I'M SORRY

Dara's Status

 

I opened my eyes and the immaculately white ceiling welcomed me. I don't know how long I've passed out but the last thing I remember was that I was cradled in a warm embrace. I tried to stand up and I felt my body screamed in pain. A faint smile appeared on my lips but it suddenly turned into winced when I felt the small cut on the side of my lips stretch. I cursed myself remembering how Dara's lips had a little cut when I accidentally slap her. My heart squeezed just imagining the pain that I have put Dara into at that time.

 

 

 

I still have no idea whose room I am in. With my limping legs, I tried to go to the bathroom but abruptly stop when I heard the door open. I turned around and I saw Omma, I mean Dara's Omma getting inside with a tray in her hands. The tray contains a basin with water, alcohol, small towel and a first aid kit. She gave me a comforting smile and went towards the side table to put down the tray.

 

 

 

“Oh, why are you up already, you should still be resting in the bed.” she came to me and guided me back towards the bed.

 

 

 

“Jiyong ah, I'm really sorry for what Sanghyun did to you a while back. I don't know what has gotten into that kid but he has already received a good scolding from me and his little noona.” Omma explained to me. Here I am again calling her Omma. I'm not even sure if I'm still allowed to call her Omma after all the things I've done to her daughter. Heck, I'm not even sure if I am still welcome in their house.

 

 

 

 

“Oh my, I know you're in deep pain, tell me where it hurts son. Do you want to take some aspirin? Do you want me to bring you to the hospital.” Worry was very evident in her voice and face. My conscience is killing me right now. I never expected that I will still be treated this way. Why? I felt my eyes water as I saw Omma gently caress my face.

 

 

 

“Why are you still being nice to me Om...ma? Can I still call you Om..ma.?” My voice stuttered when I said Omma. I felt so unworthy calling her Omma now. I failed her; I broke my promise to her. I can't even look at her in the eyes because of too much shame. Why did I screwed up big time? Why?

 

 

 

 

Sitting in front of me is the woman who gave birth to Dara. The woman who raised Dara with so much love and care. I know this woman did her best in protecting Dara, that not even a mosquito was able to bring harm to her. Yet, here I am, a stranger who has no right to hurt her in any way made her daughter suffer. A  person who asked for her daughter's hand and promised to cherished, love and protect her but I failed miserably. I am the person who promised to protect her daughter but I am the very person who also brought emotional turmoil to her beloved daughter.

 

 

 

 

Omma wipe my tears and hugged me gently, careful not to touch the parts where I am badly beaten. My shoulders shook and sobs escape my throat. She just let me cry my hearts out. I continue crying while mumbling how sorry I am. She just continued hugging me while running her hands on my back in an attempt to comfort me. When my emotions are more stable I felt her hold my shoulders and she move a little to take a look at me.

 

“You will always be the little Jiyongie I know Jiyong and yes you can still call me Omma.” My tears started to fall again after what she said.

 

 

 

 

I would have preferred it if she hurt me physically or showered me with hurting words. I would have loved it if they just let me stay outside, sprawled in the ground badly beaten. But this, I do not deserve any of these after all the things I did to her daughter.

 

 

But then again, I am talking about Dara's family here. How could I ever doubt their goodness? How could I even question their kindness? This family is overflowing with love, you can't even feel any hate energy when you step inside their home, well expect for the raging Sanghyun  a while ago which is totally acceptable and my fault. This family is the perfect example of how family members should love and support each other. And because of my selfishness and stupidity, I’ve lose my chance of being a part of this family.

 

 

 

“I'm sorry Omma, I am deeply sorry. I broke my promise to you before Omma, I'm really really sorry.” I can't stop crying. Omma just hold my hands and squeezed it gently. She just let me express all the emotions that I've bottled inside for a long time.

 

 

 

“I know I don't deserve your forgiveness for hurting Dara, I can't even forgive myself for hurting her. I love her so much Omma, and I love her still.” I'm having a hard time breathing because of too much crying. I saw Omma reach for the bottled water in the table, she opened the cap then give it to me.

 

 

 

“Drink some water Jiyong, here.” I took the water and drink it slowly. I am still shaking violently after having an emotional breakdown. Omma took the bottle from me then put it in the table. She sits comfortably in the bed; she put a pillow on her lap. I lie down on the bed and she motioned me to rest my head on her lap. I lie there comfortably while Omma started to run her hand on my head.

