I Won't Fall (Not without you)

Maknae Line of Affection (Sekai Stories Collection)
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I won’t fall 

 

They say constellations from the sky above tell the future of someone. Those heavenly bodies that line the atmosphere show someone’s fate, others call it destiny. Astrologers believe that the position of astronomical bodies at the exact moment of a person’s birth and the subsequent movements of the bodies reflect that person’s character and, therefore, his or her destiny.

But the night is darker than the last time they remembered. No stars shine bright above them. There’s only the faint illumination the moon provides and even this seems to dim as the world continues to drop into a deep chasm.

Kai wraps a lean arm around Sehun’s thin shoulders and snuggles the boy close to him; Sehun sighs in contentment on Kai’s arm. But the knots in his stomach never really relax, if anything, it grew tighter.

“There are no stars above,” Sehun starts as if to answer the silent question Kai’s eyes has been shooting him. “Do you think there’s a future waiting for us?”

Kai tilts his head to get a better view of Sehun’s expression. His head slightly bumps against the smoothest rock they can ever pick, something they turned into their ‘pillow’ and he winces at the contact. It never really stopped him from checking the younger’s expression out. The rocks are cold beneath their body though they are convinced that snuggling close to each other can somehow help in sharing each other’s heat.

“Maybe there is,” Kai answers in a small but firm voice. “If not here, in another world. Maybe.”

Right there and then, even with the howling of dogs that travels in the sky by means of wave sounds, making Sehun’s already cold bones freeze; even when all of their remaining companions had gone to their deathbeds by killing each other; even if they don’t know if the sun will make an appearance tomorrow because the past few years proved that it doesn’t care anymore; and even if their stock of food had been emptied into nothingness and they know they have to go again to the danger of hunting soon, Sehun believes him.

He always does and he always will.

Because if you think about it, what else is there to do? Clinging into a little bit of hope isn’t a luxury but rather a necessity; it is an attempt on keeping your brain from failing to function because survival today is not just about food and water and shelter but the battle of keeping your sanity at check –to refrain from losing yourself even if everything else seems to have left the world, leaving only a dark, deep abyss for you to continue walking on, if you choose so yourself. It is a little otiose, but still an attempt, nonetheless. And when there’s nothing else to hold on to, nothing else to keep you going, you lose, just like the used to be steady rocks that fell over a precipice after the first volcanic eruption that happened in Hawaii when no one, not the toughest of the animals, not the grander of the buildings had survived.

Kai had always been a steady rock; confident, sane, and capable of keeping himself at check at all times, at all costs. Sehun is always left in awe as Kai faces the day just like how he faces his Sunday mornings along with his parents a light years away ago –self-possessed, not exactly buoyant but certain –certain that he will survive the day and live another tomorrow. As if apocalypse is nothing but a normal day to seize –a normal day to walk on.

Kai always reasons that he never really thinks of the future. He always revels on making the most out of the day and never bother on what tomorrow will bring because why bother making plans for tomorrow if there are more important things to dwell on such as checking your feet if it’s still rooted on the ground or if your is still attached to your back. Kai never thinks about the future; just live in the moment, survive it and repeat the same process tomorrow and the next, next, next tomorrow until eventually, there’s no tomorrows to come.

And Sehun had always leaned on his rock –his stronghold, his refuge.  He wasn’t exactly as stable as Kai, but he’s a parasite who always gets his strength from the tan-skinned male who always knows how to conquer Earth as if to say ‘try and stop me’. He doesn’t dwell on his fears anymore; with Kai around he can conquer the world, too.

They live in the company of each other –holding each other’s hands and reaching out when someone feels like he is falling. And there is always someone to pull someone up –pull, pull, pull until eventually there’s nothing to tug on anymore and you’re pushed right back into someone’s side, to where you belong.

It has always been the standard until a day came and suddenly it isn’t.

Kai drops on his knees, shaking figure looming over the body whose blood had been washed out by the wave of water lapping on the shore as if to retrieve it and carry it to its embrace on the far, far away land of nothingness. He, however, clings to it; holds on to the sandy blonde hair who’s fragile frame seems to shatter as every drop of water falls from Kai’s eyes, washing away the dirt that clung into his miniscule face without shame.

Sehun, too, stood on the other end of the corpse, sobs muffled by the clamped hands around his mouth.

