MEMORIES

 

“I’m gonna go meet Noona for a bit but don’t worry, I’ll still pick you up and we’ll go home together.” The boy with the gorgeous eye-smile grinned adorably to his mother as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. Sehun took away her bag from his shoulder and slung it around her arm. The old lady, still looking very young and graceful despite her age, thanked him and brushed his son’s bangs out of his eyes.

 

“Isn’t it your first anniversary, though?” Mrs. Oh asked with a greasy wiggle of her eyebrows. Carefully, she opened the door to her flower shop and dropped her bag on the front desk before she raised her fingers in the air. “Aren’t you supposed to spend some ‘private’ time with your girlfriend?”

 

Sehun scrunched up his nose at her words. “I’m gonna bring her flowers later but we won’t be able to talk long since she still has to go to her part-time job. Anyway, air quotes, Mom? Really?” Sehun asked back, wanting to look annoyed but ended up laughing when his mother pinched his cheek. “Mom~ Stop doing that, I’m not seven anymore!” His mother laughed, moving her hand in a slower motion as she caresses his cheek.

 

“You’re right,” she said, smiling softly but Sehun frowned because she looked kind of sad for a second there and he didn’t know why.

 

“Mom?” he asked, unconsciously tilting his head slightly to the side in curiosity. “Are you okay?”

 

She seemed to snap out of it then and blinked her eyes twice. “Yes, I’m fine, it’s just…” She chuckled once but that was it. “I guess I just miss having my only child to myself, you know? I still remember the time I dropped you off to school on your first day. You were so little and kept on hiding behind my back, but now, look at you,” she said, gesturing at his appearance. “You’re so tall and handsome and you already have such a beautiful girlfriend on your side.”

 

Sehun snickered in a way that could remind his mother that there weren’t so many changes happening to him even after all these years. “I’m still your son, Mom. Nothing’s changed.”

 

“In some ways, yes, you’re still the same,” she said, tying her long wavy brown hair into a neat bun and wore her work clothes and plastic gloves around her hands to keep her skin clean from the dirt. “But on the other hand, everything seems different now since my son has become a grown-up adult after he got deflowered on his birthday party last month.”

 

“MOM!” The boy gasped, his cheeks burning. “Oh my God, Mom, you were supposed to keep that as a secret, not shout it to the world!”

 

“Relax, nobody isn’t even here yet,” his mother replied, giggling lightly. “Aaw, look at you~ You’re so cute when you blush like that. Did you use a , Sweetie?”

 

“I did, Mom, ugh,” Sehun groaned, rolling his eyes. “You’ve asked me the same question for like a million times by now.”

 

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with being more careful. I just don’t want to have a grandchild yet,” she responded, shrugging her shoulders. “My hands are full with our shop and your one greasy father to handle, okay? Sue me for being extra cautious.”

 

“Mom, Dad already gave me the Talk so you don’t need to meddle into my life too,” he said and obeyed his mother when she asked him to bring a pot of Baby’s Breath to her.

 

“Do you love her, though, Sehunnie?”

 

That question surely caught him off guard but it didn’t take him more than a second to answer. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

 

His mother glanced at him with that familiar twinkle in her eyes. “How much?”

 

“So, so much,” he answered, eyes suddenly looking all dazed and filled with these imaginary stars. “Like, I can’t stop thinking about her. Everyday, Mom, I just want to see her smile, talk to her about nonsense, and, like poke her on the cheek because she’s so cute when she’s trying too hard in ignoring me. And time flies so fast when I’m with her and she’s very beautiful and I—”

 

“Oh Jesus, my son got it bad,” his mother said, shaking her head in amusement with her hands on her hips. “Close your mouth, young man. I don’t want you to drool all over my flowers.”

 

“I wasn’t drooling!” But he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand just in case he actually did. “But you know I still love you the most, Mommy.”

 

“’Mommy’?” She repeated, giving him an amused look. “It’s been a while since I last heard you calling me that.” But Sehun wasn’t embarrassed by it. Instead, he hugged his mother from behind and nuzzled his nose to the crook of her neck, making her giggle when she got reminded of the old days when five year old Oh Sehun liked to hide behind his mother’s back and pressed his face against the back of her waist while she cooked his favorite food for dinner.

 

“It’s okay if you love your girlfriend more than me, Sehunnie,” his mother said, turning around and patted his head dearly. She had to stand on her tiptoes now since he had gotten so tall in these last two years. “After all, when you get married to her someday, you’re going to spend more days with her than you are with me.”

 

“But I will never leave you, Mom,” Sehun said, pouting. “You know that, right?”

 

Mrs. Oh softly smiled, caressing her son’s cheek. “Then maybe we’ll stay together forever. You, me, and your hopelessly romantic father.”

 

Sehun nodded, grinning. “And Noona.”

 

“Aish,” her mother hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re going to be as gross as your father one day. I just know.”

 

“But you love it when Dad being all clingy to you,” he pointed out.

 

“Indeed, I do,” she said, sighing though the ends of her lips curved up in delight. “Well, that’s called love, I guess, when you find someone’s flaw or liability to be one of their perfections.” Then she leans up and kisses her son on the temple. “Now, go on. My customers are going to be here soon.”

 

“Okay, Mom!” Sehun gave his mother a surprise hug before he scurried off. “Take care!”

 

“Get her some flowers, Sehunnie!” She reminded him. “I will stop making you dinner if you don’t get her flowers on your anniversary day!”

 

“I will, I will,” Sehun said, waving his hand before he crossed the street where the boy had parked his bicycle before. Her flower shop wasn’t that far from home and she could’ve just walked on her own, but Sehun always insisted to drive her there himself. And his mother loved it because then, she would have more time to converse with her son as she sat behind him with her hands wrapped around his waist. “I’ll see you this evening, Mom! Don’t you leave without me, okay?”

