Sometimes I think I’m not living the full college experience. Whenever I talked to my older friends who had already experienced dorm life, they would tell me about all their crazy adventures which consisted of dumpster diving, driving at midnight to buy snacks, snooping around the school, or partying.

That’s the thing about rebellion. You desire it because you aren’t supposed to. It’s reverse psychology, but it’s unintended because nobody wants you to do the wrong thing – but somehow, you wind up doing it anyway.

It’s because we can’t learn our lesson until we experience the trial ourselves.

So even though I know what happened last time when I liked a guy, although I am aware of the cruel things life could deal me, I still have thoughts of liking Chanyeol because I’m convinced that this time will be different. When we start to like someone, we become used. They are our weakness. They blind us without knowing they do. Everything about them is perfect, because we only see the good things, because the good things are the only things we want to see. So when something happens – a trick, a deception, a lie – we wonder how we couldn’t have predicted such an unfortunate premise. But how could we? We were blinded. Blinded by the love we kept on giving.

In the end, one-sided lovers are masochists. They are as unintentional with self-affliction as people who warn others to make good choices.

When I feel that Seya has left Chanyeol’s heart and made enough room for mine, then I will tell Chanyeol that I like him. I’ll take that risk again, because I am a fool, and I am blind, and as much as I wish I could foresee the future in an attempt to avoid it, I can’t. Therefore, I won’t.

Once it’s the weekend, I make plans to have a one-on-one chat with Nam. If I’m right and it’s Bora that he was implying the last time I talked to him, then I need him to understand that she can’t be his fallback. He shouldn’t rely on her to always be there. She’ll probably be waiting for him for a long time, but that’s not the point. The point is that people shouldn’t be used.

I meet Nam at the smoothie place where Chanyeol and I frequently visit. I breathe in the fruity smell of the shop as soon as I step in, and then I order a large smoothie, because I don’t mess around when it comes to food.

“What did you get?” Nam asks me when I sit down at the table. He sips his smoothie. Green liquid slides up his straw.

“I’m not sure what it’s called, but it has papaya, bananas, apples, frozen yogurt … other stuff,” I say. I taste it. “A bit of lemon, maybe?” I smack my lips. “What’s that?”

“Frozen yogurt with green tea.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah,” he smiles.                    

“Anyway, I have a serious question for you Nam, and you need to answer me just as seriously, okay?” I wipe my mouth and plant my palms on the table to show I mean business. “What’s the name of the girl whom you know likes you?”

“Bora.”

I didn’t expect him to admit it so easily. Choosing my words carefully, I ask, “How are you sure she likes you? We both hang out with you a lot. Maybe you started thinking one of us had feelings. If that’s the case, I have equal probability of liking you right now.”

“Naw, I know she likes me. Nobody had to tell me. I know.”

“You know?”

He clears his throat. “Guy’s intuition.”

I scoff. “Since when did guys have intuition?”

“Hey, we do! We have a gut. We trust our gut.”

“Just tell me how you know.”

“I saw her phone,” he says. “I was her background.”

Oh my gosh Bora. I want to smack her on the head right now. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“That’s not a lot of proof, Nam. I had a picture of you as my background before.”

“But I put it there,” he replies. “There’s the difference. But yeah, I know, I’m basing it off of that little thing. But I know she likes me. I do