Luhan had been their companion for one year and eleven months, two years if you’re stretching it. He is the only one who stuck with Sehun and Kai’s unsolicited attitude, the pair determined to keep companionship all to themselves. But Luhan needs companionship just like how every walking soul on earth does. He needed someone to not only tell him he’s alive but also make him feel that he existed –that he isn’t just a walking fossil with no destination in life. Luhan has been quiet, only smiling to himself when Kai and Sehun seems to have a stupid argument about who will cook dinner and will eventually escalate into a heated battle in , with Luhan left to cook dinner instead. He was contented to keep himself in the dark –only to find his purpose in little things such as cooking; but he was contented; he was happy because at least, he has a purpose, a reason to wake up to another gruesome battle of coexisting in the world along with the darkness –even though if this sole purpose is only to cook and keep the couple’s together. Until one night, Luhan eventually wormed his way to Kai’s heart when he, without even having second thoughts about it, throws his body over Kai and accepted the knife thrown at the latter, hitting him without miss in the abdomen.

From then on, Kai grew fond of Luhan and adored him and dote on him in every single way. Sehun too, can’t even get jealous by Kai’s growing affection towards Luhan because the milky-skinned male is just that endearing –a sunshine; a blinding kind of light that envelops both their somewhat dreary world.

Luhan is a change of path; a change of belief and a steady ray of hope. Because unlike them, he believes things will get better. He believes that the destruction of the world will come to an end and eventually a new seed of life will sprout from those who held their ground, from those who managed to survive to witness the coming of the new generation of life. And during those moments, they allowed themselves to believe, that maybe, there really is a future waiting for them from afar. They only have to keep existing until that day would come and paradise would be once more returned to them.

But today, seeing their sunshine being eaten away by darkness –it seems as if the light that they have died along with him. The rays of hope disintegrated like dusts that came from a hard rock that once supported the soil and kept it from falling. Everything else dies –the light in Kai’s eyes, the warmth on Sehun’s chest and a new existence springs.

This existence happened sometime around when they bury Luhan’s body into the safest place they could ever think off. Kai’s eyes are sharp and glassy, reflecting Sehun in a pair of dark and empty soul. Sehun thinks that his eyes might be just like that at the moment –dull and overcastted with sorrows of losing that one light in their life.

But the existence didn’t stay on Sehun; two weeks and he’s ready to go hunting again, ready to leave the cocoon of their cave that now fails to shelter them from the unending coldness. Kai, however, seemed to be eaten up by this existence until he’s almost like a piece of crystal –breakable, brittle, fragile.

“I’ll just –ugh, go hunting,” Sehun says tucking a gun on his back pocket and leaving another on Kai’s side. “I’ll leave it here just in case.”

Sehun doesn’t wait for a response, because he knows he’s not getting any and proceeds on finding something to fill their stomachs instead.

Sehun comes back and immediately feels something is wrong by the way the rocks that cover the cave’s entrance are thrown away, like it had been shot. He goes inside and feels the sinister aura creeping its way to his fragile bones, threatening to crash it anytime. And there, even though being hidden in the dark, Sehun sees, as clear as it is when a sun will appear on the cave, Kai, laughing and holding the barrel up his hand, aiming precisely on Sehun’s chest –precise that it will kill him.

“Kai?” Sehun asks; voice cautious. Kai , upon hearing his small voice, laughs some more until he’s doubling over, his fingers never leaving the trigger. Once the effect of the joke that he is the only one able to understand dies down, he poises himself up and positions the gun on his left hand and aims once more on Sehun’s chest.

Sehun feels tears sting on his eyes but he swats it away before Kai even gets a chance to see it as it fell. Sehun feels betrayal, loneliness, compassion, and ache –a searing pain that even the gunshot Kai fires at his left shoulder will never match up to. Kai has given up; Kai didn’t hold on to him and he was stupid enough to drown on his own sorrows to care to reach out –to realize that at the other side of his world, someone is tumbling down; plummeting into the cliff of nothingness and darkness without someone to reach out –without someone to hold on to like what he does to Sehun.

Sehun stares on a pair of empty eyes and a face contorted into ominous expression. Kai’s full lips that used to envelope his own are now curved in the right side –a smirk so bone-chilling that it seems to freeze the tears pooling on his eyes.

Sehun feels something pass him, barely missing his face. It all happened in a flash that he isn’t sure if it’s his exhausted mind and frustrated body playing tricks on him.

He hears distant crumbling of rocks behind him.

“Oops, I missed,” Kai-singsongs; his gun now aiming Sehun’s head, “the next one would be a hundred and one percent accurate.”

Sehun closes his eyes and loses himself along with the darkness. His hand finds its way to his back pocket as he feels the pistol on his hand gain an extra weight as he positions it, aiming without fail. With one flick of his index finger, he needs to get ammo and fill in the space the last bullet just vacated.

-

Sehun jolts awake by little drops of coldness on his face, searing in to the spaces between the pores of his skin and making it numb all over. One drop that trickles down his face is slightly warmer than the other and he can’t decide if it is he crying or if it is the sky crying for him.

The survival of the fittest continues in 2717 –no signs of new life budding, nor signs of a big mass of destruction that will finally annihilate the world.

Sehun is not living now. He just exists. He refuses to be eaten away by the darkness that had eaten his loved ones and aims to leave the world on a meaningful death –or as meaningful as it can get when nothing else means in the world anymore.

Today, the sun chose to share its radiance on the part Sehun resides. He doesn’t even know if he’s still on Seoul. He was brought in another land by the sea when a storm had befallen on some part of Myongdong, which is for sure.

His stomach rumbles its protest as he starts to travel down rocky paths of a muddy uphill he just woken up to. He decides that it is time to go hunting again. Though he’s not really sure how he can get food without knowing which part of the world he’s in. He decided that it doesn’t matter. Nothing else really matters for him a long time ago –maybe only survival. He will survive this day and repeat the same process tomorrow –that has been his goal in life ever since a gazillion years ago.

A solid rock the biggest he ever seen since walking to nowhere suddenly catches his attention. It is well built, rough on the edges and can serve many purposes if he wants too. He decides to take a break by leaning on the hidden side to serve as his protection and to keep him from stumbling down the surface of the misshapen land beneath him. He can never recognize if he’s still walking on land or rock or mud anymore because things around him had stopped making sense long time ago and it’s not as if he still tries to make out what form of land he’s standing on, or what kind of tree or bird or rock a thing is for that matter. Everything comes in a strange, unfamiliar shape, and he thinks, that maybe, his body already looks unfamiliar too. He hasn’t seen his reflection, again, for a long time ago.

This little break turned into a weary slumber, gun (the only thing he managed to save on that storm) pressed on his chest, fingers poised on the trigger. Being out in the running for a long time now, Sehun thinks his senses had increased tenfold. He can make out small noises and distinguish if it’s from a big animal or a small one as well as he can easily make out figures from afar (unlike back then when everything else is still ‘normal’).

That’s why now, as a faint shuffling of leaves and pebbles reached Sehun’s senses, he bolts up, gun aiming at the side where he heard the sound. He peers over the side where the sound came from and uses the rock to hide him from view. He then sees something scuffle, not far from where he is standing and shoots the moment that thing made a move. He hears a squeak and crouches back down the safety of his pillar, just in case. When for a while, he doesn’t hear a sound anymore, he peers back up and see nothing at all. Convinced that he already killed the thing, cautiously, he tiptoes toward what he thinks is a small animal, careful not to make a sound.

The part where the creature met its death is very easy to distinguish because pool of blood taints the dried leaves and reveals its safe place from its predator’s gaze. Sehun crouches down the part where trail of blood can be seen, gun still on hand (it wouldn’t hurt to be cautious) and digs the part where the animal buried itself before the bullet had reach its body. It reveals a bunny the size of Sehun’s joined palm and the boy can’t help but let the eat-ting grin on his face surface because damn, his luck. Food! He just needs something to fill his stomach and the food threw itself on his face. Maybe natural selection is working on here. He wonders if there are other humans still leaving on other part of the world.

He cleans the rabbit up and skinned it until he’s sure it’s flawless enough, white flesh just like his’. He really thinks that nature is selecting him to survive when he comes across a stream while in search of woods to make out a fire from.

The battle between day and night had begun, resulting a mixture of orange and red and a dash of blue on the sky above. Sehun thinks he hasn’t seen anything as beautiful this long.

By the time night had won over, enveloping the world into a starless dusk once more, Sehun still hasn’t find enough wood to start a fire. He also left the solid rock he uses as shelter and curses himself because the night seem to stretch its wrath on him and bite on his flesh (if he still have one), his teeth chattering and hands trembling. His stomach voices out its protest to him once more and he is left with no options but to eat the animal raw –blood dripping on his hands and smearing his anaemic skin.

He sleeps there, on the out, stomach grumbling but senses still on red alert.

He dreams of dark eyes, sharp bones, tan flesh and blood that night.

-

Sehun wakes up to the sound of noise of something big not far away from where he is lying. He packs what’s left of his food for the night (he purposefully left it in the open so that the chilly night can freeze it over and prevent it from spoiling) because he doesn’t know when he will be able to have something to provide his stomach –even if it’s a little gross and nauseating and plain gross.

Sehun is left out there, in the open, and for the first time since a long time he feels fear creeps into him. He is exposed, unprotected, no trees or rocks to hide him this time, just him, with his thin and lithe body that can easily be snapped like twigs when one wishes so.

He puts himself in an attack position, gun on his left hand, eye travelling in all places in swift motions, darting back and forth from the part where he heard the sound and from the ground he is standing on.

Another leaves scrunching up on the weight being pressed down on them and a figure appears three thin trees away from Sehun. Sehun fires and the figure seem to fall, bringing both its hands up to its head. The figure is trembling. Sehun takes a step forward to inspect.

It’s a human –Sehun realizes in awe. The awe dies out even before it reaches his toes and he stands there –horrified. He just shot a human –a possible companion; a specie the same as his own. He runs to the man’s side, all cautiousness thrown away and holds thin wrists with bony fingers. He removes the hands that prevent him from seeing the man’s face and is surprised not to feel any resistance at all. Maybe he has no energy left to resist, Sehun thinks. Yanking the hands away to reveal the man’s face, he meets a pair of eyes like asbestos, full, chapped lips and the sharpest cheekbone ever recorded in his system. He drops the arms like a coal coated with fire and immediately takes a step back, fear gripping his chest but pain making him choke out of his own spit.

“Kai…” he splutters

The man looks up, eyes coated with fear as his gaze travel from Sehun’s face down to the barrel he is holding up.

Sehun instinctively throws the gun away and hoists himself back up to reach out to the figure. The man recoils immediately and for a while, Sehun allows himself to breathe realizing that his aim didn’t reached his target. For once, he was thankful.

“I’m not going to hurt you –” Sehun starts, trying to crawl closer to the figure. His heart feels like it’s being crushed when the figure crawls back, away from him once more.

“Don’t you remember me? I’m Sehun –I’m… I’m –” I’m the one who killed you. Sehun trails off as his lips began to wobble making all words that wanted to escape his mouth be incomprehensible. He indulges the pain he is feeling by allowing tears to ooze down shamelessly on his face and just letting the stranger see it out –in the open.

“I don’t know a Kai and I don’t know you.” The man croaks as he sees genuine tears trickle down his predator’s beautiful face.

Sehun cries some more because of course –Kai will never be this man. Kai is dead. He saw it himself because he’s the one who killed him. All the pain –striving for survival, the torment of seeing Kai’s face in his every dream, feeling his lips into his own and waking up with tears in his eyes and a bleeding heart because he will never feel those lips again –Sehun just lets it all crash onto him this time. No more pretentious act of being tough. No protective barrier because how can he defend himself from something painful that came from inside him? How can he prevent something he already brought upon himself?

They just stay like that for a moment; the man had finally stopped backing away from Sehun and Sehun doesn’t make an attempt reaching out to him either. When his cries seem to have died down a bit, the man speaks up.

“My name is Jongin.”

Sehun’s tears pour some more upon hearing the man’s voice. It feels as if those tiny pinpricks on his heart had grown into a million daggers. It stabs, gouges, pierces and jabs his heart until it can’t bleed anymore. What’s worse is because it’s still alive –it’s still beating –it’s continues to live on and witness everything crumble beneath his feet; it still lives as if to feel every pump that is as painful as stitching a gash without anaesthetic.   

The voice is exactly like Kai’s –a low timbre but as smooth as velvet. It tickles Sehun’s senses. It reminds him of the nights when Kai will hold him tight and tell him

‘If ever we won’t wake up tomorrow, or if we won’t survive this night, always remember that I love you –in this world, in the next world and if we will ever be born again –I will find you, and I will love you; same as today, same as tomorrows. Maybe even more’;

 He remembers every morning when he will wake up to a soft, melodious voice that says,

‘We have been given the chance to walk this world again, that means we were given the chance to love each other more’

And it hurts –the dull ache in his heart increases hundredfold; the time of just blindly walking the Earth and not thinking of tomorrows dissipates. The pain reminds Sehun that he lives –that he isn’t just some walking fossil that simply exists.

“Sehun is your name, you say?” Kai, no, Jongin says with a smile. Sehun thinks he moves forward a little; though that might just be a product of his imagination.

Sehun offers a smile and from this distance, he can see tanned flesh (just like Kai’s), bony fingers (Kai has more meat) a trembling body, sharp cheekbones and slim, long legs. He is wearing tattered jeans that seem to have existed decades already, but then again, Sehun doesn’t think he looks any better.

“I don’t remember the last time I’ve eaten.” Jongin suddenly blurts out and a shaky laugh erupts. He might have seen Sehun’s scrutinizing gaze and he shrinks from his position once more, seeming utterly embarrassed.

Sehun wipes a stray tear that reached his lips and gets up.

 “Come on,” he says, extending a hand for the man to reach up. “I could use some company.”

-

Companionship is defined as ‘two or more persons that interact, communicate, help each other and feel at ease with one another; they mingle and do things together’.

It seems as if the apocalypse had destroyed Jongin and Sehun’s minds as well because they seem to have a different interpretation with the word ‘company’.

Despite doing things together (unless necessary), the way they treat each other doesn’t fall in the category of being ‘companions’.

After that incident of crying like a big baby in front of Jongin, Sehun had been reserved, no nonsense, distant, and cold but not exactly hostile. In reality, Jongin had thought that after seeing Sehun break down like that in front of him will get him to open up and feel glad that finally, in a long time, Sehun has had a human existence near him. Nothing of what Jongin had thought happened. He doesn’t say anything about it –just mirrors the former’s action with his own.

Every morning, the two will hunt for food they will eat for the day and stock some if they are lucky enough to get a lot. When twilight comes, they will start preparing for sleep and eat their last meal for the day. When night falls, they will take turns on being on guard while the other gets some rest. Sehun usually volunteers to be the first one to be on the lookout and only during those times will he let himself crumble and stare at Jongin’s face until the time comes that Jongin will have to wake up. Once in a while, they will change locations and erase any evidence and trails that might give out their existence. Over time, Sehun notices Jongin’s frame having more meat than the first time he saw him. There’s colour on his lips now, too, that reveals a pinkish-pale luscious lips. He aches to feel those tender lips on his’ but he has been too much of a coward (he had always been a coward), so he pretends some more that Jongin’s existence is merely for human company and no further.

Sometimes, Jongin tries reaching out to the empty shell that unfortunately falls to category of ‘human’.

“Could you teach me how to hunt?” Jongin blurts one night when Sehun is once more on guard and it is his time to sleep.

“Why?” Sehun answers without sparing a glance towards his direction. Instead, he focuses his gaze on the sky above. They are lucky to be under a moon with waning light tonight.

“Well, it’s always you who does the hunting while I always do the ‘looking-out’ thing that doesn’t really seem necessary,” Jongin rises from the ground and sits up to look at Sehun leaning against a tree.

From the distance Jongin is in, he can see the soft light reflecting Sehun’s sharp eyes, complementing it. The faint illumination also magnifies Sehun’s pale complexion along the scratches and scars that even time isn’t able to heal. It reminds Jongin of the luxurious marble beneath Eiffel tower before an earthquake swallowed it whole; with all its glory and fairness that very much resembles Sehun’s skin –once flawless, smooth, and unblemished but the destruction of the Earth stole away that perfection, leaving only remnants of the beauty it used to behold. Jongin also thinks Sehun is as malleable as a newly mined gold –thinned into pieces, moulded to fit the situation he is in and the final product is a gold coin –hardened to survive life though its value never really changed.

And Jongin also thinks, that he never saw something broken this beautiful.

“No.” After a long while of deliberating, Sehun comes up with an answer. Jongin is pulled back from his poetic appraisal towards his companion and he blinks twice before finding his voice.

