48. Fall [Season 4]

Phoenix Rising
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Season 4

Chapter 48: Fall

     It was late enough - or early, depending on which end of the day one was at - that the trains had just hummed through their first run of the morning. No one spoke, and even the melodic jingle of train announcements felt jarring. Beyond that, the quiet went unbroken, hosting a sparse sleepy scattering of passengers with business at this hour - shift workers, early birds, and half-asleep drunks who'd slept in the station overnight. Baekhyun wasn't one of them, not quite, and yet as his head lolled with the train's trundling sway, he felt a settling sense of belonging among them. They all walked on the flipside of society while the rest were asleep.

     A cool blue fog had risen with dawn, and Baekhyun shivered slightly, both from the chill of it and sleep deprivation, as he emerged from the station in Apgujeong. The main road into Gangnam was wide and busy already, and he quickly dipped into the side streets that led to the waterfront office building. The morning air brushed the hair from his forehead with a cool hand. He realized he had never walked to work from the train station before.

     It was even quieter by the office, tucked away from the hubbub to afford the artists some semblance of privacy. Keying the door open with his security pass, he slowly made his way up to his office. Not a single soul passed him on the way, but that didn't mean they weren't there.

     Inside his office, he first shed his jacket. There was a smear of blood on the blazer's lapel, and he stared at it puzzled, racking his brain momentarily to recall what had caused it. His tongue crept out to tentatively test the broken skin at his lip. It stung. That that, too, had happened.

     The cool conditioned air rose goose flesh along his bare arms, and he rubbed them to ease down the prickle. Sitting down at his desk in his jeans and mussed shirt, he stared at his computer, then picked up the phone. The CEO's secretary would not be in on the weekend, but he dialed her anyway and left a quick voicemail, requesting a meeting with the CEO at his earliest convenience. It's important, he added, and time sensitive.

     Now, he would wait. 

     Flicking through a few of the night's emails, he selected his inbox and marked it all read. That done, he began tidying his office. He set the magazines on the coffee table in a neat pile, and repositioned the chairs around it. He cleared every stray item off of his desk. He went through his drawers and removed all personal effects from them, including the bottle of whiskey and a handful of fresh pressed shirts. Those he placed in a bag in the coat closet. He filed through papers he'd printed, and sorted them into the file cabinet by topic and artist, and shredded those which were unnecessary, implicative, or duplicates. He cleared the cache on his computer, his search history, his bookmarks and links. He pruned a few dead leaves off of the plant on the desk.

     When all was done, he stood back and surveyed his work. It had the pristine gleam of a new office, nondescript as the next, awaiting a worthy occupant. What didn't belong was now in the trash. He exhaled long and slow. It would suffice.

     The mirror in the mens room held nothing back, as Baekhyun inspected the puffy cut that marred his lower lip. He touched it gingerly and winced, then appled a cool wet paper towel to blot it clean. If Jongdae were there, surely he'd know what to do, and it wouldn't be this. But he wasn't and Baekhyun was secretly glad his associate wouldn't see this. There was a limit to what he expected Jongdae to handle and he had long since surpassed it. Jongdae had a real job to do, and mothering his mess of a boss wasn't part of the description.

     His lip was still tender and raw when he made his way down several floors to the music rooms. Here it was likely he'd find a trainee or artist banging away at keys or strings trying to compose or practice. The little rooms were private and soundproofed, but from the hall it was evident which ones were in use. It seemed none of them were, and so Baekhyun slipped into one with a piano. 

     It was a dark wooden instrument with real ivory and ebony, and it seemed almost out of place in an industry run on synthesized music. But everyone learned on the real thing, first. They learned how the pressure and velocity of the finger drew out different sounds. They learned how those sounds called up different moods and emotions. He, too, had once been a student of music. 

     He sat on the smooth bench and tipped back the key cover. There was no music before him, nothing to follow. His fingertips felt for the cool grooves of home position. He closed his eyes then and let his hands do the talking. 

     At first they touched soft simple riffs of arpeggio. Something melancholy blossomed and flowed from his fingerstips. As he pressed on it swelled with storm winds of emotion, a frantic litany of notes, a lone leaf wrenched from the branch in the cold wrath of autumn, buffetted and tossed by a sharp swirling wind. He was the leaf and the strong boughs of his tree had let go of his hand. No tree reunited with leaves shed in fall.

     The gale pressed on his heart as notes fell in colors of burnt red and gold, the colors of autumn, the colors of fire. His shoulders shook with it, his chest heaved with it, and his face was wet with it, spilling down his cheeks. He played til his fingers faltered and he lost tempo to hard shudders, and he slumped over the keys, face buried in his hands, as his own keening echoed in the finetuned acoustics.

     I miss you.

     I need you.

     I love you.

     He knew it now, at last, and the knowledge spread through him and settled into the hollows of his heart and his body, as if it was not a stranger passing by but an old friend come to call. It pulsed slow and steady in the beat of his blood. He wanted to hold onto it, to keep it from disappearing like a leaf on the wind. It hurt too much to let go, to be let go of. He'd done that to Chanyeol. He'd shown his love and his kindness to the door. It was only fitting that Chanyeol let go of him, too. What use did Chanyeol have for him, a man who only knew how to throw people to the fire in order to keep his cold fortress upright? Baekhyun shivered in it now, trapped and alone in the glass monolith of his life. Worse, he had trapped Jaehee, too.