 

“Tell her I said hi and ask her to come visit us again this weekend!” His mother waved her hand at him through the window. “Drive safely, Sweetie! I love you!”

 

Sehun couldn’t hear the last three words his mother said. Her words were drowned by the sound of a truck passing by the street and he didn’t say anything back. He should’ve asked her to shout the words back because that was the last chance he could hear them. Because that day was the last time she could recognize him as the person she loved the most in the world.

 

Sehun left with a warm heart, not knowing that in several hours, cold, dead snow would put out the love and joy he had in his soul.

 

***

 

Sehun checked his clock for the tenth time that night, eyebrows knitting in concern and impatience. “She should’ve been out by now,” he mumbled to himself, burying his hands deep in his coat’s pocket again. He tapped his foot to the cold ground, trying to find some reassurance from there even though it was pointless. White clouds of warm breath started to appear from his lips and he tried to keep his teeth away from clattering but it was hard. The night was getting so cold by every second passing by. He checked his phone and tried to call his girlfriend for the third time that night but it always went to voicemail.

 

Sehun was starting to get worried and there was a battle going on in his head. He should’ve gone to pick his mother up from the shop if he didn’t want to be late, but he couldn’t. Something felt wrong so he stayed. He was always the type of man who would choose his own instinct over his logic.

 

“Why is she taking so long?” he murmured to himself, nibbling on his bottom lip. His girlfriend would always go straight from campus to her part-time job, considering her work place was located about twenty-minutes away from there and she didn’t want to take the risk of being late. Her last class usually ended at five p.m, but now the clock showed that it was already fifteen minutes past six and Sehun was still standing there alone outside her workplace. Of course he knew something was weird and he already had one foot ready to run back to her campus and find out what happened to her. But if he did just that, he would never make it to his mother’s shop on time.

 

His mind was a bit conflicted, his thoughts pouring out trying to argue against one another. A year ago, before he knew how it felt to be in a relationship with someone, Sehun would choose his family over anything. He would literally run into a burning building just to save his mother if the situation demanded him to do so. But now, just today, he felt like maybe for once, it was okay to choose his lover first than his mother. After all, he could just text his father to pick her up or she could just take a cab. She would understand, right?

 

Of course, she would.

 

Dad, I need you to pick up mom from the shop. I’m busy so I can’t make it on time. Please. Tell her I’m sorry and thank you. — Sehun

 

He pressed sent and when the notification arrived, saying that the message had been delivered successfully, Sehun immediately jumped back onto his bicycle and drove back toward their university. He only had one hand on the steer, while the other one was tightly holding the bucket of beautiful roses he bought for her later this afternoon. He just hoped that everything would be fine and he’d still have the chance to see her smile.

 

***

 

When he reached the campus’ ground, another hour had passed by. He got held up long by the traffic and he grumbled loudly all the way there. The university was quiet and Sehun could barely see anyone inside. There were still some students chattering outside the ground, probably waiting for the last bus to arrive so they could leave and have an early sleep. Most of the entrance gates were already locked but Sehun was lucky enough to find one that was still open. He immediately parked his bicycle on the side, tucked the flowers to the basket case, not caring to put a lock on his bike for safety and just hurriedly ran inside toward the building that had the words “The Faculty of Science and Technology” written in front of it.

 

The building had three floors and he knew her last class was on the second one. But noticing that most of the lights in the building was already out, Sehun was certain that her class must have ended hours ago. The hallways were empty and he could feel shivers running down his spine because although he claimed to be brave, he still wasn’t fond to be walking around by himself in the campus’ most bloodcurdling place. When he was still a freshman, he had heard many ghost stories regarding this building from his seniors and even though he was curious, he didn’t want to find out the truth behind those stories this soon.

 

Sehun put his fear to the side, swallowing down his breath and took hasty steps forward with his girlfriend’s name being repeated in his mind. He just had to find her. He tried calling her again, wanting to distract himself from the echoing sound of his footsteps. He went to voicemail again and he grumbled inwardly before he tried again as he walked passing another empty class. And again. And again. Until at some point, he was about to give up and just left the building because not even the janitor was in sight.

 

Sehun went to the second floor and he tried to calm himself down when he noticed that the lights were already out everywhere. Even the hallways were dark and as quiet as a graveyard. He tried calling her again and this time he could hear someone’s—no, his girlfriend’s ringtone ringing inside the classroom somewhere. He followed the sound, walking steadily with one hand grazing the wall for a sense of comfort and another one holding his cellphone forward, using it as his momentary flashlight. On the next minute, he found her bag lying under one of the desks in the empty classroom. Her cellphone’s screen flashed white when he touched it, letting him know how many times he had called her and the text messages he sent. She hadn’t read any of them.

 

Sehun felt another shiver running to his tailbone but this time his fear wasn’t fabricated from the ghost stories. It was from his own thoughts.

 

He yelled her name, slinging her bag to his shoulder and exited the classroom with loud-thumping heartbeats. He ran passing so many empty classes and yet receiving no responds and there was no way he could go to the third floor because the connecting hallway was already locked. He went down to the first floor, squinting his eyes lightly when the lights greeted him again and he continued running to the other end of the hallway. He screamed her name again and again until his throat hurt but he wasn’t stopping. He only quieted down when he heard a desperate cry of his name and a loud constant banging of a knuckle against a door.

 

“Sehun! Sehun, help!”

 

He followed the source of the voice and he found himself running towards the girls’ bathroom. “Noona?” he asked when he entered the place. The entire bathroom was even darker than the night. And Sehun felt an eerie feeling creeping up his back, making the soft hairs on his skin rise up in respond.

