P5 | MY FORBIDDEN LOVE by Exotic-T

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''MY FORBIDDEN LOVE by Exotic-T''

Reviewer: junior_ace
Mark : 32/50 or 64%


Title: 5/5
it suited well^^ i love it

Description  Foreword: 5/10
i think it was too fast for a high school boy to fall in love(?)

Characters: 3/5
i don't like the use of 'gege' because at my country, it means someone is attracting attention by making cute, so can you please change it??

Grammar: 6/10
}past tense is for action and present for the conversation, okay sweetie??

Plot: 7/10
nothing to say but i like it to be detailed^^

Flow: 3/5
i think it was too fast to fall in love(?) also, the text was too large and making the story short

Bonus(based on font,posters/background): 3/5
the font is not suit to your story but i love your poster^^ i think i have seen your poster before(?)

 


Reviewer: Luhansperf
Mark : 38/50 or 76%


Title: 4/5
Honestly,you don't have to used them in 'caps lock'.It might look weird and it's over used. Maybe you could use like "Love across fate"

Description  Foreword: 6/10
} There's nothing much to say but I can expect what's going to be next because I've seen others wrote the plot like this. It's clicheeeeh ;u; } But thumbs up if you put some twist in it :)

Characters: 3/5
} There's nothing much to say but TaoRis <333333333

Grammar& everything: 14/20
} There's something bothering me.I'm not that grammar nazi but .. your & you're is not the same
- Your book is with me }It means someone's belonging or pointing something to someone

-You're beautiful }It means like stating something to someone }Is a shortform for You Are } You need to know which one needs to be capital letters.

- "Gege,please don't leave me! I'm sorry!" said Tao while crying. (bold the letters that needs to be capital) } The dots.. you can only use 3 dots if you want or less.It will make your fic looks weird or idek ;u; } Um,you need err to learn how to use "." sign and 'this'.I know that when it is italic it means the pov's thought but when it comes to the normal type,it's the conversation.To me,I was confused because...I think you should use "." sign for conversation while '.' for thoughts.

-"This is wrong,like wrong" Kris sighed. - 'Everything's wrong' Tao thought as he wiped his tears away. } Though it's up to you } your note between your para or inside your para.I find it disturbing.
Do write your note at the end of the chapter or before (on top) the chapter/


Plot: 3/5
} I suggest you to use Times New Roman,Arial or Georgia if you want to write a romance story but I liek the font that you use but you could resize it to 14

Appearance: 4/5
} Love the poster but where's the bg? you could request or just simply take from google? or?.. idk /slapped.

Bonus: 2/5
- {because it's taoris<3333}

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Ah..is this too harsh? e.e idk..
I've edited this many time. 

 

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Average Mark: 70/100 or 70 %
Keep up the good work !

 

 

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Comments

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AmieDMJ #1
Chapter 46: bye bye~ I love this shop so much /cries a Han river
Cinnimoroll08 #2
Chapter 46: farewell TT^TT
(im kinda interested but idk xD)
DobuOnew #3
Can we be affiliates?

Somnium Review Shop
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/549557/somnium-review-shop-open-dreams-request-review-shop-reviews

I would be glad if you accepted. :)
-farewell #4
Affies? :D
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/428546/
MindragonFan #5
Chapter 44: Holy sheit, the x-men trailer is amazing!! Teach me your ways, sensei. *bows to your awesomeness*
fluffpenguin #6
Chapter 3: When will you be open again?
fluffpenguin #7
Chapter 3: Is my dp that I requested last time included as one time that I requested?
buttsmex #8
Chapter 42: Reviewer 1: Well.. i meant that love isnt easy. especially if it was ur own dad. and to make it all for worse, he died. and ur pregnant when ur suppose to. sorry if i was not being expressive lol. ^^' Thank you. Haha thanks. I was wondering about that. XD Really? Its my third story.. so.. kinda nervous if i still make mistakes. :3 well.. i dont exactly love m-preg.. but yeah. lol Thanks you. :) Its ok. Thanks for the time. <3

Reviewer 2: I know. I'm sorry.. ;_; lol jk. I did the title first then the story. I guess it was a mistake lol. I dunno what to put.. T^T my wrong. i should've put kris as a slight appearance. Yeah. I'm from malaysia. But i'm always on top in my class when it comes to english though. ^^ And okie. Hmm.. ok. Thanks. I was thinking that. But dang, i use it to much. Thanks for the time~ <3
--vikseu #9
Chapter 39: Whoops~ i think you forgot something. can i ask for a redo?