CLOSER

 

 

“Aaaaaah~” Lu Han moans loudly as he stretches his arms above his head. His shoulders begin to hurt from staying in front of his computer for so long, trying to make fast progress on Kris’ case he’s been dealing on. And after working on it for two hours non-stop, Lu Han can finally smile to himself. It should be okay for now, he assures himself.

 

“You’re done?” Cara asks, bending down slightly to place two glasses of warm peach tea on the table. With a timid smile on her lips, she sits beside him on the carpeted floor.

 

“Uh-huh.” Lu Han nods, grinning as he closes his laptop and slides it down the table, further away from him. He hurriedly takes a sip of that tea and moans some more. “God, this is heaven on earth,” he sighs pleasingly, and Cara places a hand over her lips when she laughs softly. Lu Han lands both of his arms on the table, turning them into a temporary pillow for his head to rest on. He presses his cheek against them and stares at the girl who’s giggling quietly beside him.

 

Cara stops laughing when she notices Lu Han is looking at her with that look on his eyes—the one he’s been sporting back then since college when he tried to get her to date him. It was more mischievous back then but now, he just looks sincere with eyes sparkled in adoration. Cara wonders whether she’s really worth it to be admired in such way.

 

She clears , looking up shyly at him. “W-what?” she asks.

 

You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. Your laugh is adorable. I like it when you look at me like that and find me amusing. I’m glad I can be the reason behind your smiles. Stay that way, smile for me, be in love with me because I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

 

“Nothing,” Lu Han says instead, smiling to himself. “Are you happy, Cara?”

 

She blinks twice, a bit surprised, before she mirrors his smile and nods. “Yes.”

 

“Good,” Lu Han says, satisfied. “Me too.” Because of you.

 

“JESUS ING CHRIST!” Baekhyun screams from inside Lu Han’s room. “I can practically smell the cheesiness from way over here, YOU GUYS, STAHP!”

 

Cara blushes and Lu Han raises his head high enough to shoot a silent glare to his room’s door. From where he’s sitting, he can see Baekhyun lying on his bed, groaning as his wife tries to massage his sore . Lu Han exhales, scratching the back of his head. “Sorry, my friend’s a retard.”

 

“I HEARD THAT, YOU CHINESE BASTARD!”

 

Lu Han closes his eyes to hold back the aggravation that starts to bile up to his throat, but Baekhyun’s wife—Lu Han’s most loved and sassiest best friend—seems to be doing a good job in shutting her husband’s foul mouth for him.

 

“Baekgu!” She shouts, pinching one of Baekhyun’s ’ cheeks and her husband nearly jumps off the bed. “For the love of God, Baek, shut up or I’ll freaking slosh your with ice again!”

 

“Is Baekhyun-sshi okay?” Cara asks from the other side of the room, taking a sip of her drink.

 

“I hope not, that ,” Lu Han spits back, grumbling. A few moments before, Baekhyun and his wife arrived on his apartment to help him because Lu Han desperately needed his best friend’s help—Baekhyun was just a bonus, a pain-in-the- kind of bonus. Lu Han panicked because he’d kissed Cara and made her cry but everything turned out well (Lu Han patted himself proudly at the back because of this) so Baekhyun and his wife’s arrival at his place was mostly pointless. But of course, Lu Han would’ve appreciated a moment of reunion with his old college friends if Baekhyun weren’t being a huge before. But he was being a huge so this is how it went.

 

“And that is why we shouldn’t trust Chinese people, Sweetheart,” Baekhyun said, staring at Lu Han and Cara who were having their arms wrapped around one another lovingly. Baekhyun had his arms folded on his chest with his eyebrows scrunched together. “See? I know we should’ve gone home and ed instead.”

 

And while his wife was patient enough to wait and listen for Lu Han’s explanation, Baekhyun was not. As he rambled on and on about his hatred for Chinese people, Baekhyun decided to walk into the bathroom with his nose flared in anger and then he slipped on the floor. Hard. Lu Han didn’t know why but he had two guesses running on his mind at the moment: first, Baekhyun probably had slipped because the marbled floor was slippery; or second, he was being a total and God had had enough of his —He probably heard Lu Han’s prayer—and thus, He sent that bastard away to suffer a small glimpse of pain before He turned Baekhyun into a dung beetle on his next life.

 

So yeah, Baekhyun slipped and first fell on his before his head crashed against the wall. His wife panicked, rushing for his aid but when she saw he was fine—only got a huge bump on his head and possible sprained muscles on his , but fine nonetheless—she slapped him on the head and said, “How many times should I tell you? Don’t run in the bathroom! You’re like a gigantic five year-old, I swear to God, Baek, do I need to send you back to school again?! God!”

 

Baekhyun hadn’t run, but he kept his mouth shut because: a) his head hurt a lot, he was practically on the verge of fainting and b) he needed to get on his wife’s good side because she was carrying his baby and well, —oh and love! He needed to get on his wife’s good side because he loved her.

 

So for the last couple of hours, Baekhyun has been lying on Lu Han’s bed with bags of ice on his and some on his head. It was painful for him but Lu Han was enjoying every second of it.

 

“He deserves it though,” Lu Han says, pouting as he lays his cheek on the glass-like table. He murmurs quietly under his breath. “If Baekhyun hadn’t come, I would’ve had the chance to kiss you again.”

 

Cara blinks. “What?”

 

“Nothing~” Lu Han covers up smoothly with a grin. “Hey, I’m about to head downtown. You wanna come?”

 

Cara nibbles on her lip worriedly. She’s still not used to be around many people, but she’s promised herself to learn and try. “W-where to?”

 

“The hospital,” Lu Han says, straighten up on his seat. “I want to see Sehun. He can’t live a day without his favorite Hyung, you know. Come with me?”

 

She smiles a little before she becomes anxious and plays at the end of her sweater. “Umm…” Sehun kind of hates me, though…

 

“Come on, Cara,” Lu Han assures her by taking her hand away in his. “It’ll be fun! We can get some brunch on the way there too. There’s this restaurant near the park that sells the best waffles in town and I just know you’re gonna like it!”

 

“But… we just had pancakes.”

 

“Caraaaaa~” Lu Han pouts, blinking his doe eyes repeatedly. “Cara my little pretty baby bear, will you please accompany this poor man’s heart so he wouldn’t get lost in another woman’s snare?” He flutters his long eyelashes without shame and she bursts out laughing because obviously he’s being an embarrassing piece of . Baekhyun would’ve said that Lu Han was living up his Third Class Chinese Gigolo name if he saw this.

 

But seeing him sporting that bright smile, there’s no way she can turn him down. “Okay.”

 

“YES!” Lu Han jumps up to his feet, running to get his coat and a smaller one for her. “Sehun’s gonna be so happy!”

 

Even if he’s not, Cara doesn’t care. It’s enough to see Lu Han looking cheery and joyful like that.

