Touches and Dreams

Breaking the Silence (Edited)
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corner-where-i-talk-to-myself(A/N):
Finally :D woogyu chapter! Rejoice!
Thanks for subscribing (if you read this!) <3 I actually wanted to update yesterday but my train was late and then I got stuck while watching Running Man (sorry lol)

Here is the promised fluff and a peek into the past (not the incident -cough-)
No need to be disappointed btw. (no spoiler intended haha)
 


 

[SUNGGYU]

 

Sunggyu had no idea why he had written those words. Of course he liked Woohyun and somehow it was different from Dongwoo or his family, but did he love Woohyun? The confession of the other had created a whirl of emotions in his chest. There were negative feelings like fear, betrayal or agony, but at the same time Sunggyu felt incredibly happy. Woohyun loved him. It was not the same kind of ‘I love you’ that his parents often used. That much even someone like him could understand. That guy back then had never told him those words, maybe similar things but his words had felt like poison to Sunggyu. Woohyun’s voice was full of love instead.

 

But was Sunggyu only lying to himself and the other man? How could he even give Woohyun any hope when he knew that it was impossible? They would never be able to have a normal relationship. Sunggyu was not normal after all. A normal person would feel flattered and happy, but there were other emotions welling in his chest as well. The fear of getting betrayed. The fear of getting touched. He was tainted. Dirty. What are you trying to prove, Kim Sunggyu? Why are you giving Woohyun hope by acting normal? Sunggyu didn’t know the answer. Maybe he wanted to be normal for a moment or maybe he only wanted to see Woohyun fail to prove to himself how impossible it was.

 

He could only avoid his gaze while Woohyun slowly got closer. He could feel his presence without looking. Sunggyu felt the other man’s gaze on himself, but he tried to stay calm and not let his fear overtake his thoughts. To be honest he was anything but calm inside. The brown-haired man closed his eyes to find a better focus. He was glad that he could still feel Woohyun’s presence next to him. There was no shadow of the past – at least not yet. Sunggyu avoided thinking about him and tried to concentrate on the younger man instead. On the things they had done today and on the sincerity in his voice.

 

“Hyung.” Woohyun whispered gently. “Can I try something new?”

 

Sunggyu nearly smiled because it was funny how his heart was beating this fast and loudly yet Woohyun couldn’t hear it. There was a feeling of curiosity and…anticipation? He didn’t know what the black-haired man wanted to try, but Woohyun was so close to him that Sunggyu could feel his warmth without actually touching. The younger man called his name. His inner conflict nearly ripped Sunggyu apart. His body wanted to move away or tremble but Sunggyu used all his strength to stay still. His mind told him that Woohyun was dangerous and that he would hurt him. But his heart didn’t reject the other. There was no pain, only a feeling he couldn't grasp.

 

Woohyun called his name again. This time he used the short nickname that Sunggyu had given to the turtle. He wanted to scold Woohyun for using it, but his voice wasn’t working and he would need to open his eyes to write something down in the notebook. Suddenly aware that he was still holding it in his hands awkwardly, the brown-haired man put the book on his lap. He rested his hands on the rough cover of the notebook. Sunggyu heard Woohyun’s voice again but the problem was that he didn’t know if the other should stop or not. It didn’t feel wrong yet. The older man wanted to open his eyes to see what Woohyun was doing so close to him, but he could stop himself in the last second. Maybe he would freak out at the close proximity. Knowing and seeing were two different things. He was scared to find something in Woohyun’s eyes that he didn’t want to see. How did Woohyun look at him? Was there love in his eyes or something darker?

 

“Gyu. I love you.” Woohyun said. His voice was nothing more but a whisper.

 

Sunggyu could feel the air that left Woohyun’s lips on his own. His heartbeat increased again when he realized what the younger man wanted to try. His body tensed up automatically and Sunggyu’s hands clutched the notebook in his lap harshly. He stopped breathing and pressed his eyes together with more force.

 

Suddenly the warm air on his lips was gone and for a moment that increased his fear because he had no idea what Woohyun was doing. “Hyung, open your eyes. It’s okay.”