     It had come, the time to let go of her, too. He could no longer pretend to love only her. To want only her by his side. Even if he could not have Chanyeol, it did not change the truth. He loved Chanyeol. He had for a long time.

     He didn't hear the door open, nor the footsteps behind him. He didn't register another presence til the gentle weight of an arm fell across his shoulders.

     "Baekhyun-sshi," a soft voice said, and Baekhyun turned to see flame hair and wide, concerned eyes. He hiccuped a sob back and tried to blink away the tears but the dam had broken beyond repair and he couldn't pull himself together. Aimee perched beside him on the bench.

     "Are you okay?" She asked gently and he could muster no lie. He shook his head slowly, a trust fall in faith.

     She pressed her lips together and her eyes shone with sympathy, with genuine worry. He looked at her for a long moment, and wondered if Park Entertainment hadn't let go of Chanyeol, if he and this girl would still be together.

     "What happened?" She asked, and if she was unsettled by his staring, she gave no indictation.

     Baekhyun looked away and swallowed thickly to locate his voice. It took a few tries. "I've lost something I didn't even know that I needed."

     Her fingers curved over his far shoulder and he was struck for a moment by the girl's nerve. If anyone were to see them, it would be the stuff of high scandal, and she would be burned. But he supposed she was not like the other young artists, she had seen and experienced too much, and she had once dated Chanyeol. He wondered how much he had changed since she knew him, if he had always burned so unapologetically bright.

     "Is it a person?" She asked, and he knew that before her he was merely transparent. He nodded wearily, releasing a soft sigh. If she knew whom, if she knew why, she would certainly hate him. 

     "I haven't lost someone before, not like this," he admitted. "I've not had them to lose them." It was an honest sentiment, for Jaehee did not count. He had not coveted her love past his initial enchantment. Perhaps that was why he had proposed to her so quickly, so young.

     Aimee hummed, understanding. "I've lost someone before, a few times. It's not easy."

     Baekhyun frowned at the piano, the key cover now closed, his fingertips resting on top of it. "The ex that you mentioned?" They were toeing the line far past the professional, but if she was willing to brave it then he would, too.

     She nodded. "He wasn't my first boyfriend, but he left the deepest mark. I think it was because we were fo

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sohbet
Just went through and fixed 7 years of formatting problems... The whole fic should be properly legible on mobile now! xo Soh

Comments

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xiahticxx
#1
Chapter 65: Coming back to AFF after 4-5 years. I finally know what real life means lol. I came back finding more than 10 fics I’m subscribed to are now complete. Though I have more time to myself now but real life doesn’t give me the luxury to read those fics. Instead, I started over PR until the last chapter and will leave again and check from time to time for PR’s update.

On the story, I’m glad that the everything has come to light. With only the suit remains, I’m hopeful for a happy ending for Baekhyun and Chanyeol, they deserve that after everything they’ve been through. Rereading this after gaining some experience myself, I can better relate to Baekhyun and Chanyeol more. The social pressure is real. I’m just happy that they have each other’s back, they trust each other now. With more than enough s life throws at them, at least their better half provides continuous comfort and support. I just wish no one will actually self sabotage themselves to save the other.

Anyway, great job on almost completing PR, see you when I see you!
Baek_lyn #2
Chapter 65: Omg yes go on that was passionate they had Woow so hot
saikia_puwali #3
Chapter 65: I hope you are doing well author! this fic has me hooked and i so want to know what happens next...but considering the time we are going through....i don't wat to bother u...just..stay safe and healthy..thank you for writing this amaze balls story,..loads of love!! XOXO
saikia_puwali #4
Chapter 65: OK....so i am back in asianfanfics after staying away for a few years...and yours is the one I first read!!!!.. OMG OMG OMG!!!!! IT is so ing beatiful and angsty and everything I like!! Hope you are staying safe and healthy....omg!!can't wait to read the rest of it...how will it end!!.. OMG!! *hearteyes* Loads of love
firstladydragon
#5
Chapter 65: Crying over this chapter (again!!) while in a dire need of cold shower at the same time..I hope you are safe and healthy all along!
parksyeol
#6
Chapter 65: “a play in three acts, and here we unveil the villain. and here, the hero shoots him dead” wowowow beautiful amazing gorgeous

“and here, we have the hero. and here the villain holds him close, knowing all he has done wrong” are you serious i’m in love… i never want to forget these words

oh no there’s more “when the villain loves the hero, he will hurt him from within. there is only one way left for him to atone for his sins. he lets the hero win”

UM HE “I JUST WANT TO FEEL YOU” GOODBYE HOW WAS THIS SCENE SO SWEET

their love :(( yeah i’m in love with this story and i’ll wait forever if i have to.

and yes!!! i'd be ready to support any future projects for this story omg
parksyeol
#7
Chapter 64: i’m gonna scream.. i'm shocked hjhjhjhfg it couldnt have been that easy though right T_T i should have known
parksyeol
#8
Chapter 63: ga in???? hello?????/ mvp
parksyeol
#9
Chapter 62: oh wow this chapter is incredibly lovely :( so heartbreaking

AND THE ENDING woah… chanyeol is too good
parksyeol
#10
Chapter 61: oh thank god kris called

omgogmgogmgogomg my babies together again (i MEAN it hasnt been long in their world but it has been in mine and just ?? when theyre not together xgfxxffd not ideal it doesnt feel right) also i lied i'm eating these new chapters up so fast