 

“Oh by the way,” Lu Han smirks as he remembers something. “I already know you don’t want me to, as I put my words earlier, get lost in another woman’s snare. I’ve always known that deep down you never want to let me go. A little bit possessive—just like how I like my women.”

 

Cara gapes unattractively—but to Lu Han, she still looks downright gorgeous—before she finally gets over her embarrassment and manages to gives a snarky retort. “You seem to have a lot confident for someone who just begged me to go a few minutes ago.”

 

Lu Han blinks, being caught off guard. He finally laughs and shakes his head. “God, you’ve been hanging out with my dongsaeng way too much,” he says, pinching her nose. “Bad Cara!”

 

They end up giggling at one another and the atmosphere feels natural around them. After the kiss, she thought she’d ruined everything. But Lu Han’s confession and her moment of honesty seemed to make them a little bit more comfortable and closer to each other. She feels like they just shared something important that could break the invisible wall between them.

 

I want to know you better… To remember you until I can’t think of anyone else. And to love you.

 

Cara’s ears grow red whenever she remembers her own words but she’s glad Lu Han heard everything. Well, everything except her last four words.

 

“Ready to go?” Lu Han asked, tying a scarf around her neck.

 

And to love you.

 

She blushes before she nods and Lu Han takes her hand with a small giggle flowing down his lips. “Hey, you guys!” He shouts. “We’re leaving for a few hours! Make yourself comfortable at home!”

 

“I HOPE A BIRD ON YOUR HEAD, !”

 

Lu Han only shakes his head when Cara bursts out laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Cara says, suppressing down her smile.

 

Lu Han barks back, “And I love you too, BaekBunny~ Don’t have in my bed or I swear to God, I’ll cut your small and throw it to dogs!”

 

“IT’S NOT SMALL!”

 

“SMALL IF BEING COMPARED TO MINE—”

 

“OH MY GOD YOU BOTH HAVE SMALL NOW SHUT UP!”

 

And with Baekhyun’s wife shouting those words from behind closed doors, Lu Han hurriedly exits his apartment and locks the front door. He knows well not to tempt the Devil who owns the darkest pit of hell.

 

“Mine’s not small, by the way,” Lu Han whispers to Cara, apparently still hasn’t moved on to another topic and keeps trying to reassure his lady. She just nods reluctantly in return, her cheeks blazing red. Lu Han coughs once before he continues, “I mean, it doesn’t mean that I have a monster like what you usually see in movies so you don’t have to be scared either—wait, do you even watch ? Did Baozi ever show you some ? He had some lesbian stashed on his laptop back in college—or was it Baekhyun who did so?” Lu Han frowns, taking his time to think it through while Cara is practically dying from shame. She begins to stare at her shoes, white smokes practically puffing out of her ears. “Nope, my bad,” he casually continues, “Baozi only collects hetero . It was definitely Byuntae Baekhyun. Do you know that it was actually his nickname in college? Tiny Byuntae is what I used to call him since he’s a ert with a tiny . As a matter of fact, we used to use our rulers to—”

 

He finally notices how his lady is now looking like someone just ran around in front of her eyes.

 

“Oh crap, I’m making you uncomfortable, aren’t I? This is like, really weird, why am I suddenly talking about anyway?” Lu Han awkwardly laughs, rubbing the back of his head. Way to walk your way into her heart, . “Well anyway, to avoid further misunderstanding, my is perfectly fine with satisfying size and strength, while Baekhyun’s, on the other hand, is—”

 

“Lu Han.”

 

“Right, right. No more . Waffles?”

 

***

 

Lu Han takes Cara by the hand and drags her gently to the sidewalk, halfway deciding that maybe he should stop taking a cab whenever he’s with her. Isn’t it time for her to learn how to be in society without flinching? Or jumping out of her skin whenever a man walks by? Lu Han certainly thinks so.

 

“Look, I know my hand is sweaty,” Lu Han says as they walk out of their apartment building. “So whenever you feel it’s too gross for you to hold on, you can just slap my hand away. I’ll totally understand.”

 

Cara doesn’t say anything in respond, but she begins to squeeze his hand tighter and lace their fingers better.

 

Lu Han blushes but his smile seems more radiant.

 

“You’re so warm,” she says, quiet enough to sound like a whisper.

 

Lu Han tugs her even closer, their shoulders almost knocking against one another as they walk. “Consider I’m your personal blanket then,” he says, almost adding a wink at the end but he doesn’t want to be too greasy (well, even greasier than he is now anyway). Cara looks away—she didn’t think he could hear her before.

 

“So, like…” Lu Han sheepishly starts though he’s a bit worried if she’ll distance herself away from him like the old days. Turns out, she doesn’t really mind being that close to him anymore. “I know we usually just take a cab whenever we go,” he says, “But I’m thinking maybe it’s great to spend some time walking? We can talk and get to know each other more.”

 

Cara looks to her surrounding, seeing a man, riding a bicycle with his helmet on and though something still makes her feel uneasy, she doesn’t make it obvious. “Okay.”

 

“Great!” Lu Han is thoroughly excited. “Well for now, I’m craving for those damn waffles and I know you secretly do too so come on, let’s go there.”

 

Lu Han walks her to a cute, pastry shop at the corner of the street. He hopes he can order one plate of strawberry waffles with chocolate mint ice cream for himself and a caramel flavored one for her. At first, Lu Han wanted to eat his waffles right away but Cara insisted that they should just order some takeaways so they could eat together with Sehun at the hospital. Lu Han wanted to smack himself on the face for not thinking about it sooner. So yeah, takeaway it is.

 

As they wait in line, Cara sticks close to Lu Han and tries to keep a safe distance from a group of young college boys at the other side of the room. One of them has his eyes on her and he keeps on smirking, eyeing her from head to toe. The way he’s scrutinizing her appearance makes her feel and it reminds her from the way she used to be treated with her husband’ ‘friends’. She brings her head down and shuts her eyes tightly, hands gripping at her sides to keep her calm.

 

Lu Han notices the changes in her behavior so he quickly wraps a protective arm around her waist and pulls her closer. “Jackass,” he hisses under his breath as he glares back at the other man. A few seconds later, the guy scoffs and finally glances away from her, busying himself with his phone.

 

Cara’s heart nearly jumps out of her chest but she tries to maintain her face from showing too much emotions. “T-thanks,” she says, taking a step away from Lu Han after those college boys left the place.

 

Lu Han doesn’t say anything. He seems somewhat pissed-off and his anger seems quite evident from the way he’s still glaring at the exit door. His forehead creases and his teeth are gritting against one another behind his tight lips. It’s until Cara tugs his sleeve that he snaps out of his mind and looks back at her. When he sees the concern in her eyes, Lu Han shakes his head and smiles again, patting her head softly. “Sorry, I just…” Lu Han sighs. “I can’t stand the way he was looking at you.”

 

Trying to make the situation feel less tense, Cara smiles a little and bumps her shoulder with his in a playful manner. “As if you weren’t looking at me that way when we first met.”

 

Lu Han splutters, shocked. “I—I was not!”

