again. How could I let this happen? When I saw how shaken you were… how he made you act like that again… I just can’t forgive myself…”

 

Cara realizes then, that if she’s so easily scared like how she was back then, she’s not only hurting herself but also hurting him. They’re like two souls in one person now. When she’s scared, he is too, though it starts from a very different reason. What she needs to do is not to pretend to be okay. She just needs to be honest.

 

“I’m sorry for keeping it to myself,” she says, pulling back and letting him see how she truly feels at the moment. The feelings of being in fear, pain, and anxiety finally stand obvious to his eyes. “I’ll tell you. Lu Han, I’ll tell you everything you want to know so...” She caresses the side of his face and Lu Han closes his eyes for a second, noticing how her palm, despite everything that happened, is still soft and warm. “Stop blaming yourself, okay?” she begs, quiet and tender. Lu Han can’t actually agree right away, because no matter what, he still thinks that this wouldn’t have happened if he just stayed with her 24/7.

 

Lu Han rubs his thumb along her cheekbone, as if he’s wiping a faint line of tears from her face. Cara smiles, leaning a bit closer to his touch. “Then tell me what you’re feeling,” Lu Han says, “Tell me how you feel so I can help.”

 

She heaves a deep breath. “To be honest, I’m terrified,” she utters almost in a whisper. “I said I was fine, and I am—Lu Han, I really am fine. I’m not like how I used to be when I first met you at the pastry shop. I still know you, I can still touch you, I’m not afraid of you. But in a way, I’m scared. I’m scared not only because of what just happened but also what’s going to come in the future.”

 

Lu Han can feel the sense of faith she has on him now, and that makes him feel a bit stronger even though it’s just starting. He doesn’t say a word but his hands make a move to reach the bottom of her sweater. “May I see…?”

 

She still hesitates, biting her lip uneasily, but eventually she nods and guides Lu Han’s hand to lift her sweater and the shirt underneath it, just enough to show him the bruise she has on the left side of her stomach, near her navel.

 

Lu Han eyes grow wide. There, on the paleness of her scarred white skin, is a big, round of bruise that begins to turn into a splotch of purple. He panics.

 

“Hospital,” he says, already in his way to stand up and drag her toward the door. “We need to—”

 

“No, I’m—”

 

“Where are my keys—”

 

“Lu Han, I’m fine,” Cara assures him, grabbing his hand and pulling him down to stay with her again. “It doesn’t hurt, I swear. It’s just a bruise. Just give it some time. It’ll heal.” Lu Han wants to protest again but Cara’s eyes tell him to be quiet and just accept the way it is. So Lu Han breathes out and kneels in front of her like before.

 

He doesn’t ask for her permission this time and boldly goes forward and lifts her shirt up to examine the bruise again. It looks painful and when Lu Han carefully brushes his fingertips over it, Cara flinches and backs away. Lu Han quickly locks his gaze to her face, watching her expression and she notices that he’s going to panic once more so she throws out a soft chuckle and says, “Your fingers are a bit cold, that’s all.”

 

Lies.

 

“Did he do that to you?” Lu Han asks and Cara can almost feel the words prickling against her skin. He thinks he already knows the answer. But Lu Han wants to hear it with his own ears. When Cara tries to bluff her way out again, Lu Han takes a hold of her wrist. It doesn’t hurt, he’s not hurting her in the slightest, but his presence is enough to make her cower. “I’ll ask you one more time,” Lu Han says, his tone sounds even lower now. “Did he do that to you?”

 

Cara knows how hard Lu Han tries to control himself from clenching his fingers around her wrist. She understands how much he doesn’t want to scare her. She can no longer lie to him even if she wants too. If Lu Han is trying this hard to control his emotion for her, how could she lie to his face again?

 

“It’s… partially my fault,” she says and Lu Han can sense honesty though not by much. “I told him to leave and to stay away from me. I provoked him so he lashed out and pushed me. I was caught off guard and I fell, hitting myself against a table on my down. That’s what happened…”

 

Somehow, Lu Han thinks that what happened is much worse but he appreciates her honesty even if it’s not everything. After all, that’s not what he’s thinking at the moment.

 

Lu Han grinds his teeth. He’s angry. He’s so angry that someone just did this to her. He knows that Cara won’t even let him leave to see her ex-husband, but Lu Han has never wanted to kill someone as much as he wants to kill him right now.