 

“Sehun!” He could hear his girlfriend’s voice breaking from inside one of the bathroom’s stalls. Her voice sounded hoarse, as if she had been screaming for hours—which later that night, Sehun found out that it was true. “Sehun, I’m in here!” She knocked her knuckles against the door’s surface again even though her knuckles were already swollen from her previous attempts.

 

He ran toward the stall and tried to open the door but it was locked from the outside and he didn’t have the key with him. “It’s locked,” he said, beads of sweat starting to form on his temple. “I—I’ll have to find the janitor and ask for the key—”

 

“No!” She shouted desperately before Sehun could hear her clear sobs. “Please don’t go, just—”

 

“I won’t be gone for long—”

 

“No! Sehun, please,” she cried, choking on her own tears and he stopped frozen on his feet. “I beg you, please don’t go.” Then in almost inaudible whimper, she added, “Not alone… They’re here…”

 

They’re?

 

His heart almost stopped from hearing her plead because she sounded like she was frantically scared out of her mind—and she had never showed many emotions before.

 

And what did she mean by ‘they’? He probably had heard her wrong.

 

It was reckless but Sehun couldn’t think of any other option so he did the first thing that came into his mind. “Step aside, Noona,” he warned before he threw a hard kick to the door. It rattled hard and it was after he lunged his third kick that the door finally went open, making a loud bang that echoed through the night.

 

Sehun thought that he should’ve jumped in joy because he finally found the one he’d been searching for all night but he couldn’t. He couldn’t even heave a sigh of relief. Because there were lines of tears painting her face and Sehun could actually feel the tremble so fervently in her hands. The thing was, she never cried. The truth was, she was always capable to keep her emotions securely inside her chest but now, every part of her body seemed to scream her feeling to him. Screaming out her fear.

 

“Sehun…” She pronounced his name so softly. He could still hear the quiet sobs she tried to hide in her voice. Before Sehun could take a hold of himself and ask her what the hell just happened to her, she reached out and ran into his arms. She pressed her face against his chest, gasping and breathing like she was drowning. “Sehun…” She broke into tears but she didn’t say anything more after that, just silently clutching tightly onto his shirt until her nails grew white. Her teeth clattering behind her lips and her shoulders shook hard underneath his fingers.

 

“Take me home,” she said, almost pleading. “Take me home, please…”

 

“Okay,” Sehun said, his heart thumping loudly because he could practically see her fear radiating off her body. He carefully embraced her back and his lips brushed against her hair when he spoke again. “Okay, let’s go home.”

 

***

 

On the way back to her apartment, Sehun didn’t ask anything because it felt wrong to ask before she started the story herself, no matter how curious he was. And he was scared that when he started to ask questions, she would cry again. For now, Sehun only felt relieved that she was no longer crying and he kept trying to make her feel safe by letting her tangle her fingers against the end of his coat. She was never a clingy person to begin with and the fact that she was so craving for his company right now meant something was definitely wrong with her. He would’ve intertwined his hand with hers if he could carry his bike with one hand, but he couldn’t. So Sehun made a promise to himself to hug her and never let go the second they both reach her apartment.

 

It was only when he noticed that his flowers were still left alone in his bicycle’s basket that Sehun started to speak again. “You know, it’s our first year anniversary today. I got you some flowers on the way here, I hope you’ll like them.” He offered her the flowers and she only stared blankly at them for a few seconds until she blinked weakly and took them away from his fingers.

 

She didn’t utter a word, typical of her, but she moved closer and closer until she could practically glue her cheek to the side of his shoulder. It was as if she were still craving for his presence even though he was already there right beside her.

 

Sehun tilted his head to the side, facing her before he stopped walking and kissed the top of her head. “I’m here,” he whispered, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone. He still didn’t have any clue what freaked her out earlier but he wanted her to know she was safe with him now. “Happy one-year anniversary, Noona.”

 

Sehun cupped her chin and moved her face upward and even under the shy light of the streetlamps, he could see how clear and crystal-like her blue eyes were. She wasn’t wearing contacts today and that was weird. She always wore her contacts outside her apartment.

 

So many questions he wanted to ask but he knew this wasn’t the right place to start. So he brushed his lips against the soft skin of her forehead and walked her back to her place again.

 

It was funny and a bit awkward for Sehun when he had to comfort her after the two of them found a cozy spot on her couch. Usually, it was always Sehun who had his head on her lap and his mouth whining about his problem with his homework, or the fact that his best friend was now busily studying in China, and how he couldn’t get the latest comic book of Attack on Titan because he forgot to pre-order it a week before. His girlfriend had always been the most understanding one, just nodding her head to his never ending complaints and his hair for comfort. But today, the role was reversed.

 

Twenty minutes had passed by since they first sat down on her couch. Her petite body was curling against his lean one and Sehun only waited and brushed the hair out of her eyes when she tried to dry away her tears. She had managed to calm herself down but something still felt so wrong.

 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Sehun asked, sitting in such close distance that he could feel his knee touching hers. “Noona?” he called again when she kept on staring blankly at the air.

 

“It’s… It’s nothing,” she said, playing with her fingers on her lap. Sehun sighed. It was always like this. She never really liked to open her mind to someone or speak her problems out loud.

 

“Noona,” he said, his hand moving to cover her smaller one. “Isn’t it about time for you to start telling me things too?”

 

“You know I always tell you things, Sehun,” she said but stopped saying anything more when Sehun gave her a knowing look. She kept her gaze locked with his for a few heart thumping seconds before she exhaled heavily and raised her hands to tie up her long hair in one hand and let Sehun see the problem by himself.