 

“Lu Han, you were practically my stalker,” she says and it’s funny how she’s so comfortable talking about this with him now. She’s surprised herself and it makes her wonder since when did she become this close to him? “I… I mean…”

 

Lu Han notices the way she becomes flustered over her words and that’s probably what he loves about her. She always does that—blurting out her thoughts without filter until she realizes what kind of consequences her words have toward another person. People might found that trait of her to be annoying and lacking in every way, but Lu Han appreciates it. She shows him honesty. She shows him how she feels inside. And Lu Han loves how she always tries her best to fix her mistakes even if it wasn’t a mistake to begin with. She always cares too much. She always worries too much. She always places other people’s happiness above hers.

 

“Okay, I admit,” Lu Han gives up, sipping up his takeaway morning coffee with a pout. “I was your stalker. Not practically, but literally.” She covers to hide her grin. “But you have to know, my dear, fluffy Cara-bear, that you were the only girl that I stalked—and I was the only guy who stalked you. You see the correlation here?”

 

“What?” She playfully scrunches her nose, holding back her snicker. “There’s no correlation—”

 

“Oh, but there is!” Lu Han quickly announces with his hands thrown wide above his head, loud enough for the world to hear. It’s a miracle that his coffee doesn’t spill out of his cup. “YOU AND I, MY LOVE, ARE DESTINED TO BE TOGET—”

 

“Dude!” Someone hissed from behind him and Lu Han turns around in surprise, managing to accidentally smack the said guy on the face with his hands in the air. “OH !”

 

“Oh crap, sorry!” Lu Han hurriedly apologizes, checking the guy’s face and prying his hands off his face. “You okay, buddy?”

 

“’Okay’?!” The other guy spits back. “You just practically jabbed your elbow into my eyes—how could I be okay?!”

 

Lu Han raises both hands in the air, muttering, “Wow, sorry, man,” but before he can say anything else, someone walks past him in a hurry and bump Lu Han’s shoulder, knocking him forward. Lu Han spills his coffee all over the other man’s shirt and that guy gapes in shock.

 

“DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?!” The poor guy shriek, wincing from the hot liquid that’s starting to seep through the fabric and paint his white shirt brown. He still has one hand covering his left eye from Lu Han’s sudden elbow attack.

 

“We’re so sorry,” Cara takes over, pulling Lu Han away to the side just in case he’s going to cause more trouble. “We didn’t mean for this to happen, Sir. A-are you okay?”

 

Lu Han notices she’s still very awkward in interacting with another male but she’s doing a rather great job in hiding it. She bows apologetically and glances at Lu Han to do the same thing. He follows her without words.

 

“Here,” Cara says, offering some tissues from her purse to the other man. She smiles, tucking strands of hair behind her ears and now the man can see her face more. “I’m so sorry for giving you so much trouble, Sir. May I know your name?”

 

Lu Han can see the man staring at her with the usual dazed look on his eyes. Cara is pretty, and her beauty is striking when she smiles. Even to this day, Lu Han is still having a hard time to breathe when she smiles at him directly. He’s not gonna blame the dude if he starts hyperventilating right there from constantly being attacked by her blinding smiles.

 

“I—umm…” The man blushes, gulping. “W-what...?”

 

Lu Han becomes annoyed. And when Cara laughs softly, he begins to get upset even more. “Your name, Genius,” Lu Han says before she can reply. “She asked for your name.” Cara frowns at his attitude but doesn’t do much other than giving him a tentative squeeze of his hand.

 

“K-Kim Jongdae,” the guy says, still has that love struck gaze on his face. Cara smoothly introduces her and Lu Han’s name even though her fingers still tremble when they lay back on the side of her knitted sweater.

 

“Nice to meet you, Jongdae-sshi,” she says, bowing her head. Jongdae splutters and absentmindedly does the same. Lu Han secretly rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry we ruined your shirt. Do you bring a spare that you can change into? I-if you don’t, we can buy one for you.”

 

Or we can buy a ticket to your grave, you son of a , Lu Han mutters inside his head. He pats himself in the back for being able to hold himself back from actually saying those words out loud. If it were Baekhyun, he would’ve strangled that Jongdae dude to the floor and screamed those words right into his ears. Lu Han wants to do that too, of course, but seeing how he just blurted out many facts of males’ es to her, it just doesn’t seem appropriate to be busting out someone’s balls on the next hour. Maybe sometimes later when he doesn’t start his day by talking about Baekhyun’s —that always ruins everything, Lu Han thinks.

 

“I…” Jongdae his lower lip nervously when Cara looks up at him with wide, sparkling hazel eyes. Man, are they pretty. “I—I have my sweatshirt from gym—it’s—” he clears his throat. “It’s okay.”

 

“Thank goodness,” Cara smiles so brightly, Lu Han almost becomes (or already) jealous because of it. Jongdae looks like he wants to cover his eyes with his hands because Jesus Christ, that smile is blinding!

 

“Oh dear God,” Lu Han mumbles under his breath. When he turns around, it’s his chance to order and with a sigh, he bitterly mutters to the waitress, “One chocolate, one strawberry chocolate mint, one caramel. Takeaway. Make it fast.” The girl who’s standing behind the cashier desk looked as if she was interested in Lu Han before but now, she’s looking at him with a disapproving frown and secretly mutters, “Rude ,” before she goes away to prepare his orders.

 

Cara keeps chatting and asking whether the man is fine and Lu Han almost breaks the table down by tapping his fingers on it too hard. When the waitress hands him his orders, Lu Han quickly turns around and stands beside Cara again.

 

“Great, the dude’s okay,” Lu Han says in an impatient tone though his lips are smiling. “Goodbye, Jongdae dude, sorry for spilling my precious coffee all over your shirt. Now get lost.”

 

Before Jongdae can snark back, Cara sends Lu Han a look, which gets shrugged off by the other man. But when she pouts slightly, Lu Han sighs and adds, “Fine. Could you get lost now, please?” And though she’s still not fond of it, Cara’s lips slowly curve up in amusement.

 

Carefully, the girl glances back to Jongdae and with a still awkward smile, Cara says, “I apologize once again for the incident. I hope we can meet again someday, Jongdae-sshi, in better circumstances, of course.” She bows politely and Jongdae glances at Lu Han, probably wanting him to bow his head down to him too because, well, he’s the main culprit here.

 

“Sorry, but not doing it,” Lu Han says, smiling in a way that could make the Angels jealous of its beauty. “Come on, Cara. Let’s go.”

 

“W-wait!” Jongdae says when Lu Han drags her away to the exit door. Without knowing the consequences, Jongdae reaches out and grabs Cara by her wrist. When their skins meet, Cara jumps and backs away a couple steps until her spine is pressed against the wall and she has nowhere else to go. Her face looks horrified, her eyes are opened wide, her shoulders begin to shake. Her breathing gets hitched in and it’s after a few nerve-wracking seconds have passed that she begins to calm down.