 

“Don’t do anything,” Cara says, as if she could read his thoughts. She pulls her shirt down again to cover her bruise and with a steadier, almost scolding voice, she states again. “Don’t seek revenge. If you do that, I will never forgive you. You have my word.”

 

Lu Han blinks in surprise. Cara’s hands are still trembling in fear and yet she speaks in such strong presence. “Lu Han, I spent most of my time today ever since he visited the orphanage, thinking not about him hurting me but about me leaving you.”

 

“W-what…?” Lu Han gapes, panic clouding his heart. “How—Why—You can’t—”

 

“Because if I stay, there’s a chance that he’ll hurt you too,” Cara says sternly before she finally ends her sentence with a softer, more honest expression. “Try to put yourself in my shoes. Wouldn’t you be worried as well?”

 

If Lu Han’s in her position and she’s in his, Lu Han will vanish before she can even mouth his name. To put her in such danger, of course he’d rather disappear than getting her involved with his trouble.

 

But this is different. This is about Cara wanting to leave him because she doesn’t want to hurt him.

 

Lu Han never wants her to leave.

 

“I know it’s better for me to break every tie I have with you,” Cara says, and when Lu Han opens his mouth to speak, she holds his hand and gives it a squeeze. “Please don’t say anything yet and hear me out. I will listen to whatever you have to say if you listen to mine first.” And that shuts him up. She takes another deep breath and exhales.

 

“All I can think about right now,” she says, “is how great it would be for both of us if I just disappear from your life. I’m not going to say it’s going to be painless, at least for me, but it is the best way. But no matter how hard I try to convince myself that, to drag myself away from you, I still can’t find myself to care because I want to be with you. I don’t want to leave you, and as selfish as I am right now, Lu Han, I—” Her hold around his hand grows tighter. “I don’t want you to leave me either.”

 

Lu Han is speechless. He just stays there, staring at her with unblinking eyes.

 

“Remember when…” She’s clouded by hesitation but Lu Han gives her all the time she needs. “Remember that night when… when we kissed and got a bit… carried away?”

 

Lu Han nearly stops breathing. How could he forget? That was probably the biggest fault he ever done to her. Months have passed and yet he still hasn’t forgiven himself till this day.

 

“You avoided me for days, Lu Han,” Cara confesses, eyes drooping with sadness. “I told you that it was fine. That it wasn’t your fault. I even think that it was me who was over reacting about the whole thing—”

 

“Cara, you had a traumatic experience. You weren’t over reacting—”

 

“One of these days, Lu Han, I wish you could stop thinking about me like I’m a person with mental disorder,” Cara says, so softly and combined with a smile. But her words strike his heart like a javelin crushing his chest.

 

“T-that wasn’t what I…” He trails off, losing his words. No matter how long she waits for him to speak, he still can’t find the right words.

 

“I’m fine,” Cara says, squeezing his hand. “Please believe me when I say I am. There are still some things I cannot fix yet but I’m not who I used to be anymore. I’ve told you that I want to be as normal as a person can be and I want you to see me as one.”

 

“I’m…” Lu Han wets his lip, looking down with a shock in his eyes. “Y-you’re right… I’m sorry…”

 

Cara sighs and brings his face up again by placing a tender to his cheek. “All I’m saying is that I don't ever want you to avoid me again,” she says, smiling sadly at him. “Once is enough. Not having you stare back at me when we talked was painful to me and I don’t want to experience something like that anymore.”

 

“I just…” Lu Han mumbles. “I just didn’t know how to face you properly back then… I mean, after what I did…”

 

“What you did is just kissing your girlfriend. What is wrong with that?”

 

Lu Han blushes hard. This is probably the first time she referred to herself as his lover. His breath stutters lightly and he brought his eyes down, gazing at the ground with broken orbs. And when he doesn’t speak, Cara leans closer and embraces him, circling her arms around his neck and sinking into his warmth.

 

“Lu Han, I just want us to be like this. Together. And I don’t ever want you to hold back. If you want me to be honest with you then I expect you to do the same. Given the situation, I know I’m being a bad person for not wanting to leave you. And I’m sorry but—” Her voice breaks and she quickly covers it up with a soft chuckle. “T-that’s really how I feel toward you…” Her eyes betray her and tears begin to shed. For a moment she fumbles, quickly pulling away from the hug and hastily brushing her tears away with her fingers. She keeps trying to smile, asking herself, “This is embarrassing, why am I even crying?”

 

“Cara—” He reaches out a hand to touch her face but she turns away, softly sobbing to herself.

