pairing: xiuho.
word count: 4600.
rating: pg.
genre: romance, slight angst.
warning: use of homophobic slur.
summary: barista minseok is inexplicably smitten by the handsome, young man who comes into his coffee shop every morning (and he's terrified).

There are a number of people in Minseok's life, friends as well as family, who have a hard time comprehending why Minseok would go through all the trouble of becoming a barista only to end up working at a place like the one he's working at now. And if Minseok has to be honest, he understands the reason for their astonishment. It had taken a fairly substantial amount of both time and money for him to put himself through the necessary training, but it had only taken a few months of working at a high end coffee shop, serving customers who barely spared him a glance as they slid their cards across the counter to pay for their ridiculously overpriced beverages, for Minseok to realize that this wasn't what he wanted to do with his life.

So Minseok quit his job in favor of a new one at a place closer to his apartment, and though the items on the menu are less complicated than the ones he's used to, he was quick to figure out that this type of job suits him much better. The atmosphere is different, more homey. Here he gets to sneak candy to giggling kids to distract them long enough for their worn out parents to place an order. He gets to hear the life stories of people, who barely have enough change to buy a single cup of black coffee to keep them warm in cold weather. He gets to serve college students, who are stocking up on caffeine and sugary pastry to study through the night for an upcoming exam. Here, rather than having to interact with people who put up a carefully crafted facade the moment they set foot outside their front door, Minseok gets to see real people.

Minseok's favorite customer of all, however, is Joonmyun, the young man who comes in every morning and buys a cup of tea to go. Minseok knows he shouldn't be playing favorites, he just can't help himself. The unusual thing about Joonmyun is that he looks like he could be one of the wealthy Gangnam lawyers Minseok used to serve at the coffee shop he worked at before, all suited up and polished and poised, but, unlike them, Joonmyun smiles as bright as a sunrise, and he always asks about Minseok's day and listens so attentively it's almost like they're actually friends. Minseok might be just a little bit smitten.

Which is also why it's so sad that the only reason for him even knowing Joonmyun's name in the first place is because it's written on the card he uses to pay for his drink, just like Joonmyun only knows Minseok's name because it's displayed in the form of a nametag pinned to Minseok's apron. Past politely exchanged pleasantries, they don't have any special relationship (and Minseok settles for that because he's not brave enough to do anything to try to change it).

Then suddenly one day everything's different. Joonmyun does come in around half past eight as usual, a good half hour before the morning rush begins, but his default expression, the smile that makes Minseok feel warm all the way into his bones, is nowhere to be seen, and he doesn't respond to Minseok's bright greeting either. He looks distressed and distant, and even though it's technically none of Minseok's business, he can't help but ask: “Are you okay?”

Joonmyun jolts as if he had forgotten where he was, and he blinks at Minseok for a few moments before twisting his lips into an expression that is a forced imitation of happiness. “Yeah, I'm fine.”

He's lying. Minseok knows he's lying, he can recognize a fake smile when he sees one, and it makes him frown. “I don't mean to pry or anything, but you don't exactly look fine.”

That is all it seems to take for Joonmyun's facade to crumble. He slumps his shoulders, defeated, and he sighs. “Is it really that obvious?” Minseok simply shrugs in response. Joonmyun looks like he's thinking about elaborating, so Minseok waits with patience for him to do so. Finally, Joonmyun lets out another sigh. “I... have a date later today,” he says.

Minseok can feel the smile fall from his face. He plasters it back on before anyone has the chance to notice it. It's a good thing he has seen enough fake smiles in his life to be able to pull off one of his own almost flawlessly. “Ah, so you're nervous,” he deduces.

“Something like that,” Joonmyun mutters. His reply is as unconvincing as Minseok's cheerfulness.

The subject is not one Minseok wishes to linger on for too long, though, so he asks: “How about I make you a cup of chamomile tea today, then? To calm your nerves.”

This time Joonmyun's smile is a little more genuine. “Thank you, Minseok-ssi. That would be nice.”

Making tea is a quick process, hot water poured over fragrant leaves in a strainer (with how stingy the owner of the shop tends to be, Minseok can't help but think that it's somewhat of a wonder that they even use actual tea leaves rather than just cheap teabags). After the tea has been left to draw for a couple of minutes, Minseok hands the finished result to Joonmyun with the customer service smile he has trained himself to wear. It's weird. He never had to fake it with Joonmyun before, and he doesn't know why he has to now. “Good luck on your date,” he says in a tone so nauseatingly saccharine it almost makes his stomach lurch.

