I didn’t go to school for the next 3 days.  I told mom that I was still sick with food poisoning…again.  The doctor called me back and told me that she scheduled me again in a couple days.  My life just went down the drain.  Everything I hoped for, wanted and desired most in life wasn’t going to happen anymore. 

          I locked myself in my room those 3 days and cried myself to sleep every night.  The thought of not being able to go to Columbia University anymore was what hurt me the most.  My only way of escaping wasn’t happening anymore.  All because of a jerk face named Sehun.

          I swear, the next time I see him I’ll kill him.  Everything, my life, is ruined…this thing…this unwanted child.  Stupid Sehun.  My eyes were swollen for a couple days…but I never left the house.  No.  I’m not going to have my life ruined by this thing…  I made my decision then and there, “I’m going to abort it.”  I nodded, “I’m going to Columbia this fall…” I said determined, I am not letting anything stop me.

          No one knows about this pregnancy, and it’s still early since I had with him a little over a month ago.  I can still abort it and no one will know.  Nothing will happen, and everything will be okay.  I told myself over and over again until I believed it.

          Today’s the second doctor’s visit.  The whole way there, waiting in the waiting room and in her office, I couldn’t stop trembling.  I was nervous, afraid, and still angry.  “So Miyoung…I guess-”

          “I’m getting it aborted.” I said quickly, “I don’t want my future to be ruined.  I still have a life for me and there are a lot of things I still want to do and accomplish.  I need to go to Columbia this fall and I will be going.”  I told her firmly as she was quite taken aback.  After a moment she sighed, “Miyoung-ah…you’re like a daughter to me…and you know my views on abortion…” She was very disturbed by my outburst.  She could never have children, so she cherished life.  That was me, against abortion until being pregnant at 18 actually happened to me.

          “Because you’re 18, you can have an abortion without parental consent.  But if you decide to have one, you have a very slim chance of getting pregnant again.  Does the father know?  What does he want to do with the fetus?”  She asked me, and immediately Sehun came into mind.  “Ahh, he doesn’t want it.”  I said quickly, with no hesitations.  Doctor Kim narrowed her gaze, “He knows, doesn’t he?”  I scrunched my nose and shamefully looked at her, “…Well…the thing is..he-we—it was…kind of a one night deal.” I replied back in a quiet voice.  I could hear her sigh in disappointment with me.  “Even so…he has the right know, Miyoung-ah.  Plus, there are other options that getting the abortion.”

          “—yeah, but mom’s going to kill me…you know that right?” I asked quietly while fiddling with my fingers.  “She won’t kill you, Miyoung…” Doctor Kim stated as she put some pamphlets on the desk.  “I’ll do some check-ups on you, then you can go.”  She stated, “Here are some informational pamphlets for you…there are some about nutrition and taking care of your body along with other ones…and there’s an abortion one in there if you would still like one.” She told me in a sad voice. 

          I returned home knowing that I was 7 weeks pregnant.  She told me that I needed to figure out whether I wanted the abortion or not because after my 12 week, I wasn’t going to be able to get it done anymore.  I flung my things on the ground and threw myself on the bed.  I wish this was all some horrible dream.  I told myself before falling asleep.

          I woke up the next morning super early.  I got ready before everyone else and ate before leaving the house.  After a week, I’m returning to school.  I decided to put light, natural make up on to cover some redness around my eyes.  I didn’t tie my hair up this morning, so it loosely hung down to the middle of my back.  I entered the school yard to see some of the athletic students already on the field for some early morning practices.  The whole soccer team was out there…which means Exo was out there.

          I shuttered at the thought and pushed everything aside as I quickly walked across the yard,  hoping to not catch anyone’s eyes.  I entered the teacher’s longue and bowed to Nam Seonsaengnim.  “Annyeonghaseyo, Seonsaengnim…sorry for being out of school the past week.” I muttered quietly as he shook his head, “Oh, no. Don’t worry about it.  We’re just planning for the sports week.  Our class is participating in the swimming tournament! Aren’t you excited!? They already put you on the team; you’re last so you can swim past everyone-”

          “-Wait…you-they put me on the team?” I croaked a bit surprised.  They just want to win.  Nam Seonsaengnim nodded, “Yeah, it surprised me too.” He chuckled a bit and patted my head, “The seniors also know about Nurse Kim and I.  I told them that the next rumor that comes up, there won’t be a senior retreat at the end of the year.”  He smiled evilly.  “But anyways, there’s really nothing for you to do…” He said before turning around on his chair.

          “Oh! Miyoung, since you’re here, can you run these to Lee Seonsaengnim?  He should in the gym; I think soccer practice just ended.” He told me before I slowly nodded, “Ne…I’ll see you in class then, Seonsaengnim.” I muttered softly as I turned around and left the room with 2 vanilla folders. 

          I walked back outside to the gym which is detached from the rest of the school.  The guys were running into the gym to shower and change before school started.  I brushed my bangs before puffing, “find him. Give it to him. Leave.” I muttered over and over again, “And nothing else…”

          When I got into the gym, it was empty.  “Great…he’s probably in the locker room.”  I paced back and forth, heavily debating what I wanted to do.  I was about to leave when I heard one of the locker doors open.  I turned quickly, hoping it was the Lee Seonsaengnim.  But it wasn’t.  “Oh! What are you doing here?” Minseok sang as he, Sehun, Jongin and Yixing walked out.  I bit my lip and took a deep breath.  I dragged my feet over to them and scrunched my nose, “Here, give this to Coach Lee.” I shoved the vanilla folders into Minseok’s hand as the door opened again and more voices were heard.

