P5 | A Heart that beats only for You by eunshidae

↺ The Clique Graphic Shop | CLOSED FOREVER | Thank you everyone.

 

Pick up for Eunshidae



 posterlink   bg link   cclink  banner link  
 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

''A Heart that Beats only for You by eunshidae''

Reviewer: StarlightAegyo
Mark : 30/45 or 67%


Title: 3/5
The title is very long. But, still, it shows the whole story with it.

Description  Foreword: 5/10
The description shows a bit of the story and it made me curious And I liked that part. The foreword should not be in 'strikethrough' It hurts the readers eyes if you put it that way. ~

Characters: 4/5
The characters are written great. Especially when you put the actual difference of the height of taeyeon and sunny on the first chapter.

Grammar: 8/10
Grammar is a bit okay. But you should fix some of the tenses you are using.

Plot: 7/10
I've read a lot of stories like this. But, Its nice.

Flow: 3/5
The flow of the story is a bit confusing although they'll get it when they read the story more. And that's good. But, please try to relate the next chapter from the previous one more.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This is a great story. And I'd love to read more of it. Although, I think this story is a 'Yuri'? And I don't read much 'yuri' but this one shows the relationships of SNSD right? So, please do well on your story~   

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
 


Reviewer: YGfamily97
Mark : 44/50 or 88%


Title: 5/5
I like it. It sounds a bit cliché, but it describes the story well

Description  Foreword: 10/10
I don’t have anything to complain about this either. I was just confused with the pictures in between the quotes. Were the people in the pictures about saying the quotes? (e.g. Taeyeon said, “No, I don’t want to forget)

Characters: 5/5
I didn’t have much trouble understanding their personalities, and how they changed over time and etc. Good job with this (especially with Taeyeon in the beginning).

Grammar: 6.5/10
Occasionally, you just need to remember to capitalize words when you start a new sentence. Here’s an example (taken from “Ready or Not part 2”)
1.) “can’t…breathe…let…go” The “can’t” should be “Can’t” Also, during some chapters (specifically chapter two) when Taeyeon’s thoughts were described, I was confused. Instead of just placing her thoughts right there in between the dialogue, why not put it in italics or simply type “Taeyeon thought,” before it? That way it won’t be as confusing. There weren’t many mistakes; most of them were small and unnoticeable. I’ll just show you some of the corrections below:
1.) “’Excuse me, Ms. Tiffany Hwang?’ a girl asked with proper English intonation.” Correction: I understand what you were trying to say, however, it’s not the right way of saying it. “Intonation” actually means the rise and fall of a voice when speaking or reciting in a singing voice, and I don’t think that’s the word you wanted. Also, are they in Korea? If so, then why are they speaking English? If you’re implying that Krystal can only speak in English, then you might as well just say “[…] a girl asked in English.” (from “Secrets: part 1”)
2.) “It was around 9 pm so there’s not much people in the vicinity.” Correction: You switched from past tense to present, which is easy to do if English isn’t your first language. Also, “there’s” actually isn’t a conjunction, it should be just “there are” (also because “people” is plural, so “is” should be changed to “are”). Of course, since you’re writing in past tense, “there are” would be switched to “there were”. In addition, “much” is used for a large number of things that are hard to count, whereas “many” is used for countable nouns. Because the number of people is usually countable, the correct way to say this would be “many people”. So the edited sentence would be: “It was around 9 pm, so there weren’t many people in the vicinity.” (from “King of Anything: part 1”)
3.) “A catchy song was being replayed…” “Tiffany Hwang and Jessica Jung are two peas in a pod.” Correction: In the beginning of the chapter, you started out in past tense, but then you changed to present tense again. Remember, “are” is plural in present tense, but “were” is plural in past tense, which you should be using. This is the correction for the second sentence: “Tiffany Hwang and Jessica Jung were two peas in a pod.” (from “Barbie Girl”)


Plot: 8/10
It was alright. Personally, I wasn’t very interested in the story because I was biased (I’m not a SONE, and I’m not a big fan of yuri either -.-“). Everything was a bit all over the place too, with all the characters like Tiffany, Jessica, Taeyeon, and Sunny, and I was a little confused.

Flow: 4.5/5
Although I disliked the plot, the flow was fine. It didn’t feel rushed, and occasionally it felt like it was going a little slow, but overall, it was good.

Bonus (Based on fonts, posters/background): 5/5
I like the background picture ^o^ it was really pretty! By the way, I loved the mini poem/thought parts at the beginning of each chapter :3 They were short, simple, and beautiful.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Oh, and I scored leniently this time (I’m feeling tired ; ;) Hope this helped!  

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Average Mark: 74/95 or 77 %
Keep up the good work !

 

 

Like our work ?
Upvote Us !

 
                                                                                     It's 100% not mandatory

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
AmieDMJ #1
Chapter 46: bye bye~ I love this shop so much /cries a Han river
Cinnimoroll08 #2
Chapter 46: farewell TT^TT
(im kinda interested but idk xD)
DobuOnew #3
Can we be affiliates?

Somnium Review Shop
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/549557/somnium-review-shop-open-dreams-request-review-shop-reviews

I would be glad if you accepted. :)
-farewell #4
Affies? :D
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/428546/
MindragonFan #5
Chapter 44: Holy sheit, the x-men trailer is amazing!! Teach me your ways, sensei. *bows to your awesomeness*
fluffpenguin #6
Chapter 3: When will you be open again?
fluffpenguin #7
Chapter 3: Is my dp that I requested last time included as one time that I requested?
buttsmex #8
Chapter 42: Reviewer 1: Well.. i meant that love isnt easy. especially if it was ur own dad. and to make it all for worse, he died. and ur pregnant when ur suppose to. sorry if i was not being expressive lol. ^^' Thank you. Haha thanks. I was wondering about that. XD Really? Its my third story.. so.. kinda nervous if i still make mistakes. :3 well.. i dont exactly love m-preg.. but yeah. lol Thanks you. :) Its ok. Thanks for the time. <3

Reviewer 2: I know. I'm sorry.. ;_; lol jk. I did the title first then the story. I guess it was a mistake lol. I dunno what to put.. T^T my wrong. i should've put kris as a slight appearance. Yeah. I'm from malaysia. But i'm always on top in my class when it comes to english though. ^^ And okie. Hmm.. ok. Thanks. I was thinking that. But dang, i use it to much. Thanks for the time~ <3
--vikseu #9
Chapter 39: Whoops~ i think you forgot something. can i ask for a redo?