“You've a good heart. Sometimes that's enough to see you safe wherever you go. But mostly, it's not.” 
― Neil Gaiman, Neverwhere

 Four weeks after birth

A month of being a parent is not enough to completely realise that you are, at least for the moment, fully responsible for the life of a little human being; in Luhan and Yoona's case, it's two little human beings. Luhan has found that parenthood is like driving a car with controls that can only be activated by a voice speaking a language he doesn't know how to speak, but despite all the chaos, there are simple joys like this: peeling one eyelid open in the morning and seeing one or both of the twins asleep with Yoona, heads together; compiling playlists of classical music because Yuri and Kris say it's good for brain development; laughing like a lunatic with Yoona when Jongin farts for the first time.

One of Luhan's favourite books, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, has a line that says that "the simple things are also the most extraordinary things," and if Luhan thought he understood it before, then there is no way to express just how amazing it is to revel in the simple things now; even something as simple as sunlight hitting Jongin and Taemin's faces in the morning is extraordinary to Luhan.

There is another line in The Alchemist, one that says , "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving," and Luhan had thought he understood it when he gave up everything for Yoona, but he realises now that love can, and is, so much more to him now. He may have doubted his future with children before, but he doesn't doubt it now; he doesn't know why, but there doesn't have to be a reason and he is accepting that.

Having children is also like becoming a child yourself again. Luhan believes in the things he thought he'd left for good in his schoolboy days. He believes in the magical creatures in the pages of the picture books he reads to Taemin and Jongin (even though they don't understand a word and probably aren't even listening), and the dinosaurs, fairies and princes that dance across the TV, to the bewilderment of the twins (Luhan will never admit it, but the sound of Yoona's laugh when she snaps photos of the twin's surprised expressions is just as magical as the television is to their babies).

At night, the two parents lie on either side of the twins, the four of them together in one bed. Luhan will prop his chin on the heel of his hand and exchange smiles with Yoona as they whisper to each other about little things that happened throughout the day. He thinks that even without the copious amounts of photos they take a day, these nights would be enough for him to piece together individual days of the weeks of the twins' lives. An artist would probably be able to make a gallery of paintings based solely on Yoona's vivid words, detailing everything down to the shade of Jongin's cheeks just before he wakes up.

Sometimes, they won't talk at all, and will instead use the time to listen to their babies breathing. They'll just lie there, eyes glued onto the rising and falling of Jongin and Taemin's chests. Yoona will smooth back the soft tufts of Jongin's hair and trace circles on Taemin's palm, humming a song she had heard Luhan singing the other day (he hasn't told her yet, but he had originally wrote that song for and has just never gathered the courage to sing it to her).

On one particular night, Yoona leans over and whispers, "Luhan, listen." She angles her ear closer to Taemin, as if gesturing for him to do the same. Luhan listens.

It takes a few minutes for him to notice—Taemin's breath hitches a little every time he inhales, though it's not quite a snore, and more like a hiccup. Yoona grins. "Isn't that cute?"

Luhan's heart melts a little, and he makes a mental note to write a poem about Yoona's smile. He feels himself nodding. "Do you ever want to just whisk them away to the moon? You know, like cradle them in boats on silver rivers, and pluck stars out of the sky for them?"

Yoona smiles, running her eyes over the two sleeping figures; her hands, dry from all the baby powder she uses every time she changes the twins' nappies, linger on Jongin's forehead. "Wouldn't that be nice?" she whispers.

It would be perfect, Luhan thinks, feeling himself fall into the clutches of sleep; all the while, Yoona hums his song.

***

Luhan is now used to the way he doesn't know when he'll wake up or go to sleep, and knows very well now that every day is a surprise. Not just some days, or every second day− every single day. And today, exactly a month after Taemin's birth, Yoona decides that it's time for the twins' first proper bath.

The two parents don old, loose clothes after breakfast and roll their sleeves up before preparing the bath. Yoona stands in the doorway with Taemin in his bassinet and Jongin in her arms, bobbing up and down gently on the balls of her feet.

"Is this enough, do you think?" Luhan asks, looking up at Yoona. The water comes up a few inches above his ankles, and after a few seconds of narrow-eyed inspection, Yoona nods.

"It should be," she says, a little uncertainly. "Did you measure the temperature?"

Luhan nods. "Thirty seven degrees," he says, then, with his feet planted like concrete blocks in the bath, reaches out his arms. Carefully, Yoona hands Jongin over.

