Bad memories

Breaking the Silence (Edited)
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Updato~ took me a while to write this. The next update could take a while too D: I have three exams next week (monday, wednesday, friday) and my sister's birthday party is on the weekend, but I won't keep you waiting for a week! Don't worry~

Useless ranting:
Sorry for updating my one-shot collection instead of BtS ;A; it really took me a while to write this chapter because I have a headache and my exam on monday will be a fail to 99,99% (stupid professor -.-) No one cares but well!
Nearly 250 subscribers? <3 That makes me happy (rare these days)! Next extra will probably be Yadong (after my exams)

Beware: Angst - Fluff - Angst
 

 

[SUNGGYU]

 

Sunggyu woke up with a silent scream on his lips. He felt his heart racing as he stared at the starry sky. It was already dark and the wind had gotten cold. Sunggyu shivered. Why did he think about that day now of all times? For him it was the day where everything had changed. He wondered what his world would be like if he had chosen the life of a rock star instead of making his parents proud. Maybe the alcohol would’ve killed him or he would be a sad, lonely loser without any accomplishments.

 

No wait, that actually describes me pretty accurately. I guess nothing would have changed.

 

A single tear escaped his left eye. He heard a movement and suddenly remembered Woohyun, who was lying next to him. Sunggyu turned his head but he could barely make out Woohyun’s face because it was so dark and the next source of light was further away. The brown-haired man felt his chest tighten. He knew Woohyun was next to him, but Sunggyu couldn’t really make out his face. Their linked fingers felt like a confinement. His heartbeat quickened and Sunggyu tried to calm down but not being able to see only added to his fear. It was the same as a room without an exit. He couldn’t collect any rational thoughts. His imagination ran wild as his body tensed.

 

He felt Woohyun move again. “Hyung?”

 

The younger man sounded alarmed. Sunggyu gasped for air and Woohyun immediately retracted his hand. He heard the grass rustle as the other probably sat up. “Hyung, what’s wrong? Calm down!”

 

Sunggyu curled up and hugged his trembling body with his arms. Closing his eyes didn’t help much since it was dark anyways, but at least it helped with fighting against his tears. He bit his lower lip until he tasted blood. The pain was only a small distraction from his aching heart. This is Woohyun not him. I’m safe. Nothing will happen. That’s what he kept telling himself but it didn’t help much because his body didn’t care for words.

 

Woohyun moved around again. “Nonono. Sunggyu-hyung, calm down please.”

 

The younger man mumbled something. Sunggyu wanted to tell him to continue talking, because it obviously stopped him from imagining someone else, but he couldn’t. He had no voice and even if his hands listened to him – it was too dark to see anything. The brown-haired man blinked the tears in his eyes away. It was impossible after all. He couldn’t get used to another person’s touch. Even the simplest things could make his sanity collapse in a second. Woohyun couldn’t do everything right, they couldn’t avoid things like this happening. It was like a curse. Sunggyu felt stupid for even thinking about staying this close with Woohyun. No amount of bravery could magically heal the scars in his mind.

 

There was a small light all of a sudden as Woohyun took out his phone and Sunggyu saw the other’s face. The younger man seemed to be in panic and was frantically looking through something on his phone. Sunggyu felt a little better seeing his face. He stared at Woohyun to force his mind to recognize the other. The black-haired man noticed his gaze. “Gyu-hyung, don’t worry. Everything is fine. S-Should I call an ambulance?”

 

Sunggyu gathered some strength to shake his head. He touched his wet cheeks to wipe the tears away but new ones kept coming. Woohyun whimpered. “Hyung, please don’t cry. Think about the aquarium. Remember the fishes and the turtles that you named. It’s me, your Namu. Please, calm down.”

 

The older man tried exactly that, but it was hard to concentrate with adrenalin circulating through his body and the difficulty to breathe. Sunggyu didn’t want him to call an ambulance. They would just sedate him and his parents would be called to the hospital again. He was pretty sure that they wouldn’t be too happy about that. The light source came closer to his face and Sunggyu glanced at the cellphone in Woohyun’s hands. His sight was slightly blurry due to his tears but he could recognize the photo on the screen. It was the picture the old lady at the aquarium had taken for them. They were standing next to each other with their pinkies still linked and both of them were smiling – Woohyun a little brighter than him of course. The tightness in his chest relaxed a little.

 

“Hyung, I love you. I would never hurt you.”

 

He knew that deep in his heart but it was so hard to convince his mind to think the same. Sunggyu grabbed the cellphone out of Woohyun’s hands. He checked the picture again and closed it with a sniffle. With shaking fingers he opened a new text message instead and typed a few incoherent words. ‘light leave talk’

 

Woohyun read the text. “You are scared because it’s dark?”

 

Sunggyu nodded. The younger man seemed to have an idea. “Oh! You want us to go somewhere with more light and I’m supposed to keep talking?”

 

Another nod, but Woohyun looked a bit worried. “Can you move?”

 

The brown-haired man relaxed his muscles and tried to stand up. He staggered to the side but quickly found his balance again. Sunggyu pointed at the notebook with a shaking hand and Woohyun understood. The younger man picked up their belongings while Sunggyu kept the cellphone light alive.

 

“Should I go first?” Woohyun looked at him and Sunggyu nodded again. “Okay, don’t worry I’ll keep on talking, hyung! That’s my specialty!”

 

They started walking. The younger man was careful not to go too fast. Sunggyu followed him with trembling steps. He kept the light on Woohyun’s back so that he wouldn’t lose sight of him. “What should we do next time? Maybe I could teach you how to cook!”

 

Between his tears Sunggyu managed a small smile that Woohyun wasn’t able to see. “Hyung, I’m kind of happy. I mean…it’s not because of me right?”

 

There was a short silence. The brown-haired man was glad too. It was good he had Woohyun by his side. He was considerate towards Sunggyu and worried about his well being all the time. Sunggyu wondered if Woohyun was this understanding since he loved him. Love was a strange word for the older man. He couldn’t quite grasp it. He had had a small crush on Hyuna in the past, but other than that his love experience was practically zero. Maybe Woohyun endured all of this because of love. Sunggyu felt a little bad because he couldn’t give him anything in return. He wasn’t sure about his feelings yet, especially since his condition made him vulnerable towards things like affection.

 

“To be honest I’m scared too, hyung.” Woohyun spoke. “I didn’t know what to do when you reacted like that. I could only talk. It felt like that one time in the restroom when I could only watch Dongwoo helping you, the same helplessness. I didn’t know if what I'm doing was working or not and I was scared that I might be hurting you again unintentionally.”

 

Sunggyu suppressed a sob and shortened the distance between them with bigger steps. He grasped the hem of Woohyun’s shirt and kept his eyes on the younger man's illuminated back. The black-haired man turned his head slightly to look at the other in surprise. “Gyu-hyung…”

 

He glanced at Woohyun’s face and saw a smile on his lips again. Sunggyu sniveled and tightened his grip on the thin fabric. He didn’t want the younger to blame himself for this. It was just the result of a bad dream and waking up in the dark next to someone else. Sunggyu was not scared of the dark in general, just in certain situations. He was still happy about their date and he would never regret it. If someone were to blame it was Sunggyu since he was too weak and vulnerable.

 

A cold breeze hit them and they both shivered. “It’s getting cold, isn’t it? I guess fall will be coming soon.”

 

Woohyun kept on talking about small things like that while they made their way out of the park. When they reached the main street, the streetlights illuminated their surroundings. Sunggyu let go of Woohyun’s shirt and wiped his cheeks. Now he could see the younger one completely again and his body relaxed further. Seeing Woohyun always had some kind of calming effect on him. Maybe because he knew that the black-haired man wouldn’t hurt him. He was sure of it.

 

Sunggyu walked towards a bench at the side because his legs were still wobbly. He leaned back against the wood and Woohyun sat down next to him. “Are you better now, hyung?”