 

Sehun’s eyes widened when he saw the long cut along the curve of her nape. It was still fresh and red, though it wasn’t bleeding. Before Sehun could even close his mouth, she already covered it back with her hair.

 

“Who did that to you?” Sehun asked, anger and more indescribable feelings started to fill his gut.

 

“Just… some girls in my class,” she answered, looking down to her lap again.

 

Sehun couldn’t believe this. Was she being bullied? “Who were they?”

 

She bit her lip worriedly. “I don’t want to tell you.”

 

“I want a name!” Sehun insisted and he knew he was being selfish and too demanding but he couldn’t just stand around knowing that someone out there was hurting his loved one. He was angry and impatient and the world could call him young and reckless, but there was no way in hell he would let this go just like that. “Noona, they just hurt you! You don’t expect me to—”

 

“It’s not your business,” his girlfriend said again and her tone was final, making him stand frozen on his seat. “Sehun, I’m fine. I’m okay.”

 

“You’re okay?!” He almost stood up from his seat. “You got a cut on your neck and you just got locked away in the bathroom for God knows how long and you said you’re okay?!”

 

She pressed a hand against her face. “Yes, Sehun. I’m fine. Now just let it go.”

 

Sehun opened his mouth in disbelief but nothing could come up. He was too upset and incoherent to say something because she was being irrational and unbelievable.

 

“I’m sorry,” she said when she saw the concern and hurt look in his eyes. She held his hand and squeezed his thin fingers. “Okay, look, I… I think I did something upsetting to them and they got angry and one of them clawed at my skin when I tried to fight back. They locked me in the girls’ bathroom after that. That’s what happened to me.”

 

Sehun couldn’t comprehend any word she said right now. It was ridiculous. She was one of the university’s most respected students. She was smart. She was beautiful. And although she appeared to be a little bit cold, she was kind to people around her. And now she was telling him that she got bullied on campus’ ground? Why? Because of jealousy? Then Sehun remembered how she wasn’t wearing contacts today, so maybe that was the reason? Because of her eyes? Because she was a tad different than anybody else? This seemed to go a bit overboard for that reason. Moreover, who did this?

 

“What exactly did you do?” Sehun asked and she shook her head, mumbling, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Sehun gaped, his veins popping clear on his forehead. “Noona, you can’t just keep giving me clues like this and not telling me the whole story!”

 

She loudly sighed, burying her face in between her hands. “It’s just better if you don’t know.”

 

Sehun held his breath, trying to calm himself down. This was going nowhere and he couldn’t pester her more because she was already on the verge of crying again.

 

“Please, Sehun,” she said, looking into his eyes and pleaded. “I just don’t want to have anymore trouble.”

 

And Sehun’s anger subsided a little at that. Of course he was still furious with anyone who did this to her but for the time being, he was just glad he found her and kept her safe back in his arms. And if she thought that things would be fine if they stopped talking about it, then Sehun couldn’t really force her to do the opposite.

 

“I’m sorry.” Sehun moved closer and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her cheek and her hair. “I’m sorry for suddenly yelling at you like that. I was just worried sick about you today.”

 

“I’m sorry too,” she whispered and Sehun leaned away a little so he could kiss her eyelid.

 

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, Noona.” She let out a shaky breath when he spoke again, “If things like this happen again, you can’t stop me. I’m going to find out who did this to you and beat the out of them.”

 

She smiled a little at his childish behavior but she nodded. “Thank you for worrying about me,” she said, still sniffling a bit when he kissed her nose. “I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t there to save me.”

 

Sehun’s heart swirls a little behind his chest and his lips curved up in the way that was too contagious. “Okay, as long as you know,” he said, grinning so wide to the point she could see all of his front teeth.

 

She nodded and curled up in his embrace again, burying her face in his neck. She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, calming herself down by listening to Sehun’s soft chuckles.

 

“What?” she asked after a while when she noticed he couldn’t stop smiling.

 

“Nothing, it’s just…” Sehun redeemed his smile, looking at her with affection in his eyes. My noona is so cute, that’s all~”

 

She pouted a little but let him ruffle her hair. She also didn’t say much when Sehun laid her down to the couch, even allowed him to wiggle his eyebrows at her. “You look weird,” she commented flatly and Sehun jutted his lower lip out.

 

“You always say things like that when I’m trying to be y,” he said, swatting the bangs out of her eyes. He hovered above her, placing his elbows on each side of her head to hold his weight.

 

“Oh, that was you trying to be y?” she asked, not actually intending to insult him though she sounded like that. “Okay, do it again.”

 

Sehun sighed but he did as she said. He wiggled his eyebrows again.

 

“Oh, so y,” she said as if she were talking about the world’s most boring movie with bad acting. “Not enough? Oooooh~ so y~” she rolled the syllables longer on her tongue. Her tone was flat and her eyes were back to showing that robotic expression she used to wear.

 

“Aaaah, Noona~” He whined but she covered his mouth with hers and shared their warmth through each other’s lips. He smiled again because it never took much from her to make his eyes crinkle in delight. Sehun sighed contentedly and caressed her cheek, saying, “I think I died a little when I found you crying back then. And your hands… You were shaking as if you were afraid of something. Was it because of what she did to you?”

 

She went mute and gazed worriedly into his eyes. Then she shook her head. “No,” she said, “What they did just hurt me a little, but I’m not afraid of them.”

 

Sehun frowned, holding her face in his hands and stared deep into her ocean blue eyes. “What is it, then? What is it that you’re afraid of?”

 

She nibbled on her lower lip, glancing away from his eyes. She circled her fingers along his wrists and he could feel how cold and shaky they were. “You know…” she started, her chapped lip anxiously. “You know how it’s like when you’re alone but you feel like you’re not alone?”

