Today was your graduation day.
The. Worst. ing. Day. Of. Your. Life.
You should have felt overwhelmed with joy when you received the status of becoming one of the best graduates in S.M University.
You should have hugged your best friend back and congratulated her with the same words—“Happy Graduation Day!”—and told her how much you loved her for staying with you through the years.
You should have laughed and placed an arm around Park Chanyeol’s neck and maybe playfully ruffled his hair when he grabbed you by the waist and spun you around in a big teddy bear hug.
You should have thanked Kim Minseok for sending you a big bucket of beautiful flowers on your graduation day.
You should have smiled and texted Lu Han back with longer and more beautiful words to show how much you loved him—and how much he was being an once again—when he texted you “Hey hey hey~ Look who’s all grown-up now? Congratulations, Kiddo! I only have one advice for you: don’t with your boss just to get a raise. It’s okay if he’s single, though, just make sure he’s not actually gay.”
And you should have ran toward your boyfriend, Byun Baekhyun, with a bright smile and told him how much he meant to you and how proud you were that he received not only the ‘Magna Laude’ title but also a few business cards from top entertainment industries that wanted him to work together with them.
And you should have said ‘yes’, instead of ‘no’.
But well, now it was all too late.
You didn’t hug your friend back; you only let her hug you. And now she became worried and felt a bit guilty for being a lousy friend and not noticing that something bad was happening to you. And the only thing you could say back was just, “No, it’s not your fault,” but you didn’t explain more.
Chanyeol gently put your feet back to the ground and stared at you with knitted eyebrows as he asked, “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” And you grew upset because why did everyone keep asking whether they did something wrong to you or not. And you realized that maybe you were constantly putting this I-hate-you look on your face when honestly what you felt inside was how much you hated yourself at the moment.
You forgot to text or call Minseok to tell him how beautiful the flowers were—you even forgot where the last time you placed them.
You only wrote a simple “Thank you. I wish you were here.” on the text message you sent to Lu Han and when he tried to reach you by the phone, you left him alone, leaving him to your voicemail.
You didn’t even see him for the rest of the day.
Feeling your head throbbed from lack-of-sleep (Baekhyun took you back to your room at four in the morning and you didn’t get to sleep after that because Baekhyun left with glassy eyes and painful, rejected look on his face and that look haunted you), you decided to force a smile on your friends before you told them goodbye and excused yourself from the crowd.
When they wanted to follow you—to console you, you begged them to stop.
“I just want to be alone for now,” you explained. And it was a pathetic thing to say.
You didn’t know why, but you found yourself walking back to the auditorium where Baekhyun proposed to you just about ten hours ago. The huge stage was vacant and so did the three hundred seats in the room. You sighed and sit on one of the empty seats at the front row and finally, you could breathe properly.
Your Blackberry rang repeatedly and when you checked the caller ID—Lu Han’s name written on the screen—you grew disappointed. And only by then that you realized you were expecting something—or rather, someone else.
Or Byun Baekhyun, to be exact.
“Yah, Dongsaeng-ah!” Lu Han’s voice came through the line. He sounded cheery and excited, a stark contrast if being compared to how you were feeling now. “Where have you been? You didn’t pick up my calls! I am very upset, young lady!” he joked but you didn’t even bother to react on it. Not even a smile. The older one continued, “I miss you and all of your sassiness, you little prude! How’s the graduation party going?”
You closed your eyes and leaned your head to the back of your seat. “Fine,” you sighed.
A pause, then, “Okay, what the is going on?” Lu Han suddenly asked, sounding protective. “What did Baekhyun do to you this time? Because if he ruined your graduation day, I’m going to skin him alive and throw him to Africa, I swear to God.”
You wanted to smile at his reaction, because Lu Han hadn’t changed at all. But the sad thing was, you couldn’t.
Because it wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault this time. It was solely yours.
“Lulu,” the moment you heard your own voice breaking, the tears in your eyes started to flood. “Lulu, I screwed up.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Lu Han’s voice grew a bit pitchy as he panicked. “Calm down. Hey, hey, stop crying—”
“I—I don’t know w-what I—” you couldn’t finish. You sobbed and just out of nowhere, you cried like a child. That loud, heartbreaking, and painful cry. You’d never cried like this, not since your mother’s funeral—and that was when you were still a little girl.
When Lu Han heard the sound of you choking up on your own tears, he grew even more restless. “Listen to me. Take a deep breath and let it out. You’re all right. Everything’s gonna be all right.”
Your chest felt tight, as if you were suffocating. Maybe you were.
Lu Han’s voice was filled with anxiety. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, but I know you can get over this—”
“No.” You shook your head violently, even though he couldn’t see it. “No, it’s d-different this time.”
“Why is it—”
“Because he proposed to me and I said no!” You whimpered loudly, covering your mouth with your free hand to stop yourself from screaming. “It’s over, Lulu. Everything’s over. I hurt him. I hurt him so bad. H-he’s going to leave, and it’s all because of me this time.” The more you spoke your fear, the more it felt real and became even more overwhelming.
Lu Han just stayed in silence, trying to deal with that little information he just heard. Or maybe he just wanted you to let it all out first. To let you drown yourself in your tears until you have enough strength to swim back to the surface again. You could hear how he kept on whispering softly that you were going to be okay, but it didn’t do much. If anything, you just kept on crying even harder.
Then, he spoke with that cheery voice of his. “Hey, Dongsaeng-ah, wanna hear a story?”
You didn’t know why he suddenly said that and you didn’t answer him. You didn’t think you had the chance to choose because you know he was going to continue anyway. Besides, you were too busy trying to stop yourself from screaming and sobbing even harder, so he might as well just do that to avert your attention.
“Once upon a time,” Lu Han started with a gentle voice, like a young father reading a storybook to his child. “There was a handsome young man. He was cocky as —pardon my words—and he knew how everybody wanted to get a piece of him. Women practically worshipped his naughty bits. He walked with his chin held high, smirking at the sight of every pretty girl calling his name. The young man was an irresponsible . He slept with s, he ruined innocent girls, and he slept with desperate wives when their husbands went out of town. His friend even told him once that he never treated women as human beings and that the man should stop behaving that way. His friend said that someday, God would make him pay for things he did. But this cocky guy only laughed as he dismissed his friend. He didn’t think much of what his friend said, and the man just kept on messing with more women, treating them like toys for his own entertainment. He broke too much rules, he drank too much alcohol, and he was just downright reckless and stupid.”
“Oppa,” you tried to speak between your sobs, “What are you—”
“Sssh, Honey, I’m trying to tell a story here,” he said, chuckling a little. “Then one day, God lost His patience and He punished the man. It wasn’t really the severe kind of punishment. God didn’t send him to spend a thousand years in hell; and He surely didn’t take his life or ruined his physical appearance or anything. God only made him fall in love with a girl. God made him love her so much until he couldn’t see any woman but her in his eyes; until his dreams started to change into nightmares; until all the air around him turned to ashes every time he tried to breathe. Love wasn’t just a feeling for him; love was his only chance to survive, so he tried so, so hard to make the girl fall in love with him too.”
You could tell how Lu Han had been smiling through the entire story, but this time—after that last statement, his smile would surely look different—broken.
“The man tried to swoon the girl with his charm—with his good looks and his unique personality—but none of them ever worked. Because God already made her fall in love with someone else. God made her fall in love with his own friend, instead of him. And that was when the man realized that one doesn’t have to taste a kiss from death to experience hell.”
When Lu Han stopped, the room felt quiet and only by then that you realized you weren’t crying anymore. You were too transfixed with his story.
Lu Han noticed that too, so he continued. “The man tried everything just to get her attention, but her eyes never even really looked at him. He told her he loved her but she never said it back, simply just because she didn’t feel the same way. But did the man give up on her? Did the man stop loving her?”
“No,” you whispered, blinking the last tear from your eye.
“Exactly,” Lu Han said. His voice grew even softer than before. “Because for him, he had no other chance. He only wanted her. She was the girl he’d ever loved and there was no word in this world could ever stop him from loving her even when it came from her own lips. The man stayed, never gave up on loving her, and he told her how much he loved her from time to time, wishing that one day she’d finally sneak a glance at him. Wishing that someday, she would smile back and said the words he longed to hear.”
You breathed in and out, unconsciously closing your eyes as you listened to his story.
“So,” Lu Han said, making a sound like he was stretching his arms above his head. “What’s the moral of this story, my child?”
You chuckled slightly, surprising yourself that you could do that. “This story is about you, isn’t it?”
“Yah, that’s not what I’m asking,” Lu Han responded, whining a bit. “I want you to connect this story with your current situation.”
You tried to think it through.
Well, of course.
Lu Han snickered. “You know what I’m trying to say, right?”
If Baekhyun really loves me, he will stay. No matter what the problem is. Even if I said no, even if I rejected him back then, he wouldn’t leave.
You nibbled at your bottom lip but you smiled with your eyes closed. “Yes.”
“Dare to make a bet?” Lu Han asks mischievously. “If he runs away—if that leaves you just because you said no—if he wants to end things with you after this, then maybe that’s a sign. He’s not the one for you. You should let him go, and move on.”
You felt your heart thundered against your chest. “How can you even say that—”
“But,” Lu Han cuts you off as he emphasizes his word. “But if he stays, if he doesn’t give up and still loves you just as much—preferably, even more. Then this time, you go ahead, hug him by his neck and tell him ‘Yes, Byun ing Baekhyun, I will marry you and I will be the mother of our future bratty, baby byuns and I will still love them even if they learn how to wear eyeliners before they can read and even if they pick their noses at dinner, and I will love you even if you grow fat and hairy and just plain disgusting because it’s not your goddamn face that I like; it’s your soul that I love’,” Lu Han says all of those words in one breath so he was breathless at the end of his line. “Then, my lovely dongsaeng, you kiss the beejezus out of him and have with him until his grows swollen.”
Another big, fat tear slipped through the corner of your eye but you were laughing. “That sounds painful, Oppa.”
You could imagine him shrugging. “You know what they say, a little pain can be fun.”
You laughed again and somehow the pain in your chest got lifted up for a bit. “Thank you, Lulu.”
“Do you feel better now?”
“Good,” he said, perhaps while smiling. “I wish I could be there to hug you right now. I miss you so much, you know?”
“I miss you too,” you whispered. “Hey, Oppa?”
“It’s going to be okay too.”
Lu Han sounded confused. “What is?”
“Your story with her,” you said, smiling softly as you silently prayed for his happiness. “It’s going to have a happy ending too.”
Lu Han paused for a moment before he let out a weak and a bit forced laugh. “You think so?”
You nodded. “I know so.”
“Well then,” Lu Han sighed, but you could imagine him smiling. “Let’s just wish for the best, shall we?”
“For both of us.” You nodded again, biting your lower lip as you closed your eyes and whispered, “I love you, Lulu.”
“I love you, too,” he replied, “Hey you know, sometimes I wonder. Why did we never date each other? I mean, things would have gone a lot easier if we did.” He chortled at his own joke.
“You and me?”
“Yeah,” he said, “I mean like, we’re practically the same person—”
“Eew, no,” you joked, “You’re a -addict.”
“Oh yeah?” Lu Han retorted. “And what are you?”
“I’m your typical girl-next-door. The innocent one with a face like an angel.”
The boy laughed loudly. “See? You’re talking like me! We would’ve been great together, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know, Oppa, you’re so insatiable when it comes to .”
“Oh honey,” he sneered, “If you’re dating me, you’re never going to stop wanting my .”
You rubbed the side of your forehead as you sighed. “I am not nearly drunk enough to have this conversation.”
Lu Han cackled a bit. “We would’ve been the craziest couple ever.”
“True,” you stated, as you chuckled a little. “And also, I think we would’ve been the most badass couple on earth.”
“And the iest,” Lu Han added, sniggering. “Girl, we would’ve been like Mr. and Mrs. Smith!” You laughed along with him but a moment later, the boy sighed and spoke again in that sad tone of his. “Unfortunately, we can’t choose who we fall in love with, can we? I didn’t sign up for this , you know? I didn’t want to love someone who’s in love with my own best friend. But no matter how hard I try to get over her, I just can’t. I don’t have any other option. Just come on, imagine this: can you actually see yourself dating me? Imagine yourself walking down the aisle, can you see me waiting for you there to exchange wedding vows with you?”
You couldn’t even try to think about it. “No.”
“Because you’re not Baekhyun.”
“And so what if I’m not him?”
“I don’t want to be with anyone else but him.” And the moment you said that yourself, all the hesitant thoughts in your mind disappear. “Lulu, I can’t even imagine being with someone that’s not him.”
“Exactly,” Lu Han said, “Now you don’t have to worry about a thing. If he feels the same way, everything would work out just fine.”
“But what if he doesn’t?” you asked, biting the inside of your cheek. “What if he gives up on me and finds someone else?”
“Then I’ll help you,” he said, “Either by drowning him in his sleep or be your slave for a week. Whatever suits your preference, y~”
You weakly laughed. “You haven’t changed at all, Lulu.”
“Do you want me to?” he teased. “And don’t worry. He’ll come back. I promise you he will.”
Tears started brimming in your eyes, but your chest didn’t hurt. You were just relieved. “I hope that’s what’s gonna happen, Oppa.”
“Of course, it is. And hey, Kiddo?”
“He loves you,” Lu Han said in a serious demeanor. “Baekhyun loves you more than anything in the world. Just hold on to that.”
Even though his words were soothing, your heart was breaking once again. Because if Baekhyun loved you that much, then you just did the worst kind of thing to his heart.
You tried to throw away the pain in your voice. “You think so?”
“I know so,” Lu Han answered, imitating your response and successfully making you smile again, even if it was just a tiny bit. “Take care of yourself, Dongsaeng-ah. Oppa isn’t there to watch your back anymore, okay? You’re an adult now, so behave like one.”
You sniffled lightly. “I don’t want to hear that from you. You’re practically a man-child.”
“Oh am I?” Lu Han laughed whole-heartedly. “Well, I guess we just have to grow up together then.”
You smiled in secret. “Like the old days?”
“Like the old days,” he repeated. “The next time I call you, I want you to tell me that you have a big, fat engagement ring on your finger. You hear me?”
“But…” You held the urge to bite your nails in anxiety. “But I don’t know how he’ll respond. Baekhyun’s been avoiding me all day.”
“Are you sure it’s not you who’s been avoiding him?”
His question caught you off guard.
When you didn’t answer him fast enough, he added, “Thought so. You’ve been trying to avoid everybody today, haven’t you?”
You brought your thumb to your lips and started biting its nail, trying to calm yourself down by doing so. “I just… I don’t want them to worry about me.”
“Yeah, sure, and that works out fine, doesn’t it?” Lu Han said sarcastically. “You know, Kiddo, it’s perfectly normal to act like this once in a while. I do it too. Sometimes, I want to run away from people when I have a problem that’s too much to handle by myself. And when people ask, I just say ‘It’s okay, I’m fine, don’t worry about me’ but actually, no I’m not okay. I’m not fine at all. It’s just my way to tell them off because I’m not ready to talk. I need to sort things out first and keep myself calm and composed before I tell someone about it.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me anything about your situation with your family at first?” you asked.
“No,” he replied, “I didn’t tell you that because I really didn’t want you to worry about me.” Had he been there, you knew he would’ve patted your head and d your hair with a gentle manner. “I’m older than you, Dongsaeng-ah. I don’t have the right to whine over my problems like a brat. I’m here to listen and to take care of you.”
You absentmindedly shook your head. “It doesn’t have to be like that, Oppa. I want to take care of you too.”
He snickered loudly. “That’s so sweet and all, but I want you to mind your own problem for now, okay? Because unlike me, Baekhyun still thinks like a five year old. You gotta be the mature one here.”
“You’re not the one to talk him down, Oppa. You can’t even control your temper most of the times.”
“Oh yeah? Give me one good example.”
You unconsciously shrugged your shoulders. “Well, whenever you talk and somebody cuts you off, you start throwing tantrums all over the room.”
Lu Han clicked his tongue. “Yeah, well, it’s just plain rude—”
“And you get angry when someone younger than you calls you only by your name.”
“I’m just trying to teach them some manners—”
“Yeah okay, fine! Geez, I said one example!” Lu Han protested and you could tell he was rolling his eyes. “Now, come on, why are you still talking to me? Go chase your knight in shining armor.”
You couldn’t help but to smile when an image of Baekhyun wearing a shining armor penetrated your mind. You imagined him riding a white horse as well, while carrying a silver sword in one hand. Everything just looked ridiculous. “He doesn’t fit the image at all,” you commented.
Lu Han snorted. “Yeah, he’s more like a Go Go Dancer wearing a unitard.”
“Oh my God!” You covered your mouth as you giggled. “Stop it, you’re ruining his image.”
“I don’t care. He deserves it,” he said, chuckling as well. “Now go patch things up with him, okay? I have to go to class. I’d say good luck, but I know you don’t need it. I'm sure everything’s gonna be fine with you.”
You prayed to God to make his words true. “Thank you, Luhannie-Oppa.”
“Anytime, Kiddo.” He made a kissy sound that made you wrinkle your nose.
When you clicked the end call button, you were surrounded by silence once again. Funny how the joyful feelings you had when you were on the phone with him suddenly vanished away along with the disappearance of his voice. Now that you were alone, those horrifying thoughts about Baekhyun running away from you came across your mind again. But it was still okay, for now. You were alone, and being alone was what you need at that moment. You needed some time to think what you were going to say to Baekhyun.
You didn’t know exactly what time, but the moment you leaned your back to the seat and tried to relax by resting your head on top of it once again, you drifted away to your dreamland. Lack of sleep finally took its toll on you.
You woke up when you felt something moving under your right cheek, feeling your skin grazing a smooth fabric. You blinked your eyes twice, trying to rub off the sleep from them, and noticed that you had been sleeping on somebody’s shoulder.
You felt your heart sank to your feet but you tried to keep your face under control. You tried to convince yourself that you weren’t dreaming—Baekhyun was actually here, sitting beside you, still looking sharp in his suit and a matching black tie. He wasn’t wearing his blazer because he was lending it to you, turning it into a blanket to wrap around your front when you had been sleeping with your head on his shoulder earlier.
It was hard to think of your next action when you just got up from your sleep but somehow you managed to stay focused.
“S-sorry,” you said, clearing your throat because your voice sounded hoarse. “What are you doing here?”
He didn’t answer—he didn’t even look at you. He just stayed still on his seat with a blank look on his face.
The moment felt like ice daggers prickling into your skin. It was beyond uncomfortable and awkward but none of you knew what to do at that moment. You didn’t think you’d get the courage to say a word, but you did. “Why won’t you look at me, Baekhyun?”
Baekhyun stiffened before he finally gave up and locked his gaze with you and at that moment, you wished that you could take everything back. You wanted to swallow back your question, your refusal, your feelings. And even your love for him, because if this was what your love did to him—making him look this broken, this disappointed, this restless, sad, angry and pained—you would have gladly taken it back. If not loving him made him happy, then you would choose that option without any second thought.
But then again, no.
Falling in love with Byun Baekhyun was the best thing that ever happened to you. Being in love with him made you feel alive—made you feel like there was a reason why you stood here in this world, breathing with your heart beating like a drum. Being in love with him made you feel that there was someone who loved you back. Being in love with him made you feel complete.
And yet, you threw that away just like that.
He stood up, took his blazer back from you, and offered you a hand.
“Let’s go back to the dorm,” he said, voice quiet but you felt like there was a knife stabbing through your chest. When you heard him speak, you realized just how much you had ed things up and attacked him right on the most important thing he was insecure about: his trust on people.
His trust on you.
Your refusal at his proposal must felt like a friend ditching you for another person; like a child being abandoned by his parents; like losing a family.
Because after all, Baekhyun only had you.
It’s not something I can explain, you had told him then. You wanted to laugh and smack yourself on the face. That sentence you gave him certainly made him think that there was something absolutely wrong going on with him. And maybe yes, there was something to do with his personality, but he already got over it the moment he proposed you, didn’t he?
It was you who couldn’t believe in your own boyfriend.
It was you who wasn’t brave enough to take a chance to be together with him.
It was you who ran away this time.
And the most cowardly act you just pulled was by telling him that you couldn’t explain the reasons why you told him ‘no.’
Oh my God, what have I done?
You stared at him with watery eyes and a wrenched heart but you managed to hold yourself back from crying as you took his hand in yours. Baekhyun’s grip on your hand was never too strong or too weak, and you felt even sadder because Baekhyun used to hold your hand like he wanted to keep you around—like if he didn’t get a strong hold on you, you would run away from him forever.
And today, he held your hand as if he was ready to let you go.
He led you back to your room and when he stood on your door, he didn’t force a smile before he said his farewell. You didn’t let his hand go—not even for a second, because if you wanted to fix things up—if you wanted to keep him by your side, this was your chance.
“I love you!” was the first thing you blurt out and you wanted to slap yourself because those words weren’t the ones he wanted to hear.
Baekhyun freed his hand away from your grasp. “Thank you,” he said, and it felt like he was plunging a javelin through your heart instead of saying those words. “Pack your things. They only give us two more days until we have to move out from the dorm—”
He didn’t stop as he looked away from your eyes. “I’ll go back here tomorrow to pick up my stuff, until then—”
“Baek, listen to me—”
“—you can just leave them somewhere—”
“BAEKHYUN!” You shouted his name so loudly until your own ears started to ring. Baekhyun still had his mouth open—still in the middle of talking when he stopped abruptly because of your deafening scream.
“What?” he asked, voice quiet and chilly. His eyes finally landed back on yours and he wasn’t even glaring or scowling at you. In fact, he was just staring flatly into your eyes, but you got so, so afraid over the intense look he hid in them that you kind of wished you could look away.
“You asked me why,” you croaked and grimaced at the sound of your pathetic voice. “Y-you asked me why I didn’t say yes when you proposed to me, but I didn’t get to explain… my reason.”
Baekhyun clenched his jaws but stayed still, looking at you.
“I…” You felt your knees trembled under his gaze. “You know, I love you, okay? I really do, and I wanted to say yes—I really did!”
“But you didn’t,” Baekhyun simply said and your heart got broken once again.
“Yes, and you deserve to get an explanation for that—Baekhyun!” You took a hold of his hand when he looked like he wanted to find his way out of the conversation. “Look, it’s not…” You didn’t know how to say this without sounding so lame. “It’s not you, Baek. There isn’t really something wrong with you. It’s me who’s—”
“Is this a ing joke to you?” Baekhyun cut your words with a tongue like knives. “You said no, you hurt me and now you want to make me feel better by trying to convince me that I’m not at fault—”
You grew desperate. “It’s because you’re not!”
“Oh, you,” he spat back with a cold tone, throwing your hand away from his with such force that made you take a step back.
“Baek, would you listen to me—” When Baekhyun his heels in anger, readying himself to bolt away, you chased him before he went too far and pulled him back to your room. You didn’t know what had gotten into you to do such extreme things such as slamming your room’s door closed with a bang and pushed him hard against the wooden surface. Baekhyun groaned when the back of his skull met the hard exterior and he glared at you when you had your hands on the collar of his shirt, just an inch higher from his black tie.
Baekhyun looked down to your shaky hands before he met your eyes again. “Get your hands off me.”
Your fear of him suddenly got washed away with desperation because if you let go of him, he would just take off again.
“So, you can do what?” you asked, voice sharp but your eyes were tearing up once again. “So you can run away again?”
He scowled, curling his eyebrows together. “What are you even—”
“This is why I’m scared, Baek!” You blurt out your reason in a frantic scream. “This is why I said no—I’m ing scared that you’d take off!”
Baekhyun had stopped struggling to keep himself away from your grasp. He used a couple of seconds of silence to take in what you just said. “You’re… scared?”
“Yes…” You unconsciously moved your hand down to the center of his chest—not pushing him again, just… made sure he was there to listen to you. “Baekhyun, you have to know that I’m very, very happy that you proposed to me and it’s not—oh …” You bit your bottom lip and tried to convince yourself not to break into tears because you felt like the more you keep speaking, the more the tears in your eyes threaten to fall.
Baekhyun didn’t hug you or even take your hand to calm you down like he always did, and you were grateful for that—if he did, you would have bawled and sobbed on his chest and then, you couldn’t deliver your message to him properly.
He just stood there, with his back against the door, and your hands on his heart and after a while, he said, “I’m not going anywhere.”
You didn’t know whether he was referring to that moment only or to the future.
“B-Baekhyun,” you started again, sniffling but not crying like a mad person, so that was still acceptable. “Please try and listen to me, and don’t interrupt me as I speak, okay? I have to get this out and clear.”
“Okay,” he softly answered and you dropped your hands away from him. You brought your face down, facing the ground and gripped the side of your dress for assurance.
“Baekhyun, when I first told you I loved you, you ran away,” you said and even though you couldn’t see the look on his face, you knew your line struck him right on the heart by how his body slightly grew rigid from your words. “And before that, the first time I tried to get close to you, you retaliated by having with some random girl on my bed. And when I asked you about our future at Minseok-Oppa’s wedding, you bailed out again—even when I told you I was just joking around. Even though that’s not true. I wasn’t actually kidding. I just said so to stop you from running away. But somehow, you still did, even though you were only gone for a few minutes. The point is, you ran away from the topic again.”
Baekhyun still kept his mouth shut although his chest rose heavily, as if he was trying his best not to cut you in the middle of speaking. You were very thankful for his effort.
“But then, you suddenly proposed to me,” you whispered, feeling a tear slithered away from the corner of your eye. “I can’t help but to think there’s something bad going to happen after that. I had the word ‘yes’ ready on the tip of my tongue, Baekhyun, because that was what my heart told me, but my mind said ‘no, think about it first. What if he leaves you again?’”
You finally had the power to look at him, and when you did, you wished you didn’t. Baekhyun looked like he was about to break into pieces—like he was on the verge of crying himself but he tried to keep himself strong.
Baekhyun exhaled heavily. “You don’t trust me?” It came out more like a statement than a question from his mouth. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and just tell him something comforting but you couldn’t even think of a word to say.
“I do. I trust you.” And you really did. It wasn’t a lie. “I know it takes a lot of guts for you to propose to me—planning all of those beautiful things, treating me like a friend, like a lover, and like a family through the entire day. I know it’s not easy for you. But I’m…” You finally broke down. Tears started to fall like there was no other way else but to just let them stream down your face. “You know, there’s this thing swirling in my head that keeps telling me that maybe, the reason why you suddenly proposed to me like this is because of the thing that happened with Jongin—”
Baekhyun’s eyes glinted dangerously. “This does not have anything to do with Jongin—”
You stopped his words by cupping one of his cheeks and stole a kiss from his lips. “I know, I know,” you whispered, giving another peck again to keep himself calm and out of anger. “I’m just telling you what I think. The point is, I’m afraid that maybe you hadn’t thought about this—about marriage, about commitment, about having me for the rest of your life—as much as you should’ve before you proposed to me. I was worried that maybe you wanted to marry me because you were still angry about what happened between me and… him.” You didn’t dare to say Kim Jongin’s name to his face again.
Baekhyun’s frown went even deeper before it suddenly vanished from his face. He trailed his gentle fingers along your jawline, whispering to you with a pair of sad dark brown eyes accompanying his words. “I asked you to marry me because I wanted to. Not because of him. Not because I’m angry. And I’ve thought it through. I love you,” he said and tears started to flow from your eyes again. “I want to marry you because I love you. It’s just as simple as that.”
You nibbled on your bottom lip, trying to soften your sobs. “I just…” You sniffled. “I get this kind of thoughts about how am I going to do if suddenly one day, you start to think that this is all a mistake, or that you’ll regret for asking me to marry you—”
Baekhyun’s forehead creased in pain and anxiety. “Of course I won’t regret—” he breathed heavily, eyes moving back and forth, searching for the feelings you hid in your eyes. “I’m not going to leave you—How can you even say that—”
“Baekhyun, I’m scared to let myself love you more than I do right now because then if you leave me, I’m just—I don’t think I’ll be able to pull myself together easily.” You sobbed to both of your hands, standing in front of him with your face hidden behind your palms. The skin muffled your voice, but he could still hear you clearly.
Baekhyun reached forward and pulled you closer until you two met chest-to-chest and he had one arm around your waist and the other one cradling your head. “I’m not gonna leave you,” he said and his words were promises to your ears. “I’m not gonna leave you, do you hear me?”
You kept nodding your head as you cried on his chest, You had trouble breathing and Baekhyun had to your hair just so you could level your breath. You felt him press a small kiss on top of your head before he embraced you again.
You stayed like that for a while until Baekhyun brought you back to the couch and knelt down in front of you. He placed his hands on your knees as you sobbed to your hands, burying your face in them.
“Hey, come on,” Baekhyun said, voice sweet and gentle. “Don’t cry. This is not worth crying over.”
“How is this not worth crying over?” You croaked between your whimper. “How can you be so calm? I—”
“Because I know what I have to do now,” Baekhyun said and he took your hands away from your face, kissing your knuckles before he placed them on your lap. He smiled, so very beautiful and delicate before he leaned in to kiss you. You felt your breath caught in your chest before you sighed and responded to him, pressing your back to his warm ones but not parting your lips because you knew this was not that kind of kiss.
When he let go, he pressed another soft peck to the tip of your nose, and you were just starting to let yourself smile back.
But then he said, “I want to break-up with you.”
You literally just stopped breathing.
If he wants to end things with you after this, then maybe that’s a sign.
He’s not the one for you.
You should let him go, and move on.
DO YOU HATE ME??? DO YOU HATE ME NOOOWWWW??? I AM SO SORRY HO MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE???
See, you guys, honestly, I didn't want to write and post this chapter this soon, but you left me no choice. WHAT THE GUYS YOU JUST LEFT ME MORE THAN 100 COMMENTS FOR THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER I AM SO HAPPY I AM CRYING MY ROOM IS FILLED WITH RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS AND EVERYTHING CUTE BECAUSE YOU GUYS JUST BROUGHT ME SO MUCH JOY OH MY GOD HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?????
SO HERE, ENJOY THE NEW CHAPTER, YOU LOVELY ANGELS! AND I HOPE YOU LIKE LUHAN IN THIS CHAPTER TOO BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE HIM AT FIRST (the dude already has his own story) BUT I DID SO I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY NOW WHY AM I SCREAMING I NEED TO STOP
and I'm sorry that I can't reply to your comments one by one. I really can't find the time to do so. BUT PLEASE KNOW that I've read each and every comment you guys sent me, and you know how I always say that the more comments I get, the faster I write, right? Well look who just abandoned her thesis just to write another crappy chapter for Mr. Byun? That's me, all right! And I have no regrets because you, my lovely readers, DESERVE MY LOVE AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN REPAY YOU!
Oh and Lucy? Happy birthday! This is your late gift, Sweetheart :)
Thanks for reading and please leave another comment for me when you have time? hehehe I LOVE YOU ALL
This is not really the ending of the story, btw :P