 

“S-sorry,” she says, forcing herself to chuckle as she rubs her wrist. Jongdae witness some deep scars along the soft skin. “Y-you startled me…”

 

Jongdae seems flabbergasted, furrowing his eyebrows together at her reaction and how she appears like she just saw a ghost.

 

Before he can ask what happened though, Lu Han steps between them and with icy cold eyes, he says, “Don’t touch her.” His tone is definite and it’s enough to bring shivers to the other man’s spine.

 

“I’m—” Jongdae splutters, still glancing back and forth at the couple. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean—I just wanted to say—”

 

“Our conversation is over, Mr. Kim,” Lu Han announces, and if Yixing were here, he would’ve said that Lu Han was using his lawyer’s voice, except, well, a thousand times more threatening. “We’re sorry for the trouble but that’s it. We don’t know each other and we intend to keep it that way. Thank you.”

 

And Lu Han takes Cara by the hand, gently pulling her toward the exit door while Jongdae is there, standing with his lips parted, wondering what is it that he did that caused her to behave that way.

 

Jongdae looks at his palm and sniffs at it. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it. “Another mystery to solve, Detective Kim,” he mutters to himself, shaking his head. “But for now let’s have those goddamn waffles.”

 

***

 

“You alright?” Lu Han asks, walking quietly beside her in matching steps. His posture seems protective but his eyes are soft, concerned about her well-being.

 

“I’m fine,” she says, “I was just surprised.” Cara forces herself to smile. She doesn’t want him to worry. She doesn’t want to cause more trouble for him and she hates herself for always managing to do the opposite. “Have you bought some for Sehun?” She tries to distract him. Lu Han still has his eyebrows furrowed but he nods anyway. “Good,” she says, smiling a little bit more sincere this time. “I hope he likes those waffles.”

 

Lu Han stares at her for a few seconds more until he sighs and lays his palm on her head. He gently pats her hair, murmuring, “You dumbo. Stop trying to act strong in front of me. If you don’t want me to be worried, you need to be honest and tell me exactly what you’re feeling. It’s okay to be scared, you don’t need to pretend.”

 

Cara blinks, a bit awed. Why does he always know what she’s thinking? Without knowing, she begins to lean into his touch and then smiles so brightly to the point her eyes begin to crinkle at the corners. “Thank you, Lu Han,” she says. You’re amazing.

 

Lu Han seems a bit surprised seeing her so pleased like this but he manages to hide his blush well and just pretends like her smile didn’t just make him fall in love with her even more. They begin to have simpler conversations with one another after that. They start to share stories about their hobbies, or things they did in high school and Cara looks madly interested in knowing more about Lu Han’s past friendship with his two old friends—who he likes to refer as ‘es’—Yixing and Kris.

 

“Yixing seems like an interesting person,” Cara says, not realizing that she’s already taking a step inside the hospital’s parking lot. Lu Han makes her feel at ease and gives her the sense of security she’s been craving. She doesn’t even realize they’ve walked a long way there because Lu Han keeps on offering trivia about the reason why he decided to have pink hair back in college (“First, of course, it was to gain your attention—my presence needed to be carved into your mind and I know my dazzling smile was actually more than enough to do so, but I still thought it wouldn’t hurt to be even more eye-catching. Second, Pink is the color of universal love. Oh and also, do you know that a pink carnation means ‘I will never forget you’? Third, in western culture, pink was the color originally associated with males. So don’t you let Baekhyun’s words get into your mind, okay? Pink is not gay and I am not a third class Gigolo. But if I were a gigolo, I’d be on top of the food chain, baby. VIP class, only celebrities allowed, and Baekhyun would be kissing my feet, begging for my mercy in his shabby clothes. Just saying.”).

 

“Yixing’s a retard,” Lu Han snorts and when Cara rolls her eyes, he begins to gasp dramatically. “Oh my goodness, Cara! Did you just roll your eyes at me? That’s it, no more hanging out with The Byuns. They’re bad influence.”

 

“Yes, because you’re such an angel yourself.”

 

“Oh my God,” Lu Han gapes, a palm being pressed to his chest. “Rude and sarcastic. I don’t know if I want to shake your shoulders and bring the old sweet, innocent Cara back or push you against the wall because of how hot you look right now.” But when Cara blushes and her fingers fumble with the end of her sweater again, Lu Han winces. “Too much?”

 

“A-a bit,” she confesses and they both laugh quietly to each other.

 

“No matter how you behave though, you’re perfect to me,” Lu Han whispers, taking her hand in his. She scrunches her nose up over his cheesy line and Lu Han hopes that someday he could respond back with a peck to the tip of her nose. “Anyway, we’re here.”

 

Lu Han pushes open the door to Sehun’s hospital room with a wide, excited grin. “Sehunnieeeee~” he coos, strolling forward with spring in his steps. Cara follows with quiet chuckle. She’s nervous and afraid that Sehun probably won’t like her there, but she’s promised herself she’d do her best in getting closer to the boy.

 

Oh Sehun lies in his bed with half-lidded eyes and prominent eye bags on his upper face. “Hyung…” he mutters without a blink and Cara can tell how devastated he is. Sehun used to look at Lu Han like the man was his hero but now he doesn’t even have the strength to smile. The boy who looks even thinner now doesn’t even spare a glance at her.

 

“Yo yo yo, man~” Lu Han seems to be better in masking his sadness because now the older guy is sitting right beside Sehun on his bed and squeezing the younger one’s cheek. “How are you, buddy? Feeling better now? Did you miss your Hyung?”

 

Sehun blinks once and glances at the little white boxes Lu Han is carrying with him. “What’s that?”

 

“Oh this?” Lu Han asks, opening one of them with a rush. “These are your chocolate waffles, baby Thehunnie.”

 

Another emotionless blink. “You brought me waffles?” Sehun asks.

 

“She brought you waffles,” Lu Han corrects him while pointing at the lady who’s standing awkwardly beside him. And that’s when Sehun finally lands a gaze at her. The woman fidgets a little but manages to do a perfect bow to the younger boy. Lu Han pulls on a smile and continues, “I was about to inhale my waffles back at the café but Cara kept on insisting that I should pack one for you and eat it together with you here. So be thankful, you brat, because I just missed my date for you.”

 

“I—I wasn’t insisting,” Cara hastily says, her voice wavers a little. “Lu Han thought the same thing too—w-we wanted to eat them together with you—there’s no date, umm…”

 

Lu Han secretly smiles and Sehun can witness the adoration in his eyes. “Don’t listen to her, Sehun-ah. She’s just embarrassed. We were on a date.” But Lu Han knows deep down that she wasn’t saying those words because she was shy; she said so because she didn’t want to take all the credit to herself for being Miss Nice and Considerate.

 

Sehun keeps drowning in silence until finally, he reaches out a hand to drag his box of waffles to his lap. “Thank you,” he says, looking at the other man but Lu Han narrows his eyes and points his head to the only female in the room. Sehun knows a signal when he sees one. “Thank you, Noona,” Sehun says, quiet but certain though not as warm as it could’ve because he doesn’t smile at the end of his line.