 

Sehun pulled back a little. “What do you mean?”

 

She went silent for a few seconds and gently pushed Sehun away from her. She sat up and Sehun kneeled on the couch beside her, just waiting though his heart was practically screaming out bad vibes.

 

“Noona?” Sehun called, changing into a more comfortable position. “Are you okay?”

 

“Sometimes I can hear them,” she said, her voice trembling. “Sometimes when it gets so quiet, I can feel them near me.”

 

Sehun frowned. “’Them’…?” he asked, but then she gazed into his eyes and he knew.

 

Sehun felt like someone just sloshed a bucket of ice down his back. There was something in the way she spoke that triggered something in his memory.

 

“Y-you mean…” Sehun felt his heart drop lower and lower. This was ridiculous. Definitely ridiculous. But the haunted look on her face and they way her entire body was shaking in fear made it hard for him to ignore her words. “You can see… dead people?”

 

Even when the question had already slipped out his tongue, he still felt a bit funny. He prayed it to be wrong so they could just laugh about it and forget about his nonsensical guess. But she froze at his words and she bit her lip so hard to the point Sehun had to lean close and graze his thumb over the seam of her lips to make her stop.

 

Then she nodded her head.

 

Sehun couldn’t even blink. A train of “so that’s why” entered his mind.

 

He finally understood why his girlfriend always put the stereo on, even when she was in the shower.

 

He finally understood why she always put herself in the crowd, even though she wasn’t really fond of interacting with other people.

 

And Sehun finally understood why she let him talk and talk and talk even when she was already curled up in his arms, ready to go to sleep.

 

She wanted to drown the voices. She wanted to distract herself away.

 

She wanted to hide from them.

 

“Ghosts…” Sehun felt his throat burning. “Y-you can see ghosts?”

 

“N-not always,” she said and her shoulders slumped forward because somehow she knew Sehun must have been thinking of her as a freak. “I can hear them almost all the time, but… It’s like they’re only letting me see them when they want me to see them.” She shuddered and Sehun wondered if the room’s temperature had dropped. “I don’t want to see them…” She said, her voice shaking. “I don’t want to hear them too, Sehun, make them stop…”

 

Sehun let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. He carefully gathered her fragile figure into his arms, not knowing that he was also trembling a little himself. This sounded so unreal to his ears and he tried hard not to believe it but everything seemed to scream that she was being real.

 

“I can only see a glimpse of them sometimes,” she spoke again, in an even quieter voice. “But I can feel them near me. I tried to be strong. I tried to keep my fear inside all the time by not showing much on my face. And when I’m surrounded by people, I feel like I’m safe. I can ignore those voices. I can no longer hear them when I’m not alone with my thoughts. But when I’m alone… it’s…” She hugged herself, her fingertips sinking into her sweater. “I’m scared…”

 

Sehun couldn’t imagine how scared she was earlier. Being locked for hours, in an empty building just alone by herself like that. No wonder she broke her mask and showed her fear to the world. Thank God he chose to run after her. There was no way he could ever forgive himself if he left her alone that night.

 

“Oh God,” Sehun whispered, holding her body tightly against his chest. “I can’t believe this is happening to you.” She tried hard muffling her sobs and just closed her eyes, melting into his embrace. They sat together like that for a few minutes. Nobody spoke and she gave him the time he needed to process and take it all in.

 

“Jesus Christ,” Sehun said, pulling away to cup her cheeks in his palms again. “Since when have you been like this?”

 

Her breath caught in . She didn’t want him to hate her. She didn’t want him to find her weird. She didn’t want him to go and leave her forever. But she knew she owed him the truth. “I can’t remember,” she whispered. “It’s been going on for a while and—”

 

“And you just told me this now?!” He almost yelled but not out of anger. He was just worried and possibly disappointed that he couldn’t even pick up the clues by himself. “After a year, Noona, and you just told me this now?”

 

“I’m sorry…” she said, almost in a whimper. “I just… I didn’t want you to look at me like I’m a freak.”

 

“God, you’re so stupid!” Sehun said, his youthful trait showing up again. He quickly gathered her back in his arms and his frown had become permanent on his forehead. “There’s no way I could ever think of you like that, Noona! I love you, okay? When are you going to realize that and put it inside your head? You can be so dumb sometimes, Noona, I swear.”

 

His mouth kept muttering harsh and blunt words, but his embrace and the way his fingers carded themselves between the strands of her hair were gentle and loving. She could tell he was inwardly freaking out as well and maybe he was hugging her not only to comfort her but to find a sense of comfort for himself too.

 

She sighed and buried her face in the crook of his neck, stealing his warmth and covering herself with it. She was too worried about her being called crazy by her own boyfriend that she ended up forgetting how much she just hurt Sehun by telling him now. “I’m sorry,” she said again, clutching to his shoulders. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

 

“You’re driving me crazy,” he said, pulling away from her to press his lips against hers. He stifled her whimper and brushed the tears away from her eyes with his thumb. “From now on, you tell me everything, okay, Noona?” he demanded, glaring at her but she knew he was nothing but angry with her. He was just upset he couldn’t take care of her properly. “If there’s anyone who bullies you because of your eyes, you tell me. If there’s anyone who makes fun of you because you’re much better than them, you tell me. If you can hear them again and you’re scared out of your mind, you tell me. No more secrets between us, okay?”

 

“I can’t,” she said between her sobs. “I’m supposed to be the mature one in our relationship.”

 

“Do you think you’re being mature right now?!” Sehun screamed, throwing his hands in the air. “You’re being selfish, that’s what you are! Do you think you can keep things away from me just because you can handle it by yourself? Look at you! You’re practically shaking from what happened earlier!”