Keeping a firm grip on the younger twin, Luhan lowers Jongin into the water and gently splashes up some water to wet Jongin's upper body. Jongin gives a start, his eyes widening in bewilderment; he looks at the water as if it had suddenly bitten him.

Yoona bursts out laughing. "Look at his face!" Her own face lights up with a sudden idea and she runs out of the room, coming back with a camera just in time to take photos of Luhan looking down and laughing at Jongin's expression of complete shock. "He's not used to the feel of water on his skin yet," she says.

"I guess we forget sometimes that they've have only been on Earth for a month, and sitting in water isn't something they know about." Luhan splashes up more water and laughs when Jongin blinks and twitches reflexively every time the droplets touch his skin.

"You make them sound like aliens," Yoona says, chuckling.

"Sometimes it feels like they are," Luhan admits. "I guess all babies are like that to first parents."

"Still feel unreal to you?"

Luhan nods. "Yeah," he says, offering her a soft smile. "But one step at a time, right?"

She smiles right back. "One step at a time," she repeats, as though it's a vow they're promising to live by. Luhan suddenly thinks of their wedding vows, just as Yoona reaches into the bassinet and lifts Taemin into her arms, holding him out to Luhan.

Will you love, honour, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?

Luhan blinks. "If we're bathing the both of them, you do know I can't do this alone?"

"I do," Yoona says, and Luhan's heart skips a beat at the eerie coincidence, his mind drowning in white noise, cut through by Yoona's impatient clucks. "Just take him first; I'll come in after."

Luhan shakes his head, as if to scatter his thoughts, and takes Taemin, angling him in the water so that he's facing Jongin. Almost immediately afterward, Yoona comes into the bath herself. She sits right down on her bottom, even though she's fully clothed, and smiles so widely that Luhan can't take his eyes off her. But she's not looking at him.

"Look at how they look at each other," she remarks with child-like amusement, and Luhan tears his gaze away from her to follow her line of sight. "It's like they're telepathically exchanging warning messages. Jongin's like, Taemin, I don't think this is such a good idea, and Taemin's like, Well, I don't even know what's happening, bro." Yoona uses a high pitched voice to mimic their children and bursts out laughing at her own joke immediately after, splashing up water.

Luhan shakes his head, failing to hide his smile; he thinks that if anyone is a child here, it's Yoona. He's just about to tell her that, when Yoona suddenly gasps, pointing at Jongin with enough excitement to power New York City.

"Look, look, look, look!" she squeals, over and over, stumbling to her feet, and Luhan, alarmed, looks down at Jongin. He gasps.

Jongin is smiling. Sure, he has no teeth and there's drool bubbling down his mouth and the corners of his lips can't seem to decide whether they want to stretch up or sideways, but it's definitely there. His first smile.

Luhan's heart swells with something that completely transcends joy and excitement and adoration, something that knocks the breath out of his lungs and turns his speech into strings of spaghetti. This, right here, he thinks. This smile, Jongin's first smile; I'm seeing something that won't happen again. He will smile again, yes, but his first smile happens only once and I saw it.

Yoona comes back down with the camera in hand, and waves her other hand to get Jongin's attention. Luhan keeps his eye on Jongin and notices that the more Yoona speaks and flails her arms about, the wider Jongin's smile gets.

Opposite him and in plain view to Luhan, Taemin looks baffled, frowning with an expression as equally amusing as Jongin's smile. His eyes are as wide as saucers, flicking from Jongin to Luhan to Yoona and back again, like a spectator at a tennis match.

Luhan's fingers itch for a camera to capture this moment, too. He knows that although he himself will not likely forget this event, no one else will remember that while Jongin was smiling for the first time, Taemin was wondering what the heck was going on. "Yoona, we really need to buy another camera," he tells her, watching her click away. He wonders how someone's finger can press a button that fast.

Yoona pauses. "Hmm?" She looks down, her now damp hair tickling Taemin's face. Taemin's nose twitches, like he's about to sneeze; Yoona gets about 5 photographs before he can blink again. "Here," she says, holding out the camera. "Your turn."

They continue like that for the rest of the bath time (which extends from the originally planned fifteen minutes, to almost an hour), exchanging the camera every few minutes. Luhan even has to change the bath water twice to make sure the twins stay warm.

And at the end of the day, when the twins are both (thankfully) asleep before midnight, Yoona and Luhan sit on the couch and scroll through the photos (all of which have been downloaded onto Luhan's laptop), laughing like idiots and both thinking that no one else in the world is luckier than them right now.

***

The next night, around the socially accepted dinner time mark, there comes a knock at the door, one that Luhan answers, because Yoona is in the shower. As he opens the door, he doesn't know what he expects, and a second later, some part of him is glad that he hadn't thought of anyone to expect, because then he might have been more shocked to see Baekhyun and half of the office on his doorstep (including his boss). Though he's plenty surprised as it is.

"I—what...is...this?" Luhan looks around at his work colleagues; they're all dressed in smart casual. Chanyeol is wearing bright red sneakers. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We were going to call," Junmyeon says, "but surprises are better, don't you think?"

Luhan doesn't say anything and settles on laughing nervously instead, because even though they aren't at the office, Junmyeon is still his boss, and he is still probably more than capable of tweaking Luhan's salary, should he say the wrong thing.

"We came to see the babies," Baekhyun announces brightly, and leans in to whisper, "I think Junmyeon still believes those babies came out of nowhere, just like your extended 'vacation'."

"Oh, babies don't just come out of nowhere," Luhan mutters back, swinging the door open to let his colleagues and boss in. "Yoona," he calls up the stairs. He can't hear the shower running, so Yoona must have finished; he thanks God that she had the sense today not to come down in just a towel. "We have visitors."

"Just a minute!" Yoona yells back, sounding breathless, and Luhan imagines that she must be hurriedly putting a bra on.

More than the promised minute later, Yoona appears, wearing Luhan's shirt and a pair of shorts, smoothing her frazzled hair back. Her eyes widen a little when she takes in the small crowd in the hallway.

Luhan's colleagues each shake her hand and introduce themselves as Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Junmyeon, Jongdae, and Tao. "Hi, I'm Yoona, Luhan's−" she pauses and glances sideways at Luhan, "Luhan's wife," she finishes. "This is... unexpected."

Junmyeon offers her an apologetic smile that he hadn't spared Luhan. "We brought food," he says, gesturing to the large basket in Tao's hands. "I bet those cravings are hitting you hard, eh?"

"Uh..." Yoona looks down at her stomach and then back up, staring at Junmyeon with an odd expression, as if trying to figure out whether or not he's being serious. "I'm not pregnant anymore."

Junmyeon blinks. "You're not?" He turns to Luhan. "She's not?"

Chanyeol's eyes dart around the suddenly awkward scene. "Luhan told you last week," he reminds Junmyeon, in his bass voice, which Yoona keeps thinking doesn't match his face. "Remember? He came in to tell you that he was extending his leave to look after his newborn twins..."

"Yeah, didn't you say we were coming to visit the babies?" Tao asks Junmyeon, scratching his head.

"Well, I was under the impression that they weren't born yet... Huh." Junmyeon looks thoroughly confused, and Luhan can see that Yoona's trying her hardest not to burst out laughing. "This is awkward."

Yoona laughs. "Well, your visit wasn't in vain, because there are still babies," she says, taking the basket from Tao. "You can come up and see the twins, but they're asleep right now, so we might as well have some dinner first."

Luhan wanders over to Yoona's side and helps her go through the contents of the basket. All the while, Junmyeon stares at Yoona's stomach. "I knew something was odd," he says to himself. "Because my wife is pregnant, too, and she's a balloon."

***

The very moment after Yoona instructs the five guests to be quiet, Chanyeol enters the nursery, with a "Hey, hey, hey!",  causing the twins to burst into tears. Maybe it's because this stranger is six feet tall, and his hair looks like Daddy's hair when he's tired, or maybe it's because Chanyeol sounds like the cookie monster (which Jongin is terrified of) after all that wine.

Whatever it is, the twins don't stop crying, and Chanyeol, ever the tactless creature, mutters with increasing panic, "Sweet mother of cats, they're so loud. They sound like my mother during reruns of The Golden Girls−" At this, everyone glares, and Chanyeol has the sense to shut his mouth.

Luhan picks Taemin up and rubs a soothing hand down his back, swaying on the spot like a violinist serenading the moon. Eventually, the room falls into a hush again, and Taemin and Jongin, with flushed cheeks, lapse back into sleep.

"I see why that extended leave is necessary," Junmyeon says, eyeing the sleeping babies. He rolls up his sleeves and holds out his arms. "May I...?"

Yoona hands Jongin over to Junmyeon and corrects the position of his arms before stepping back. "This will be you in a few months, won't it?"

Junmyeon nods, his usually stress-hampered eyes crinkling with a smile. "I just hope I'll be able to have moments like this with my son or daughter," he says. "Although, I don't think I'll be naming him after the North Korean leader."

"Oh, for the love of−" Luhan bites his tongue, stopping short of insulting his boss' absentmindedness. "I told you: his name is Jongin, not Jongun."

 "Close enough."

Jongdae looks over Taemin's bassinet and says, "He's so tiny, this one," he remarks, looking at Taemin, then at Jongin, and back again. "Are you sure they're twins?"

"The doctor said he should soon gain weight faster," Luhan says, though as he looks at Taemin, he starts worrying a little; it's been a month, but Taemin hasn't shown much change, compared to Jongin. He pushes it away. "He might be tiny, but it's impossible to forget him when he's screaming at the top of his lungs at 2 in the morning."

"Poor baby's gonna sound like Chanyeol when he's older," Tao jokes.

"Or Junmyeon without his morning coffee," Baekhyun murmurs. Luckily for him, Junmyeon is too busy nuzzling his nose in Jongin's cheek to overhear.

Chanyeol pouts, looking wistfully over at Junmyeon and Jongin. "Why don't babies like me?"

"I have no idea," Luhan says, and Chanyeol must not have heard the blatant sarcasm in Luhan's voice, because he says, "Yeah, I don't know why, either."

***

The clock hands show the tenth hour and tick by as Luhan listens to the sound of Yoona's voice drifting down the corridor, saying goodbye to their guests. He knows it really ought to be him seeing his work colleagues off, but the moment Taemin's eyelids had started showing signs of a soon-to-come deep sleep, Yoona had asked Luhan to help him get to sleep ("He likes the sound of your voice better, Luhan.").

So here he is, laying Taemin down on the blanket draped across the centre of the bed, handling him as if all babies were made of hastily glued-together glass. Luhan crawls onto the bed, too, and edges closer until his nose is brushing Taemin's forehead; he inhales deeply, tattooing the scent into his mind. There's something about newborns, he's noticed, that makes them smell like their mothers even when they're apart. Taemin smells like Yoona; like baby powder and lilies and a warmth that he has never known. Luhan wonders if that will ever fade.

Luhan props his elbow up, eyes grazing over his son's sleeping figure. There are more than a few seconds for this, he knows, for watching his sons, but for the moment, everything is still new, even the things he has already done; things like matching his breathing to Taemin's, and pressing his ear against Taemin's chest and listening to the hummingbird thrum of his tiny heart.

A smile stretches across his lips; Taemin's heart is so much faster than his own, like blurred lines his eyes can't sharpen into single movements. Luhan puts a hand up to his own chest and feels the slower, more familiar voice of his heart filling in the spaces between Taemin's heartbeats. Like two rhythms overlapping each other in a song.

A song. Luhan's expression softens, remembering the last thing Yoona had said to him. He likes the sound of your voice better, Luhan.

It's true, he knows; by some strange instinct programmed into parents, they both know that Taemin likes hearing Luhan's voice, especially when he sings. A song sung by Luhan is one of the few things that can almost immediately calm down the twins when they're crying.

"All my life," Luhan sings now, softly, using his little finger to trace circles on Taemin's fist. "Like waves upon the sand; the ocean meets dry land. My heart is in your hands."

Luhan is too engrossed in the song and watching Taemin that he doesn't notice Yoona standing at the door, mouthing the words of the song along with him. She surprises herself; somehow, in between fleeting hours of sleep and listening to Taemin's dry shrieks, part of her mind had dedicated itself to listening to Luhan's voice singing− enough, it seems, to commit to memory the words of a song she has never heard.

She has never really thought about it much before, but right now, as she listens, Yoona thinks that Luhan has a beautiful voice.

***

One month later

It's May now, and though the flowers on the windowsill wink their bright petals like multicoloured stars, the mood in the household is heavy.  Yoona stands at the door with her suitcase in hand and her heart on her sleeve; today is the day she goes back to college.

Though she has been preparing herself for this and has known that today would come eventually, it doesn't mean her heart breaks any less. The moment she saw Jongin and Taemin, she almost couldn't bring herself to drag her bags to the door.

Since they'd gotten their own place, the campus is a bit further away than Yoona is used to travelling, and she'd decided that for the first week, she'll stay with Yuri to save the hassle of commuting, and to ensure that she gets back into her studies smoothly. But that means a week away from the twins, away from her babies; even a day would be too much.

Neither Taemin nor Jongin know what's going on, why their mommy is trying hard not to cry, and they look at her from the crib, wide eyes blinking blankly, as if to ask, What's wrong, Mommy?

Yoona blinks back tears and turns her gaze on Luhan. "I don't think I'll be able to stand being away from them," she whispers, tight.

Luhan takes a step forward to hug her, but stops short and pats her arm awkwardly instead. "I'll look after them," he says, squeezing her shoulder. "You know I will."

Shaking her head, Yoona looks past him, back at the twins. "That's not what I'm worried about."

It takes him a moment to understand; when he realises, his face softens. "You're worried you'll miss something." Yoona doesn't say anything, and her silence is enough to tell him that he's right. He thinks of the twins' first bath and Jongin's first smile. "I'll take photos," he promises. "Lots. You won't miss a second."

There's a long moment of silence, one in which Yoona says nothing and just looks Luhan in the eyes, as if his irises hold secrets that she means to dig up. He looks right back at her, not daring to breathe or swallow or do anything he wants to do right now, anything that might ruin the moment. He can see pictures in her eyes, pictures of all the moments she's afraid she will miss.

Finally, she says, "Okay." Then, without notice, she gets on the tips of her toes and kisses him right on the lips. It's a soft kiss, a quick one, but a kiss all the same.

And before Luhan can say anything, before he can breathe or blink or do anything stupid, Yoona walks out the door.

***

3:30 in the morning is not usually accompanied by a clear thinking mind and fast reflexes, but God knows that time makes no difference to a father whose only current job is to look after his children. So it does not register in Luhan's mind that it is too early and too cold whenever he hears the sound of Taemin coughing.

The coughs that rouse him on this particular day are barely loud enough to travel from the nursery and down his ear canals, but the ones that follow most definitely are. This isn't the first, or even the second time that this has happened, that Luhan has woken up at an ungodly hour to the sound of Taemin coughing, but this is the worst coughing fit Luhan has heard so far. A feeling of unease begins to settle deep in the pit of Luhan's stomach, but he tries to push it away as he rolls out of bed immediately and pads into the nursery.

There are some sounds that most people profess to not being able to stand, like fingernails running down a chalkboard, but Luhan thinks that nothing is more painful to hear than Taemin's choked sobs in between every cough. It's as though a hand is tightening on Luhan's heart, squeezing mercilessly every time Taemin draws in a wheezing breath. It causes him more pain to think of Taemin hurting than it does to think of himself in the same position, and it makes Luhan feel utterly helpless, because he doesn't know what he can do.

"God, this isn't right," Luhan murmurs under his breath as he picks Taemin up. His elder son is so tiny in his arms, so fragile; Taemin looks like he might just shatter in a strong gust of wind.

Gently, Luhan begins rocking Taemin back and forth, patting his back rhythmically. Eventually, Taemin's cries subside until only the dry coughs remain. One, two, three− they seem to burst straight from Taemin's lungs, like volcanic explosions; one, two, three. Please stop, please, please, please, Luhan thinks helplessly, his forehead wrinkling. This really isn't normal, Taemin.

For a moment, Luhan considers calling Yoona, but the reasonable part of his mind tells him that Yoona can't afford to be disturbed right now, and it would do her no good at all to call and tell her that Taemin's coughing is distressing him; it's hard enough for her as it is, just being away from the twins, and a call about Taemin's coughing fit will only send her into a panic.

Maybe he's hungry, Luhan thinks. Maybe he misses Yoona's milk already.

"Stay calm, Luhan," Luhan mutters to himself under his breath, laying Taemin back in his crib for a moment as he fetches the baby carrier and pulls it over his body. After adjusting the straps, Luhan lifts Taemin up again and lowers him gently into the carrier, nudging him closer to his chest.

It's a weird feeling, Luhan can't help but think, carrying Taemin like this; it's as if the carrier is some absurd extension of Luhan's stomach, like a kangaroo pouch. He's paranoid that Taemin might somehow slip out of the carrier, so he keeps two firm hands on the back of the carrier, one just behind Taemin's head, and one below his waist, as he walks into the kitchen.

"Okay, where is it..." Luhan reaches into the cabinet and feels around blindly for the milk formula. Dumping the tin onto the bench with a thunk, he squints at the instructions and keeps them in view as he prepares Taemin's milk.

Against his chest, Taemin lapses in and out of sleep, his heavy eyelids blinking lethargically. Every now and then, he lets loose another set of coughs, but the warmth of his father's chest seems to lull him into a sense of comfort.

