“When a girl is used to getting hurt, she won’t know how it feels when a man starts to appreciate her, so she ends up pushing him away…” whoever came up with this quote must have experienced the same fate as I have. My father and my ex-boyfriend did a good job of shattering my beliefs about love and happy ever after. After I broke up with Joseph, a lot of guys tried to capture my heart again but no one succeeded. I have kept my emotions at bay, and made sure to never trust guys easily again. I made a promise to myself that I will never give my heart easily again.

The first time Jiyong confessed to me that he loves me and that he wants to be my boyfriend, I rejected him. You see, I consider him as one of my closest friends in YG during our trainee days. We belong to a group of friends which includes Dongwook, Hanbyul, Hyesun, Taeyang, Seungru, Bom and Minzy. The boys even though I am older than them never called me noona. They have always treated me as if we’re of the same age and I never really mind because they are really my closest friends in YG. So it really came to me as a big surprise when he confessed to me.

Jiyong and I are at YG rooftop, taking rest after our rigorous training that day. We were just there lying on the floor staring at the stars shining brightly in the sky.

“Waahhh!!! I’m so tired Ji, my feet hurts a lot. I think I have blisters….aigooo my poor feet.” I pulled my legs up trying to inspect my feet.

He sat up and pulled my legs down. He started inspecting my left foot and then.. “Yah your foot stinks! Hahaha..you have athletes foot…ewww” I saw him laughing so hard while still holding my foot.

How dare this kid say I have athletes foot. Too weak from all the practice today, I gathered all the energy that my fragile and petite body have and decided to playfully kick his tummy.

“Aha, so you think I have athletes foot? Okay here it is have a taste of my super powerful Krungy kick!”

“Yah , yah..! This Krungy, why are you being so violent today!” He tried to hold my legs together to prevent me from kicking him further.

“You dare say I’m violent when you’re the one who’s being so mean to me. Hul, excuse me you little brat, I’m your noona, so you better treat me right.” I scoffed.

After a few more banters, we just lie down there savoring the silence around us. Only our ragged breathing can be heard.

“Saranghae Sandara, I love you…” I heard Jiyong uttered those forbidden words. I thought I was just imagining it so I didn’t react at all. Jiyong then hold my shoulders guiding me to face him. “Mahal kita Dara, mahal na mahal!” I saw him looking at me expectantly.

Sudden fear gripped my heart the moment I looked into his eyes. I felt my heart beating so fast- it was suffocating. Why? Why am I suddenly feeling this? Have I grown butterflies inside my tummy? Why am I feeling these feelings again? I immediately stood up and hurriedly left Jiyong without uttering any words.

“Dara! Dara!... I heard him shout my name but I ignored him. I run as fast as I can. I want to be away from him. Oh God! This can’t be, please no. By the time I reached our apartment, not only am I physically tired but emotionally exhausted as well. Sleep seems to elude me tonight for no matter how much I tried to get that much needed rest I can’t sleep.

My mind was in chaos. If I will only be honest to myself, I would admit that a part of me was happy when I learned that Jiyong loves me. My failed relationship lead me to believe that I am not worthy of someone’s love. He is always sweet and caring. There has always been something different with the way he treated me as compared to the other girls but I just shrug it off and tried to ignore it. I don’t want any complications and I wasn’t exactly looking for a relationship right now.

“Hypocrite!” I heard a little voice in my mind.

“Why can’t you be honest with yourself just this once? You like him… no scratch that…you love him!” the little voice continued.

“But, his younger that me.” I reasoned  out.

“So what! Isn’t it that you like younger guys? And since when did you become so shallow? Jiyong may be younger than you but he has always been the responsible and reliable guy to you. He was always there for you whenever you feel lonely. He was always there when you’re feeling down and you needed someone to talk to. Remember when you almost gave up and lost faith on yourself? He was the one who constantly pushed you and convinced you to never give up. He brings out the best in you Dara.” The little voice commented.

