Her answer shut Taeyeon up. She leaned back against the armchair, examining the lonely bulb that hung  from the ceiling, without a lampshade.

To be happy.

That’s what everybody wanted, right? Even if someone was a weird masochist, even if they enjoyed pain or suffering, that ultimately brought them happiness.

To be happy.

She wanted that too. She wanted to be able to pursue her dream freely, to achieve her goal of becoming a musician, to fulfil the purpose she thought her life had. Everything she had done, it had been geared towards that ultimate destiny. And now that she thought why- well, didn’t music make her happy? Wasn’t it the only thing that truly made her happy?

Her parents wanted to be happy. They wanted to go to bed each night with the reassurance that their daughter would be taken care of, that she would have some sort of stability- mostly financial, should they not wake up the next morning. Seeing their children like that made them happy. They wanted to their children to be alright, to be well, be alive and healthy. And that’s what made them the most happy.

Jessica too wanted to be happy. She wanted to do something that she would enjoy and that others around them would also enjoy. She wanted her family to be proud of her, to forget they ever cause her any trouble, to avoid them finding out about that horrible time in her life. Jessica wanted to have a good time with her friends and do things that she liked. That was a bit different though, she thought. Jessica wanted to be happy all the time. Just happy. It didn’t really matter how.

Taeyeon wanted to make music. Her parents wanted her to be well. But Jessica had known sadness in such a way, in such a hard manner... Jessica had been immersed, drenched in sadness, so much that Taeyeon wondered why she hadn’t been able to smell it, maybe it’s because she somehow had the same stench. So Jessica, she thought, Jessica had simply wanted happiness in its purest state. No matter how or why, no matter the method. Jessica just wanted to be happy all the time. Anything else simply did not matter.

“Does it matter how?”

“How I’m happy?”

Taeyeon nodded.

“But I know what would make me happy. So there really is only one way.”

“You know?”

“Yeah”

I wonder if Jessica knows, Taeyeon thought to herself. I wonder if Jessica really knows what makes her happy.

“What’s that then? How would you be happy?”

Tiffany frowned, ever so slightly.

“If things were to go back the way before, I would be happy. Because I was happy back then. So, I guess I’d be happy now. But they can’t.”

“So you can’t be happy?”

“I think I can, but in a different way. Maybe. Things…things changed a lot. The whole world seemed to change”

She remembered Jessica’s words.

The world lost its innocence for me

I wish I could go back to that time.

“So you’ll never really be happy in that way”

“I guess” Tiffany shrugged her shoulders in defeat “that’s the saddest bit, isn’t it? Not being able to move on and still wondering, still stuck in that time. Everybody else seems to be getting on with their lives but somehow you’re glued to the floor , stuck to that past. Everybody grows up and faces their fears, but you still want to go back to that time. It’s impossible. But, it’s a sweet kind of sadness”

“Why?”

“That sadness exists only because you were able, capable of being happy. Once, some time ago. That’s the way I like to think about it. It’s a soft sadness. Longing. Like your song. You just want everything to stop and stay the same, but, like I said, that’s impossible. Your brother is taking a long time” she added pointedly.

Taeyeon got the hint. She wouldn’t be able to find out anything else about Tiffany,for now.

“I’ll help him. He’s so useless sometimes”

Tiffany smiled.

“You shouldn’t say that about him, he’s family-“

“-that’s why I can say it-

“and he really-“

There was a crash. Taeyeon heard the shattering of plates and the clanging of cutlery.

“OPPAA!!” she yelled in exasperation.

“I’M SORRY” a voice whimpered back.

Taeyeon pushed herself off the armchair and ran into the kitchen.

She saw the carnage on the floor. Pieces of plates laid scattered around, like jigsaw puzzles only interrupted by the random piece of metal cutlery. Jiwoong’s face was comical, a mixture of blatant fear, bashfulness and a lame attempt at what Taeyeon had named ‘the oppa pose’. Even though he was older, one year did not warrant salvation from being occasionally scolded by his younger sister.

“How did you-“ she was lost for words “did you think you were at a Greek wedding or something?”

“I tried to stop the cutlery from falling from the plates. I was carrying it on top and…”

Taeyeon arched her eyebrows and observed the strewn cutlery.

“And how did that work out, oppa?”

“Hm” he held his chin, theatrically, “could have gone better, I admit”

He lowered his voice and egged Taeyeon to come closer.

“Had a nice chat with Tiffany?”

“You did it on purpose!” she whispered back angrily.

“Not the whole ‘breaking crockery’ act but I did think of taking my time to get back once I saw where the conversation was going” he tapped his temple with his index finger  “I’m one of Seoul’s best officers. I can pick up on this stuff, you know”

“Unbelievable…”

“ing unbelievable, I believe it’s what you mean”

“…whatever”

“Grab the sauce and the pasta and I’ll take the table stuff”

Taeyeon stood in complete silence, arms crossed over her chest.

“Oooor I’ll take the food and you take the table stuff”

“Glad you got the hint, Seoul’s best officer”

They walked back into the living room. Taeyeon smiled to herself. Jessica was once again, right. Jiwoong was the perfect comic book character.