 

Cara looks at Sehun straight in the eyes without blinking until she realizes that she should say something back. “Oh, y-yes. You’re welcome,” she replies, tripping on her words as her cheeks begin to burn. She feels so happy inside to have Sehun looking at her and speaking to her without obvious hatred in his eyes. It’s not much but it’s a start. That really means a lot to her.

 

Lu Han can tell the joy she’s having inside her chest because when she smiles, it becomes more radiant by the second. “Hey, can you stop?” Lu Han says, looking at Cara with a frown.

 

“S-stop what?” she asks, startled.

 

“Making me fall for you over and over again,” Lu Han finishes and when her face goes flushed, he chuckles. “Ayeeee, I see someone’s blushing~”

 

“Yah, Hyung,” Sehun says, scowling with one cheek full of food. “I’m eating here.”

 

“Aaw, no need to be jealous. You know I love you the most, Sehun-ah,” Lu Han says, patting the other guy’s cheeks. The Chinese man mouths, “Kidding. Of course it’s you,” to Cara and the said girl splutters again.

 

“These waffles are huge,” Sehun comments after a moment passed by. His Hyung reciprocates with a grin and begins to munch down his waffles as well. Lu Han and Cara sit opposite one another at the table on the other side of the room. Lu Han keeps on stealing glances at her as they eat but he never sees the time when Cara does the same too. Perhaps she does it more, because Lu Han looks utterly young and adorable when he gnaws at his waffles.

 

“You look better,” Lu Han says, making the younger boy lift up his head to exchange stares just for a moment.

 

Sehun nods, jabbing his fork to his waffles with such small strength. “I feel better,” he agrees. Lu Han can tell there’s not much progress in his condition, but at least Sehun isn’t screaming and freaking out like he was last night. And that’s saying something.

 

“What did you have for breakfasts?”

 

“Potatoes and eggs.”

 

“Oh that’s good.”

 

“They , Hyung. They taste like water.” Then he stares at his food, blinking his droopy eyes. “I miss bubble tea.”

 

Lu Han looks at him with amusement in his eyes, and he exchanges small smiles with the lady who’s sitting in front of him. They’re both thinking that Sehun is starting to get his old self back. His heart is still shattered but he’s ready to pick up the pieces one by one. Time will show when he’s ready to put them back all together again.

 

“I’ll get you some bubble tea the next time I visit,” Lu Han says and he swallows a huge bite of his waffles. “So where’s your dad?”

 

“Work,” Sehun says, a bit emotionlessly. “He didn’t want to go but I forced him to.” He’s sliced down his waffles to pieces but he doesn’t stuff any of them into his mouth. He just kind of stares at them with blank eyes, like before. It’s until Lu Han calls his name to snap him out of his thoughts that Sehun begins to move again.

 

“Has, uhh… Has your girlfriend visited you today?” Lu Han carefully asks, gazing worriedly at the other boy when he begins to doze off again; this time, staring expressionlessly at the window. The weather is cloudy, the sun’s hiding behind big grayish clouds. Sehun never likes it when it’s like this. He hates rain. But for the time being, he only hates himself.

 

“I told her not to come,” Sehun answers, blinking slowly. “I don’t want her to see me like this.”

 

“Sehun-ah—”

 

“I don’t want her here, Hyung.”

 

Lu Han quiets down at the final tone Sehun just used. Cara places a hand over his and Lu Han looks back at her. She shakes her head once and he knows that he shouldn’t push it. Sehun probably still needs some time to be alone.

 

So they proceed to stay in another silence.

 

Lu Han begins to play with his food as he swims through his thoughts, wondering what topic he should bring into the conversation when Sehun is practically a robot without soul. The sound of the constant ticking of the clock begins to annoy him and he’s about to say something to ease the tension when Cara suddenly stands up and walks to the bed. Her steps are quiet and hesitant but she forces herself to move forward.

 

Sehun angles his head to the side to look at her better. The way he frowns seems defensive but it doesn’t stop her from walking and offering him something with her hand. She’s handing him a sketchbook. It’s thin and only filled with a few broken white papers. When Sehun knits his eyebrows even more, Cara asks him to open the cover.

 

What Sehun finds on the first page of that book is a sketch of a woman, with long hair and cat-like eyes. The drawing is familiar; pulling on his heartstrings everytime his eyes take more of it into his mind. Her head is tilted lightly to the side as if she was looking at something, and she has one palm raised in attempt to cover from laughing too hard. What strikes Sehun the most is the way she smiles—it’s like seeing it in real life. Open mouth, teeth showing, and eyes wrinkling at the corners. Even in this picture she looks so happy and bright and downright beautiful. Sehun becomes immobile, staring at the uncluttered sketch with wide unblinking eyes.

 

“I’m—I’m sorry if it’s not good,” Cara says, looking utterly unconfident. “And I’m also sorry if it doesn’t resemble her well, because umm… I only asked Lu Han to show me a picture of her and I tried to draw her from there.”

 

Lu Han opens his mouth to form an ‘oh’ as he remembers the time when Cara wanted to have a picture of Sehun and his mother. He thought she was only curious and thus he wondered why she was staring at it for so long. He did not know that she could draw.

 

Lu Han raises himself from his seat and totters along to her side, wanting to sneak a peek of her drawing. When he gets a clear vision, he gapes. Her drawing skills are amazing. Flawless. And Lu Han didn’t even know that she liked to draw. And he definitely didn’t know she could sketch that good.

 

Sehun has also become speechless but for an entirely different reason. “Why are you giving me this?” he asks, voice cold and bitter. Sehun closes the book, pushing it off his lap. “Why?”

 

Lu Han’s about to scold him for being mannerless but Cara beats him to it. “She has a beautiful smile,” Cara says which makes Sehun frowns even deeper. “I-I’ve never met her in my entire life—and it’s something that I regret. I wish I had the chance to know her in person. She was beautiful. And the way she smiled reminds me of you, Sehun-sshi. And umm…” She looks down, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear nervously. Carefully, she reaches out a hand to take the sketchbook back. She flips open a different page, and this time, it shows a drawing of a young boy—probably seven or eight years-old—with choppy bangs and a missing tooth, but he’s laughing like it was the happiest time of his life. Cara offers it back to Sehun, saying, “This is you,” she says, “This is how you used to look. And if you take those pages out and place it next to each other, you’ll know the reason behind their smiles.”

 

Sehun furrows his brows but he follows her words. Slowly, he takes out both drawing sheets and places them horizontally on his lap. The first page is the drawing of his mother and the second one is the picture of himself. And when he places them next to another, Sehun finally sees what Cara wants him to see.

 

Her mother was smiling because of him. And that younger version of Sehun was laughing because of her. Sehun never saw the original picture that Lu Han took secretly years ago by his phone, but he remembered the occasion. He remembered what made him laugh. He remembered the way his mother smiled and giggled out his name. He remembered the joy that rushed through his veins at that time. He could almost hear her laugh ringing through his ears.