 

He wondered if Woohyun had noticed the change in his expression. The brown-haired man breathed out and opened his eyes carefully. He flinched slightly because Woohyun’s face was right in front of his. Sunggyu avoided direct eye contact, instead he looked at the notebook in his lap again.

 

“Sunggyu-hyung, can you look at me? I won’t do anything that you dislike. I meant what I said.” Woohyun tried to assure him.

 

His voice was so sincere and full of worry but Sunggyu was scared to meet his eyes. He didn’t want to see something bad in his gaze. It could destroy their whole relationship in a second and Sunggyu wasn’t sure if he would be able to trust someone again after that. He saw Woohyun move but the younger man kept his hands away. He could smell Woohyun’s sweet fragrance in the air and when he raised his gaze slightly Sunggyu could see a bit of his chest that the shirt revealed. The black-haired man leaned closer and then suddenly Sunggyu felt Woohyun’s lips on his forehead. The touch was soft and a bit wet but ultimately...good.

 

That guy had never kissed him there. He had never touched him lovingly like that.

 

Woohyun moved back to his original position and Sunggyu looked him in the eyes. He could only see what he had already expected: a warm gaze full of care (and apparently love too). The younger seemed quite happy with his achievement and smiled. “You relaxed again, hyung. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

 

Sunggyu shook his head quickly. He was unsure what to reply though Sunggyu knew that he wasn’t scared right now. The forehead kiss still lingered on his skin and it was not a bad feeling at all. But he didn’t know how to react. Of course he liked Woohyun – that was out of question – but was it love? Was he able to love another man after all what happened? Maybe that guy had screwed him up back then and now Sunggyu was unable to love women? After all he had never found any interest in the other gender again after the incident. Every girl looked the same to him though he was better with female strangers than with male ones. He didn’t want to give Woohyun any false hope since he wasn’t sure of his feelings. The ‘MIGHT’ in his sentence was a big one. Sunggyu was still unsure if he even wanted to know the meaning of his fast heartbeat and the constant blushing.

 

“Gyu-hyung, please say something. You don’t have to lie to me…it’s okay if you didn’t like it.” Woohyun said.

 

He didn’t want to see Woohyun sad so Sunggyu decided to finally write something down. A little flustered he turned the page to hide the ‘I might like you too’. ‘No, it was okay. I was just surprised.’

 

Woohyun beamed. “Another one?”

 

Sunggyu hit him against the forehead with his notebook and the younger man whined. The brown-haired man frowned. ‘I don’t know if I can return your feelings. I mean I like you, but I don’t know-‘

 

He stopped writing when Woohyun’s fingertips touched the paper he was scribbling on. Sunggyu looked up to him. Woohyun was smiling again. “It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to throw your arms around my neck and declare your undying love for me. I’m just happy that you know my feelings and didn’t reject me immediately. It’s not out of question, right? I will take my chance even if it is just 0.1%.”

 

Sunggyu didn’t know how he deserved Woohyun’s love. He was supposed to be the one who tried hard, but everyone else was trying harder in his stead. Sunggyu felt like he was just tagging along without putting any effort in it. He had given up on being normal long ago. He had simply accepted the reality without trying to change it. He was a coward that didn’t deserve so much care from other people. Maybe it was time that he tried as well. Maybe it was time to tell Woohyun why he was scared of getting touched and why his voice was broken. But just trying to remember already made his heart hurt and his eyes teary.

 

‘Seven years ago I-‘

 

He wished he could tell Woohyun with his own words because writing it down felt like burning the words into his skin. The black ink on the paper looked like dry blood suddenly and Sunggyu shuddered. He averted his gaze and looked at Woohyun again to ensure that it was still the younger in front of him. The black-haired man seemed a little worried but he smiled immediately when their eyes met.

 

“Don’t push yourself, Sunggyu-hyung. Just because I confessed doesn’t mean we have to change anything right now. I just didn’t want you to think that I’m lying to you. Do you want to hear a song? Since the mood seems kind of tense now.” Woohyun patted his guitar case.