 

 

 

I remember when Dara and I were still friends. Every time she visits her family, I would tag along with her. I remember how she would get jealous when I will steal Omma's attention from her. I know that she loves it when she will lie down and just rest her head in Omma's lap. Omma will run her hand on Dara's hair until she will fall sleep. But ever since I went along with her, I would lie on Omma's lap first thus stealing one of her simple guilty pleasures.

 

 

 

 

And when I decided to court Dara, it was Omma whom I told about my feelings first.  I know that Omma has apprehensions about me courting her daughter but I never heard any discouragement from her. All I heard from her are words of encouragement and good luck.  She is always supportive of me. She has treated me like I am one of her kids.

 

 

 

 

When Dara and I became a couple, she is one of the first few people whom we told about our relationship. I saw how happy she was for both of us. Up to now, I can still remember the words she said to me.

 

 

 

“Jiyong-ah, you have my baby's heart now. Relationship is not about roses and rainbows always. Along the way you'll meet some ups and downs, twist and curbs but as long as you love and trust each other, and as long as there is respect, I know you will come a long way. Take care of each other arasso, we will always be here for both of you if you need anything.”

 

 

Those were Omma's words to me. Love, trust and respect, they always come along together. Without the other, something will definitely go wrong. I love Dara, up to now I love her still. There is no one but her in my heart. Sad thing though, my love is not big enough for me to trust her. Wait let me rephrase that. I should say my love for her is too big I can’t trust myself to trust the people around her. The little amount of trust I have in her and the lack of trust I have for the guys surrounding her leads me to disrespecting her in a way or another.

 

 

 

But the real issue here is that no matter how big my love for her, my insecurity, my ego and selfishness got the better of me. No matter how she made me feel loved and secured, those were never enough for me. My selfishness made me treat her like she is my property that I can do anything I want with her. All I care about is myself and my happiness. Along the way I forgot to ask her if she is still happy with me. I forgot to ask her if I am treating her well or am I stepping beyond her borders. I became an insensitive bastard who only looks after my own happiness and pleasure.

 

 

“I'm sorry Omma....” I keep on mumbling those words.

 

“I know that what I did to Dara is unacceptable but will you find it in your heart to forgive this despicable man Omma. Oh but wait, I don't deserve you forgiveness Omma. I am not expecting you to forgive me after hurting your precious Dara, I just want to say sorry Omma. Please just let me apologize Omma, please...” I sit on the bed to look at Omma. I want her to see how deeply sorry I am. It's the least I can do.

 

 

 

 

“Omma I know that my apologies will not take back the pain I've cause Dara and your family but please just let me say my apologies. If I can only turn back time, I will never hurt her Omma. I will never do those things to hurt Dara. Please tell me what to do Omma so I can at least ease the pain and sufferings I've caused her and your family, please tell me Omma.” my eyes are getting misty again.

 

 

“Jiyong-ah, you don’t have to do anything. Believe me when I say that I never blamed you or hated you after you broke up with Dara. Oh well I admit I felt sad when I heard the news but that's how relationships are. Some things are not meant to last forever.” My mind refuses to believe that she didn't hate me. Why is she not blaming me for what have become of Dara and my relationship. Why does she not hate on me for hurting her precious daughter?

 

“Please Omma, please be honest with me and tell me that you despise me.” I want to hear how much she hated me.

 

“Jiyong I will really hate you now if you don't stop being so stubborn. Stop blaming yourself. You made a mistake and you are deeply sorry for it now. I know how much you love Dara and hurting her is the last thing in your mind.” I am listening carefully to what Omma is telling now.

 

“Sometimes when we love someone so much, we do things and ended up hurting them unconsciously. Sometimes we are so blinded with our love for them that we fail to notice that we are killing them slowly. We fail to realize that too much of something is bad enough.” Omma is speaking to me gently.

 

 

I love you like you are one of my kids Jiyong and I hate to see you hurting yourself because of what happened. Please listen to Omma okay. I will repeat what I told to Dara and after this please I don’t want to see a self-loathing Jiyong again. I don’t want to see you drowning yourself in hatred, loneliness and regret. When Dara came home and told me about you’re break up, this is what I told her.” I waited for her to continue.

 

“No relationship is perfect. And if it ended, maybe some things are not meant to be.” I listened closely to what Omma is telling.

 

 

 

“Acknowledge your mistakes but stop blaming yourself. It didn't work out and it probably wasn't meant to be. Jiyong you have to accept the fact and move on.” Omma looked at me lovingly and give my hand a squeezed.

 

 

 

“Take this as a learning experience. Everything in life- good or bad- is a learning experience and breaking up is part of it.” I looked at Omma then started voicing out my uncertainties.

 

 

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself Omma.  Every time I close my eyes, images of Dara crying and hurting is all I can see. I hate myself so much Omma. At night when I go to sleep, there were moments that I am wishing to never wake up again in the morning just so I can forget how horrible I was to Dara.”

 

 

 

“Jiyong, don’t be too hard on yourself okay.  We are only human. Sometimes even if we try so hard to not hurt the people we love we still end up hurting them. Along the way, it is to be expected that once you love, you will also hurt the one you love. Have you ever heard the phrase “The person who teaches us the meaning of love will also be the same person who will teach us the meaning of hurt?” I move my head from side to side indicating that I haven’t heard about it.

 

 

“Love is pain Jiyong. Sometimes we appreciate love more once we go through the pain of loving someone.  We are all bound to commit a mistake which may lead to hurting our loved ones. What’s important is that we learn from our mistakes and try not to do it again.” I am trying to absorb everything that Omma is saying now.

 

 

 

“Dara, she was never the type who hold grudges against someone even if that someone wronged her big time. She was never the vindictive type. When his Appa left us for another girl and he was arrested for his failure to pay his debts to various people,  Dara never hesitated to pay for his father’s bail. Even if we don’t have enough money that time, she took responsibility of paying for her father’s debts. When her ex- boyfriend met an accident and they needed money for the operation, she didn’t think twice offering financial support.” She smiled at me looking proud how good her daughter is. I on the other hand felt that I am not deserving of such a pure and kind hearted person.

 

 

“Ji, I know that Dara has forgiven you already.  So please I want you to forgive yourself now. Stop hurting yourself anymore. This is not the Jiyong I know. Dara will not like it if she will see you like this Ji. Please Jiyong, forgive yourself and move on.” We turned our head towards the door when we heard it open. Durami came in first followed by a guilty looking Sanghyun. They approached the bed and stand on the side.

 

“I’m waiting Sanghyun.” Durami was tapping her foot on the floor. Sanghyun was looking anywhere but me. Durami started counting. I saw how Sanghyun scratched his head.

 

“Uhm, uhmmmm I’m sorry Jiyong……..hy..ung…”  Wait why is Sanghyun apologizing to me and did he just called me hyung again?

 

“Please don’t say sorry Sanghyun. I deserved it.  In fact I think I deserve more than this.” I saw him looking at my bruises. He looks so guilty.

 

“When I saw you a while ago, I remember noona’s crying face and everything in me went blank. I’m really sorry. If you want I can take you to the hospital now. I know how busy your schedule is and looking at you now I think you will need few days for the bruises to completely disappear.”  I can’t believe they are being so nice to me. I stand up from the bed then bowed to them.

 

“Please forgive me! Forgive me for hurting Dara, forgive me not living up to my promises. I’m really sorry.” Tears started to fall from my eyes again.

 

“Aigo, Jiyong please stop it now. If it will make your mind at peace, okay we don’t hate you and if this will stop you from blabbering okay Jiyong we forgive you. We forgive you Jiyong.” I heard Omma said.

 

“Hyung I hope you learn something from all of these. And please take care of yourself.” Thunder my ever loving dongsaeng said.

 

“Dara unnie has forgiven you a long time ago so who am I to hold grudges against you oppa. But please Oppa be careful with who you’re dealing with. Your world is surrounded with plastics and users. “ Durami, the feisty Durami will always speak out her mind.

 

“Neh, I will remember that.” I was looking at the door hoping that anytime soon Dara will come barging into it.

 

Unnie is already asleep. I think she had a long day in the orphanage. She doesn’t even know that you’re here.” Durami may have read mind for she answered my silent question.

 

 

Our conversation was interrupted with the sound of my phone ringing. I took the call and it was my manager calling me. I put my phone on my pocket after speaking with my manager.

 

“I’m sorry but I really have to go leave now. I only sneaked out from Japan and they are looking for me now. I’m sorry for bothering you all.” I looked at Omma, Durami and Thunder. They are the most important people in Dara’s life. They love Dara so much and I still can’t believe that they have forgiven me for what I’ve done to Dara.  I know forgiving does not equate to forgetting but I am really grateful to them.

 

“I really want to personally apologize to Dara but it seems like this is not the proper time yet.  Please take care of Dara for me. Please take care of yourselves. And thank you for everything.” Omma went to me then give me a hug.

 

“Take care of yourself son. And remember what I told you earlier, forgive yourself and move on.” Omma pats my back.

 

 

“I still don’t like that girl you know. I will stay away from her if I were you.” Durami hug me afterwards.

 

 

 

‘I’ll just see hyung outside Omma, noona.” Sanghyun went out with me. When we were in the front door we stop and look at each other.

 

 

“No broken ribs and limbs Hyung right? You see I didn’t really went all out on you? They can hide your bruises with concealers and BB creams. I think you’re just fine.” Thunder was looking at me from head to toe.

 

“Just give yourself and noona time to heal Hyung. In time, you will see each other again and maybe have that closure you both needed. But for now, just let yourselves heal.”

 

“I still love her so much Sanghyun.” I told him.

 

“I know hyung but you both need to find yourselves first. You’re both hurt and broken.  In time hyung, if you really are meant to be, then it will be, in time.” He opened the door and I went out.

 

"I love her Sanghyun but I have to let her go. I have to let her go even if its killing me." I tried to stop myself from being emotional again.

 

 

"Hyung take this time to reflect on everything you did. I just hope that when you see each other again, you will be  the best version of Kwon Jiyong, same with noona. In a relationship, separation sometimes does wonder to the couple. This is the peiod when they realize if what they had is worth fighting for. This is when they realize if they can be happy with or without each other. Until you meet again I hope you both find the wisdom that both of you needed." I can't believe how Sanghyun's outlook in life is very mature.

 

“Bye Hyung.”

 

“Bye Sanghyun.” I walk slowly towards the waiting car. I turned around at look up to where I think is Dara’s room.

 

“I’m sorry Dara, goodbye for now but I will comeback for you. I hope you will wait for me.  I LOVE YOU DARA!” I turned around to leave.

 

 

While walking towards the waiting car, I remember this quote that I read somewhere.  It aptly describes what happened to my failed relationship with Dara.

 

 

 

Relationships never Die a Natural Death. They are always Murdered by Attitude, Behavior, Ego, Hidden Benefits or Ignorance. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I love you Dara!” I was jolted from my slumber when I heard someone whispered those words. I looked around my room but there’s no one around. I can’t explain why my heart is beating wildly. For a moment I thought it was Jiyong who said those words to me. I stand up from my bed and walk towards my window. My eyes widen when I saw someone standing outside.

 

“Dugun..dugun..dugun…there goes my heart beating so fast again.”

 

“No it can’t be him. What is he doing here? What is he doing outside?”  I rushed outside my room and went to the main door. I need to confirm if it’s really him. Oh gosh she misses him so much. It has to be him, please let it be him.

 

 

 

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Author’s note: Oh my gosh can’t wait for Dara’s teaser vids for 2ne1Loves. Have you seen her still photo? Baby girl is looking so stunning and absolutely a living Goddess.

 It’s a busy week in our branch today so my creativity is not working properly. Anyway, I apologize for all the typos and errors. I do not proofread my stories, mianhe…

Thank you to all my subscribers and readers. For all you reactions, opinions and suggestions please don’t forget to type it in the comments section.

Saranghae and hengsho to all of us........

 

linlin_10 ^_^

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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lifedeath
#1
Chapter 44: Jiyong is a control freak and obsessed freak
Jae is an obsessed freak
Wobin is gentleman.. please let them be together dara deserves a real gentle man
Icequeen31 #2
Chapter 44: What happened next??? I hope you update soon please
freckles #3
Chapter 44: Still awaiting for your update. . . . :-D
JeDara #4
Chapter 36: Hoping you could finish this story and it will be a Jaedara fic. Thank you for the wonderful story.
Airaharune01 #5
Chapter 44: Pleaseeeee updateeeee
hannahmaebajilidad
#6
Chapter 26: Hi authornim! Please update . And daragon forever ❤
chanyixinglover #7
Hi authornim. I hope you'll update this one please. I really love your story. I shed so many tears, laughed like a hyena and felt so giddy. I am very curious what will happen next. I feel so happy for Dara because she met her ultimate ideal type and I am dying to read the next chapter. Please authornim saranghaeyo!!!
iamkria
#8
Chapter 16: Lol with the the "greatest nightmare and mother of al fishes"..
freckles #9
Chapter 44: Hope ur okay, authornim. . . . . Still awaiting for your updates. . . . ;-D
bhamiee #10
Chapter 29: Hahaha i cant stop laughing at seungri imagining those scene while dara is driving the harley hahaha daebak authornim make me laugh while im alone just reading ypur story for the 1st time -bhamiee from Philippines