Luhan allows himself a second to look down and paint Taemin's face onto the walls of his memory, as it is now: half-closed eyes, slight frown, curled fists. A smile curves Luhan's lips, and he wonders how it's possible for him to love someone this much, and when this feeling had dominated his whole heart and being. He'd never thought, or even begun to think, about how strong the feelings are that a child can stir in the hearts of their parents, and even now, it's impossible to describe the fresh waves of amazement he feels every time he looks at his children.

His smile fades into a frown when he thinks about how Yoona's father had abandoned her, and he wonders how much of your heart you would have to throw away in order to abandon your own child. Luhan finds himself thinking about Sehun, who had a similar past, and about the people Yoona and Sehun are today, and he realises that the who you are doesn't depend on how much of someone's heart you receive, but how much you give away freely. Just like himself; Luhan is giving everything to this− to Yoona, to Taemin, to Jongin.

Taemin is fully awake by the time Luhan has finished preparing the milk, and he nuzzles tentatively at the bottle when Luhan brings it to his mouth. Taemin the milk with an almost puzzled expression, as if asking why the plastic teat doesn't taste like Mommy. Luhan offers him an apologetic smile and kisses him on the forehead softly.

"Just wait a little longer, Taemin. Mommy will be back−" Luhan breaks off suddenly as Taemin begins a sudden coughing fit, milk exploding out of his mouth and onto his lips and chin.

Moving with an urgency that only parents and sword masters possess, Luhan reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small cloth, wiping Taemin's face clean. There's some milk on Luhan's shirt, too, but he ignores it as he sets the bottle down and pats Taemin's back gently.

"Taemin-ah," he murmurs, leaning his cheek against the top of Taemin's head. "I don't know what's happening to you, but something is wrong, and I'm scared." Luhan looks down, and his heart throws shards of glass into his lungs when he sees that Taemin is crying silently, his throat too raw to wail; and all the while, he keeps coughing.

Swallowing hard, Luhan holds Taemin closer and whispers prayers under his breath, hoping with every part of his soul that Taemin will be all right.

***

Later that day, when Jongin is sleeping against Luhan's back in the baby carrier and Taemin sits in the front, leaning against Luhan's chest, Luhan picks up the phone and dials a familiar number.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end says.

"Sehun," Luhan says, recognising the voice immediately, despite it not being the one he had called for. He doesn't ask why Sehun is answering the phone at Kris' house when he really should be at school, and instead asks, "Is Kris there?"

"Uh..." Sehun hesitates for a moment, as if he can't really believe that he's being let off the hook. "Yeah, he is. Do you want to speak to him?"

"Yes."

"Okay, hang on." There's a pause, followed by Sehun's voice in the background, telling Kris that Luhan has called for him. Another few moments pass as the two on the other line discuss something Luhan can't hear, and then finally, Kris picks up the phone. "Luhan?"

"Kris, hi," Luhan says distractedly; for once, he isn't willing to play around with his best friend. "Listen, I know you're probably busy, but you're a nurse, and something about Taemin is worrying me. I was wondering if you could come and have a look at him."

"Have you gone to see a doctor?" Kris asks.

"I thought I might have quicker feedback if I asked you first," Luhan says. "When you get here, maybe you can decide if he needs a doctor."

"Okay," Kris says after a moment. "I'll be right over."

***

Half an hour later, Luhan opens the door to find Kris waiting, sleeves rolled up and ready. "So," Kris says, as he crosses the threshold, "the first time I officially meet your kids is while I'm coming to either confirm or deny their possible ill health. Nice memory for me to look back on later."

"It's just Taemin, actually," Luhan says, his insides twisting at the thought of something being wrong with Jongin, too. "And I'm sorry. You've been busy and−"

"Hey man, don't sweat it," Kris says, shaking his head. "I was joking, but it was probably inappropriately timed. Parenthood's made you jittery, Lu."

"Yeah, well." Luhan heaves a sigh. "I'm really worried about Taemin."

"So you said." Kris follows him up the stairs. "What's the problem?"

"He's...coughing a lot," Luhan says. "It used to be just every now and then, but now it's gotten worse. He wakes up coughing more often than not, and his throat gets so raw that he can't even cry."

"Hmm. It could be a lot of things." Kris' brow is furrowed as they round the door of the nursery. As if on cue, Taemin coughs in his sleep; Luhan rushes over and pulls him up into his arms. Kris scrutinises Taemin closely as Luhan pats his back. "It could be asthma, infant reflux, a virus, allergies..." he pauses. "How long has this been going on for?"

Luhan turns on the light and pulls the cover of Jongin's bassinet lower to shield the still sleeping baby from the harsh light. "It only started getting worse this week, but I've noticed that he's always been..." he trails off, noticing the way Kris is staring at Taemin. Luhan looks down at Taemin, but sees nothing he hasn't seen before. "What?"

"He looks really light," Kris says. "How much does he weigh?"

"Uh..." Luhan's face contorts sheepishly. "I haven't weighed him since last month. Yoona says I should be weighing him sometime this week, but I haven't−"

"Let's do it now, then," Kris says, cutting him off. "Do you have baby scales?"

*

"He is really light." Kris frowns at the scales with an absurd expression, as if they're lying to him. Taemin squirms a little, but the reading remains the same: 6 pounds. "I don't usually work with babies, but I know that he's too light." He turns to Luhan. "When were you planning on taking him to a doctor for a monthly check-up?"

"You think he needs it now?" Luhan asks.

Kris nods without hesitation. "At this stage, I can't tell you for sure what's wrong with Taemin; I'm a nurse, not a doctor. But I can tell you that there's definitely something off here."

"Do you have any ideas?"

Kris lifts Taemin off the scales; Luhan notices that his hands span across Taemin's body easily, his fingers overlapping. He also notices that Kris is avoiding his eyes. Kris, one of the most confident, unabashed people he knows, is avoiding his eyes. "I have a couple of theories..."

"Tell me."

At this, Kris turns to look at Luhan, and to Luhan's alarm, there's something in Kris' eyes that he isn't used to seeing. Pity. "It would be best if I don't tell you," he says softly. "I don't want to get you worried for no reason." He hands Taemin over. "Go to a doctor."

***

"Hello, Mr Lu." The doctor holds out her hand with a smile. "My name is Doctor Seo." She turns her gaze on Taemin, who is tucked away in Luhan's arms, and Jongin, who is lying in his stroller pram by the door. "How can I help you?"

"My son has been having these strange symptoms," Luhan says, taking the seat opposite Doctor Seo's desk. "He's been coughing incessantly, and he's also underweight."

Doctor Seo's eyes narrow. "By the sounds of it, there are quite a few things that could be wrong with him," she says, basically echoing what Kris had said. "If I was your regular doctor, I might have a better basis to work with, but I'm afraid I'll need to know more about your son to know for sure." She pauses, as if she means to ask a question, then says, "If I may ask... why didn't you go to your regular doctor? I would imagine that he or she would be able to more easily provide you with an insight into your son's health."

"I..." Luhan bites his lip. If he is honest, the one and only reason why he hadn't consulted their regular doctor, Dr. Choi, is the possibility of the appointment reaching Yoona's ears. Luhan knows he will have to tell her eventually, but until he knows for sure what is wrong with Taemin, he has resolved not to worry her. "I wanted to seek the advice of a different doctor beforehand, so...I could...present some theories when I go into the appointment with my son's regular doctor."

Doctor Seo looks like she doesn't believe his story one bit, but she purses her lips and nods, anyway. "Alright, then," she says. "Tell me more about your son's symptoms."

Luhan has this well-rehearsed. "He usually wakes up coughing, and it takes a while for him to stop. After that, his throat seems to raw to cry, and he sometimes seems to have trouble breathing." Luhan looks down at Taemin with concern; Doctor Seo looks at him with a pensive expression. "He also isn't gaining weight as he should. His twin-" Luhan gestures to Jongin "-is fine; he's around 12 pounds. My son here, Taemin, is 6 pounds. That's half his twin's weight."

Doctor Seo nods, taking the information in with an eerie calm that Luhan has always hated about doctors. Her expression is grave. "Have you noticed your son sweating, say, more than his twin?"

"Sweating?" Luhan repeats, not quite sure he heard her correctly.

"Yes. Sweating." Doctor Seo seems to be deadly serious.

Luhan shakes his head slowly, wondering why on Earth she is asking about Taemin's sweat, of all things. "I can't say that I've noticed..."

The doctor nods in response, as if she's jotting this all down on a mental notepad. "How is his stool?"

"Stool?" Luhan asks blankly. He vaguely remembers Yoona discussing the term with Dr. Choi, but he isn't currently in the right state of mind to remember what it is.

"Poo," Doctor Seo says explicitly, enunciating it so clearly that Luhan almost cringes. "Is there anything wrong with Taemin's poo?"