“But what if he’ll turn out to be just like my Dad? What if he’ll cheat on me too just like what Joseph did? What if…? I was interrupted by the little voice.

“what if…what if? Dara are you going to live your life with what ifs? When are you going to realize that Jiyong is not your Dad or Joseph? Jiyong is a completely different guy.” The little voice shouted at me annoyingly.

“But,,,,wahhhh!!!! I don’t know… I don’t know what to do anymore.” I screamed like a lunatic.

“Haist…you’re so stubborn. Just follow your heart Dara.” Little voice countered.

It was already dawn when sleep finally took over me. Blasting sound of my alarm clock woke me up the following day. I went to the bathroom and took a shower. We have a practice today so I better hurry up if I don’t want to be late. The moment I step inside the practice room, I saw the guys sitting together in the floor. They called me and motioned me to sit down with them but I just waved at them and decided to join the other trainees on the other side of the room. From my peripheral view, I can see Jiyong looking at me intently. He would always follow every move I make which made me self-conscious. After our practice, I just bid my goodbyes to everyone and hurriedly left the place. I went to the YG Building rooftop to chill down. I tried to avoid Jiyong as much as I can, but since we’re in the same circle of friends, I’m having difficulty doing it. Our friends have started to notice how I am ignoring Jiyong these past few days.

“Hey Dara…wassup?” I didn’t know that Dongwook followed me in the rooftop.

“I’m good I guessed?” I answered awkwardly.

“Dara, what is wrong with you and Jiyong?’ he started interrogating me.

“Hmmm…what are you talking about? We’re okay! I sound so defensive when I answered him.

“Dara, both of you are my close friends. Jiyong told me that you ran away from him when he confessed his feelings to you.” My eyes grew big after hearing him say that.

“How? “ I wasn’t able to finish my question because he decided to explain further.

“Everyone in YG already knew how Jiyong feels about you. Everyone knows except you, you silly girl. How can you be so oblivious? The moment he set his eyes on you, you have completely captured his heart. At first I thought he was just infatuated by your craziness cause it is the first in the history of YG Ent. that we meet someone like you, an alien.” He teasingly said.

“Yah! Don’t laugh at me like that.” I hit his arms playfully.

“But seriously Dara, what have you done to Jiyong? Didn’t you notice how his eyes sparkles every time he look at you? Haven’t you noticed the gummy smiles that are only meant for you?” He further teased me.

“Do you have any idea how nervous Jiyong was when he confessed to you? The poor guy was so afraid that he might lose you and your friendship. He is so afraid that you might stay away from him, which by the way is what is exactly happening now. If I am not mistaken, I think Jiyong has asked permission from your Mom and siblings to confess to you. He even asked permission from our friends to court you.” He proudly told me.

I was speechless after his revelations. I guess my poor brain was having a difficulty comprehending all the things Dongwook has revealed to me today. After gathering my thoughts I decided to let out all the uncertainties that have been bugging me for a long time.

“I’m afraid.” I look at him and his expression softens.

“What are you afraid of Dara? Dongwook asked me.

“I’m afraid to love again…”I started talking without looking at him.

“When my father left us and ran away with another woman, I saw how my Mom has deeply suffered. I looked up so much to my Dad, for me he is the best father any child could ever have and best husband for my Mom. All those times, I thought everything was okay, I thought my Mom and Dad were okay. Can you imagine how I felt when I learned about my father’s infidelity?” tears started falling from my eyes.

“What will you do if you caught Han Byul cheating on you Dongwook? I asked him.

“Byul will never cheat on me Dara, she loves me so much. We love each other so much.” He answered.

“Well, my ex-boyfriend used to be so in love with me. We used to love each other so much I even considered marrying him at that time. But you see, when I was so down due to my father’s womanizing, I caught him with another girl. The man whom I thought will be there for me during my darkest moment turned out to be like my dad who brought misery to me. Three years, three years of being together and he just threw it all away. I trusted him. I loved him so much I thought I am going to die when he cheated on me…” he embraced me and whispered soothing words.

“Let it all out Dara, just let it all out.” He pats my back gently to calm me down. After few minutes I let go from our embrace and just look at him.

“I’m so pathetic right?’’ I give him a faint smile.

“No you’re not. You are one strong woman and I am so proud of you Dara. You see when we love someone unconditionally, we also increase our chances of getting hurt. But that is life Dara. It’s ironic how the people we love the most are also the one who has the power to hurt us the most.” He continued to explain.

“Please give love a chance again Dara. Please open your heart and learn to love again. Don’t deprive yourself of finding someone who will make you happy and will love you unconditionally. Would you rather live your life thinking of what could have been?”

“You’re a dear friend to me Dara, and I want you to be happy, I mean really happy. Give yourself and Jiyong a chance Dara. Please think about it.” He embraces me one more time and after that he left.

I stayed there for a couple of minutes contemplating on what Dongwook has told me. “Am I ready to do this again? Am I ready to fall in love again? Is Jiyong really the right guy for me?” There were so many questions buzzing on my mind. I heard the door open and without looking back I told Dongwook….

“I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing Dongwook but I’ll give it a try.” I turned around only to be shock when I saw Jiyong instead of Dongwook. He was looking at me intently.

“Uhhmm…hello!!! Heck I can’t believe I’m stuttering.

“Hello..! He answered back.

We just stand there staring at each other. When I can no longer stand the awkwardness between us, I decided to leave the place.

“Hmmm…Ji….I’ll go ahead now..bye.” I was almost out of the door when I felt Jiyong grip my wrist. I look back and was surprised with what I saw. I can see longing and sadness in his eyes. Tears are starting to form in his eyes and I can see his lips trembling.

“Dee, please give me chance to prove my love for you. Give me a chance please.” I felt my heart constricted at the sight of him pleading.

“Ji …Please.” I tried to free my wrist from his grasp but he won’t let me go.

“No, please Dee…just let me love you please. Just let me show you how much I love you. If you’re not yet ready then so be it. I’ll wait..I’ll wait ‘til you’re ready just please don’t avoid me.” He looked at me with his pleading eyes.

“Ji, you know my past. I have trust issues. You are one of my closest friends and I trust you a lot. I don’t want to ruin that. I’m afraid that if we go beyond our friendship and there will come a time that you fall out of love, we might not be able to go back to being friends again.” I tried to explain to him carefully.

“Just give me a chance to prove that I can be the man for you Dara, that’s all I’m asking.”

“Ji, I can’t promise you anything….”

“Just let me love you Dara..” he hug me tightly like he never wants to let me go. I hug him back and finally let myself relax. We stayed there a little more savoring the warmth of our embrace. That night it’s like we came into an understanding. There’s this unspoken agreement between us. I gave him the chance to court me and show his love for me but I also told him not to expect anything from me.

“I’ll make you fall in love with me Dara.” I heard him whisper.

Jiyong really did everything to win my heart. I was left with no choice but to surrender my heart to him completely. He made me feel like I was his number one priority and everything is all about me. Everything is all about our future together. And so, I also made him my world. My heart, they are not mine anymore. My heart belongs to him now.

I can’t exactly tell when our relationship has gone sour or what has cause our perfect relationship to crumble. But one thing I’m sure of is that my heart has been fooled once again and this time I’m not sure if I will be able to fix it. Or shall I say is there something left for me to fix.

"Oppagamaiaekkyeo" he once told me that he will take care of me but it turns out that my Oppa has turned to be my Heartbreaker. :(

(Author's Note: I still can't believe I am finally writing my very first story T_T.  Thank you so much to my lovely subscribers and I would like to apologize for any grammatical and typo errors in this story ..Mianhe TT. Please don't hesitate to leave your comments, they surely inspires me to update. I've started writing the next chap, hopefully I can update this ASAP! Thanks again ^_^