 

Lu Han’s eyes soften when he smiles, placing his palm over Cara’s head and pats her a couple of times. “You get it, right, Sehun-ah?” he says, moving to sit beside the boy. “Your mother is in heaven right now but she won’t be happy until you do. Because, after all, you’re the reason behind her smiles.”

 

For a moment there, Sehun finally realizes that he shouldn’t be acting like his world just end. Lu Han’s right. We shouldn’t stop living just because our loved ones are leaving us. They wouldn’t want to see us living through each day in despair.

 

Sehun nibbles on his lower lip, his eyes feel hot and soon they begin to water. He picks up those papers and hugs them to his chest. He cries until his entire shoulders start to shake but this time his lips are opened in a smile—just as beautiful as his mother’s. “Thank you…” he sobs, holding those pictures tighter to his body. “Thank you…”

 

Cara looks at him in relief and Lu Han squeezes her hand, secretly whispering, “You did well,” when Sehun’s not looking. She laughs softly and for the first time ever, she dares herself to be close and sits next to Sehun too. I hope you can be happy again, she prays inside her mind. Sehun’s body is thin and frail and when he hugs his knees to his chest, he looks even younger and heartbreaking. But Cara knows he’ll be all right. Unlike her, Sehun still has good memories of his parent. He just needs to relive them and toss the pain away. He’ll heal sooner. She knows he will.

 

When Sehun stops crying, his sorrow is still there, vividly appearing behind his eyes, but the boy starts talking. He begins to ask more about the drawing, questioning Cara how could she draw something so beautiful like that just by using a pencil and an old photograph. The girl still sounds a little bit awkward when she gives out a humble reply but things are starting to improve.

 

“Can you… draw me something else?” Sehun slowly asks, flipping through a few empty pages.

 

She nods. “W-what do you want me to draw?”

 

“My mother,” he says, giving her sketchbook back after he took out the pages of his mother and his child picture. “But this time, I want her to look at me directly with a smile that says she’s proud of me. And you’ll give it to me when I’m ready to stand back at my feet…” Sehun gazes at her with softer eyes that warm her heart. “And be strong like you too, Noona.”

 

Cara opens but no words can come out. She turns her head to look at Lu Han who immediately raises his hands and says, “I didn’t tell him anything, Cara, I swear.”

 

“He doesn’t need to tell me anything,” Sehun says, noticing the horrified look that scatters all over her eyes. “We used to hang around back in college, remember? You’re different than how you were back then. I just figured something happened along the way but you got over it and now you’re here, helping me—helping Luhannie-Hyung.” He sighs and leans his back against the pillow. “You just make me realize that people get depressed from times to times, but there’s also a time when we’ll be ready to move on.” Sehun smiles, albeit too weak and too faint.

 

Cara still looks a bit dazed. This is the first time someone ever said that they wanted to be like her. That she’s their role model. That they want to be strong just like her. It gets a little bit overwhelming and she’s probably going to cry from the joy that’s coursing through her entire body but she decides to just look at Lu Han and hopes that he’ll understand how grateful she is to find someone like him to fix her because the words “Thank you” will never be enough.

 

Lu Han is about to open his mouth to speak when the door suddenly gets tore open. “YAH, SEHUNA!” A man wearing dirty sweatshirts and basketball shorts, moonwalks into the room. “MY BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER! KIM JONGDAE IS IN THE HOUSE YO~”

 

Lu Han blinks three times before he abruptly stands up and points his finger to the guy. “YOU!”

 

Kim Jongdae looks up and reacts exactly the same way. “YOU!”

 

Cara falls back to her feet, glancing at the man and the youngest boy beside her. “Is he your friend, Sehun-sshi?”

 

Sehun nods, his movements still look a bit rigid but there’s a new shine gleaming in his eyes. “Chenchen,” he quietly calls.

 

“Why are you here?!” Lu Han shouts, a bit too rude, he knows but he doesn’t care. “Are you following me?”

 

“Hey, excuse you, Mister,” Jongdae spits back, arms on both sides of his waist. “I don’t follow people. People follow me.”

 

Lu Han’s too busy frowning and translating his sass to actually give a respond.

 

“Jongdae-sshi,” Cara suddenly speaks with that gentle voice of hers, careful not to startle him. “Are you here to visit your friend?”

 

Kim Jongdae immediately fixes his gaze at her and Lu Han dares to swear on his soul that he just heard him mumbling the word “My goddess” under his breath. And that makes him want to kill him Jongdae even more. Mutilate him. And throw him to the nearest river. Or sharks. Anything that’s more convenient. And painful.

 

“You guys know my lil’ bro Sehun?” Jongdae asks, looking from one person to another with confused eyes until he receives Lu Han’s deathly glare. “Yo, calm down, man. We ain’t gonna start a war in front of this cripple right here, ‘kay? World peace, baby. Ya know what I mean?”

 

“Why are you speaking like that?” Lu Han asks, staring at him like he’s the biggest idiot in the world—which he probably is.

 

“He always speaks like that, Hyung,” Sehun answers nonchalantly, shifting his weight to sit properly on the bed. “And Chenchen, I’m not a cripple.”

 

“Oh sure you’re not,” Jongdae says, scooting closer to his bed so he can pat his friend’s hair. “You’re my friend with the nicest booty a man can ever have. You should be proud of yourself, Sebooty.”

 

“Oh my God, get away from him,” Lu Han says protectively, dragging Cara away by pulling at her wrist before Jongdae can come close. “He’s a ert.” Cara secretly wants to laugh over the irony. A ert calling another man ert. Of course.

 

“Why you gotta be so rude to me, bro? Did I get your in a twist or something?” Jongdae asks, scoffing. “As far as I can remember, you were the one who spilled coffee all over my shirt.”

 

“Which I’d be gladly to repeat it again, if given the situation,” Lu Han says, smiling in the way that seems angelic. Cara can practically see his Devil’s horns appearing on his head though.

 

“What, you guys know each other?” Sehun asks, glancing from side to side.

 

When Jongdae answers, “Nah,” Cara says, “We’ve met before,” while Lu Han makes a gagging sound and spits out, “Ew, God, no.”

 

“O… kay,” Sehun mumbles uncertainly. “Well, just in case you haven’t. Jongdae-Hyung, this is my friend, Xiao Lu—I mean, Lu Han.”

 

“Xiao Lu, Lu Han…” Jongdae furrows his eyebrows, thinking hard. “Lu.. Lulu—YOU’RE LULU?!”

 

Lu Han is so shocked by his sudden burst that he takes a step back from the crazy dude. “Y-yeah.”

 

“I thought Lulu was a girl!” Jongdae whines, palming his face. “Oh my God NOOOOO! My fantasy of meeting Princess Lulu is RUINED!”