Once more Joonmyun hesitates as if there's something more he wants to say, his mouth open in what appears to be the starting breath of a sentence. There's something in his eyes that's almost pleading, and Minseok, taken aback by how intently Joonmyun is looking at him, has to swallow down the lump of nerves suddenly, inexplicably, stuck in his throat. In the end Joonmyun opts to keep his thoughts to himself, though, and he just takes the paper cup from Minseok's hand with a quietly muttered: “Thanks.” And then he leaves.

Save for a few people scattered about, the cafe is empty now that Joonmyun is gone, and Minseok allows his expression to fall, if only for just moment. There's a burn in his belly that feels an awful lot like jealousy... except that's completely ridiculous. Why would he be jealous? He has no reason to be. He has no right to be. Joonmyun is a customer, and Minseok is just a clerk. The fact that Minseok's infatuation goes past the point of a business relationship is his own problem, and not something Joonmyun should be forced to deal with.

“Doesn't matter anyway,” Minseok mutters under his breath. “He probably doesn't even like boys.” It wouldn't be the first time Minseok had been unfortunate enough to develop feelings for a straight guy. Yup. Just another case of Minseok liking someone who's never possibly going to like him back. He pulls a wry grimace. “Great.”

Business is always slow in towards the end of Minseok's shift, especially when he has been working as many hours as he has today. To pass the time, he's chatting with the cafe's pastry chef, Yixing, through the hole in the wall that separates the front room from the kitchen. And that is when the chime of a bell announces the arrival of another customer. Minseok halts his conversation with Yixing and turns around to greet the newcomer, but the words of greeting he had prepared sizzle and die out on the back of his tongue before he can utter them when he sees Joonmyun approaching the counter closely followed by a girl – Joonmyun's date, Minseok presumes.

The girl is very pretty, Minseok will admit that. She's shorter than Joonmyun even in her stiletto heels, and she has waves of dark hair framing a face with exquisite features. She doesn't look very happy to be there, though, her glossy lip turned down in a pout and her gaze judgmental as she takes in her surroundings. “Oppa,” she whines in a voice that is both shrill and nasal. “Why are we here? I thought we were going back to your place.” The tone in which she says it makes it very obvious what she has in mind, as does the way she clings to Joonmyun, s pressed against his arm. Minseok just barely remembers that he's supposed to be professional, and he resists the urge to scowl at her and opens his mouth to speak the generic words he has practiced so frequently.

However, Minseok doesn't get to say anything. In the next moment, Joonmyun tears himself away from the girl, and everything moves so quickly after that. Joonmyun stands on the tips of his toes and leans across the counter to throw his arms around Minseok, embracing him tightly, and it's sheer surprise more than anything that makes Minseok wrap his arms around him in return to hug him back (Joonmyun is hugging him???). Minseok's eyes are wide and his heart is pounding so hard he think it's going to force its way out of his chest at this rate. What the hell is going on?

Before Minseok even manages to properly process the situation, Joonmyun has started frantically whispering: “Please play along, I beg you, I'll do anything.” His tone is so urgent that Minseok finds himself nodding without even taking any time to consider the request, and then Joonmyun pulls away and looks at the girl, his date (Minseok is so confused), with an apologetic expression. “This is my boyfriend,” Joonmyun says. “I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore.”

Minseok doesn't know what to say. He just stands there with his mouth hanging open in surprise. He's almost sure he looks even more taken aback than the girl, though she definitely looks shocked as well, staring at Minseok with disgust on her face like he's a persistent piece of gum stuck to the bottom of her Manolo Blahniks. “What?” she shrieks.

Worried, Minseok recoils slightly. His eyes flicker to Joonmyun as he puts his hand on top of Minseok's, which is resting on top of the counter. Minseok goes simultaneously hot and cold all over. Oh boy. “I'm sorry,” Joonmyun repeats with a sense of calm Minseok envies because right now he feels like he's going to faint (Joonmyun is holding his hand???).

The girl glances down at their clasped hands, and Minseok, recalling the desperation he had heard in Joonmyun's voice when he pleaded for him to play along, takes it one step further by linking their fingers together. He sends the girl a wavering smile. Oh boy. Her shock turns from leaning towards disbelief to a look of obvious outrage. “You've been leading me on this whole time when you're actually a ?” she spits. The word is like a slap to Minseok, who winces like the girl had physically harmed him. He has heard it so many times in his life by now, and still he isn't sure how to react when someone throws it in his face.

Fortunately, Joonmyun seems to know. He no longer appears regretful, not in the least. Now he just looks every bit like the cold businessman his image makes him out to be (and nothing like the person Minseok thought he knew). “There's no need to get nasty,” he says. “To be honest, even if I wasn't gay I wouldn't date you. You are a despicable excuse for a human being and I'd rather live the rest of my life as a hermit than be forced to spend more time with you than I already have.”

The girl looks flabbergasted, opening and closing as rage slowly washes over her expression until it reaches its peak, and she lifts her hand to let it collide with Joonmyun's face with enough impact to make Joonmyun wobble slightly on the spot. The actual slap makes Minseok wince as well even though he wasn't even the one getting hit. Joonmyun, however, doesn't seem affected, and he quickly whirls his head around to shoot daggers at the girl, who glowers right back at him. “You... you disgust me,” she seethes.

“Likewise,” Joonmyun retorts.

“We're over!”

“Good riddance.” And with a stomp and an annoyed screech, the girl storms out of the cafe, hair floating around her head like a dark thundercloud. For several seconds, everything is quiet. Then Joonmyun hisses as he touches his smarting cheek gingerly. “Wow, that stings,” he groans. “But I guess I kind of brought that upon myself, huh?”

Minseok doesn't have an answer for that. “You can let go now,” is all he says while wiggling his fingers that are still intertwined with Joonmyun's. Joonmyun looks down as if he had somehow managed to forget that they were still holding hands. It takes him a moment to actually loosen his grip and pull away, and even so, he does it slowly and with a bashful apology.

Without saying anything, Minseok stares at Joonmyun. Joonmyun, who hugged him and held his hand and called him his boyfriend. This really isn't fair. He's been trying so hard to convince himself that his crush isn't actually a crush, that it's just him taking a liking to any person being nice to him, but the spark Joonmyun's touch had set off in him was unmistakable, and now Minseok can't deny it any longer. It is a crush. A dumb, undoubtedly unrequited crush, but a crush nonetheless. The realization is terrifying. He wasn't supposed to like anyone ever again. This is bad.

And of course Joonmyun is oblivious to Minseok's inner turmoil. “I'm sorry to drag you into all of this,” he says with a sigh, rubbing his temples. “You're probably wondering what's going on.”

“Yup,” Minseok says somewhat snappishly. “Sure am.” He's so confused right now. To be honest he's starting to get a little bit angry as well. He doesn't like being thrown off his game this way, and he doesn't like having his feelings toyed with, even if Joonmyun isn't aware that he's doing it. He doesn't like this situation one bit.

“I definitely owe you. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make it up to you.”

A second is spent thinking it over. “You said 'anything', right?” When Joonmyun nods, Minseok crosses his arms. “Well, my shift here ends in about ten minutes. I think the least you could do is pay for my dinner and explain to me what the hell just happened.” Usually, he would never have it in him to be this bold and abrasive, he would never practically demand that Joonmyun take him out (on a date, his mind supplies, but he extinguishes that tendril of thought before it can take hold and turn into a forest fire of unwelcome emotions, he has more than enough of those as it is).

Joonmyun seems startled by the sudden anger directed at him. He quickly recovers, though, and nods again, slowly. “Alright,” he says. “It's a date, then.”

Minseok resists the urge to grimace. He would prefer it if Joonmyun didn't use that word when it doesn't mean the same to him as it does to Minseok. However, there is a small, selfish part of him that wants to think of this as the real thing so he chooses not to mention it and just smiles stiffly instead. “Great.”

It quickly becomes apparent to Minseok that this is far from the best idea he has ever had. Despite the fact that they're in a greasy samgyupsal joint, he feels very underdressed as he sits there in jeans and a hoodie across from Joonmyun, who's wearing a fancy suit. He also forgot to take into account that Joonmyun already had dinner, and how awkward it would be for Minseok to eat by himself. “It's okay,” Joonmyun assures him. “I don't mind.” Minseok wants to say that he does mind, but he stays quiet. He just got out of an eleven hour shift. It's been a long day.

Rather than making a big deal out of that, Minseok decides to address the reason they're there in the first place. He waits until they have placed their order and watches the waitress walk off before he turns his attention back to Joonmyun. “So,” he begins, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice as he speaks. “Are you going to tell me why you decided to use me as your straight-beard?”

Joonmyun looks confused. “My what now?”

“Straight-beard. It's a slang word, it means... nevermind.” Elaborating would be a painful task, one Minseok would rather not take upon himself. “Just explain what happened back there.”

“Well...” Joonmyun pauses, appearing to mull over his words, before sighing heavily. “I was on a date with this girl I had been set up with and it... it didn't quite work out.” No , Sherlock, Minseok wants to snarkily interject, but once more he holds his tongue and listens as Joonmyun continues: “It was terrible. She was rude and condescending the entire time and just overall unpleasant to be around. I was desperate to get away from her.”

Minseok frowns. “Isn't it kind of a move, though, doing it the way you did it? You couldn't just have told her it wasn't working for you and leave it at that?”

“Oh, I tried doing that,” Joonmyun says with a dry bark of laughter. “Believe me, I tried. Apparently she is under the conviction that she is God's gift to humanity and that no one could possibly want to not be with her. These are her exact words, by the way.” Joonmyun shudders as though he's revisiting a particularly uncomfortable memory.

Minseok is beginning to understand why Joonmyun had sounded so urgent when he was begging for help him earlier. Still, he's not satisfied with the explanation. He doesn't like being used like this. “So naturally you figured the easiest way out was pretending to be gay?”

Joonmyun leans closer, and with an arched eyebrow and a smile that's probably a lot less cocky and a lot more shaky than Joonmyun intends it to be, he mutters: “Who said I was pretending?”

Minseok's jaw drops. That... had never been an option in his mind. Sure, he has played with the thought of Joonmyun possibly being into guys, and he had ruled it out almost as quickly as it appeared in his head, thinking that there's no chance in hell he would be lucky enough to fall for a gay guy this time, but... Joonmyun wasn't pretending to be gay. Because he is gay.

Now Joonmyun looks kind of terrified, and Minseok knows he should probably do that socially encouraged thing where he creates words, preferably some kind of more or less coherent sentence to let Joonmyun know that he's totally okay with this. He should say something. Anything. “Oh,” is all he manages to get out after a painstakingly long amount of silence. It's stupid, because that's not reassuring at all, and the knuckles of Joonmyun's nervously clenched fist turn whiter.

“I-I hope that doesn't, you know, change anything. I know it's still... that some people are still kind of... not so comfortable with, you know...” Joonmyun gulps. “So, are you...?”

“No,” Minseok quickly says. “I mean, it's fine, I'm fine, I, uh... m-me too. I'm... I'm also gay.” As soon as the words are out, Minseok wants to take them back. . That was a mistake. Even if it was barely more than a stuttered whisper, it was a mistake. Because he isn't openly gay. His ual orientation is not something he likes to flaunt since he's still scared of other people's reactions and possible hostility. Hiding it is much easier than dealing with all the hate.

Seeing the way the tension visibly melts out of Joonmyun's posture convinces Minseok that he did the right thing in outing himself, though. “Oh, good,” Joonmyun sighs, his relief so obvious Minseok can almost taste it, and Minseok relaxes as well, only to immediately tense up again as Joonmyun goes on to say: “Is it less weird if I tell you that I think you're cute, then?”

This is a dream. It has to be. Minseok pinches his thigh under the table and, nope, that hurts, which means it's... not... a dream? Somehow that upsets him even more. He has to take a few deep breaths before he's able to actually speak again. “What? Why? Wh-who put you up to this? Was it Jongdae?” Considering that Minseok never told anyone about the dumb crush he's harboring on Joonmyun, he doesn't see how Jongdae could possibly know, but that option still seems much more likely to him than Joonmyun actually reciprocating his feelings.

Joonmyun just looks confused, though, brow furrowed. “Who's Jongdae?”

Minseok feels dizzy. “You can't just say that,” he whispers harshly. “You can't just say that I'm cute. You can't just say it like that.”

“I'm... sorry?”

“I like you.” It tumbles out of Minseok's mouth just like that, again without his consent. He wishes he could hide behind his hands or even get up and run away, but he sits frozen in place as his limbs refuse to obey him, and he stares at Joonmyun in horror. Is word diarrhea an actual thing? Maybe he should see a doctor to get this checked out.

The silence that follows feels like it lasts for hours on end (even though it's probably only seconds), but then Joonmyun smiles. “Oh.” He sounds pleased. “So it's not weird.”

“No no, it's definitely weird as hell,” Minseok says right away. “You... you weren't supposed to like me back. And you weren't supposed to know about it either. No one was supposed to know.” He regains control of his limbs long enough to run a hand through his hair, and he lets out an incredulous laugh to mask the panic bubbling in his veins. “How can you even like me? You don't know anything about me, how can you like me when you don't know me?”

“You don't know me either,” Joonmyun reasons.

“And that is exactly why this is all so stupid and impossible, and we should... it would be better if we both just forget that it happened and get on with our lives.”

Joonmyun looks like he wants to say more, but then the waitress shows up with the food they ordered, and he chooses to remain quiet. She places the plates and bowls and side dishes on the table one by one, and, as if she can sense the tension in the air, she quickly makes herself scarce the very moment her tray is emptied. Minseok reaches out for the tongs, but before he can grab them, Joonmyun takes them out from under his hand. So Minseok just sits back and watches as Joonmyun starts filling the grill with meat.

“Alright,” Joonmyun mutters after another stretch of silence. Even though Joonmyun is purposely not looking at him, Minseok can tell from the twist of his mouth that he's unhappy. “Let's forget this.” Minseok's heart stutters. And not in a good way. He almost wants to laugh at how ridiculous it is that he's upset about Joonmyun wanting to forget when it was Minseok's suggestion to do so in the first place. Perhaps part of him had been hoping that Joonmyun would be braver than him and would insist that they follow through with this. “Tomorrow when I come to buy my tea, I'm going to pretend that we didn't have this conversation.” But of course not. Cowardice isn't a very attractive trait. Of course Joonmyun wouldn't be into that.

So Minseok plasters on that faux friendly smile he has become so accustomed to wearing, and never in his life has he spoken a word with less sincerity than when he says: “Great.”

Regret sets in almost immediately after Minseok has said his goodbyes to Joonmyun after dinner, and it lasts all the way into the following day. He shows up to work feeling sick to his stomach because he knows that even if Joonmyun pretends he doesn't remember, he's going to look at Minseok knowing full well how much of a coward he is. Nothing is going to be the same and it's all Minseok's fault. He runs a hand over his face and exhales a heavy sigh. He's so stupid.

Waiting for Joonmyun is torture. The regular half hour feels more like a day, and when Joonmyun finally steps through the door, Minseok fears he's going to vomit all over the counter. Joonmyun is smiling like he always is, a little tight around the edges but still as bright as the sun that has barely risen. “Good morning, Minseok-ssi,” he greets.

“Morning,” Minseok mutters. He's trying hard to stay collected, but he can't stop thinking about the fact that Joonmyun knows. “What can I get you today?” Joonmyun places his order, and Minseok sets off to make it for him. It's done within minutes, and Minseok rings him up. “Anything else?”

“No, thank you,” Joonmyun says, but then he furrows his brow, and he looks thoughtful. “Actually yes.” He hesitates for another moment, as though he's thinking over his words one more time to pick the correct ones, and then he draws in a deep breath and looks Minseok in the eye. “I was wondering if maybe you'd let me take you out?”

All Minseok can do is stare because his brain seems to have short-circuited and isn't capable of thinking up any actual thoughts, much less forming coherent sentences. He's not even sure he fully understands the situation. “Why are you doing this?” Minseok's mouth speaks for him. This can't be real. This time it must be a dream. Maybe he should try pinching himself again.

Joonmyun's cheeks are rosy, but there's a determined set to his jaw. “I don't know if this is weird, I just... I think you're cute, but I don't really know you, so I thought that maybe we could, you know, get to know each other a bit better. See where that takes us.” He shrugs as if it's not a big deal even though it kind of is. Minseok still doesn't know what to say. At least he's starting to understand now. Joonmyun is giving him another chance, he's showing that he's not willing to give up that easily. He really wants this.

There have been times in Minseok's life where he gave up on the things he wanted because he was too scared to take a risk, too afraid of failing or getting hurt. This is the first time he has beaten himself up to this extent for letting something go, though, and it is also the first time he has gotten a second chance. And yeah, he's scared. He's terrified. But he's not an idiot.

Swallowing down shaky words of rejection as well as shoving away the doubt lingering in the back of his mind, Minseok nods. “Okay.” Joonmyun looks like he can't believe it (and frankly, Minseok is still considering the possibilities of this being an elaborate prank). “I'm off work at five today.”

It takes Joonmyun a moment to gather his wits, but then the sunrise smile slips right back onto his face. “I-I'll come pick you up then,” he says, unable to contain his excitement.

And for the first time in a full twenty-four hours, Minseok's smile is genuine. “Great.”

~*~

A/N: this idea is has been me as long as I have been writing fanfiction, which is a pretty ing long time. actually, the second piece of fanfiction I ever wrote incooperated this idea. I never posted that story (because it was ing terrible and just thinking about it makes me cringe) so I decided to revamp it instead and this is the result. I don't really have anything else to say, except for happy birthday, minseok. ♥ I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you other than write this lackluster story. you deserve all the love in the world.