Not contrary to my expectations, Christmas morning this year was likely the worst I'd experienced in my entire life full of Christmases. Not only was it the first I'd be spending without my dad around, but I also had the anticipation of Taemin's situation to dwell on when I should be enjoying time with my mother and her parents.

My grandparents did notice my moping and when they questioned me on it, I told them not to worry- I was fine and we should be celebrating. Only problem was that I could hardly force myself to eat any of the extravagant dishes made for the occasion.

So by the time I got a call from Key in the late afternoon saying that they were going to be moving Taemin out of the ICU, I bid farewell to my family with a promise to be back before dark so I could see my grandparents again before they left.

I practically ran out of the building, hailing a taxi within a minute and was on my way to the hospital in no time. Even when I arrived there, I nearly forgot to pay the fare in my haste before rushing to the desk. "Excuse me, but is Lee Taemin being moved out of ICU?" I asked, almost panting. I was glad when I saw the nurse I had just addressed look up to see it was Taemin's from yesterday.

"Yes," she said with a polite smile. "He is stable and awake, would you like me to show you to his new room?" I nodded eagerly and she motioned for me to follow her before starting off down the hall. "Many others are here for him as well, so I will tell you exactly what I told them- please try not to overwhelm him. He's been through a lot and he's still recovering so he's not going to be feeling his best, and I don't want him to be stressed out by the number of people around him. If it becomes a problem, please just be responsible and remove yourself from the room. That's all I ask," she spoke professionally as we walked.

"Yes ma'am," I agreed, wondering why there were so many people around if he didn't have a family? Once we arrived, I heard commotion in the room, but it seemed like warm chatter instead of anything bad, so my anxiety was eased slightly.

"Hello?" I said, knocking on the doorframe and poking my head through the open door after thanking the nurse. I looked around to see crude Christmas decorations scattered throughout the room, and it seemed Taemin's four main friends all brought their families along. The adults all had a small plate of food in their hands as they chatted and laughed amongst one another while Onew, Jonghyun, Key, and Minho hyungs were all sitting beside the bed in the room, looking almost equally as cheerful (though I could tell it was a bit forced). It seemed that they had brought Christmas to him.. That brought my attention to the person on the bed- my Taemin... Or am I even allowed to call him that anymore?

I entered the room so I could get a better look at Taemin to see how he was doing and how he was reacting to the festivities around him, but once our gazes met, his eyes went wide. "K-Kai," he stuttered, alerting the people in the room of my presence. Conversation seemed to die down as everyone glanced silently between the two of us to guage his reaction and whether or not they would have to interfere.

"Merry Christmas?" I whispered in question, just trying to break the awkward atmosphere that had shrouded the whole room since my arrival. Unfortunately, it did nothing to fix the problem. If anything, it brought even more attention to how uncomfortable the situation was. I saw how everyone's eyes flicked back and forth between me and Taemin on the bed, dumbfounded and still searching for the words to say.

I watched as his expression changed from shock to a pleading look. I didn't know what it meant at first, but then he turned towards Key, who obviously understood the message. And that's how, without Taemin even saying a single word, I was escorted from the room by Key.

Key stood from his spot and made his way over to me, grabbing my arm and giving me a look that dared me to challenge him before leading me out of the room and around the corner. He sighed once we'd stopped, looking at my misty eyes, on the verge of tears of rejection. "Listen, I don't know what's going on right now, but he seemed to be doing okay a moment ago. We haven't confronted him on anything that happened yet, so maybe you were too much of a reminder or something- I don't know. Anyway, I think now is as good a time as any to ask him about it, so if you wouldn't mind just staying out here for a few minutes until everything is cleared up, I can come get you as soon as things settle back down. All I know is that he doesn't want you in there right now, so you're going to have to respect that."

I nodded intensely. I was glad to take whatever I could get. In all honesty, I'd expected to come here to angry glares and maybe even a punch or two from Taemin's friends, but it seems that he hasn't told them anything yet, so I was safe for now. And Key seems to want to help me, so I've got that going for me.. for now.

I could only slide to sit against the wall, glancing around the corner to watch Taemin's room from afar. I noticed how all the parents and siblings of Taemin's friends exited the room, probably to give them some privacy for a moment. It took 10 minutes, though- 10 minutes of sitting there with my heart beating out of my chest in nervousness for Taemin's reactions to me. I wanted answers too, just as much as the others do, so why was I the only one of his friends that has to wait outside the room?

Needless to say, those were some of the longest minutes of my life, and by the time I saw Key emerging from the room, my stomach dropped in anticipation. Even the seconds it took for him to make his way over to me seemed too long.

"So?" I practically pounced on him. "Is he mad at me? Does he never want to see me again?" I was rambling. Key had to literally cover my mouth with his hand.

"Shut up, Kai," he interrupted, annoyed. "He's not mad at you- he thinks you're mad at him. So get your in there and make it up, because I know he still loves you."

My eyes widened at the words he spoke in a harsh tone. I started to rush towards the room when he caught my wrist and spun me back around to him. "But if I had it my way, you'd never see him again because he deserves so much more than you. The only reason I'm letting you in there is because he's expecting to see you," he seethed, and I knew Taemin told them everything- every last word I'd said.

I dipped my head down in embarrassment and shame, mumbling a "sorry, hyung."

"Don't apologize to me, idiot. Get your on in there," he demanded.

I nodded again, pulling my arm from his grasp and scurrying back into the hospital room at the same time that Onew, Jonghyun, and Minho were exiting. I heard their sighs at my presence, but they let me pass and even closed the door on their way out to give us privacy.

I glanced over to Taemin on the bed and he was looking pale and sick, but so much better than yesterday. "Taeminnie..." I mumbled, calling for his attention. He looked up slowly, a self-conscious look in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he muttered lowly, trying his best not to look into my eyes.

"No," I spoke, coming up to sit in one of the chairs by his bedside. "You shouldn't be apologizing."

He looked down to his lap and shook his head. "I need to, Kai. I was terrible. I was an awful friend and an even worse boyfriend. I hid so much from you all, I cheated on you nearly every night, and I've just let everyone down so much.." he said all in one breath.

"Stop Taemin," I interrupted him from continuing. "Stop apologizing to me- I've done so much worse than you. I didn't respect you and your privacy, I never noticed anything was wrong, and I confronted you in the most rude, disrespectful, and downright invasive way. And ion is not cheating on me..." I added.

His eyes went wide at my last comment. "How did you kno-"

"Taemin... Other than what I already know, can you please just tell me what you told the others just now?"

His gaze flicked away from me again, and he didn't speak for a long time. "The police came by earlier. They took my uncle," he whispered.

"He came?" I asked, honestly surprised. From what the nurse had mentioned yesterday, I hadn't expected him to even show up. Taemin bit his lip and shook his head. "N-No, but they found him."

"Why did they take him away?" I provoked further.

He sighed deeply, contemplating his answer before speaking finally. "Kai, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you everything. But you have to be patient and listen to everything I say without interrupting or yelling at me," he said, and I could tell he was still more than a little hurt at the way I had yelled at him before.

"Okay," I agreed without a second thought.

From where I was sitting, I could see his hands trembling as they laid in his lap. He was playing with his own fingers anxiously, clearly not excited about what he was about to say.

"Well, since you already know about my parents," he started bitterly, "then I suppose I can just start when I began living with my uncle. We-We never liked him. He was rude, he did drugs, he was too clever, he didn't care about family... Anyway, I was required to live with him before any other options since he was my only living family member. I didn't want to. And once it became apparent to me he wasn't really interested in my wellbeing as my guardian, I thought about asking one of my friends for help many times, but you know how badly I would feel if they allowed me into their homes to live. It's just too much..."

He paused for a bit to collect himself before he continued, and I still remained silent as I watched him breathe deeply and wring his fingers together in front of him, staring at them intently like it was the most interesting thing in the world. I didn't want to break his concentration, so I kept my mouth shut and gave him the space and time he needed.

"It tok a while for it to turn out this way, but he got poor fast. His drug habit was obviously worse than I had remembered, and soon we were broke and forced to move into the slums because we had nowhere else to go. That's where he really got involved with the people there. He got to talking with the locals when they would all go out to get drunk together, and they would always talk about... about me." He gulped, releasing his trembling breath. I saw the determination in his eyes, though, and knew he wouldn't just stop here. "They would al-always tell my uncle about how much they would pay to... to have me, you know? And it was all joking, in their minds, but my uncle decided that's how he would fund his drug use- with me. He... He would bring me along when he went to get drunk with his new friends, and then pass me off to one of them who was willing to give him money."

I couldn't believe my ears. To be honest, I should have seen this coming with all the hints that had been dropped recently. I knew he was a prositute, I knew he would never sell himself on his own will, and that his uncle was no good, but to actually hear it in words was a whole different story. Who could possibly be so heartless as to exploit their own family member's body for money to buy drugs and alcohol? I get that he was desperate, but this is beyond unacceptable.

"I was really scared the first few times, Kai- I- I knew exactly what was going on and that was even more frightening." His hands gripped the thin, white blanket that was draped over his legs with both hands in tight fists. "I couldn't fight any of them, and I couldn't turn him in at that point- I'd have nowhere to go. Besides, he was my family and even though I had never been fond of him in the first place, I still had some stupid hope in me that he would change." A crystal tear fell down one of Taemin's flushed cheeks, and he bit his lip to keep himself from really crying. My heart ached for him, I don't know what to do- what to say. So I continued to be silent, clenching my own fists into the fabric of my pants.

My own breathing was speeding up, wanting nothing more than to pull Taemin into my arms and apologize for everything I've ever done to make him feel uncomfortable, unloved... With all that he'd been going through, all of his behavior made so much more sense. He was poor, never had anything to eat, he was tiny, his smiles never quite reached his eyes, he lost himself when he danced because he needed a distraction, he wanted to take our relationship slowly. I understood now.

"And so I just.. I kept doing it because I didn't know what else to do... And after a while, I just... It became normal for me. It was normal for me to rush home after school so I could make his dinner before going out and making his money. He became influential because he- he owned me. I had a reputation there, and... and so-" he cut himself off there upon realizing that his thoughts were getting all muddled up in his rushed speaking. Tears were now flowing freely down his perfect face, and he wiped them away roughly, sniffing loudly.

"He started dealing, and then he decided that that was too much work for his impaired mind to handle, so he left me that 'business' too. And I had to do it because he expected a certain amount every day. He could keep track of how much he expected of me a day, so there was no avoiding it. I was honestly surprised that he never once hit me. He acted like he loved me... He would hug me, tell me how good I was being, he would pat my head when I did well, he was like a supportive father, and think that's why I couldn't do anything about it. I- I missed my own father, and even though he made me do unspeakable things to feed his disgusting habits, I was convinced he loved me the same way my appa did. It's- It's pathetic, I know, but I was also afraid of what would happen if I did seek help. I didn't want all the attention it would bring... I wouldn't be able to show my face ever again without either getting looks of disgust or of pity.. And I didn't want to live a life like that, so I- I kept quiet."

I was crying now, too. This man was the devil- tricking this innocent kid into doing his will no matter how much pain it would bring him by feeding off of his need for an adult figure in his life to love him after suffering the death of his parents...

"And the other night... I had... I just... I coudln't take it anymore, Kai. I saw how upset you were that I was hiding things that I was- I was careless. I was at an appointment with a man. Usually, I was at least in control of myself and my emotions to take precautions, because even though I was selling myself into , I didn't want anything even worse to happen. I didn't know what you guys would do without me- I know you'd all be upset. But yesterday, I couldn't. I couldn't care to pay attention. I practically let him drug me, take me, and then dump me back onto the street without even paying. And- keep in mind I was on a lot of drugs at the moment- I knew that my uncle would be upset that I didn't bring him his money for the night, so I- I don't know why- I don't know why I did it, Kai, honest. But I had things in my bag- perscription drugs I was supposed to be selling to another man after my appointment. But I took them, instead, because I didn't want to face my uncle's disappointment. I didn't want to face your disappointment. I didn't want to face my other friends' disappointment. So I just... I just wanted to die at that time. I'm not suicidal, Kai, really, I don't know what came over me. I was dizzy, I couldn't see straight, I couldn't walk properly- it was like my mind just shut off, and I'm sure it was whatever that guy had drugged me with, but I took them all- all the pills."

His tears had ceased a while back, and now he was going on as if he was numb to what he was saying. And to be honest, that made me more anxious than the crying did.

"I don't remember anything after that," he mumbled. "I remember feeling sick- just so sick, and there were lights and sirens, and white.. Lots of white. I honestly thought I was dead for some time, and that helped me to stay calm, but I got really scared when I realized that I still felt bad. And i knew I couldn't be dead feeling the way that I did. I know I was in and out of consciousness for some time until I was able to keep my eyes open for long enough to recognize that I was in a hospital. Then they moved me here when I was feeling a bit better. Key came," he said with a smile. "Key-umma came and he brought his family. Then the others came and brought their families too. It was nice, they said they wanted me to have Christmas surrounded my people who loved me."

He was crying again, but he was still smiling. How he managed to be happy over something so small after experiencing what he did baffled me. I understand that it was an incredibly kind and selfless gesture by his friends and their families, but for Christ's sake, he had just woken up the day after his attempted suicide and is smiling?

I didn't care what could happen next, I just followed my instinct in pulling him into my arms, allowing him to release his tears of mixed emotions onto my chest. I felt bad. No, I felt worse than bad- so much worse. I was likely the worst boyfriend ever when this saint here battled so much to have a normal life- to be accepted, normal, and a good friend. He gave up everything he had because of the people he loved, never asking for anything in return. He allowed himself to live in that hell so as not to burden anyone. I didn't necessarily agree with his decisions, but I was working on being understanding, and I could at least see where he was coming from no matter how much I wished he would have come to me. In the past, I probably would have been angry at him for hiding all of this important information, but I couldn't bring myself to feel a single thing but love.

Love, and guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Taemin-hyung," I whimpered, trying to stop my own tears so he could calm down as well. He said nothing, just bringing his own arms up to wrap around my waist, holding me tight.

I couldn't speak for a while more after that, my throat closing up in my sadness. But when I could speak again, Taemin had stopped crying, though he refused to release me.

"I feel like I didn't know you at all," I started.

"I'm sorr-"

"No, don't apologize," I cut him off. "It's not your fault, none of this is your fault. I don't blame you for a single thing." It wasn't 100% true, but I sure as hell didn't blame him for his uncle's terrible actions. I may not be okay with the way he handled things, but I've never been in that position, so I can't lecture him on what he should have done. He tried his best to cope with everything that was happening to him, and I had to respect that completely.

He pulled his face away to look at me. His eyes were shiny with his recent tears and his face was red and irritated. I brought my cold fingers up to the hot skin on his cheeks. He shivered at the temperature and smiled again. "You mean it?" he asked self-consciously.

"I mean it," I assured him. "What I meant when I said that I felt don't know you is that I blame myself, Taemin-ah. I was too focused on myself, and I didn't pay attention to you. I didn't listen, I didn't see any signs. I should have put you as my #1 priority because that's what you deserve. I'm sorry for bothering you with my petty problems."

"They weren't petty," he said in a hoarse whisper, the small smile not leaving his face.

"Anyway," I tried changing the subject away from me this time. It was a new concept to me, but I was sure now that I'd be willing to do anything- to make any changes- if it was to make this beautiful man feel okay again. "What I'm trying to say is... i want to know you, Taemin. I want the chance to start over. Not that I want to erase our past together and start fresh, but I want us to learn from it. So... Hi, I'm Kai," I said, extending my hand for him to shake as if it were the first time we'd met one another.

He grinned sheepishly, using the back of his hand to wipe away the remaining drying tear tracks before grabbing my hand with his other one. It was shaking, but he looked happy. "Hi Kai, I'm Taemin..." he whispered.

"I just wanted you to know you have the most beautiful smile," I mused, speaking without thinking.

He giggled shyly, sniffing from the aftereffects of his crying. "Th-Thank you," he said earnestly, the blush on his face visible even over the redness from before.

I was stunned by... him. He was so strong- he was smiling and laughing right now. I know I wouldn't be able to do that if I were in his place. "We'll be great friends, I just know it," I added.

He really is a fallen angel.

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Author's Note:

Here's a long chapter to make up for my absence! Thanks for staying tuned, I gained quite a few new subscribers, and that pleases me (:

I also received questions based on the truth behind this storyline. Yes, my friend is alive and well today. He and his boyfriend are living together now, they're still happily together. I wanted to tell the story from my point of view (I'm like the Key in this story) but I knew it would be stronger from someone else's, so I chose Kai.

So there's that, there probably aren't going to be too many chapters left, but it's not over yet. There's stil lots to happen, so please keep reading! Comments make me feel special(; keep that in mind haha

Bisous! :-**