“What?”

Sehun heaves a sigh and finally looks him in the eyes.

“I said no. I don’t want to teach you,” He vacates his place and walks over Jongin who looks at him with so much curiosity in his eyes. He kneels beside Jongin and places both of his hand on his shoulders to gently push him back to the ground.

“Why not?” Jongin whines, revelling on the warmth of Sehun’s hand against his shoulders and he thinks he never felt something this comforting in a long time.

“Go and sleep now because I’m not extending the time of your rest when it’s your time to be on guard.” Sehun retorts though Jongin will never miss the soft edge on Sehun’s voice and how he seems to be suppressing a smile as he removes his hand from his shoulder and clasp it together tightly.

“I don’t really mind,” Jongin mumbles.

“Shut up.” Sehun gets to his feet and retrieves his position on the tree. Jongin wishes he had tried making the conversation longer because it’s really the first time they ever had a ‘conversation’ that doesn’t just involved ‘yes’ and ‘no’ and quite frankly, he likes hearing Sehun’s voice even though it’s raspy from lack of use.

“G’night Sehun,” Were his last words as he closes his eyes and forces himself to fall into a deep slumber. Too bad he misses the upward curve on the latter’s lips and the soft glow in those sharp eyes.

-

They say anything worth doing is worth doing to excess. That’s why Jongin, with that excessive amount of perseverance, continues with his mission on building camaraderie with his one and only companion, whose excessive amount of silent i don’t want to talk to yous seem to fail reaching Jongin’s senses.

On anomalous days, when Sehun looks exhausted, dark circles under his eyes stamped on his scarred, porcelain skin, words clipping on every syllable of short responses, Jongin will trap his tongue between his teeth, drawing blood just enough to rekindle the sharp sting of pain that denotes his existence.

On other normal days, like this, Sehun looks his way, offering a small nod and then giving a huge part of his meat to Jongin, only leaving a small portion for him to eat. It is not exactly the companionship Jongin wants, and food is not really something he needs to get from Sehun.

“You can take it. I’m not really that hungry,” Jongin declines, transferring the roasted (it looks more like coaled) deer on Sehun’s leaf plate.

“Eat.” Sehun commands. There’s something with the way Sehun’s tongue wrap around the three-letter word that makes everything seem final; and so Jongin takes the entire meat on his mouth, chews slightly, and down it on his stomach with one gulp before bile rises on his throat and empties the content of his stomach with a barf.

“Good boy. Now I don’t have to worry every ing moment that wind might blow your body and sharp breeze might make your bones crush into nothing.”

---

Jongin wonders why Sehun’s eyes show an uneven pang of loneliness and longing. Sometimes, he thinks Sehun really wants to talk to him; that his lingering gazes are not just a product of looking out for invaders on their territories; that that tight-lipped smile, almost suppressing a wide grin is just Sehun who doesn’t know how to interact with human anymore. Most of the time he thinks it’s just him and his wishful thinking acting up.

It is that time of the year when the sun refuses to share its faltering light and the moon’s sligh

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EXOternity
check the 'Linked Stories' for new sekai stories. I consolidated all the links there

Comments

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zengkelly #1
Chapter 6: My heart broke at this cuz its so real how some people really actually do die over something called love
SenshineKkaebsong
#2
Chapter 17: They were at a nature republic event in myanmar. There were pics of them talking and laughing. Kai covered his mouth and told sehun something and they both laughed. It was adorable.
Toyoto #3
Chapter 8: oh my god
i love this so much
not gonna lie , i cried reading this fic , starting from when sehun ran from the car till the end (except the lololol)
domestic au is srsly good , thank you for writing this!
yestokaihun #4
Chapter 10: A sequel wud be wonderful hahah lmao
Mimiaa #5
I love sekai
yestokaihun #6
Chapter 4: i love this
jayhan1311
#7
Chapter 4: I love each and every stories you have here. I like your writing style. Pls keep this going.

Fighting authornim
yumi_68
#8
Chapter 13: this is so funny...........sekai's adopted baby........wow sehun.!.....u should teach your baby how to dance jongin...........n bcm the best daddy ever...pfft<333333
blurzpoo #9
Chapter 13: Ahahahahahahhaha
Omg....
pchanel
#10
Chapter 8: YAAAAAAASSSSSSSS