          I peered off to the side and saw the other members coming out.  “Why don’t you give it to him?” Sehun stated as he gave it back to me.  I snatched it from his hands and walked through them.  “Miyoung! What are you doing here?  Were you here to see me?” Lu Han chuckled as my cheeks rose with color.  “Aniyo, I have to give this to Coach Lee…I think it’s something about the activities for the senior retreat at the end of the school year.” 

          “—Hyung!”  Lu Han turned around to see Sehun giving him a look.  “I’m going to give something to Coach Lee!  Go ahead!” He shouted before turning his attention back to me.  “I’ll be right back.” He said jogging back into the locker room, “Don’t go anywhere—or you’ll regret.” He laughed softly before disappearing behind the doors.  I turned around to see the other guys waking out.  Sehun turned his head a couple times…and when we locked eyes, I could feel myself burning up from his intense glares.  I want nothing to do with you…and I do not want any ties to you, at all.

          “Let’s go.”  He said hanging his arms around me.  I lightly pushed him away, “Yahh~ what are you? In love with skinship or something!?” I hissed as he chuckled to my reaction.  “NE! But only with you.” He said with a wink.  I cringed, “Eww—stop! So cheesy.”  “—aish, I’ll walk you to your homeroom.”  He stated before I asked, “What room are you in?” I asked, never really paying attention to any of the Exo members until now.  “Class 4-C.” He smiled, “But I wish I was in yours.”

          I shoved him away and slapped his arm as we walked across the soccer field, “Stop, Lu Han!  That’s nasty.” I said laughing before he joined me.  We decided to sit on the stairs, overlooking the field.  I grabbed the last Hi! Chew candy and ate the last one while pouting.  “Yahh~” Lu Han laughed and reached into his bag, “I went to buy some after school yesterday…” He pulled some out, “They’re for you.”

          I beamed and was about to grab it when he threw it back into his bag, “nope! Every time you want one, you have to come ask me.” He smirked as I turned away, scrunching my nose.  “Fine! I won’t eat anymore.”  I stated but I knew it was a lie.  I wanted it so badly.  Stupid pregnancy.  I’m glad I’m getting rid of it soon.

          “Koljimah~” He sang in a mocking tone while waving one in front of me.  I kicked his leg and quickly grabbed it out of his hands as he leaned down, groaning in pain.  “Serves you right!” I stuck my tongue out and shoved it in my bag giggling, “Gumowo.”

          “Chaa—we’re using informal now?  Arraso!” He beamed.  I scrunched my nose and looked at the time, “Ohh…I’m going inside…people are going to start coming now…some of them are giving me weird looks.” I muttered as we both stood up, “Aigoo…you shouldn’t care about what they think of you.  Come on, I’ll walk you to your homeroom then.”

          We stood up together, “Oh! By the way! Why were you gone the whole week, miss ‘I get to ditch school whenever?’” Lu Han stated as he walked me inside the building.  I chuckled dryly, “I wasn’t feeling well…after the whole Italian meal you took me out on.” I lied.  Lu Han hung his arm over my shoulders, “Ahh~ really?” he sighed, “Aish, sorry…I won’t take you there next time then.”

          We got to the senior floor before he pinched my nose, “Arraso, I’ll see you at break then.” He stated before leaving me by my homeroom to go to his.  I scrunched my nose as watched as he happily turned around and waved at me, “kah~” he shouted just before I smiled and disappeared inside.

          I returned home super hungry for something spicy.  I don’t even know how to explain it.  I dropped my things at the end of the stairs and went for the fridge.  I just wanted something spicy, but when I found nothing, I ran into my room, grabbed my bag to leave the house.  “Umma—I’m going out-”

          “Noona! I wanna come too!” Jaehyung chimed in before I grabbed his hands, “Umma, we’re going out to eat.  Don’t wait for us!” I shouted before leaving the house.  We walked a couple blocks before stopping at a street vendor.  “Kay, Jae…what do you want?” I asked, mouthwatering as I looked at the spicy dukbokki in front of me.  “I want some dalkkochi, mandu and kimbap!”  I nodded my head, “That’s it?” I asked as he nodded once.  “Arraso…” I looked up at the older lady, “I’ll have a dish of dalkkochi, mandu, kimbap and dukbokki, please.” 

          “Ne~ That’ll be 12,000W.” She told me before I paid her.  “You two can go sit, I’ll have someone bring them over.”  She told me before I nodded, “Ne, kamsahamnida.” I bowed as grabbed Jaehyung’s hand.

          Oh goodness, my mouth was watering for some food when it was brought over.  I broke the wooden chopsticks and immediately starting eating the dukbokki.  I leaned my head back and tilted my head in the air, “Ahhh, masisseo!”  I grinned and started stuffing my mouth.  Jaehyung shook his head, “noona…” He whispered while leaning in, “You’re a girl…you can’t eat like that.” He stated before looking around to see if anyone else was looking.  I shrugged, “So?” I chuckled and pinched his cheeks, “Yahh—kyeopta~” I sang before picking up a kimbap and eating it. 

          “Aishh…you’re going to get fat!” He hissed.  That phrased triggered something in my mind.  I thought about the baby and big bellies.  I do not want to get fat.  I told myself, and that’s exactly why I’m getting it aborted.   I smiled while chewing the spicy fish cakes.  I took a gulp of water and wiped my lips with a napkin.  It’s selfish…but I can’t wait to get the abortion.

Gosh, sorry I haven't been around lately. I for sure though that this summer, I would have nothing on my hand and it'll be filled with nothing but writing, but it's not. sad to say.  I've been busy a lot.  I hope this chapter was good enough for your liking.

And you're comments and soo funny and really cute; all the things you guys say never fails to put a smile on my face, lol. :)) Love you guys!

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--miyoung:))