 

“I—I understand,” she says, hands still desperately trying to brush away tears from her eyes. They just won’t stop falling. “I understand that this is all your choice, Lu Han. If you want to leave, if you want to walk away from this—If y-you want to walk away from me—”

 

“Cara—”

 

“Lu Han, please.” She immediately stops him with a voice a bit higher than before. “I’ve told you how I feel. I don’t want you to leave me. I… I don’t think I’ll be able to stand on my own feet without you, but… If you… If there is a part of you that wishes to leave… I… I won’t…”

 

Don’t cry, she wills herself as another tear start b again in her eyes. She brings her head down, curling her fingers into fists to calm herself. Don’t cry. Say it. Tell him properly. Tell him that if he really wants to go and leave you alone, you’ll let him go.

 

She parts her lips, ready to form the words ‘I won’t hold you back’ but at the very last moment, her courage diminishes into nothingness. She ends up biting her lower lip hard.

 

Come on, Cara!

 

“I can’t…” she says and Lu Han’s heart nearly stops when he sees her breaking apart once more. She has her face buried in her hands, her shoulder shake. “I can’t say it… Lu Han, I’m sorry…”

 

Staring at her quivering small back, Lu Han starts to panic. “Cara, what—”

 

“I don’t want you to go!” She chokes out, hard sobs flowing down from her lips. “I want you to stay. Please…” She finally turns around, eyes glassy and red. She doesn’t hide her emotions this time and Lu Han can both hear and see the desperation that bubbles up in her chest. “Please don’t leave me, Lu Han…”

 

And she cries, loud and clear. The feelings of being scared from her husband’s visit, to the desperation she feels of wanting him to stay with her despite the trouble—to know how much she has become attached to him already… Everything scares her. These feelings are new. They’re so strong, she has become a different person entirely.

 

And it’s all because of Lu Han.

 

So with her face down, and her hands still covering her tear-streaked face from being seen by the man, she decides to speak that one line that she’s been screaming every night in her sleep.

 

“I…” she gulps slightly, wetting her lips as she tries to keep her voice from breaking again. “I’m in… Lu Han, I’m in lov—”

 

Lu Han kisses her lips and he kisses her hard, taking every breath out of her lungs. When she nearly falls backward, Lu Han takes a hold of her hand and circles another one of his arms around her waist, pressing her toward his chest. He’s in a rush, clinging to her desperately as if he would sink to the ground without her, but in another way, Cara feels like there’s something wrong. It’s as if he’s kissing her because he doesn’t want to hear her finish her words.

 

If that’s true, why?

 

“Lu Han—” She pushes him away by the chest with her trembling fingers. But Lu Han brings her closer, meshes their lips better and swallows every soft moan that flows from her bruised lips.

 

“Don’t,” he says, breathing hard when he finally lets her down to her feet. She’s quivering under his touch. “Don’t say it. I don’t want to hear you say those words.”

 

Cara freezes, her heart sinking. He doesn’t want to hear it? Then her mind screams in horror. Does he really not feel the same way about me anymore?

 

She wants to drown. She wants the earth to swallow her whole. How could she think that after all this time Lu Han was still in love with her? What about her that’s worth to love anyway? She’s a broken doll, not even worth to fix. And Lu Han is a trained puppeteer. He can work with anything. He’ll find another one to play—

 

“Come with me,” Lu Han says and clasps their fingers together before she can say a word. “I don’t want you to say anything until we get there.” He blasts the door open, sprinting and dragging her behind him. She’s lost and confused, running with fumbling steps as her thoughts continue to scream at her.

 

What is happening?

 

***

 

“Lu Han—” Cara pants, her lungs are screaming for her to take a break and breathe properly. “Lu Han, wait a second—where are we going exactly?”

 

Lu Han doesn’t answer; he’s too busy turning his head around as they’re running down a street a few blocks away from their apartment. He’s searching for something, Cara can tell, she just doesn’t know what he’s searching for. But whatever it is, it must be highly important for them to run around at night with soft rain pouring over their heads. Most people decide to stay at home or at least to grab a cup of coffee in somewhere safe and warm, and yet here they are, running back and forth like two lost souls desperately seeking for help.

