The sun was already up when I woke up that Saturday morning. The sun streamed inside my window, brightening up my seemingly gloomy bedroom. My stuff was everywhere; my open luggage was lying on top of my unkempt mattress along with my clothes which I’ve brought from my school trip a few days ago. I just got home last night, I didn’t bother changing clothes, I was too exhausted from the trip and the ride home itself, and so I quickly collapsed in my bed to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I opened my luggage to find my favorite bath towel because I really missed my bath tub and the hot water. I’ve been in the tub for nearly an hour now, just sitting there being surrounded by water, listening to the trickle of the water from the shower up in my head. And as much as I don’t want to do it, my brain kept on working anyway. I refused to think of anything about anyone that moment.

It was the reason why I went to the school trip a few days ago in the first place. It was a last minute preparation, I basically just jumped into wagon. I knew it was so unlike me because even Eun Hye looked at me curiously when my hand went up in the air when our homeroom teacher asked the class if anyone still wanted to join. Perhaps almost everyone in my class were surprised when my hand shot up because, as much as I like animals, I don’t really fancy spending time with goats and cows in a farm for a few days. But I didn’t care, I just wanted to runaway.

I wanted to runaway. I wanted to turn off my emotions. I figured maybe spending some time away from home could help my head clear off my thoughts. It did, but only for a moment.

Now I’m back home, but I still felt as messed up as I felt before I left for the school trip. I didn’t want to go out today. I didn’t want to meet anyone or to talk to anyone. I just want to stay in this tub and drown my feelings and wash away the three familiar faces in my mind’s eye who were responsible for my sleepless nights since last week. But I can’t avoid them forever, I thought to myself after splashing cold water into my face once more. I can’t run away from them forever. Sooner or later, I’ll have to face them. And I’m so done running away from my problems. I’ll have to fix this.

After a few more minutes, I got off the tub, dried myself and wore a robe. When I walked out of my bathroom, one of the three faces in my head was sitting on my disheveled mattress.

“Eun Hye.” I squeaked. I didn’t expect to see her in my bedroom, especially not as early as this.

“Welcome back.” she told me in a calm voice. I didn’t understand but I felt something not good was about to happen.

“Thanks.” I said. This is weird. For all the years we’ve been friends, there were no pauses like this during our conversations. And Eun Hye’s eyes hasn’t left mine since I walked out of the bathroom.

“Did you had fun?” she asked, eyeing the two band aid stuck on my forearm.

“It alright,” I shrugged. “I grabbed a rope back there. I thought it was the horse’s reigns turns out it was an electrical wire and so I got electrocuted.” I added with an awkward smile.

“That’s sounds like a lot of fun.” Eun Hye said. She didn’t even hide the mockery in her voice. I knew right that moment, this conversation is heading to an ugly turn. “You probably had so much fun, you didn’t even bother returning any of my calls.”

There it goes. That’s the start. I forced myself not to fidget and appear as cool as possible. “I know, I’m sorry.” I began. “The reception —”

“Stop, Su Ji!” Eun Hye cut me off.  She looked at me so fiercely, the pain in her eyes tugged at my heart. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked me quietly, but the hurt in her voice was palpable. “You told me you didn’t know who she was but—why didn’t you tell me it was you?”

I gripped the side of my robe and forced myself to keep my eyes on her. It was no use lying to her. “I didn’t know.” I choked out, “I’m sorry. I—I swear I didn’t know it was me.”

Eun Hye chuckled humorlessly. “I feel so stupid!” she said, flustered.

“Eun Hye, please.” I begged, walking towards her. “I swear I didn’t know it was me.” I insisted honestly. “At least I wasn’t sure.”

Eun Hye glowered at me. “I bet now you’re sure after he kissed you.”

I swallowed hard and looked at her in shock. How did she found out? Did Jongin told her?

“Oh yes,” Eun Hye drawled, her arms crossed in her chest. “I know what happened between you and Jongin at the deck roof. I heard him and Kyungsoo arguing about it. Kyungsoo was so upset, he said it was very inappropriate, considering you’re dating someone.”

I felt my face reddening from humiliation. I averted my gaze from her and bit my bottom lip.

“Are you and Jae Hoon still together?” Eun Hye asked afterwards. “Su Ji, are you two still together?!”

“Yes, we are!” I replied with a raised voice on impulse. “We are still together.”

“Oh my God,” Eun Hye said frustratingly as she ran her fingers through her hair. “This is…I can’t believe this happening!”

“Eun Hye, please, listen to me first.” I implored, “I can explain—”

“Why would you do something like this?!” she said to me bitterly. She took a step back as I reached for her hand, “I look at you and I feel like I don’t even know you anymore! Who are you?!”

Her last sentence hit me so hard. I knew it was a rhetorical question but when I repeated the question to myself, I didn’t know what to say. Who am I? What exactly is happening to me?

Eun Hye took a deep breath, wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She turned to me with tight expression on her face. I wanted to say something to her, apologize to her more, but she turned around and stormed out of room.

I knew it was no use running after her. She was very upset with me. Truthfully, I am upset with me either. I’m a ball of mess right now and I feel like screaming from utter frustration.

I didn’t go anywhere that day. I stayed in our house, listen to my grandma tell stories about how wonderful her boyfriend was and observe my mom’s fake smile towards her. I wanted to talk to Hye Rin, to just spill what’s in my chest right now, but she’s too busy at work.

The next day, I received two messages, one was from Eun Hye which was possibly a group message, reminding us about our last day of filming the following day. The other message was from Da Hee. She was asking me if I could go to the studio to check up on her costume because she saw some damage.

I hesitated if I should go because I was preparing for my date with Jae Hoon. I called him yesterday and asked him if he wanted to hang out with me. We agreed to meet up later tonight. But as a costume maker, I have the responsibility of checking the clothes I made.

Two hours before my date with Jae Hoon, I quickly dressed up and grabbed the things I’ll be needing on checking the costumes and left our house. On my way to the studio, I sent Jae Hoon a text if he could meet me at the coffee bar later, instead of him picking me up here at home because Da Hee asked for my assistance at the studio.

When I arrived at the studio, I was expecting to see Da Hee. Well, she was there, but I didn’t expect to see Jongin to be there as well.

He was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the wall as he toy around with a tennis ball. He turned his head towards me when I closed the door with a sound. Like Eun Hye, I know h