 

“I—” before she could protest, Sehun already placed his hands on her shoulders and gave them a squeeze.

 

“You don’t have to do everything by yourself,” he said, voice unwavering. “Noona, I know you think I’m just a whiny brat who doesn’t know anything—”

 

“I never thought of you like that—”

 

Sehun silenced her with a kiss and she gasped against his dominating lips. When he let go, she was a bit dazed and unfocused. “But you know I would give you everything to make you happy, right, Noona?” Sehun asked, his eyes suddenly going gentle. “I want to take care of you too. I know I probably won’t be able to do much but I want to protect you too. Won’t you give me the chance?”

 

Sehun couldn’t hear the words she was mumbling inside her head: You do. You make me feel safe when I’m with you.

 

“Can we just be in a relationship where we stand equally?” he continued, holding her chin with two fingers before he tilted her face upward. “I want to be able to run to you when I have problems and I want you to do the same too. Otherwise I’m gonna feel like I’m dating my babysitter and not a beautiful girl with amazing blue eyes who haunts my dream every night.”

 

For the first time in a while, she finally smiled a little. “It must be boring having me in your dream every night,” she said.

 

He playfully snorted. “The only thing boring is that I have to change the sheets everyday.”

 

She went flustered, a faint color of red spreading to her ears and neck.

 

“Because I drooled on my pillows, that’s why,” he teased, smirking. “What, did you think I was having a wet dream about you?”

 

“Oh Sehun!” She gasped, blushing madly and Sehun actually giggled at her reaction because this was the first time after knowing her more than a year that she actually showed this kind of blunt emotion.

 

He caught her by the wrist and kissed the skin above her veins. “I would be mad and constantly pout at you if things like this happen again and you don’t tell me about it,” he said and she could sense his protective tone back again. “And I would whine again and again and I won’t shut up just because you keep kissing me. Okay, Noona? I would be really mad.”

 

“Okay,” she said, her eyes following the way his lips lingering above her skin.

 

“You promise?” he asked, putting her hand down just so he could lace his long fingers with hers. “Promise me. I want to be able to be the one who could keep you safe too.”

 

“I promise,” she smiled, squeezing her fingers. “And you’re always keeping me safe.”

 

Sehun stared sadly at her. “Am I really?” he quietly asked. “I can’t keep… them away from you, can I? Those voices… And your fear… I want to do something about them but I don’t know what I should do.”

 

She shook her head and Sehun frowned. “But you’ve already done something, Sehun. When you’re with me, I kind of forget everything around me. You tend to talk non-stop but I love hearing every word that comes out from your mouth. You comfort me in a way you haven’t realized. I never hear their voices anymore when you’re with me. It’s just like my whole world revolves around you and all that matters to me is you.”

 

Sehun felt like his heart literally skip a beat. If it were anyone else who said it, he would’ve laughed because that was probably the cheesiest line someone could ever say. But not on her case. She said it with a straight face and honest eyes, as if she was muttering a fact, rather than throwing him a pick-up line.

 

“You’re unbelievable.” Sehun pulled her into a kiss again. Suddenly, his kiss became so desperate as if he wasn’t just craving for her lips, but also craving for the air she breathed in. “You’re so ing unbelievable.”

 

His girlfriend smiled between the kiss. “Don’t curse. It’s not y.”

 

“Well, it’s your fault,” he replied, nibbling on her lower lip while his fingers slipped underneath her sweater, gently tracing the skin above her jeans and she shivered a little under his touch. “You can’t just say something like that. It’s bad for my heart.”

 

“What did I say?” she asked in a flat tone, but he knew she was teasing. It was a bit funny how she could begin to again even though her fingers still trembled a little from her fear.

 

“You can’t say something like ‘your world revolves around me’, Noona,” Sehun almost whined when his girlfriend broke the kiss to give him a pout.

 

“But it’s true, though,” she said.

 

“But it’s embarrassing!” Sehun complained, blushing again. “And I don’t know why I’m even whining like a girl like this. It’s like I’m the girl in our relationship.”

 

She actually laughed at that, even though it was so soft. “I think you’ve proven how manly you are today for me when you kicked the door down earlier.”

 

“Wha—?!” His face flamed. “Oh God, can we please stop talking about that and just let me take your shirt off? It’s super embarrassing.”

 

She squinted her eyes at him but let him do as he pleased. She raised her hands and he took the thick fabric off her with much effort because some strands of her hair got tangled around the top button of her sweater. She chuckled a little at his awkwardness.

 

“It’s our first year anniversary,” she said and her voice soon being reduced to moan when Sehun started grazing his teeth to the skin of her collarbones. “And you’re being so unromantic right now.” She hissed when he bit down too hard. “Ouch. Not too hard. How many times should I tell you? Don’t bite me like that.”

 

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughed, kissing the bruise away. His girlfriend sighed contently and raked her fingers against his scalp, bringing him closer when he kissed and shyly ran his tongue along the skin between her s. She could feel one of his hands fumbling at her back, trying to unclasp her bra and she almost laughed because he kept on failing even after all these times.

 

“Now, maybe you haven’t noticed this,” he said, mouthing against her milky skin and running the tip of his tongue on the dip of her collarbones. “But I’m currently having a hard time taking off your bra.”

 

“Oh God, when are you not?” she said, rolling her eyes and unclasped it for his benefit. “There. Happy?”

 

“Immensely,” Sehun said, smirking at the sight of her bare chest and before she could be ready for it, he already picked her up by the waist and stood away from the couch. She tangled her legs around his hips and wrapped her arms around his neck for support.

 

“Sehun…” The way she sighed her name when he mouthed against her chin was amazing and Sehun could feel the excitement in the pit of his stomach as his hands roamed down to her skirt. And when she told him she loved him, he could practically hear fireworks in his ears.