 

The older man shrugged and threw the cellphone into Woohyun’s lap. He reached out his hands and the other gave him his bag back. Sunggyu took out his own phone and was shocked to see that he had a bunch of missed calls from his parents and his friends. He glanced at the time and sighed. He wrote a quick reply to them stating he was okay and that he would be home soon.

 

“Ah! Hyung, a shooting star!” Woohyun exclaimed in excitement.

 

Sunggyu looked up to the sky but apparently it was too late already. “You’ve missed it! But don’t worry I made a wish for the both of us.”

 

He raised an eyebrow questioningly. Woohyun smiled. “It’s a secret.”

 

The black-haired man frowned and put his phone away to take out his notebook. ‘I didn’t ask. You probably only made that up.’

 

Woohyun chuckled. “That’s my Gyu-hyung! I guess you’re alright now. Can I ask why you panicked in the park?”

 

‘I had a bad dream and when I woke up I wasn’t sure if it was still you next to me. It’s stupid I know.’ Sunggyu bit his lower lip again.

 

“Stop biting your lip, hyung. You’re bleeding already!” Woohyun said with a worried look. “It’s not stupid at all. Everyone is scared of nightmares. I hope it wasn’t about me.”

 

The younger man laughed nervously. Sunggyu knew Woohyun was probably worried that he had done something bad. He wiped the blood from his lip. ‘No, it was not about you. I thought about the past. About my old band.’

 

Woohyun’s eyes widened slightly. “Because I played a song for you?”

 

Sunggyu shook his head. He wasn’t sure. It could be part of the reason of course, but he didn’t want Woohyun to blame himself. ‘It’s not your fault and you’ve helped me a lot back there in the park and on other occasions as well. So don’t blame yourself. How can I be happy when you’re sad?’

 

Woohyun seemed surprised for a moment, but then he laughed. “You always know how to make me happy, hyung. Are you flirting with me?”

 

The older one threatened to hit him with his notebook but he stopped in the last moment. Woohyun’s eyes were locked with his and all he could see was warm affection. Sunggyu felt like his heart might fail because it was beating so fast. He averted his gaze quickly. Sometimes being with Woohyun was like a rollercoaster of feeling

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negiramen
FEATURED HOW DID THAT HAPPEN! THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVELY READERS! T___T ;;;A;;;

Comments

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sunggyu_chingyu #1
after so long i came back to read this again..already read 4 times !!!
StrawberrySkye
629 streak #2
Chapter 44: and i came back to this again 🥰
DaniaOthk #3
Chapter 28: Hahahaha silent reader here hahaha
StrawberrySkye
629 streak #4
rereading one of my faves 🥰
Foreverins
#5
Chapter 46: This was such a beautiful written story. I enjoyed each and every chapter in this story. And I think this is my 3rd time reading this. Still the emotions are the same. The intensity, the joy and happiness are still the same. Loved reading this beautiful story.
closedbook7
#6
Chapter 44: Am I too late? I hope I'm not^^ I loved each and everything about this story. I stayed up nights unable to stop myself from clicking on the 'next chapter' button. I have already mentioned it in your other story but let me tell you again that I absolutely admire your writing style....it has the perfect combination of everything. Bts made me laugh as well cry..I felt the characters' emotions real hard. Thank you so much for writing this long piece of art and for giving us the chance to appreciate it's beauty~! Throws ♡♥♡♥ at u~ (Influence of Namgrease on me) I also enjoyed reading the author notes. It reminded me of my early kpop days..I also happened to follow the same comebacks that you talked about at that time..so it was like time travel to those years... and of course I found your rants cute^^ I'm off to read the sequel now~ Meet you there author nim!
p.s. I hope this long note satisfies your hunger little bit^^
zealeousy
#7
Chapter 46: Went back to this on 2020, feels like an old friend. <3 (had just took 2 whole days to finish this)
And Gyu comes back too! Author-nim, are you fangirling now? XD
Zd7394
#8
Chapter 46: It was nice
Thanks
(^.^)
sillhouette31
#9
Chapter 44: AAAAA THIS IS THE BEST STORY!!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY! I WILL THANK YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE