With every step you took, you got constantly reminded of the way Baekhyun just kept his mouth shut and let you easily slip away from his hands earlier. It hurt, of course, because you had set your hopes way too high at the beginning of the conversation. You thought Baekhyun had changed somehow; that in the middle of dwelling with his problems, he had opened up his heart to you. But surely, that was only your imagination.
You had honestly thought that Baekhyun was going to run away from his problem again this time. You had also assumed that Baekhyun would just stay there, all hidden and alone in that cafe, thinking that it would probably be better to just let you go and stay away from you for the rest of his life. You had prepared yourself for it. So when he ran after you and took a hold of your hand to stop you from walking further away, you were completely stunned by his action.
“Wait,” Baekhyun uttered, panting a bit heavily from running all the way down the street to chase you.
You turned around and looked at him straight in the eyes. Your voice was drowned by the sounds of moving cars on a street just a few feet away from the sidewalk you were in. “What?”, you asked, a bit too harsh for his liking but he held himself back from protesting out loud.
“I, uhh...” Baekhyun didn’t have the guts to finish his sentence. He brought his eyes away from you as he released his grip on your wrist. “Look, what do you want to hear? What do you want me to say?”
You opened your mouth in disbelief. “I thought you’ve had all of that figured out when you chased me down here, Baek!” You rolled your eyes impatiently and threw your hands in the air. There weren’t too many people around you at that time, so you didn’t hold yourself back from throwing tantrums in public. “God, seriously! What, are you dumb?”
I thought this was going to be like one of those romantic scenes in the movie, for God’s sake! That line was just about to slip out from your mouth.
“Well, I wasn’t—” He shook his head, trying to get back to the point. “Listen, I just want—”
“No, you listen,” you interrupted, displaying your hands on your hips. “You listen and answer me, Byun Baekhyun. Why in the freaking world did you just chase me here if you don’t know—or have—anything to say to me?”
“I... I don’t know, I just...” Baekhyun brought his eyes down to his feet, looking like a child who just got caught with his hand inside a cookie jar. “I just felt like it was something right to do.”
“Oh, really?” you asked ruthlessly. “And why did you feel like that, if I may ask?”
Baekhyun grew very, very quiet. It was a wonder, really, that you could still hear him murmur something under his breath. “...don’t want you to leave....”
You scoffed loudly and callously shouted, “Be a man, and look at me when you talk!”
Baekhyun set his eyes straight, looking at you with crinkly eyebrows and he balled his fists as he admitted loudly, “Because I don’t want you to leave me!” His cheeks were puffed and smeared with the color of red, and his chest was rising up and down, as if he was already left breathless for shouting those little words. You couldn’t say that you weren’t satisfied with yourself for making him react like this.
To be frank, your anger had quite vanished along the way because, well, you had finally heard what you wanted. But Baekhyun was practically confessing to you, so you might as well enjoy the hell out of it.
“Why?” you asked back, a bit gentler this time. “Why don’t you want me to leave?”
“I—” Baekhyun was yanking at his hair at that point. “I don’t ing know, all right? I just—After all of the things that just happened with Tao, I just feel like I—Goddamn it, why is this so hard to explain?!”
You moved one of your feet to take a step closer to where he was standing. “You just feel like what, Baekhyun?”
“I feel...” Baekhyun breathed out loudly, closing his eyes and pressed a palm against the side of his face. “I just don’t want to lose anyone important to me anymore.”
You didn’t say anything, just trying to paint his words in every wall of your memory. You took another step towards him.
Baekhyun brought his hands down and nibbled at his lower lip anxiously, before he repeated with a shaky voice, “I don’t want you to leave me.”
Before he realized it, you were already standing so near to touch his cheek with your fingers. “So, you want me to stay?” you softly asked.
Feeling your touch, he lifted his face up. His eyes were searching yours, moving uncertainly as if he were seeking for something you had already provided all along.
“Yes,” he sighed. “Yes, I do.”
“What else do you want?” you continued, encouraging him to say more and more.
“I want...” He stopped for a second to probably regain more courage to state his next line. “I want us to go back to what we were.”
“And what were we?” you faintly asked, letting your fingertips caress his cheekbone.
He closed his eyes and tilted his head, searching for more of your touch. “Friends.”
You permitted yourself to smile but held back the urge to press your body against his in a long, warming hug. Instead, you just placed your arms on his shoulders. “Just friends?”
Baekhyun fell into silence once again, but his eyes never left yours. Those chocolate brown pairs apparently left so much more words than his mouth could ever let out verbally. It was as if they were saying, No, I want us to be together.
It was there. The answer was there. You could see it, but that wasn’t enough. You wanted—no, you needed to hear it.
“Baekhyun,” you said, “if you want me to do something, you have to express it with words. I can't read your mind. Tell me what you want.”
“I...” He brought his eyes to the ground again. His ears were painted with red. "It's..."
“Do you like me?” you asked, guiding him to the main question.
Baekhyun shifted his head to the side, withdrawing his gaze from yours with a small pout on his blushing face. “You—you already heard it from the video anyway, right?”
You noticed that he didn't try to deny his feelings for you anymore. “Yes, but I want you to say it."
He suddenly glared at you, probably feeling irritated with the way you kept on ordering him around.
“Why?” Baekhyun snapped. “What’s the point in doing that? You already knew how much—”
You didn’t flinch or give any sort of similar reactions when you cut him off and said, “So I can say it back.”
That shut him off effectively.
His jaw went slack, hanging loosely on his face as he stared at you with wide, unbelieving eyes.
You angled your head to the side, suppressing down a smile from forming on your lips. “Are you going to say it now, or what?”
“I—” He gulped down nervously and wetted his bottom lip before he gained enough guts and said, “I like you.”
This time, you let the smile show on your face as your heartbeat thumped faster inside your chest. “I like you too.” You permitted yourself to give in and you did what you’d intended to do since the second he got here: to embrace him.
Baekhyun went frozen as he inhaled sharply. His hands were never moved to reply the way you were wrapping your arms around his neck. In fact, Baekhyun was just there, standing like a statue with his breath hitched in his throat.
“Re—” He cleared his throat because his voice came out more like a squeak before. “Really?”
You wanted to giggle at his reaction. “What, do you need me to shout it to the world?” you asked before you tugged on his hair playfully. “Not in a million years, .”
“N-no, I just... Umm...” He kept on stammering. Baekhyun looked like he was half-dreaming and that charmed you, just like how he always managed to do. He was so cute to the point that you couldn’t really remember why you were trying so hard to hate him on the first place. “I thought you never really liked me that way,” he uttered silently.
There were many things you wanted to say at the moment, to show him how you had been waiting for forever for him to tell you his feelings and show this vulnerable and honest side of him. You wanted to say how much you liked him back; to explain how much you had been missing him; to show how hard it was for you to spend every hour without him by your side.
But after a moment of thinking, you decided to just settle it down with, “You’re too goddamn ridiculous, Baek, you know that?” you heaved a sigh and buried your face in the crook of his neck. “Of course I like you that way. What, you think I just like hanging around you because I want to sleep with you? I’m not you, you know.”
Okay, that was mean, but he kind of deserved it, right?
You didn’t expect to get an answer for that, but to your surprise, Baekhyun murmured—almost inaudibly—under his breath, “That’s not the reason why I like being around you either.”
You secretly smiled when you pulled away a little.
I know, Baekhyun. I saw the video, remember?
“Is there anything else you want?” you questioned, still smiling as you leaned your face closer to his.
“Uuh... I...” he trailed off, losing his mind with the way you were invading his personal space.
You performed a smirk on your face when you whispered, “Do you want to kiss me?”
Baekhyun looked uncertain, but he clearly wanted it by the way he was constantly looking at your lips. “C-can I?” he asked.
How cute, he was asking for permission.
“Wait,” you told him, pressing your index finger against his lips when he started to initiate a kiss. “Before that, I want you to promise me that you will stop putting fake acts in front of me.” Baekhyun frowned and looked at you, demanding for more explanation. “If you can promise me,” you explained, “that you will be honest with me; that you will start being yourself whenever you’re with me—”
“I can’t,” he cut you off, looking a bit pained when he said it. “You’ll hate me—”
“Let me be the judge of that,” you retorted back, and hastily continued before he spoke another word. “Do you want to be with me, Baekhyun?”
He let his eyes wander, looking soft and endearing although still looking a bit confused and scared. “Yes,” he answered and something pulled a string in your heart. “Yes, I do, but it isn’t that simple.”
You reached out to grab his hand. “It is that simple.”
“No, it’s—” He dragged his hand away before you could reach it. “You don’t understand.” His eyebrows creased, looking a bit troubled as he cupped your right cheek with his palm and forced you to look at him in the eyes. “Look, I’m selfish. I’m spoiled and—”
“Baek,” you cut in, shaking your head, “I don’t care—”
“I’m childish. I’m reckless. I do stuff without thinking—”
“It’s fine, I do too—”
“No, you’re not letting me talk,” Baekhyun sighed, pressing his temple against yours and closed his eyes. “Please listen to me. The thing is, I don’t trust myself.”
I care about her so much, Chanyeol, but I just don’t want to take the risk and end up hurting her.
You only listened and tried to keep yourself composed from how close he was. When the boy pulled back, he continued trailing his fingers along the side of your face, making you shiver and look at him again in return.
“Baekhyun,” you said, leaning into his touch. “It doesn’t matter, I—”
He stiffened and dropped his hand. “No, it does matter! What if I hurt you again?” he asked, voice filled with concerned and anxiety. “What if I lose track of what I’m doing and hurt you in the process?”
“Stop.” It wasn’t anger that you felt at the moment; it was frustration. You knew that he was scared of doing this. You could tell how he was relieved from finally being able to patch things up between you two, but now he was already stuck in another problematic situation, which was being in a relationship with you. You understood that. But you grew a bit desperate. You hated hearing him trying to convince you that he wasn’t right for you. It wasn’t his choice to make; it was yours. And you had made your decision.
“What if things get ugly and I lose you again?” But Baekhyun wasn’t stopping. If anything, he was getting much worse. “What if I can’t fix it? I don’t want—”
You slapped him. Hard, right on his cheek. His face turned slightly to the side by the force.
Baekhyun went rigid. His lips parted and his eyes weren’t blinking for a few unbearable seconds. He just stared at the empty air, feeling the sting on his right cheek.
Breathing heavily, Baekhyun spun his face back to look at you straight away. His eyes were stern and steady, but there was no anger in them. He was just startled at your sudden action and he brought one hand to his face, rubbing at the reddening spot.
“What was that for?” he asked, face stoic.
“That was to shut you up,” you answered straightforwardly, although your hands were still trembling from the sudden act you just pulled. You didn’t know where did you find that kind of bravery to actually slap him on the face. “And also, to remind you that I’m tired of you thinking so low about yourself.” Your tone was cruel, and perhaps a bit insensitive, so you weren’t surprised when Baekhyun didn’t answer and just brought his eyes down to his feet. He looked wounded and guilty, and that made you feel even worse.
“Look,” you said, voice much calmer and gentler. “I know what I’m getting into, Baek. I know the risk. But I trust you and I want to be with you. Do you hear me?”
He slowly looked up to place his gaze on yours again, and although he still looked a bit lost, there was some kind of determination behind his brown orbs. “I hear you.”
“Good,” you exhaled loudly and leaped back into his arms. “Oh God, I’m so sorry I slapped you. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
“That hurt like a ,” he commented quietly after a few passing seconds.
You almost broke out into a smile. “I know. Even I can feel my palm burning.”
“It still hurts a lot, actually,” he said again, jutting out his lower lip. He looked like an abandoned puppy, to be honest.
You gave up and just laughed this time. “I’m sorry, come here.” You pulled his head down and landed one small peck on his bruised cheek. “Sorry, I just wanted to make you stop talking.”
“Well, you did a great job on that,” he said, embracing you back. He let out a longing sigh the moment he pressed your body closer to his, and your heart thumped a bit faster at that.
“I did, didn’t I?” You chuckled lightly, stroking the soft hair on his nape. “Look, just promise me that you’ll try, all right?”
He thought of it for a moment before he made the decision. “Okay, I promise.”
You smiled again. “And promise me, you’ll stop thinking that you don’t deserve me—”
Baekhyun broke apart and opened his mouth in protest again. “But I—”
“I know you don’t deserve me, Baek,” you said, slamming a hand over his mouth to shut him up. “I mean, come on, I’m like way better than you.” Baekhyun was rolling his eyes at you at that point, and you felt a bit relieved that he was starting to be himself again. “I understand that you’re a -deprived with massive trust issues, and you recognize me as a y, irresistible dancer who just got ditched by her long-time boyfriend. We both know we at relationships, but all of those don’t matter anymore, because you know why?”
Baekhyun didn’t say anything—or more like, he couldn’t, considering you were still clasping his mouth with your hand, but he raised one of his eyebrows in curiosity as if he were asking, “Why?”
You let him go and placed your hands delicately on his chest. “Because I like you,” you said, “Because even though you’ve been nothing but a to me, I still can’t stop thinking about you. I can't help but miss your snarky attitudes when I'm alone, and your goddamn smirk, and that stupid eyeliner you always wear. And because even though I know how irritating and cowardly you are, I still can't forget about those things that you said about me in the video. How genuine, and hurt you looked right then. And believe it or not, Baekhyun, after all we've been through, I actually care about you. A lot. Call me stupid for falling for an like you, but that’s just how it is. There's nothing I can do about it.”
Baekhyun only stopped and stared at you, with parted lips and unblinking eyes.
“So, uhh, what I’m saying is...” You started to feel a blush creeping up your face but you kept speaking, trying to remain calm and steady. “Yeah, okay, maybe we’re not perfect, but I’m willing to try. I’m ready to give you—to give us another chance to fix this. I’m not gonna give up on us just like that, okay?”
He slowly nodded, taking every word you just said.
“Do you want to give up on me, Baek?”
He shook his head, eyes steady and determined. “No.”
You grinned and ruffled his hair. “Then it’s settled.”
“What if we end up fighting, though?” he said, ducking away from your hands.
“Then I’ll call you an , and you’ll call me a , and we’ll scream to each other until the whole dorm comes barging in on us.” You shrugged casually with a teasing twinkle in both corner of your eyes. “But then you’ll realize how much of an idiot you’re being at the moment, and I’ll realize how much I miss you, so then we’ll pretend that nothing happened and proceed to our make-up .”
Baekhyun’s gaze softened when he saw you grinning mischievously at him. “You’re crazy.” He ended his words with a shy, barely there smile.
“And you’re crazy about me,” you said, elbowing his stomach lightly.
“And what if I cheat behind your back?” he asked, taking both of your hands in his and just held them close.
“Then I’ll stab you in your sleep,” you simply answered, still smiling. “Lu Han would be more than grateful to help me.”
“That jerk.” Baekhyun chuckled, reducing the space between your faces, but stopped right before his lips touched yours, hesitating. He was still afraid that you might push him back, so he waited for your permission.
“You’re ten times worse than he is.” You closed the distance between your lips and let him kiss you fully on the mouth. You sighed into the kiss, clutching to his jacket like you were holding on for dear life. You missed this so much. You missed his warmth, the softness of his lips, and the taste of his mouth. You missed him so badly.
“But you like me,” he said between the kiss, and you could feel him smiling against your lips.
“Don’t get too cocky, Mr. Byun,” you said but giggled back as he pressed little kisses on every part of your face: your nose, your cheek, your chin, before he finally landed his lips back on yours. He kept on kissing you with enough passion to make your knees tremble, but also with enough feelings in it, making this one kiss different with those other ones you had shared with him before.
“God, I missed you,” he hurriedly said under his breath, as if you were about to get away from him again. He slipped his fingers between the strands of your hair, and cupped the back of your head as he kissed you deeper. You didn’t get a chance to say how much you missed him too. Perhaps much more than he did.
After you felt the need to fill your lungs with air approaching, you broke out the kiss and tried not to pant too hard. Baekhyun still kept his eyes closed and glued his temple with yours. His lips didn’t curve up into a smile or a grin, but his expression seemed calm, relieved, and just purely happy—like a parent who just met his long lost child after years of separating.
“So...” you cleared your throat, suddenly feeling shy and awkward after your blunt confession. You did not prepare yourself for that. “What do you say?”
“I...” Baekhyun smiled, a real, genuine, soft smile that made your own lips curved up a little. “I just want to say thank you.”
“After all those words I said, Baek.” You snorted, but couldn’t keep your grin from appearing. “You’re welcome.”
Baekhyun moved his right hand to cup the back of your head again as he brought you into his embrace. His other arm were wrapped around your shoulders and you felt him placing a quick—probably too embarrassed to stay longer—kiss on the top of your head. You hugged him back and closed your eyes, taking in his scent. He still smelled as pleasant as you remembered, and your heart jerked a little after noticing how much you had actually wanted to indulge yourself in this kind of moment with him.
“So where does that leave us?” you asked. Your lips were a few inches away from his ear. “Does this mean we’re officially dating now?”
Baekhyun pulled back and scrunched his nose playfully. “You want me that bad, huh?”
“Why are you acting so high and mighty?” you said, punching him lightly on the chest.
“Well...” Baekhyun shrugged nonchalantly. “You asked me to date you...”
“!” You barked. Your face a little flushed. “You told me you like me first—”
Baekhyun’s smug look faltered. “W-well, I—”
“And you said you wanted me to stay,” you mocked him even more. “That you didn’t want me to ever leave you alone in this cold, cold world.”
His face was flaming red. “I didn’t say—”
“You said that I was too perfect for you—”
“That you didn't deserve me and—”
“Ugh, okay, okay!” Baekhyun was as red as a crab when he wrapped his palm around your mouth. “Just shut up, will you? Geez!”
You let out a muffled giggle and you his hand.
“Eew!” Baekhyun rapidly pulled his hand back. “Did you just my ha—”
His protest was cut off with another kiss.
It was more innocent this time. Just you, pressing your lips against his, in the briefest time you could manage. When you let go, he was a bit startled by the sudden kiss, but you just smiled.
“Let’s go back, Baekhyun,” you said, lacing your fingers with his and guided him down the street, back to the dorm. “I’m cold, and I think a nice cup of warm chocolate would be nice.”
Baekhyun followed you like a lost puppy, fingers warm against yours.
You didn’t have to look back to see whether he was smiling or not. You just knew he did.
PLEASE READ THIS GUYS
Okay, first of all. You've probably noticed this already, but this chapter isn't really as long as my other chapters, and there's a reason for that. Honestly, I didn't want to upload this chapter so early like this at first, but you guys have left me no choice.
Why, you ask?
BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL SO GODDAMN AMAZING AND I JUST LOVE YOU AND I DON'T HAVE ANY WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I'M GRATEFUL FOR YOUR COMMENTS, AND VOTES, AND JUST SERIOUSLY, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE READING MY STORY I'M SO ASDFGHJKLKJHGFDS GIRL I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL TOO PRECIOUS SERIOUSLY GUYS I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOUR PRAISE.
This is my first time writing a fic, that's why I keep on asking you to leave some comments to show me how you think, and honestly I thought I'm gonna receive so many flames for this story but you guys just... I'm... *crying*
I LOVE YOU ALL OKAY. MY LOVE FOR YOU IS JUST AS PURE AS BAEKHYUN'S. SERIOUSLY.
Because of that, I just wanted to upload this chapter sooner and so, I am sorry if this chapter because honestly? I only read it once after writing it, and I just... I just want to share my feels with you guys, all right? Honest!Baekhyun is the best kind and I just can't explain how much I love him in this one, so I hope you will love him too :)
anyway, next chapter would be a lot fluffier, I guess. Maybe it's gonna be focusing more on Baekhyun/OC's love relationship (well duh!), and maybe I'm going to write the REAL Baekhyun this time--the one who's not trying to be tough (or an ) all the time. Maybe then, you'll see how lovely he really is~ hahaha
Lastly, I want to say thank you to aozora for recommending this fic to Exo Fanfiction: The Highly Recommended, and of course I want to thank jongkeyinmypants for agreeing to submit it on her blog. Guys, if you're reading this, you have my soul. I wouldn't get new readers like this if it wasn't for you two. ILY
LOL long author note is long. I'm sorry for not being sorry.
Anyway, tell me what you think about this chapter :) Your comments always give me more courage and more thought on writing the next one :D