P5 | Finally~~! by cinnimoroll08
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''Finally~~! by cinnimoroll08''
Reviewer: junior_ace
Mark :30/50 or 80%
Title: 2/5
how the title related to the story?? i don't think the title suited the story.. here, i suggest you a few titles that you can choose,
-Having you make me Happy
-True Love
Des+foreword: 7/10
nothing to say, you just had a cheerful story with pictures^^
Characters: 5/5
it's hunhan, i can understand
Grammar: 4/10
there's something bothering me.
-Everyone here? (X) it is wrong. everyone is a singular noun, so you should put the verb-to-be in middle. this is right one, 'Everyone (is) here?'
-exo had photoshoot at the park to take some photos for a magazine. (X) this a NO NO. it should be, 'EXO had photo shoot for a magazine at a park.'
-...and quickly went to prepare. (X) this isn't right. it supposed to be '...and quickly prepare (themselves).'
-you just "did" me right in the morning! (X) it is a wrong sentence. sehun make luhan? it supposed to be 'You just 'did' (to) me right in the morning!'
-a bottle of lotion that contains medicine. (X) NO NO. it should be 'a bottle of (medicated) lotion.
-No way am I letting you... (X) it's wrong. you should put the noun in front of the verb-to-be. this is the right one, 'No way I'm/I am letting you...'
-were and we're are different things. WERE is VERB-TO-BE but WE'RE is a SHORT FORM of WE ARE.
-Alright. I forgive you. this sentence is right but i think you should add will after the noun like, 'I'll/I will forgive you.'
Plot: 6/10
i think you should use 'times new roman' or 'georgia' font for this story. and i would like some detailing.
Flow: 4/5
it is just fine. neither too fast nor too slow.
Bonus: 2/5
hunhan^^
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Reviewer: Luhansperf
Mark : 39/50 or 80%
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Average Mark: 80/100 or 80 %
Keep up the good work !
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