It's the first day of my second semester of my first year of highschool... 

And I like where I'm at right now. Back before highschool, I wouldn't have expected anything to get better. I was sick of the divorce, of my mom's cries, of having no friends, but mostly of myself. I wouldn't have guessed that the divorce would blow over, that my mom would get better, that I would easily make the best friends I've ever had, or that I would have changed so much. 

Everything feels so new... I'm living an entirely new life, and I like it.

It's more than I could have ever asked for, and I don't even know who to thank for all of this. I didn't even feel worthy of it, to be fair, but it's not like getting herre was a walk in the park.

Taemin was easily the best thing that could have happened to me, and his suffering (as rude as it may seem) was what snapped me out of my ignorance- hopefully permanently this time. Sure, this time around I wasn't as bad as the first time, and Taemin readily forgave me, but to say that everything I've done since the beginning of first semester was right is just wrong.

And yet here I am, actually enjoying life, having hope for a future. 

I think Taemin is happy, too. I don't think I would have been capable of any kind of happiness had I been in his position, but he was trying- he was trying so hard that it was almost endearing. I had my worries that school today would be too much for him. And if not today, then maybe in a few weeks. Sure, he was excited and motivated now, but who knows how he'll feel when the real stress comes?

Taemin had to be in early today; he, Jonghyun, and Jonghyun's father were all speaking to the principal right now about the 'logistics.' Changing Taemin's guardian in all official school files, etc. 

I was currently waiting outside the office when Onew exited another room nearby that was probably where the student council members met up. I saw a few other people leaving that room too that I only recognized from seeing around the halls every once in a while. 

"Kai, what are you doing outside the principal's office?" Onew asked as he approached me, a bit surprised. "You didn't get in trouble already, did you? It's only the first day back!" he joked as he joined me in the chair next to mine. 

"Hey hyung," I laughed lightly. "I'm just waiting. Taemin's in there right now."

"Ahhh," he aknowledged in a knowing tone, nodding his head slowly. "Well they shouldn't be too much longer then; he got here even before I did for my meeting."

"Do you think he's okay?" I asked a bit worriedly. I didn't know it had been that long. Onew-hyung smiled warmly. "Of course he's okay. Jongie's in there with him." His optimism was a bit baffling. I know Taemin's probably fine, but the way Onew just knew it because Jonghyun-hyung was in there too confused me.

"You guys..." I began, not knowing where I was going with that. "Well, your group.. You're all.. so close.." I observed quietly. I never had friends like that. I ruined my chance at having that with my old friends, and I haven't known these new friends long enough to form that type of trusting bond yet. I guess it just confused me because I didn't know what it was like to feel that way about a group of people while those five were closer than most families I've seen.

Onew's smile grew even wider. "Yeah. Yeah, we are close," he agreed. "We've been friends since we were kids. I guess we stuck together because all of us valued our friendships equally. It was what was most important to us. When other friends would let us down time and time again, we realized that other people just don't have the same priorities as us, and so we just kept getting closer until... Well, I guess we're not finished yet," he said calmly. "It's nice... It's nice to know that there are people you can absolutely count on no matter what. If you need to tell someone about something amazing that happened, or if you're upset and you need to talk to somebody... It's just- we know that none of us will ever turn our back on another, and so we just.. We trust each other. And that's a great feeling."

I didn't ask for the whole backstory, but I was glad I got it. "But Taemin..." I trailed off. Did Taemin not trust them as much as they trusted him? If he trusted them as much as Onew-hyung says, wouldn't he have asked for help getting out of that home?

Onew sighed. "I don't doubt his trust in us even now, Kai. He wanted to tell us, but what held him back wasn't that he didn't think he could count on us. It's because he knew that we would have done everything in our power to help him, and he's just too kind of a person to put us out like that on his own will. I see what he meant- I mean, we're all exhausted right now, and worried out of our minds. Basically, this is just what he didn't want. But where he's wrong is in the fact that we don't mind. We honestly don't mind. We appreciate the stress because we know he's gaining from our efforts. We've always been there for each other without complaint, so why should now be any different?"

I nodded slowly at his answer, understanding now that I thought about it. "Hyung... I know I messed up, but I think I really am in love with Taemin... I already talked about this with him, but would you hate me if I still pursued him even after what I've done?"

Onew took a deep breath, looking away from me briefly before his eyes found mine again. "Taemin can make his own decisions and I'm not going to tell you or him what you guys can or can't do." His eyes drifted away again. "If you're okay with waiting for him to take you back again in his own time, then I'm not going to stop either of you."

"You're not angry with me?" I asked, a little shocked. After hearing about just how close these guys were, I would have expected a worse answer.

The older sighed. "I don't know, Kai. I don't know how I feel. Obviously I'm not okay with the way you treated one of my best friends, but couples fight. They say hurtful things. I'm just glad to know that you're cleaning up your act. I would have been angry if you'd just left."

I nodded, choosing to not respond and risk pushing my luck. Instead, I sat in silence and thought about what he'd said. As I've learned since I met them, Onew-hyung was probably the most rational out of Taemin's friends, so maybe what he's saying is true. I am trying, and I'm not leaving. Maybe that means that this is okay?

I'd been wondering if I was right for Taemin. Of course he was right for me, but was I a bad influence on him? Have I brought more harm to his life than I have happiness? Did I deserve him? I don't know why he's still wanting to make this work eventually after I said those rude things and accused him wrongly, possibly being a cause of his hospitalization. 

I've tried to think positively, focusing on the future instead of the past. What's happened has happened and I can only make up for that by being a better person and treating Taemin the way that he deserves. Because he deserves everything in the world. He deserves a loving family with doting parents and a kind uncle who would buy him gifts. He deserves a boyfriend who can take care of him properly without letting his own temper get in the way of rationality. He deserves to be able to afford his own lunch without going to treacherous, self-sacrificing lengths. 

And I do have hopes for our future. He may not have 'doting parents' or a 'kind uncle,' but he has best friends who are willing to take them into their home on a moment's notice for as long as he may need. He may not have the most sensible boyfriend, but I can make him feel beautiful and loved and appreciated. He may not be rich, but now he's working for Leeteuk-hyung- who I know for a fact is the best boss out there and who cares for Taemin like a son. 

Maybe those substitutes are enough. Maybe they're enough to fill in the cracks in his life, to help him put himself back together after having suffered more than anyone should. I wish I could put myself in his situation so I could know for sure if this was enough for him, or none of those things are replaceable. I don't want him to settle; I want him to have everything. 

The sound of a door opening and new voices snapped me from my thoughts, and I shook my head lightly to rouse myself back into reality. I looked up from my lap to see Jonghyun-hyung exiting the pricipal's office followed by Taemin. The two looked behind them as Jonghyun's father had a few last words with the principal before exiting with them and closing the door behind him.

"Morning, guys," Onew-hyung greeted. "Good morning sir," he addressed Jonghyun's dad as well.

"Good morning," the man returned. "I've got to get to work now, you boys enjoy your first day back."

As he left and we all said our proper goodbyes, Taemin smiled and looked to all three of us with sparkling eyes. "Did you see that? It was like being dropped off at school by your dad. And look," he came rushing towards Onew-hyung and I with a smile. "I have lunch money today. I'm going to buy lunch!"

As I thought back, this was probably the first time Taemin will buy lunch during lunchtime at highschool. He would bring banana milk sometimes, and his friends would let him pick off of their plates, but he hadn't ever actually been able to just buy lunch like normal people do. His clearly excited demeanor had my heart melting. The way that he was so happy to feel like a normal teenager, the way that he enjoyed the feeling of being dropped off at school by a father, the way that he looked forward to just buying lunch... It was amazing. It was amazing how such little things bring him such joy now. I just didn't understand.