 

Sunggyu smiled slightly. The younger nodded and wanted to stand up, but he stopped the other. ‘Stay here.’

 

The black-haired man blinked. Sunggyu thought this was the least he could do right now since he was too weak and cowardly to tell Woohyun the truth about the incident. He couldn’t show him his thankfulness like a normal person. He wanted to achieve something today, too. Woohyun smiled at him. “Okay, but I will lower my voice a bit. I want you to enjoy the song. It’s not from me. Do you know K.Will?”

 

Sunggyu shook is head. He didn’t really pay attention to the current music scene. What good was it to know which songs were popular and which not if he wasn’t able to listen to them properly. “It’s not spring anymore, but it reminds me of us. I know it sounds cheesy, but just listen, okay?”

 

He nodded and Woohyun tuned his guitar before he started playing. He played a few notes while watching Sunggyu’s reaction. The older man took a deep breath. Somewhere in a corner of his mind he remembered a blurry scene from the past. For a second he heard loud music that swallowed his voice and felt the ghostly touch of fingers on his skin, but Sunggyu blinked and he saw Woohyun again. There was no loud music just the soft sound of the guitar and Woohyun’s fingers were busy plucking the strings. His face showed a tender expression that calmed Sunggyu’s trembling heart a bit. How could he even start to compare these two scenes with each other when they were so different?

 

The sweet morning breeze in my mouth
With the sun shining over the white blanket
Comes a ring that makes my heart flutter, could that be you?
With the sound of a spoon of sugar, hello, hello
Spring comes, into this street
Spring comes, into my heart
Don’t know why I am so excited, oh

 

Like the first time Woohyun’s voice amazed him. It was soft – especially because the younger man tried not to sing too loud – and it was full of emotion. Woohyun was immersed in the song, but he never failed to keep his eyes on Sunggyu to show him that the words were directed at him. Sunggyu couldn’t hate the sound of his voice. It felt soothing to his scarre

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negiramen
FEATURED HOW DID THAT HAPPEN! THANK YOU SO MUCH LOVELY READERS! T___T ;;;A;;;

Comments

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sunggyu_chingyu #1
after so long i came back to read this again..already read 4 times !!!
StrawberrySkye
629 streak #2
Chapter 44: and i came back to this again 🥰
DaniaOthk #3
Chapter 28: Hahahaha silent reader here hahaha
StrawberrySkye
629 streak #4
rereading one of my faves 🥰
Foreverins
#5
Chapter 46: This was such a beautiful written story. I enjoyed each and every chapter in this story. And I think this is my 3rd time reading this. Still the emotions are the same. The intensity, the joy and happiness are still the same. Loved reading this beautiful story.
closedbook7
#6
Chapter 44: Am I too late? I hope I'm not^^ I loved each and everything about this story. I stayed up nights unable to stop myself from clicking on the 'next chapter' button. I have already mentioned it in your other story but let me tell you again that I absolutely admire your writing style....it has the perfect combination of everything. Bts made me laugh as well cry..I felt the characters' emotions real hard. Thank you so much for writing this long piece of art and for giving us the chance to appreciate it's beauty~! Throws ♡♥♡♥ at u~ (Influence of Namgrease on me) I also enjoyed reading the author notes. It reminded me of my early kpop days..I also happened to follow the same comebacks that you talked about at that time..so it was like time travel to those years... and of course I found your rants cute^^ I'm off to read the sequel now~ Meet you there author nim!
p.s. I hope this long note satisfies your hunger little bit^^
zealeousy
#7
Chapter 46: Went back to this on 2020, feels like an old friend. <3 (had just took 2 whole days to finish this)
And Gyu comes back too! Author-nim, are you fangirling now? XD
Zd7394
#8
Chapter 46: It was nice
Thanks
(^.^)
sillhouette31
#9
Chapter 44: AAAAA THIS IS THE BEST STORY!!! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY! I WILL THANK YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE