Chapter 19

His feet should be hurting right now and the muscles on his legs should be aching as well, his knees looks like they would give off in any minute. One reason why he can’t feel anything physically painful is because he’s deeply wounded inside, emotionally and mentally which made him numb. It’s been a long walk from the park back to their dorm, he had decided to just walk instead of riding a cab because he’s not in a hurry to get back and he’s not even sure if he still wants to go back there.

He stops in front of the gate of their dorm, for the second time he takes another look at the small rectangular box Krystal had given him before she left. Looking at the two red lines visible on the box only makes the remaining strength he has evaporates into the thin air. She said she is pregnant and the pregnancy test kit says it’s positive, he still can’t believe that this is happening, he wants to convince himself that the pregnancy test could be wrong, but what if it’s really true. He’ll lose him, for sure, he will.

Upon getting inside it was Eunhyuk sitting on the sofa that greeted his return, he also have the same thing Donghae had, only that he has two boxes before him . The older guy looks troubled, and somewhat messed up. From the way it looks it was obvious that Krystal had also been there, and she had probably told Eunhyuk her condition. Eunhyuk kept on sighing and shaking head, oblivious of Donghae’s presence.

“Hi,” Donghae greeted him, his voice was low and somewhat sounds tired. “Is Kyuhyun already home?” he asked though he wasn’t really looking for his friend as of the moment.

Startled by the younger’s voice, Eunhyuk quickly glanced up at him “He and hyung will be back tomorrow,” he replied as he shoved the small boxes from the table and put them inside his sweater’s pocket.

“Where have you been?” Eunhyuk asked as he brought his gaze back to Donghae.

“Out, at the Park.”

Eunhyuk tore his stare from the new comer, “I see,” he said looking at the wall in front of him. He took a deep breath pinching the bridge of his nose. “Krystal came here, and she told me something,” he started.

“Krystal and I met at the park today, and I think those things she said to you are just the same with what she told me.” Donghae spoke.

“So you already know her condition?”

“Yes,”

“She already knows what is happening between us.” Eunhyuk added.

“I know,” Donghae kept his responses short.

“She doesn’t want her condition to be a hot topic at school, and since only the three of us know about this we should keep it a secret from others,”

Though it sounds inappropriate that Krystal’s condition should be kept, Donghae just found himself agreeing, “Sure,” he can’t produce much longer responses for his throat feels like drying up, like he’s about to cry any minute now.

“Aren’t you even  going to say something? Is there something you want to say?”

“I think there is, but I’m not yet sure.” Donghae replied followed by a loud sigh, “Let’s just talk about this tomorrow I’m tired.”

 “No, we need to talk now.” Eunhyuk insisted.

“But there’s nothing much to talk about”

“Then what about your feelings about this matter? Don’t you ing tell me you’re not even angry, or hurt?”

That’s the time that Donghae’s eyes started to water, but he fought back the tears though he can’t stop his hands from trembling, when he tried to talk his voice was shaking as well, “Sorry but I’m really tired today p-please just let me rest--”

“Donghae, I’m sorry.” Eunhyuk didn’t let him finish, he was quick to say those words to him. Those were the words he was dying to tell the younger upon seeing him arrive on their doorstep.

“I didn’t plan any of this, nor that I want this to happen--”

“Then you should have been more careful, it happened because you do things recklessly. And you don’t need to say sorry, besides we are nothing remember?” Donghae forced himself to fake a smile.

Eunhyuk stared at him for a few seconds, looking at him intently, “Is that what you really feel? Is that what you really wanted to say?”

Donghae nodded, he took a deep breath before speaking, “So, this is the end then, don’t worry I’ll be fine. Starting tomorrow let’s just pretend that nothing had happened between us, deal?”

Eunhyuk’s jaw clenched after hearing what the blonde just said, “Why? Can you do it? Can you pretend like you don’t love me? Stop acting like a ing hypocrite Donghae! You’re not a good actor yourself, I know this thing had pained you so much,”

When Donghae couldn’t fight the tears anymore he tried to run towards the stairs to end their conversation because he doesn’t want Eunhyuk to see him cry but Eunhyuk was quick to grab the younger’s arm, stopping him from leaving.

Eunhyuk spun Donghae around as he grab the younger’s shoulders. “I know and I can feel that you’re in deep pain right now, so tell me! ing tell me that you’re mad at me! That you hate me!”

And that made Donghae explode, “Hell yes! It hurts like hell! I feel like I wanted to die because the world is so ing unfair! Because no matter what sacrifices I do life will always be cruel to me! And yes I am mad at you because I can’t bring myself in hating you!  I just can’t! Because I love you!”

Donghae was almost yelling at him, tears were flowing down his cheeks and his body was trembling because of crying, he tried to breath first before continuing on his sentence, and his voice sounds tired and almost inaudible this time, “But I’m tired already, I can’t take it anymore.”

“So what happens with waiting for me to love you back?” Eunhyuk spoke through gritted teeth.

“I quit, I’m tired of waiting. And I know you’re tired of this too”

“But didn’t I told you I am getting there already?” his voice was gentle and it makes Donghae wants to stop acting strong and beg for Eunhyuk to make him stay, but it’s wrong, and Donghae doesn’t want to make everything more complicated and wrong.

“Then don’t go any further anymore, just stop. I’m sorry if I’ve wasted your time, you’re right, maybe I should have listen to you from the very start. Things won’t work between us, never.” Donghae chuckled weakly.

“Right, maybe I shouldn’t have given you a chance, I should have just beat the hell out of you after telling me that you’re a gay and that you like me. But I didn’t, because I feel like I’m bound to protect you! and I can still feel it even if--”

“What good will it do if you tell me all of those things now? Huh? What else can we do?!  So stop! Please Hyukjae just stop! I don’t want to hear it! Don’t make me know your feelings, please, please don’t make it hard for me to move on from this and forget you.” he exclaimed as he covers his ears with his trembling hands.

Eunhyuk closed his eyes as he let go of the latter’s shoulders. He took a deep breath, nodded, before opening his eyes once again. “Alright then, let’s not make it hard for the both of us. Starting tomorrow I’ll be Eunhyuk again and you’ll be the blonde goldfish once again, and you are not allowed to call me by my name. This is it, good bye Donghae.”

Donghae nodded, his lips were trembling as well, “Right, but I have one more favor though, before I say goodbye.”

Eunhyuk slightly smirked, “Sure,” he mumbled.

“Act like you don’t know me at all, treat me as a total stranger and never talk to me again,  and I will also do the same with you.”

“Like as if you don’t exist?”

“Yes, exactly like that.”

“Deal.” Eunhyuk answered quick and short, how he wanted to murder the guy in front of him for even asking something like that. But he had chosen to just let Donghae be, it would be easier, he thought.

Donghae nodded, “I love you Hyukjae.” he whispered but enough for the older male to hear, “Goodbye.” He took a deep breath as he doubled his effort to turn his heels around, it was the hardest thing he had ever done. He should be proud of himself because he had chosen to do the right thing, but all he can feel was pain, how he wish tomorrow won’t come anymore. But he has neither power to do that nor the rights to wish for that, because for him he’s just a worthless being, made to be used and destroyed.

He was crying all night, burying his face on his pillow to suppress his sobs. When he thought that everything is going be fine already, when he thought that Eunhyuk is becoming more human towards him, that’s the time life had turned his luck upside down.

Donghae loves him, he was doing his best so he can be accepted as a permanent student in Seoul Imperial Academy, so he can stay with Eunhyuk, a plan of his that neither his friends nor Eunhyuk knows, he was keeping it from others because he wants to surprise them in the future when he’s already a certified Seoul Imperial student. But now it seems hopeless and there’s no reason for him to stay anymore. He thought that it’ll be much better to go back in his school. That night he had decided that he will no longer transfer in Imperial Academy, he’ll go back to Royal Academy as soon as the exchange student thing is over.

Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused. And when we try to let it go, it makes us either feeling empty or incomplete. 

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It was five in the morning when Donghae heard a loud banging on his door. His eyes were still hurting because of last night and his whole body feels tired to even stand up to open the door. But knowing that it might be his Yesung hyung or Kyuhyun that was waking him up, he forced himself to get up worried that there might be some kind of emergency, because the way that person bangs the door it seems like he’s in a hurry to wake him up.

He wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his pajama tops, but had decided to just cover them with his overgrown bangs. He headed towards the door, opened it, and was surprised. His heart began beating rapidly, after last night, he feared that he’ll never see him this close again, that this day would mark the end for the both of them. But why is he standing outside his door? He shouldn’t be there, Donghae thought.

Donghae cleared his throat loudly when Eunhyuk was just staring at him like he had no intentions of telling him the reason why he was banging on the blonde’s door early in the morning.