 

“Rings,” Luhan breathes, perhaps talking more to himself than anything. Cara can’t even hear him clearly. “We need rings, don’t we? Rings…”

 

Cara frowns, her feet starting to ache from moving too much. “Lu Han—”

 

“Ah, there!” He shouts, pointing to a small shop across the street which is probably about to close down within a few minutes since their workers are busy folding chairs and tables outside and bringing them back to the shop. Lu Han tugs Cara’s hand harder and forces her to cross the street with him without looking to his sides properly. The traffic lights indicate that they’re two seconds late from crossing the street and Cara nearly falls to the ground when two cars honk their bells at the same time.

 

“Sorry! Sorry!” Lu Han says, holding up one hand to the drivers and bowing his head slightly. “Hey, are you okay?” He pulls her gently by the hand and as soon as he sees her nod her head, he begins to sprint again, bringing her along with him. It’s hard to run and be cautious of the things around her at the same time. She’s grown accustomed to be in public but even anyone would panic if someone just drags them around the town, under the rain (though it’s not heavy), without telling them where they’re heading.

 

“Wait here,” Lu Han says when they have stepped their feet inside the store. Cara can only frown with her eyes blinking in confusion. Lu Han smiles, so fast but reassuringly, before he bolts to where the cashier desk is located. She loses sight of him but she knows his near so she obeys his order.

 

“Excuse me, I’m gonna need a pair of rings,” Lu Han says, panting when he reaches the table. “Anything would do just make them pretty!” And the staff—a girl, dressed in white blazer and black skirt—looks surprised as well, and anyone can tell that she’s about to tell him that the store is already closed for the day but if Lu Han does that one thing…

 

“Please?” Luhan asks, his gaze softening into a pair of puppy eyes. “Miss, please? I beg you, I don’t know anywhere else to ask… You’re the only one who can help me…”

 

With his hair damp from the rain, his eyes glistening under the golden light of the room, and his voice softer than a lullaby, there’s no way a girl can refuse that offer. Cara isn’t even surprised when the staff blushes at the sight of him.

 

“W-well, if it is that important to you…” She quickly clears , straightening her skirt with her nervous fingers and asks Lu Han to move to the side to look at their jewelry displays. “Which one do you need, Sir?”

 

***

 

“Turn on your camera.”

 

“Lu Han, I’m seriously with my wife right now. Do you really want to see my magnificent that bad?”

 

“Baekhyun, I don’t need your sass. Turn. On. Your. Camera. Right now!” Lu Han hisses to his phone, before he angrily adds. “And it’s Lu Han-Hyung to you!”

 

“Listen to this , Sweetheart. Can you believe him? Rude. Tumblr is so gonna hear about this.” Lu Han can hear Baekhyun mutters to his wife from the other line and Lu Han nearly spits back with more cuss words before he realizes that he’s literally asking for Baekhyun’s help at the moment so he’s in no position to threat the other man.

 

“Baekhyun,” Lu Han calls, his voice gentler this time though not by much. “I need your help.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry,” Baekhyun yawns loudly, making a show of it. “Do I look like Jesus to you?”

 

The vein in Lu Han’s temple nearly pops. “Baek, please,” he breathes, “It’s kind of urgent and I know you’re not —”

 

“Oh but I am —”

 

“No you’re not—”

 

“I am oh so gloriously —”

 

“Baek—”

 

“Honey, I am so , that if I agree to video call you right now, my will be like, poking at your eyes right through the screen,” Baekhyun says, smirking slyly. “It will be like The Ring, but instead of a ghost crawling out of your screen, it will be my .”

 

“Jesus Christ—”

 

“Wow, that brings back memories. My hasn’t been called like that since—”

 

“BAEK, FOR GOD’S SAKE!” Lu Han has decided to abandon all of his self-control. This little asshat called Byun Baekhyun does not deserve patience. “TURN ON YOUR CAMERA—”

 

“All right, all right, playtime’s over, boys.” This time, Lu Han can hear his best friend—Baekhyun’s wife’s voice coming from the other line. She seems to be speaking something along the words, “Baekhyun, go back to the table and finish your supper.” (which is replied annoyingly by Baekhyun with the line, “And who are you supposed to be, my mother? If you are then you better call me daddy later in bed.” But then after that all Lu Han could make out is silence before Baekhyun scurries away, saying, “I’m sorry. That was so wrong. I’ll eat right away. Please still love me.” So maybe Baekhyun just received the deadliest glare in the history of death glares that made him succumb to his wife.)

 

“Lulu?” she calls, voice as sweet and cheery as always, though she sounds a bit tired. “Sorry, Baekhyun’s an —but you know that already. Anyway. it’s already late. Did something happen?”