Onew laughed lightly and stood up, smiling warmly at Taemin. "I'm so happy for you, Taem," he said sincerely. "Really, I'm glad that you're happy." It wasn't just laughing about how excited he was right now and the silliness of it, Onew-hyung was so obviously sincerely pleased that Taemin's life was looking up- that Taemin wasn't too discouraged by the past to enjoy the present. It was quite the opposite really. Taemin wasn't simply enjoying the present, he looked like he was living a dream- like there was nothing in the world that he would have loved more than what he has right at this moment.

"You should probably be heading to class now, you don't want to be late. You said you wanted better grades this semester, so get to it!" Onew advised. It was clear he was the one in student council. 

"Let me walk you to your class?" I asked Taemin hesitantly, standing as well. At his nod, the two of us left the main office to make our way down the hallway.

"We're going to have dance practice on Wednesday," Taemin told me as we walked. He didn't look at me, though.

He was looking at everybody else, giving them smiles and nodding his head as if to say good morning to everyone who smiled back. He was a popular person at this school- everybody seemed to love him whether they knew him personally or not. It might have been because of his smile. Most people walking through the halls are solemn- heads down, headphones on, feet set for one destination only- and then there was Taemin, who could always brighten anyone's day with his cheerful personality. It was a pleasant change to the regular, boring world.

Now that I know what he's been through, it makes this that much more beautiful. No matter how tired or upset he was, he could always give a smile. I don't think that it's fake that he'd smile even when he's not happy; I think that it's brave. To be able to silently insist that he'd be okay and that he'd prefer to make others happy was admirable in itself, but added on with the magnitude of what he had been dealing with outside of school, it only made it that much more amazing.

"Did you hear me?" Taemin asked, looking to me now when I didn't respond to his statement.

"Oh yeah, sorry," I laughed awkwardly. "That's really soon, I like the enthusiasm," I turned my laugh into a genuine one. 

Taemin laughed lightly too. "I guess it is soon. It's not too soon, is it?"

"No, of course not," I insisted. "We have big plans for the dance team this semester, so of course it makes sense," I assured him. He nodded determinedly and continued to wave at a couple people who called out to him.

Nobody knew just what Taemin had overcome this winter break. Nobody could see it, how could they not just see it written all over his face? Honestly, if I were in his position, I'd want time off- I'm not even sure I would have come to school today. I would have needed more time to cool down after everything. But I guess that's what makes us different. And it's also one of the things that makes me love him. His willingness to overcome even the most challenging of obstacles with dignity and confidence was astounding and entirely respectable. 

I recalled seeing Taemin looking helpless and small when we brought him to the hospital, and I absolutely couldn't believe that those two entirely different beings were actually the same person. This Taemin stood tall and smiled with life and hope, but that Taemin cried and practically begged for comfort. I could hardly call them both Taemin, but something in me told me that thinking like that was wrong. Thinking that those were two completely different sides of Taemin wasn't right or respectful.

Taemin is both, all at the same time. Maybe he doesn't show it now, but of course he's still afraid of what's to come and what has already passed. Of course he'll still cry without seeming like a whole new person. Of course he needs comfort and love just as much as he did then. But he's stronger. He's taken that shell of himself and filled it with something new. Something stronger and more beautiful. A 'new Taemin' didn't just appear, and he's not just 'old Taemin' back when he used to smile in the halls and say hello to everybody. This time he's taken that person that he was and made himself stronger from the hurt. 

It was inspiring- it was so truly inspiring- to see this confidence and eagerness to succeed.

And somehow... I knew that we were enough. The thought hadn't been in my mind for long, but it was squashed just as easily. Taemin wasn't settling for us as replacements to a perfect life. Taemin chose to be around us because we fill up those holes that others have left in his heart. Me, our friends, our families... We're not a backup or a second thought to Taemin; we're his first choice. We are more than enough.

Hey people, sorry it's taken me so long =.='  I don't have an excuse, it's just been busy.

Anyway, thank you for waiting for my update and for reading it. Please leave a comment anyway(: I only got one comment on my last update and that actually made me really sad): If you don't comment, I won't know what you think! I want to make my readers happy, you know :P

Bisous! :-**