P5 | Finally~~! by cinnimoroll08

↺ The Clique Graphic Shop | CLOSED FOREVER | Thank you everyone.

 

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''Finally~~! by cinnimoroll08''


Reviewer: junior_ace
Mark :30/50 or 80%

Title: 2/5
how the title related to the story?? i don't think the title suited the story.. here, i suggest you a few titles that you can choose,

-Having you make me Happy
-True Love

Des+foreword: 7/10
nothing to say, you just had a cheerful story with pictures^^

Characters: 5/5
it's hunhan, i can understand

Grammar: 4/10
there's something bothering me.

-Everyone here? (X) it is wrong. everyone is a singular noun, so you should put the verb-to-be in middle. this is right one, 'Everyone (is) here?'

-exo had photoshoot at the park to take some photos for a magazine. (X) this a NO NO. it should be, 'EXO had photo shoot for a magazine at a park.'

-...and quickly went to prepare. (X) this isn't right. it supposed to be '...and quickly prepare (themselves).'

-you just "did" me right in the morning! (X) it is a wrong sentence. sehun make luhan? it supposed to be 'You just 'did' (to) me right in the morning!'

-a bottle of lotion that contains medicine. (X) NO NO. it should be 'a bottle of (medicated) lotion.

-No way am I letting you... (X) it's wrong. you should put the noun in front of the verb-to-be. this is the right one, 'No way I'm/I am letting you...'

-were and we're are different things. WERE is VERB-TO-BE but WE'RE is a SHORT FORM of WE ARE.

-Alright. I forgive you. this sentence is right but i think you should add will after the noun like, 'I'll/I will forgive you.'

Plot: 6/10
i think you should use 'times new roman' or 'georgia' font for this story. and i would like some detailing.

Flow: 4/5
it is just fine. neither too fast nor too slow.

Bonus: 2/5
hunhan^^

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Reviewer: Luhansperf
Mark : 39/50 or 80%

Click here to see the review

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Average Mark: 80/100 or 80 %
Keep up the good work !

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Comments

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AmieDMJ #1
Chapter 46: bye bye~ I love this shop so much /cries a Han river
Cinnimoroll08 #2
Chapter 46: farewell TT^TT
(im kinda interested but idk xD)
DobuOnew #3
Can we be affiliates?

Somnium Review Shop
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/549557/somnium-review-shop-open-dreams-request-review-shop-reviews

I would be glad if you accepted. :)
-farewell #4
Affies? :D
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/428546/
MindragonFan #5
Chapter 44: Holy sheit, the x-men trailer is amazing!! Teach me your ways, sensei. *bows to your awesomeness*
fluffpenguin #6
Chapter 3: When will you be open again?
fluffpenguin #7
Chapter 3: Is my dp that I requested last time included as one time that I requested?
buttsmex #8
Chapter 42: Reviewer 1: Well.. i meant that love isnt easy. especially if it was ur own dad. and to make it all for worse, he died. and ur pregnant when ur suppose to. sorry if i was not being expressive lol. ^^' Thank you. Haha thanks. I was wondering about that. XD Really? Its my third story.. so.. kinda nervous if i still make mistakes. :3 well.. i dont exactly love m-preg.. but yeah. lol Thanks you. :) Its ok. Thanks for the time. <3

Reviewer 2: I know. I'm sorry.. ;_; lol jk. I did the title first then the story. I guess it was a mistake lol. I dunno what to put.. T^T my wrong. i should've put kris as a slight appearance. Yeah. I'm from malaysia. But i'm always on top in my class when it comes to english though. ^^ And okie. Hmm.. ok. Thanks. I was thinking that. But dang, i use it to much. Thanks for the time~ <3
--vikseu #9
Chapter 39: Whoops~ i think you forgot something. can i ask for a redo?