 

“No, but something is about to happen,” Lu Han says, finally thanking God for having someone that makes sense unlike his former roommate in college. “Can you please turn on the camera on your phone? I want to video call you.”

 

“Okay, wait,” she says, moving her thumb across her cellphone’s screen. When her phone finally shows Lu Han’s face close up on the screen, she smiles and greets him like an old friend. “Hey, can you see me? Whoa, why are you so wet?” That line makes Baekhyun burst back into the bedroom, popping up with his face looking in panic and screaming, “WET?! ARE YOU HAVING PHONE WITH THAT ?!” She looks away from the phone screen, sending her husband another glare and Baekhyun pouts as he walks closer and sits next to her on the bed. The slanty-eyed man lays his chin on one of her wife’s shoulders and joins in to see Luhan shaking his bangs away from his eyes. “Ew, Lu Han,” Baekhyun makes a face upon seeing Lu Han’s appearance. “Why are you so wet?”

 

Lu Han, relieved to finally be able to have a video call them (not really on Baekhyun’s part though), sighs and smiles with the weight off his shoulders. “I’ve been running around the town and the rain was pouring for a bit so—anyway,” he shakes his head, noticing that it’s getting way out of topic. “I need your help. I’m about to do something—something that will probably make you think I’m crazy, but…”

 

Baekhyun lets out a dramatic gasp, covering his mouth with both hands. “Oh my God, Lu! Are you going to propose to me? OH YES! OH YES! OH—”

 

“Baek, don’t make me slap you.”

 

Another gasp. “Sweetheart, not in front of the—OUCH THAT’S MY NOSE!”

 

“Please continue,” the woman says while her husband is actually doing a backflip on the bed from the uncontrollable pain his wife just gave him. Pinching one’s nose have always been her specialty and her killer move.

 

“I’ve never thought about doing this so early but…” Lu Han breathes, calming himself. “I’m sure about this and I need you guys to be my witness.”

 

“Oh my God, no,” Baekhyun screeches in horror. His nose is still red from the ‘abominable pinch’ (Baekhyun’s quote) but the man still hasn’t learned his lesson. “Sweetheart, turn it off. He’s going to make us watch him , okay, I just know it! No, no, I will not let my future babies see his limp growing to life in public—”

 

“Will you shut up?!” His wife slaps a hand over her husband’s mouth. “What do you want us to see, Oppa?”

 

“I’m…” Lu Han breathes out, feeling his heart racing again when he takes a step back and widens the gap between his face and his phone so they can see his surrounding better. Baekhyun and his wife can now see that Lu Han is standing in front of a church. His damp trench coat is sticking to his skin and his hair is a mess as if somebody just spent their entire lifetime trying to make a bird nest out of it. And he looks somewhat pale with shivers running through his spine from the coldness of the rainy weather. And yet, nothing in the world can beat the fire that burns in his eyes when he says the words:

 

“I’m going to ask Cara to marry me.”

 

***

HELLOOOOOO! GUESS WHO'S BACK WITH AN UPDATE?!?!?!

Hey guys I hope you're all feeling great. I had a day off yesterday so I wrote half of this in a day so forgive me if there are a lot of grammatical errors. I've never been good with English anyway haha *sulks in the corner* And does this feel a bit rushed? Man, I haven't been writing for so long, I think I don't even remember how to write without turning every scene into pure garbage. I'm really insecure with my writing these days... One time, I wrote like almost a chapter for Marriage Life but then I thought that it was the worst chapter ever so I deleted it all. That's why I've been taking quite a long time to update (and I've been super busy too).

I still hope you love this chapter though. (and i don't think I've ever written this much of kissing scenes before hahahA KILL ME)

Anyway GUYS LOOK LOOOOOOK! I'VE WRITTEN A NEW STORY FOR LUHAN!

It's a oneshot and it's based on my favorite animated movie of all time so if you think my writing is worth to read, go give it a shot. Here's the link. It would be REALLY NICE if you guys can leave some comments and upvote it (if you enjoy reading it). And here's my Jongin's fic just in case you haven't read it (click here, love!)

Okay, so maybe I'm going to write another oneshot with Kai, Luhan and Sehun when I have time. Or maybe Marriage Life, I'm not sure yet. I really want to write that sekailu oneshot though... I just got this simple idea that might be interesting to write. But meh.

Anyway~ Thanks for everything and HAPPY READING I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLL <33333