 

When he laid her down to her bed, he just couldn’t focus on anything else other than the way his bare skin grazed against hers. He could feel how amazing it was to be able to complete the curves of her body with his. He moaned breathily when she sank her nails down his spine, creating red lines across his back. And Sehun loved hearing her sigh his name in pleasure. It was one of the times he could read her as easy as open book and he always treasured those moments. They kept moving, meeting hips with hips, chest with chest, lips with lips. And Sehun wondered if God would ever be kind enough to let them stay like this forever.

 

“Sehun,” she called when Sehun stopped his pace, taking sharp intake of breath. His body trembled above her, beads of sweat falling from the side of his temple to his chin. He groaned lowly, shutting his eyes tightly as he leaned his temple against her shoulder. His body shook a little from the pleasure that spread to his entire being.

 

“You okay?” she asked, waiting and gently wiping the sweat over his eyebrow with her thumb. He nodded, closing his eyes when she placed a reassuring kiss to his temple. Sehun looked somewhat nervous when he laid his head down to her chest, pressing his ear against her heart. She his hair, her chest heaving up and down as she murmured her boyfriend’s name. Sehun tried to catch his breath back and he distracted her thoughts by placing open-mouthed kisses down the valley of her s.

 

“I love you, Sehun.”

 

And that was probably all he needed to hear. She gasped softly when he suddenly moved again, shifting her hips in motion to match his movement and she wrapped her arms securely around his neck. Sehun kissed her lips, tasting her, sharing her breath and savoring the sweet passion that she kept hidden for most of the times on her tongue. He didn’t say anything more other than, “I love you too,” because there were no more words needed to be said. It was already perfect like this and he wouldn’t do anything to ruin the moment.

 

At times like this, she let herself be called by her name. To her ears, Sehun spoke her first name like a line in a song. His lips continuously grazed the spot where her neck met her shoulder. He would’ve kissed her on the lips again, but they had become so red and swollen over the fiery kisses they’d exchanged earlier that he didn’t dare to bruise them more. Besides, there were still many parts of her skin that he hadn’t market yet and he was only too eager to do so.

 

Sehun could hear everything that was happening in the room, but he only cared for little. The sounds of their wet kisses. The faint noise of skin meeting skin. The tiny gasps she produced when he pushed himself too deep inside her. And the way her voice broke at the end when she moaned out his name.

 

If only he still had more room to think other than how beautiful she looked underneath him right now, he would’ve noticed the sound of his cellphone ringing and echoing from his bag.

 

He would’ve picked up the phone and maybe, maybe then, his mother could survive.

 

***

 

Lu Han wakes up on the next morning with a soft hand patting his shoulder. He slowly opens his eyes, noticing the stream of sunlight flowing through the ventilation right away and he squints them in reflex. He sees Sehun’s body still lies still on the bed, his bangs fall covering his eyes. The boy’s face is still decorated by the lines of tears that have dried themselves over the night. Lu Han sends him a thoughtful look before he tilts his head to the side and looks at the man who shook him awake.

 

“Hello, Lu Han,” Mr. Oh calls with a smile and the other man is shocked at the sight of his appearance. Sehun’s father has become so thin over the years and his skin appears to be even paler than the last time he’s seen him. His cheekbones are prominent and his grayish dark hair is tousled as if he didn’t have time to even run a hand through it to fix it. His voice sounds different too. There’s no longer a cheery tone or warmth in it. It’s just an old man’s voice filled with too much painful experiences and guilt.

 

“Mr. Oh,” Lu Han says, standing up from his seat to make a polite bow for the man.

 

“It’s been a while since the last time I saw you, Luhannie,” he says, smiling and even though his eyes are still crinkling at the end, they don’t shine in the same way. Lu Han’s heart stirs a little when he hears the nickname. It’s been so long.

 

“How are you, Mr. Oh?” Lu Han politely asks when the old man throws an arm around his shoulder, giving him a hug. He hugs back but not too hard because Sehun’s father has become so frail in his arms.

 

“Not well, but still hanging there,” Mr. Oh answers, giving a small laugh just to be polite rather than from pure happiness. “Have you been here all night?”

 

Lu Han wipes the skin at the corner of his mouth, just in case, before he straightens his back. “Yes, Sir. I…” he throws a glance at Sehun who still sleeps like a baby on the bed. “I didn’t want to leave him alone.”

 

“Thank you,” Mr. Oh says, eyes filled with sorrow and longing as he gazes at his son. “I would’ve ran over here the second I got your message if I weren’t busy with…” The man has his mouth open but no words could flow out from his lips. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that he was about to say something regarding his wife’s death.

 

“It’s all right,” Lu Han says, smiling politely but he still has the solemn look in his eyes. “You don’t have to explain. You’re here now.”

 

Mr. Oh throws him a grateful look, finally mirroring his smile with a genuine one. “Thank you, Lu Han. Really. Thank you for always being there for my son.”

 

“I…” Lu Han quiets down. “It’s not true, Sir… It was Sehun who was always there for me, I was…” He clears his throat, feeling them sore and dry. “For most times, I wasn’t.”

 

Sehun’s father looks at him with compassionate eyes. Lu Han guesses that maybe he’s able to see how disappointed Lu Han is with himself right now.

 

“Sehun looks up to you, Lu Han,” the old man says, splaying one hand on Lu Han’s shoulder. “He admires you so don’t think so low of yourself.”

 

Lu Han chuckles softly and it sounds awkward. “I don’t think he does anymore, Sir. I… I’ve become so pathetic and weak these days.”

 

“Are people not allowed to be weak?” Mr. Oh asks and Lu Han raises his head to look at him in the eyes.