 

Sehun actually laughs a little bit at that and Cara thinks it’s really something for Jongdae to be able to make him laugh in this situation. “Hyung,” Sehun calls Lu Han, “He’s the Funky Jongdae I told you about. The guy with the funny dance, remember?”

 

“He’s Funky Jongdae?” Lu Han asks, staring incredulously before he scoffs at the said man. “Well, actually, you fit my imagination. Just a little bit more pathetic but okay.”

 

“You won’t call me pathetic if you see me dance, Mister,” Jongdae says back, folding his arms on his chest. He seems to be able to get over his eternal love for Princess Lulu pretty quick. “What do you say of having a dance battle with me? Sunday, ten o’clock by the river. Man to man, don’t you chicken out on me, bro.”

 

“Can you believe this guy?” Lu Han mutters to the girl beside him. Cara only laughs in return.

 

“Yo, Sehuna, my man!” Jongdae literally jumps to the bed, making it rattle and proceeding to not caring if it breaks down to the ground. “I bought you the latest edition of One Piece! You know who just got back alive?”

 

Sehun’s eyes slowly begin to look alive once again. “A-Ace…?”

 

“Well, yes but at the same time, no, not yet—he’s still pretty much dead on the latest chapter BUT DUDE I HAVE THIS THEORY THAT HE MIGHT BE ALIVE SO GIVE ME A HUG, BROTHER!” Jongdae screams and the boys soon begin to envelop one another in a manly hug. “Okay, so remember when he said…”

 

As Sehun and Jongdae start to discuss more about the manga they both love, Cara throws a sideways glance to Lu Han. He’s smiling at the sight, looking amused and relieved. “I think he’s getting better,” Cara says, reaching out to hold Lu Han’s hand.

 

The Chinese man turns his head to see her, smiling a bit wider this time. “I can’t believe I’m letting that Jongdae dude beat me.”

 

“You’re still his favorite hyung,” Cara assures him.

 

“He better think so or I’m gonna whip his ,” Lu Han mutters with an exaggerated roll of eyes. “Well, you wanna take off? I think we should go back before Baek sets our apartment on fire or something.” And I don’t want you to be anywhere close to that ert who’s busy staring at your s when you’re not looking.

 

Cara doesn’t miss the way Lu Han stated ‘our’ instead of ‘my apartment’, but she gets better in hiding her blush. “Okay.”

 

“Okay.” Lu Han ruffles her hair once before he strolls forward to knock Sehun on the head. “Hey, you brat. I’m leaving.”

 

“Already?” Sehun asks, his eyes gleaming like a lonely child’s. He seems to forget a bit of his grief for a few seconds there, though not by much. Jongdae is doing a better job in taking his mind off it than Lu Han is and though he’s jealous, Lu Han could only sigh in relief.

 

“Yeah, but I’ll stay with you here again tonight, okay?” Lu Han pinches the younger one’s nose.

 

Sehun nods, raising his pinky so Lu Han can intertwine it with his own. “Pinky Promise?” he asks.

 

“What are we, third graders?” Lu Han rolls his eyes but shake their pinkies together nonetheless. “Pinky promise, you brat.”

 

Cara parts her lips to speak but she feels so shy and worried whether she’d come off as demanding and annoying so she retreats her words. Lu Han seems to see that, though, and with a hand being wrapped around her shoulders, he asks, “Can this silly Noona come with me too?”

 

Sehun fixes his gaze at her and Cara looks away, clearing to reduce her anxiety. She misses Sehun’s little smile because of that but she hears the word, “Sure,” flowing from the younger boy’s lips. With her cheek tinted with red, she nods a few times, feeling excitement and gratefulness flowing through her heart.

 

“Aish, stop looking so happy, you’re making me jealous,” Lu Han says, playfully flicking her on the nose before he goes back to Sehun. “Finish your book, Sehun-ah. And make sure this Jongdae idiot leaves before I come back here. Make sure he doesn’t poop anywhere in the building too.”

 

“Yah, who are you calling an idiot?!” Jongdae shouts before he realizes Lu Han’s whole sentence. “And HEY I’M NOT A DOG!”

 

“I’ll see you at our dance battle, Kim Jongdae,” Lu Han says, walking away to grab his belongings. “I hope you know how to be funky because I’m bringing my swag and everything.”

 

“Come on, dude. I didn't get called Funky Jongdae for nothing.” Jongdae snickers proudly (and it’s weird because Lu Han thinks it’s not something to be proud of). “You’re so gonna lose, Chinese bro!”

 

Lu Han throws a winning smirk and leaves the place just like how Jongdae entered the room: by moonwalking. When he and Cara exit the room and close the door behind them, Lu Han can hear Sehun laughing.

 

“Are you seriously going to attend the battle?” Cara asks, giggling to herself because that moonwalk was just hilariously amazing and amazingly hilarious.

 

“Of course not,” Lu Han replies, slinging his bag on his side and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I’m just gonna let him wait for me there for hours.”

 

“That’s not nice.”

 

“True, but I never said I was nice.”

 

***

 

On their way home, Lu Han successfully made Cara smile a few times by doing three things: 1) being a complete retard by retelling the story of a desperate pink-haired boy who’s in love with The School’s Rosalinda and being ignored as a ert right after, 2) smacking yet another dude right on the face because of how enthusiastic he was when talking, and 3) breathing—because Lu Han’s sole existence is enough to make her smile, though she’s not ready to admit it out loud just yet.

 

“Green tea for me,” Lu Han says, taking his ice cream cone from an old lady who sells cheap ice creams on the sidewalks. “And caramel for Cara-bear~” he sing songs. Cara blushes slightly when she remembers the time Lu Han gave that nickname to her—a name that sticks to her mind even more than anything in the world and one that she’s grown to be more comfortable with rather than her actual name.

 

“Thank you,” she replies, taking the refreshing ice away from his hand. She gives a little kitten at the top, tasting the sweet flavor of vanilla being mixed with caramel sauce and some Choco chips. Lu Han tries hard not to come up with anything dirty in his mind but it’s hard when Cara is enjoying the food and continuously it like a lollipop. It’s the combination of cute and seductive and damn it all to hell, that’s just too much for Lu Han’s I-Haven’t-Had--in-Months heart. So he decides to just look away.

 

I thought you’ve changed, you ert, Lu Han mutters in his mind, his cheeks tainted with red.

 

“Okay, so…” he starts, tasting his own ice cream as well. “Remember when I said we should get to know each other more? I can start by asking you some questions now, right? Is that okay with you?”

 

With her eyes still focusing on her ice cream, she nods.

 

Lu Han grins. “Okay! Then first question!” He opens his mouth but when his thoughts begin to form questions in his head, he begins to re-think his decision.

 

What should I ask her? Was my kiss okay? Did she like it? Is she in love with me as much as I love her? Is she just playing along with me because she feels sorry for me—the guy who’s been chasing her for years? Does she really like me or is it just out of pity? Can I kiss her again? Can I start thinking that we’re together now?

