I was on the spotlight when I went to school on Monday. It was an endless day of staring and deliberate pointing along the school corridors or even in classrooms. The fateful event two days ago through the thick walls of our house managed to travel to the corridors of my school.

Now everyone couldn’t stop talking about how I broke Jae Hoon’s heart for trying to elope with some rebellious guy. Meanwhile, some students considerately predict what my future’s going to be like, while some of them discussed about how irresponsible I was and how I’m so not like my sister when she was in high school.

Naturally, I couldn’t care less. I didn’t even have any energy when some of Jae Hoon’s admirers cornered me and asked me questions, as if it’s their right to know everything that’s happened, as if I have the obligation to explain things to them. I brushed them off and told them to get a life.

If there was one person in the school I wanted to talk about what happened, it was with Eun Hye. Obviously, I wasn’t able to phone her after what happened just like I promised because grandma grounded me and took my phone away since the incident.

I fill her in from when I arrived at the house, when mom and grandma went mad upon seeing Jongin. She asked me if I explained everything to my mom. Truthfully, I wasn’t able to speak to her after they sent Jongin away. I didn’t see her the entire day. Then on the following days, she would give me her trademark cold shoulder treatment which worsened when she found out Jae Hoon and I broke up. It was grandma who pounced on me unfeelingly. I didn’t know why I even bothered to explain, the old woman obviously doesn’t know how to listen. Except Hye Rin, all of them still believes something happened between me and Jongin.

“Nothing happened.” I repeated firmly when Eun Hye continued to look at me with a somewhat unconvinced look.

“Sorry.” she said, shaking her head a little as if to shook off the thought inside her head. “I was just really shock to see you with him that morning in our back porch.”

“I told you, we lost track of time at the rooftop and fell asleep.” I explained to her to for the fourth time that day. “It wasn’t planned.”

“So…are you guys like together now?” Eun Hye asked, raising her eyebrows impishly at me.

“I guess?” I said uncertainly. “Unofficially together? I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it yet.”

“D’you want me to pass him a message?” she offered, “I’m going to the café later after school. Maybe he’s there. I’m sure he wants to know how you’re doing, too.”

“Just tell him I’m fine.” I said, “I’ll call him as soon as I get my phone back.”

Eun Hye agreed just as the bell for the afternoon classes chimed in. I spent the rest of the day busying myself with some school work. My art teacher approached me just after school and invited me to join a small art exhibition a month from now. I happily accepted her invitation, hoping it could help me ease my mind off a little.

During dinner at home, it was only grandma who kept on talking in the table. And we just let her because (at last) she will be going back home next week. Hye Rin told me to endure a few more nights with our grandma. Honestly, I wasn’t listening to the old woman speak at all. I just nod or shook my head whenever she would talk about me. I just don’t want to deal with her anymore.

It was mom I wanted to talk to. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life having this kind of relationship with her. But she’s making it hard for the both of us. I even went to her practice after school, in hope to talk to her away from grandma’s prying ears, but her coworkers says she’s too busy at the moment. But I knew better.

I sneaked into Hye Rin’s bedroom later that evening, when I know mom and grandma was already asleep, to talk to her about everything that’s happened. I already explained to her that I wasn’t really planning on running away. Initially I did, but then I thought it was stupid so I just sneaked out and planned to get home before midnight because I was really upset. Then, the incident with Jongin happened and I just couldn’t not care about him. I also told her nothing happened between me and Jongin. Hye Rin merely gave me a smile and told me I didn’t need to explain about that bit, saying she knew I’m smart enough and she trusted me.

“When you went missing,” Hye Rin started. I was sitting on top of her bed, opposite her. “She nearly went into shock, Su Ji. She was extremely worried. I’ve never seen her act like that before.” I sighed, “We didn’t expect something like that would happen, she didn’t expect something like that would happen. And I guess it was kind of traumatic for her and she was scared that it happened again.”

I frowned at her confusedly. “Happened what again?”

For a moment, Hye Rin regarded me hesitantly. “Su Ji,” she began, “Mom has a sister.”

“A sister?” I repeated, befuddled. “But she said she didn’t have—”

“They have a rough history together,” my sister explained, “It was really ugly, so mom kind of banished her away from our life. From her life.”

There were many questions running inside my head at once but I only asked what I think was the most important question. “What does her sister had to do with me?”

Hye Rin took a breath and started explaining to me how our mother took the responsibility of taking care of her younger sister since our grandparents died when they were young. Mom practically gave up her childhood just to provide support to her sibling and herself. But when mom’s sister was eighteen, she got pregnant and eloped with some guy. It broke our mom’s heart and until then, she never spoke of her again.

Hye Rin found out about this lost sister when she and mom were shopping downtown and bumped into her on a mall. After weeks of persisting, mom confided into her about what happened. She made Hye Rin promised to not say a word to anyone about it. Hye Rin also found out that it was one of the reasons why grandma doesn’t approve of our mother.

“That’s why she reacted that way,” Hye Rin said. “It brought her the emotional traumatic experience she had before and she was scared it happened to you as well. And that’s why you need to talk to her.”

“I wanted to.” I said, “But I feel like she doesn’t want to sort this thing out between us.” I confessed, feeling upset. “I really want to understand her, but I also need for her to understand me. I mean, she can do that with you, why can’t she do it with me?”

Hye Rin fell silent a