 

“I was afraid, Sir,” Lu Han admits, glancing away one more time. “I blamed your son for things he hadn’t done. It was my fault and I was too selfish so I neglected him when he asked me for help.”

 

The old man takes his hand away and Lu Han almost flinches when he thinks that Mr. Oh would also be disappointed in him right now. But then the older man places his large palm on top of Lu Han’s hair and pats his head in the way his own father never did.

 

“It’s okay,” the old man says, “People make mistakes everyday. The only difference between one people to another is how they are brave enough to take responsibility of their own actions. The fact that you’re here now means you’re ready to fix things up and that counts for something, Lu Han. I don’t know what Sehun would’ve done to himself if you weren’t there.”

 

“I…” Lu Han his chapped bottom lip, slowly looking up to the other man. “T-thank you, Sir.”

 

“You’re a good person, Lu Han. Don’t ever let yourself think that you’re not worthy.” Mr. Oh softly ruffles his hair and Lu Han feels like the weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He was never close to his own father and he feels elated that he can find a father figure in Sehun’s dad.

 

“Now…” Mr. Oh says, heaving a sigh and Lu Han can witness the pain that’s climbing back into his eyes. “Can you give me a moment alone with my son?”

 

“O-oh, sure—I…” Lu Han straightens up, gathering his coat to his arms. “I need to go home and change my clothes anyway.”

 

Mr. Oh asks, “Do you need a ride?”

 

“No, it’s all right, Sir,” Lu Han assures, holding a hand in air. “I’m perfectly fine. My place isn’t far anyway. I’ll be back here to keep Sehun company later this evening—if you want.”

 

“No, I’ll stay,” Mr. Oh says, staring at Sehun’s weak body with weary eyes but also longing for his son’s presence. “I’ll stay with him today. You can go home and take a rest.”

 

“Are you sure?” Lu Han asks, uncertain. “I mean, I’m sorry to say this, Sir, but you look like you’re about to pass out.”

 

The old man laughs softly, tilting his head to the side to flash Lu Han a smile that feels much more familiar than the previous ones. “I’ll still take offense to that because you look even worse than I do, Luhannie. Just go home, have a break and let this old man take care of his own son, okay, buddy?”

 

Well, he does feel tired and weak himself. So Lu Han just heaves a sigh and smiles back. “Well, okay then. Don’t hesitate to call me anytime, though. If anything happens, I’m just a block away to help.”

 

“Of course. Thank you,” he says again, even bowing his head a little this time.

 

“No problem, Mr. Oh,” Lu Han says with a wave of his hand before he exits the room and closes the door behind him.

 

He never really leaves though. He just hides himself behind the wall that separates the room and the hallway and calms his breathing down. He keeps his ears perked up and listens intently to what is being spoken inside.

 

But it’s all just silence. Mr. Oh just quiet for a few minutes and Lu Han starts to wonder what’s going on behind the closed door. That is until he hears a soft cry from the older man.

 

“Your mother has passed away,” Mr. Oh says with a shivering voice. “I knew she didn’t have much hope ever since the accident happened, but… I guess I was just trying to look at the bright side in our darkest times. I knew she wouldn’t have survived, but I wish she did. For us. For you, Son…”

 

Lu Han brings his head down, staring at the floor with sad eyes.

 

“I just want—” Mr. Oh stops, perhaps trying to recollect himself. “I just want you to know that it’s not your fault. None of us knew that she would get into an accident like that. I would blame it all to fate, but I guess it was partially my fault too and I know you blame me for this even though you never said it out loud. I should’ve gone to her the second I got your message, but I was too late and now she died thinking that her son was missing. She thought you were dead, Sehun, that’s why she didn’t… She didn’t recognize you…” A pause then a small gasp, as if he was in the verge of breaking apart.  “I’m sorry, son. I’m so sorry.”

 

A few seconds later, Lu Han can hear the old man sobbing into his hands and his heart hurts when he looks at him. Mr. Oh is holding Sehun’s hand, gripping it as if he was holding to his dear life. Then he cries, loud and long, and Lu Han thinks that maybe Sehun is awake but pretending to sleep so he can hide his tears behind his closed eyelids.

 

“I only have you in my life now, Sehun, so p-please stop hurting yourself,” his father begs, “I can’t afford to lose you both… Please…”

 

Lu Han turns around and presses his back against the thin wall, staring blankly at the hallway’s cold linoleum floor before he finally decides to leave. He has no right going into their privacy like this. So he puts on his coat, cards his fingers through his hair and walks away.

 

Life begins and ends just like that, and with his hands in his pocket, Lu Han thinks to himself, when people die, where do they go? Why do they have to leave so much pain behind? Why can’t people just accept deaths as something normal as breathing and just go on with it? Why do they have to cry? Why do they have to be upset? How long does it take for someone to be able to forget about deaths but not about the people who died? That way the ceased ones would still live forever in their memories, would they not?

 

But what if they forgot? What if those people who died, vanished from their loved ones’ memories too?

 

That, Lu Han thinks, is much worth to be afraid of than death itself.

 

***

WHAT IS THAT GOLDEN STAR DOING ON MY PAGE I AM ABOUT TO CRY

Thank you for all the readers who read, commented, and upvoted my story. You guys don't know HOW MUCH I EFFING LOVE YOU ALL! This story would mean nothing if I don't have precious readers and friends like you. *sobbing like crazy*

I'm sorry it took me a while to post this chapter. And I'm gonna apologize now because just like The Marriage Life of Mr Byun, I'm only going to update this story once a month. I hope you guys will understand :)

Now please excuse me. I'm about to go cry out my love for you beautiful people from my roof. Adios!