“Did you just cry all night? You look like a zombie,” Eunhyuk told him, despite the humor he was trying to put up Donghae can’t deny the concern Eunhyuk was showing him, and he doesn’t like it.

“It’s none of your business. What are you doing banging on my door early in the morning? And it’s a Sunday.”

“Waking you up? Go fix yourself, you’re coming with me.” was Eunhyuk’s quick response.

“Have you forgotten? We made a deal last night,” Donghae hissed.

“Last night was still ing clear to me, so just hurry and fix yourself I’ll wait for you downstairs.” He sounds so casual and it irritates Donghae more.

“If that’s the case then why are you doing this? It was clear that we shouldn’t be talking to each other again, and where are you taking me anyway?”

“Home, I’m taking you home. Don’t worry we’ll be back tomorrow morning for school.” He was speaking so calmly like last night hadn’t affected him at all.

“You’re impossible,” Donghae was shaking his head in disbelief, “You’re crazy, you must get your head checked, how can you let this go on? You’re girlfriend is pregnant and you’re telling me that you will bring me with you? To your house? I won’t go with you, leave me alone,” he said and was about to close the door but Eunhyuk had pushed it hard enough to make Donghae let go of the door.

“I’m still keeping our deal I’m not breaking anything, there would be just a little delay with the expiration date. Things won’t end today, I changed my mind about the date. We’ll make it tomorrow, I still have plans for today and it includes you. So let’s start the deal tomorrow. Now, take a bath and then get dressed.”

Donghae was confused of what was happening, he had no idea of what Eunhyuk was planning to do, and no, he won’t buy it.

“I won’t, we already talked last night. Now Eunhyuk I want you to leave me --“

But Eunhyuk didn’t let him finish and he doesn’t even care on what Donghae would be saying further as he swiped Donghae off the floor, carrying the blonde guy on his shoulder as he headed downstairs.

Donghae gasped as his stomach hits the hard shoulder of the older guy, he tried to get himself down by hitting Eunhyuk’s back but he was still feeling weak because it’s too early in the morning, “Put me down you bastard!” he hissed.

Donghae’s eyes widened as he saw Eunhyuk taking him inside the bathroom. He tried to struggle his legs but they were being tightly held by Eunhyuk’s strong arms.

“Why are you taking me here! Put me down!”

But Eunhyuk wasn’t paying attention to him, upon entering the bathroom Eunhyuk headed to the bathtub, opened the shower, before putting Donghae down too harshly into the bathtub. Donghae screamed after Eunhyuk had put him down in the tub, he was still on his pajamas and what is more surprising is the water which felt ice cold due to the morning temperature.

“Eunhyuk! you!” Donghae screamed, his eyes were getting red in anger.

“Thank you.” Eunhyuk retorted, “Now, take a bath or would you still like me to do it for you?”

Donghae was glaring at him, maybe Eunhyuk had gone mad. He’s not sure what Eunhyuk was up to, but he had decided that he’ll give in one last time, but tomorrow there should be no more excuses.

“I can take care of it, now leave. Get out of here” Donghae told him.

 “I’ve already seen you for a number of times, I’ve seen everything already, so it’s not a big deal if I’ll stay while you take a shower.” Eunhyuk replied.

Donghae shook his head in disbelief, “Out!” he commanded.

Eunhyuk smirked at him, “I’ll only give you ten minutes, so hurry. We have to leave by six.” He said as he stepped out of the bathroom.

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Upon getting into his room, he saw Eunhyuk sitting in front of his study table reading a book which Donghae can tell was one of their boring literature books. His clothes were already laid on the bed, and ready for him to wear, the effort was sweet and hell it was Eunhyuk who did it for him, but he’s just making things harder. Instead of falling out of love, he was being trapped deeper.

“And who had given you permission to go through my closet?” Donghae tried to sound displeased.

Eunhyuk closed the book he was reading then put it back in the rack where it was kept. He spun the chair around so he’s facing the blonde male. “I got bored, I told you that you only have ten minutes but you’ve bathe for almost twenty minutes. So hurry and get dress now will you,”

“Get out, wait for me downstairs”

“No. I’ll stay. Maybe it will make you move faster if you have eyes fixed on you”

If you want to play a game, fine, I’m playing it. Let’s see who’ll be the first to quit, Donghae thought.

“Well, let’s see about that.” Donghae replied as he walked towards his bed.

The blonde male removed his bathrobe, letting his only cover fall on the floor. It was a miracle on how he can put up a calm and brave face despite the nervousness that he was feeling after revealing himself to the guy sitting on his study table. He reached for his clothes and started getting dressed in the most relaxed way he could display, he tried to get dressed like there’s no one in the room, and it ‘s not easy.

Eunhyuk stiffened on his seat when Donghae suddenly uncovers himself before him, he was just trying to tease the younger but he didn’t expect that Donghae would take it seriously. He had to swallow hard seeing the male before him. Eunhyuk had to control himself from stopping the younger male from getting dress, but the problem is he’s not that good when it comes with self control. He has only two options, one is to attack the blonde and the other is to get his out of that room if he still wanted his plans of bringing Donghae home with him continue. And the second option won when he found himself heading towards the door, he reached for the doorknob with shaky hands, opened the door and stepped out of the room without even trying to take another glance at Donghae.

Donghae was in the middle of zipping his pants when Eunhyuk rushed out of the room, the younger was bit taken aback with Eunhyuk’s action. But upon realizing what just happened he smirked to himself knowing that by stepping out of the room, Eunhyuk had lose in his own game.

After he’s done fixing himself, Donghae immediately went downstairs but Eunhyuk is not in the living room. He peaked outside the window and saw a cab waiting outside. Donghae sighed knowing that Eunhyuk might be getting impatient and annoyed because he is such a slowpoke.

He quickly went outside and headed to the taxi parked outside their dorm. Eunhyuk who was already inside the cab opened the door.

“Hurry and get inside, you’re so slow I told you we’re leaving by six.” Eunhyuk told him.

“How do you expect me to react into this? You woke me up so early and forced me to come with you today, so stop complaining about me being so slow.” Donghae let out as he settles himself in the cab.

Eunhyuk rolled his eyes hearing Donghae blabbering too much, “Hey mister, we can go now. And please drive faster, we’re kind of in a hurry.” He told the taxi driver.

“No sir, please drive as you like. He’s the only one who is in a hurry.” Donghae opposed the latter.

“Have you ever thought that we might get into accident? Let the driver do his job.” Donghae was quick to speak when he sensed that Eunhyuk is about to scold him.

Eunhyuk sighed loudly but no longer dared to speak and argue with the younger. He just let him be. Then the driver started driving to the said address Eunhyuk had given him.

“How are you planning to introduce me to your dad?” Donghae asked softly in the middle of the ride.

Eunhyuk tore his gaze from the window as he turns to face him, “Dad I would like you to meet my wife at school, Lee Donghae.” Eunhyuk said in a manner as if he was telling it to his father. “So how’s that?” he smirked at the glaring blonde.

“I’m serious Hyukjae,” Donghae told him though he really wanted to hear Eunhyuk say that one more time. Even though it’s just a joke it sounds sweet and great.

“Of course I’ll tell him that you’re a friend what else. Don’t think too much, my dad’s not that strict, he’s not even scary.” Eunhyuk assured him.

“Just make sure that you’re not into something foolish,” Donghae warned him, “After today we should move on with our lives, I’m just letting you to take control over me one last time, but starting tomorrow our deal must take effect.” He continued.

“Give me a favor will you?”

“What?” the younger asked,

“Shut the up and just trust me with this, can you do that?” Eunhyuk snapped, he was obviously irritated on how Donghae kept on reminding him about their deal despite of the effort he was trying to exert that he knows will benefit the both of them.

“Fine,” Donghae replied as he shifted his gaze to the window, with arms folded.

Donghae was clueless on what Eunhyuk was planning to do. But since he’s already with him, he had decided to just go on with it . He was scared though and nervous thinking that in any minute he’ll be meeting Eunhyuk’s dad. Not that they will reveal the relationship they have, and Eunhyuk will definitely not open that up to his father. But there’s one thing he knows for sure, that he will be safe because he is with Eunhyuk. And yes, he trusts him more than Eunhyuk knows.

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Posted! =)

As you all know recently AFF did some changes in the site and it affected my wall as well,  I had a problem with my story banners, because they suddenly got enlarged o.O I can't post my updates with those huge banners messing up the wall.  But it was fine now. 

*And is Krystal  really pragnant? of course i can't say it! XD you'll have to read my next updates for you guys to find out. The revelations will be on the next succeeding chapters xD