 

Lu Han presses his lips shut into a thin line.

 

Cara raises an eyebrow when he begins to drown in silence. “Lu Han?” she calls. “You said you were going to ask me something.”

 

“Y-yeah, it’s just…” Lu Han swallows, suddenly feeling anxious. “Let me just finish my ice first.”

 

And though she becomes more confused, Cara nods and gives him some space. Maybe he’s just thinking about something worth asking for. In Cara’s case, though, there are a million things she wants to question him. What’s his favorite flavor, what’s his favorite color, what he wants for his birthday, what makes him happy the most, what is he scared of other than snow, was her awkwardness ever made him feel annoyed, what crossed his mind when he saw her, why did he fall in love with her back then, why doesn’t he fall out of love when she’s being nothing but a nuisance to him—Cara wants to know anything and everything about him but she doesn’t know how to form her questions as well.

 

So they end up eating their ice creams in silence. They walk beside each other, each step have them drowning deeper into their own thoughts. The empty street they’re walking in should’ve made her feel comfortable but the tension between them is heavy.

 

Finally, after a few desperate attempt in creating the proper question, Lu Han gains enough courage to speak. But when he begins to open his mouth to stutter out his question, Cara stops walking and reaches out a hand to touch his hair. Lu Han is on the verge of asking what on earth is she doing, his head like that in the middle of the street but then he feels a slight pain and—

 

“Aw!” Lu Han winces, moving his head away from her reach. “Did you just pluck my hair?”

 

She nods, showing him a strand of his hair that she successfully removed from his head. “Gray hair,” she explains, pulling Lu Han’s hand and lands the string of silver hair on his palm.

 

Embarrassing. Of course, it’s embarrassing. Here he is, thinking about millions of questions he should ask her regarding his relationship with the girl he’s been in love with for God knows how long. But then that said girl just noticed he had a strand of freaking gray hair and decided that it was appropriate for her to suddenly tweak it off his head just right before he could mutter out his question. Speaking about perfect timing.

 

Jesus Christ. Baekhyun would’ve laughed his off to China.

 

“Umm… thanks,” Lu Han mutters awkwardly, face blushing in shame. “I guess I should change my shampoo.”

 

“Or you’re just old.”

 

Lu Han’s eyes grow wide upon hearing her words but when he lifts up his head to look at her, Cara smiles at him until her teeth show and her eyes wrinkle at the end. With faint blush on her cheeks, she laces their fingers together and says, “Lu Han, I want…” She exhales nervously. “I want to love you.”

 

Lu Han’s jaw hangs slack on his face. He almost wants to slap himself on the face because this is obviously a dream but he asks anyway, “W-what?”

 

“Umm…” She doesn’t have enough courage to repeat her words but the way she rubs the tip of her nose out of embarrassment is enough to convince Lu Han that he wasn’t dreaming. “Those a-are the words I wanted to say when we—” she clears to sound better, “I mean—I said those words a few moments earlier when we… When we... k-kissed…” She stumbles on her words and brings her head even lower. “A-anyway, I just wanted you to know… that I’m still scared and new to all of this but for you… F-for you I want to—oh God, how do I say this—umm…” She looks like she has trouble breathing. She takes a deep breath and quickly shouts, “Lu Han, I’m trying to love you properly because you deserve that but I don’t know how. I don’t know yet but I’m willing to try—I will try to be closer to you and to make you happy just as much as you make me feel so if you can just wait a bit more, I will try to love you like I should and—” but then her bravery runs out and she begins to panic. Her face is on fire when she mumbles out a soft “Oh my God” and buries her face in her hands. “I’m sorry for ruining everything—I-I don’t even know what—I’m sorry,” she stutters, parting her hands away from his and begins to walk a little faster.

 

Lu Han just continues gaping until he manages to shake himself awake and yells, “What the hell, Cara?!” His words make her stop abruptly and she turns around in shock.

 

“W-what…?”

 

“Are you freaking serious?!” Lu Han exclaims, scowling. “Are you seriously telling me this now?! You’re killing me!”

 

And when Cara gapes with panic written all over her face, Lu Han moves forward and grabs her by the waist. He leans close, so close to the point she can feel his breath on her lips and he cups her cheek with his palm. “You’re absolutely killing me, Cara.”

 

Then he kisses her. Warm, desperate, and breathtaking. Lu Han is dangerous, she thinks, because when he kisses her with soft lips that are pressuring enough to part hers between soft moans, Cara feels like her world gets turn upside down and Lu Han is her thread, helping her to stay steady on her feet.

 

The kiss still frightens her but Lu Han is her lifeline. Maybe without his kiss, she’ll be drowning instead. She closes her eyes and lets him sweep her into his arms, guarding her, protecting her like he always does.

 

“You,” Lu Han lands a peck, “will,” his chaste kiss grows deeper, “be” and he groans when Cara makes a whimpering sound as he nibbles on her lower lip, “mmm—the death of me, I swear to God, Cara. You’re driving me insane.” Lu Han doesn’t taste like anything on her lips but it’s the kind of kiss she’ll always wish to be replayed on her dream later tonight.

 

He pushes her off gently by her shoulders but keeps her close enough to press his temple against hers. “You said you wanted to love me,” he breathes, closing his eyes as he smiles. “You don’t know how happy I am right now—oh God, I love you so much.” He wraps his arms around her shoulders, her hair with one hand. “You hear me? I love you.”

 

Cara closes her eyes as well and presses her chest against his, delving herself in his warmth. “You need to let go of me,” she whispers, giggling softly in his ear. “We’re in public...” Though it doesn’t really mean anything because there’s no one passing the street at the moment and neither of them wants to let go. Putting a distance between them means Lu Han will be missing her more, craving for her more, and needing her more. At this point in his life, he doesn’t think he can afford that.

 

Lu Han shakes his head and pulls her even closer. “I don’t care,” he says, “I don’t care. Cara…”

 

She chuckles quietly, clutching to him tighter and whispering his name under her breath. Maybe it’s okay to stay like this for a few seconds more, she thinks.

 

And maybe it’s okay to stay like this forever.

 

***

YOOOOOOOOOO~

I'M BACK WITH A HUGE AMOUNT OF FLUFF AND CRAP FEEL FREE TO THROW THOSE WAFFLES AT ME

Okay first thing first, sorry for not updating for so long. I move from town to town these last few weeks and it's not possible to stay in front of my computer for so long and I don't have any stable internet connection so screw my life

Second, I have a permanent job now which means less time fangirling, more time working my off so maybe I won't be able to update a lot but I'll try my best! I've written some new parts for Insontis and there's this story I've been working on with Sehun as the main lead but I don't know if I'm gonna post it someday because it's like a crack fic with stupid fluff and cheesy romance but if you guys are interested, maybe I'll post it here :)

Thanks for reading! I hope you don't hate me for this. I'll talk to you all later, lovelies!

Oh and if you have time, will you check out my other stories called Eternity and Remember Me? Just click on the titles for links! :D

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