Chapter 17 – I love you

The next morning my mind was filled with only one question: where could I find her? I felt so anxious. I wanted to see her again. But where will I find her?

When I arrived at the restaurant Hyunjoong was the first one to greet me. “Hey!” he said as I walked through the front door. I stopped for a moment and turned to look at him. I gave him an intense look and he stared at me confused of why I was giving him that look. “What’s up? Did I do something wrong?” He asked me. ‘Something wrong!?’ I thought sarcastically in my mind. If only you knew what Maki meant to me then you would probably understand why I’m upset.

“Nothing.” I replied to him coldly. I continued walking, but before I could pass him, he gently grabbed my arm and stopped me from taking another step. I turned to him irritatedly and he said,
“Jaejoong what’s going on with you?” I shrugged his hand off my arm but he immediately grabbed my arm. I glanced down at his hand that was gripping my arm and then I glanced up to meet his concerned gaze.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I told him again, but this time in a gentler tone. He slowly let go of my arm and I gave him a reassuring smile before I continued walking towards the locker room. I could feel him watching my back as I entered the locker room.

*sigh* ‘what’s wrong with me? I know he’s just concerned about me. For all I know they could just be friends! Jaejoong, get it together will ya? Don’t ruin your friendship just because of your stupid speculations!’

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While I was cleaning one of the tables near the entrance Hyunjoong approached me again. I looked up and he asked, “are you still pissed off?” I hesitated to answer his question. Alright, what ever I did to upset you, I’m really sorry. Can you forgive me?” He looked at me with pleading eyes, and I shook my head.

“It’s not you’re fault. It’s just me. I’m just a little off today, so just ignore me. I’m sorry for acting like that earlier.” He smiled and nodded his head lightly. “It’s all right.” He said. When he was about to walk away, I called after him. “Hyunjoong!” He turned around and looked at me. “Erm…….you know Horikita Maki right?” He nodded his head ‘yes.’ “Do you happen to know….” I hesitated for a moment. ‘Jaejoong you can do it!’ “Do you know where she lives by any chance?”

His eyes widen in surprise. He’s probably wondering why I would want her address. He took out pad and he began jotting down something. After he was done writing, he crumpled the paper into a ball and threw at me. I caught it with my hands and I slowly un-crumpled it. And on the piece of paper an address was written on it. A grin slowly formed on my face. I wanted to thank him but when I looked up he was already gone. Thanks, I said silently in my mind.

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That night I made my way to her apartment. I was right in front of her apartment and was contemplating whether to go in or not. I paced back and forth outside on the sidewalk when suddenly I heard someone call out my name. I turned around and was surprised to see Maki standing behind me. “What are you doing here?” she asked me curiously. I stuttered to answer her question, “I-um-well…….I was on my way home and I thought I’d stopped by to say hi. HI!” She just stared at me with a blank expression on her face.

Crap! I sounded like an idiot! I waited silently for her reply. And when I thought she wasn’t going to give me a reply she suddenly said, “Ok. Would you like to come inside?” My face brightened like a light bulb when I heard her reply. I nodded my head delightedly in response. She led the way towards the elevator while I followed silently behind her.

In the elevator the two of us stood side by side in silence. The silence along with the stuffy and constrained space made the both of us feel awkward so I cleared my throat to lighten up the mood. She turned her head and looked up at me waiting for me to say something. I turned my head towards her and smiled nervously. “Were you going to say something?” she asked me. I hesitated for I didn’t know what to say to her. ‘Stay cool Jaejoong. Stay smooth.’ My gaze landed at her red stiletto. “Erm…..nice shoes?” I said nervously. “Umm….thank you?” I turned my gaze away from her and I gently smacked myself on the forehead for my lame comment. ‘Real smooth Jaejoong! Real smooth!’

The elevator doors suddenly opened. She motioned me to follow her and I did obediently. As I followed behind her I began eyeing her from head to toe. I noticed a few changes in her features that I didn’t notice before when we first met. Her figure seemed a little slimmer and her hips had gotten a little rounder giving her that slender ‘hourglass’ figure. And she had gotten taller as well. *sigh* Where was I when these changes were occurring?

I accidentally bumped on her when she suddenly stopped. “Sorry” I said to her. She took out her room key and inserted it inside the key hole. Once inside we walked through a small hallway leading to the living room. My jaw dropped in awe as I scanned the contents of the living room. Inside the room was a huge beige leather sofa that stretched across the room and in front of it was an oval glass coffee table. Suspended on the wall was a 50 inch plasma TV. I woke up from my daze when I heard Maki’s voice call my name. “Jaejoong-ssi, are you ok?” I nodded my head in response. She offered me a drink and I a gratefully accepted.

On the couch I watched carefully as she took a sip out of her tea. A slight smile of pleasure was shown on her face. I couldn’t help but feel a small tinge of guilt inside my heart for leaving her back then. “I missed you” I whispered softly, but loud enough for her to hear. Her smile faded and was replaced with a frown. She didn’t respond to my statement. “Did you miss me?” I asked her. But she remained quiet. Her unresponsiveness pained my heart.

“Jaejoong-ssi what do you really want from me?” Hearing her call me formally is like a dagger to my heart. I feel so distant from her; she treats me like I’m some kind of stranger. “Maki-chan…..I came here to apologize.”

“For what? For suddenly leaving me and abandoning me?” I could tell she’s trying to hold back her tears, and she’s doing a really good job at it. “I’m really sorry Maki. The only reason why I disappeared back then was because I was scared….” She turned her head to face me, waiting for me to continue. “I was scared that I might hurt you again. And I didn’t want to hurt you ever again………because I love you.” The tears that she had been trying so hard to suppress began to fall uncontrollably down her cheeks. I raised my thumb to wipe away her tears but she beat me to it. She immediately wiped her tears away with the palms of her hands and said in a cold tone, “If you really loved me like you say you do, then why didn’t you come back for me? You think I wouldn’t understand your situation?! I knew from the start that you were different from everyone else! But even though you were different I knew you had a pure heart and was an honest person! I thought you’d always stay by my side.”

Her words cut deep into my heart. I never noticed that she knew about my secret. I felt so guilty for leaving her. I was trying hard not to hurt her, but by leaving her I hurt her more. I was a fool for leaving her. Why didn’t I trust her? Why didn’t I trust our love?

New fresh of tears began falling down her cheeks. I slowly wrapped my arms around her small frame and to my surprise she hugged me back. She buried her face on my chest and she clutched her hands tightly on my shirt. The warmth of her hug that I missed so much consoled me. And I’m pretty sure my hug had consoled her too.

‘Maki, I promise I won’t ever leave your side again.’

“I love you Maki.”

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A/N: Hi guys! I’m really sorry for my super late update. I know I probably lost a lot of readers, but I understand. I was contemplating on how the story should go on. I was considering a love triangle, but I’m not sure if I still want to do it. My studies have also barred me from updating earlier. i'm really sorry guys :(

Comments would be very much appreciated! Pls stay tune for chapter 18!!!

(1/29/10) (1/12/11)