"Uh..." Luhan thinks back to this morning's nappy changing. "Taemin's...stool smelt really bad this morning... and the morning before that, too, actually. But I just assumed it was because of the formula milk."

Doctor Seo raises her eyebrows. "Formula milk? So the twins aren't feeding?"

Luhan hesitates before shaking his head. "Not at the moment."

"Does his twin's stool smell bad?"

"To be honest, I didn't really compare. I was in a rush to, you know, breathe again," Luhan admits. He wonders if he sounds like a bad father for saying this. "I guess their stool just smelt horrible in general?"

A silence descends on the room as Doctor Seo looks from Taemin to Jongin. After a few moments, she asks to inspect the twins one by one, and checks their tongues, eyes, breathing, ears, and everything else that Luhan has seen Dr. Choi check.

Finally, Doctor Seo says, "At this stage, I can't and won't make a definite diagnosis. I'm thinking of having Taemin take a sweat test, maybe even two.  You'll have to come back another day, probably tomorrow, for that."

"A sweat test?"

Doctor Seo nods. "It doesn't involve any needles or special preparation or anything. We just use a special medication to stimulate sweat, and from there, we analyse the sweat for any possible problems," she explains. "If it comes up negative, then your son is all clear."

"And if it comes up positive?"

A shadow passes over Doctor Seo's face. "If the test comes up positive, then, well..." she breaks off, looking away. "We'll discuss Taemin's condition in depth only when we have a solid diagnosis."

Luhan's heart falls, even though he was expecting this. "So there's definitely something wrong?"

"I'm afraid it seems so," Doctor Seo says. She doesn't say 'sorry', but Luhan thinks that even if she did, he wouldn't feel any better.

***

The next day, after dropping Jongin off at Sehun's place, Luhan takes Taemin back to Doctor Seo, who meets them in a different room. She and an assistant wash and dry a section of Taemin's skin while Luhan holds him still, before they strap two electrodes, attached to a machine, around Taemin's arm.

Afterwards, the assistant, a smiling woman whose nametag very fittingly proclaims her name to be 'Sunny', wipes Taemin's arm clean, and attaches a special device around about the area where the electrodes were placed.

Taemin reaches a hand out to fiddle with it, but Sunny stops him with a blinding smile. "Uh-uh-uh," she clucks, wiggling a finger at Taemin. "Half an hour more, sweetie. You can take it off then."

As promised, Sunny and Doctor Seo return to remove the device thirty minutes later, and Sunny cleans Taemin's arm again, chattering to him the whole time, as if he can understand everything she is saying.

"He might continue sweating from that area for a little while afterwards, but that's normal," Doctor Seo tells Luhan. "The test results should get back to us either tomorrow or the day after that. The clinic will call you."

Luhan chokes out a thank you and forces himself to smile gratefully, even though he wants nothing more right now than to tell her that he wishes he didn't have to be here in the first place.

***

'The day after that' is a Friday, and it is also the day that Taemin's sweat test results come back. Luhan would never admit it aloud, but he is relieved that Kris had made him go to a doctor immediately, because if the results had taken a couple more days to come back, Yoona might just have found out the hard way.

"Hello?" Luhan answers, expecting Yoona. He's always expecting Yoona.

 But it's not Yoona. "Hello, this is Sooyoung, the receptionist at Downtown Medical Centre," a cheerful voice chirps from the other end; Luhan is oddly reminded of Sunny, and wonders fleetingly if they're related. "I'm calling to let you know that Doctor Seo has informed me that your son's sweat test results have returned."

Luhan freezes, hand tightening around the receiver. "And?" he prompts. "Did they come back positive?"

"I'm sorry," Sooyoung the receptionist says, though the bright tone of her voice does not change. "I'm just the messenger; I don't know what the results are."

Luhan sighs. "So I'll have to come down to the clinic myself?"

"That would be a good idea," Sooyoung replies sweetly, though her voice is flat, like a wind-up doll; in the background, Luhan can hear the keys of a computer keyboard being stabbed at a lightning fast pace. "You have a nice day, sir."

Luhan hangs up first.

***

A/N: Hello!~

You wouldn't believe the amount of research that has gone into this. Even still, I am willing to bet that some of the factual information is wrong, and I apologise if it is ^^;;

The song Luhan sings to Taemin is All My Life, a wonderful song by Thirsty Merc. Beautiful song. 

(Oh yeah, and Doctor Seo may or may not be Seohyun)

Thanks for reading~