ai·lu·ro·phile

  [aɪˈlʊərəˌfaɪl] 

noun

One who loves cats.

What a painful world we live in. I sometimes think about this topic for at least two hours a day. Really, it has become a habit to me. I try to ease the pain, but when I have to think about Kris running around, exposed to the horrors of life, I cannot help but cringe.

We have come to a certain point in life where one can’t deny his own struggles. To be confronted with every single one of your flaws, it’s a hard thing to endure.

The thing is, Kris’ flaw is greater than just missing a finger.

He’s missing an entire organism.

How cruel.

What happened after seeing that finger, I couldn’t explain. It felt so surreal; all I could do was staring at the bottle and ignoring Yong Guk’s endless swearing. I refused accepting the situation, keeping in mind that someone was indeed missing a finger. “Who says that it’s Zelo’s?” I tried again, but even I knew that it was useless.

I placed the jar back on the table and looked at Hyosung. There was something hiding in her eyes. I didn’t know how to explain this to even myself, but somehow they stared at me as if I could solve this all.

The cruel part was that I couldn’t. I had to do this step by step. I stood up and sighed deeply, walking towards the bathroom door. I opened it and entered the room, staring at Tao.

He sat against the bathtub, his face showing nothing but disgust. I sat in front of him and grabbed his arm. I didn’t know how much time went by, but with every second that passed, Tao crawled closer to me, until his face was entirely hidden in my chest.

I liked it, when he was this close to me. I wouldn’t let anyone come this near, but it was different with him. I couldn’t explain why. I still couldn’t fully trust him, but somehow I ignored that thought. You could see how traumatized he was.

He was leaning against my scar, which to me was the worst that could happen. I had to contain myself and restrain myself from throwing up. I needed to distract my being by trying to reason with this bizarre situation.

“You’re sure it’s his?” I whispered, closing my eyes and realizing that this was just the beginning. I didn’t want to receive a body part each and every time Zico felt like it.

I could feel Tao nodding against me and swallowed the lump I had in my throat. “His nail.” Tao had a hard time speaking. I did not blame him. I realized that Hyosung and Yong Guk were standing in the door opening. “His nail,” Tao repeated. “The nail polish, it’s mine. I painted his nails as a joke before he…”

Yong Guk left the room, dragging Hyosung with him and slammed the door. I remained seated, trying to comfort Tao. My brain couldn’t handle every single that had happened to me. Initially, this was about trying to discover the true function of this Dollhouse, but things had escalated gravely.

I hadn’t been able to sleep that week. I wasn’t a vast sleeper, but my insomnia had worsened and resulted into me collapsing on Thursday. I couldn’t believe how angry Hyoyeon was at me. She was frustrated with the fact that nothing was going our way.

We had clues, but no lead. I cringed and turned around in my bed. I had slept for nearly twenty hours.

I lived my life in intervals of insomnia and hypersomnia.

An hour later, I got out of my bed and ignored the reflection the mirror provided me. I made myself a coffee and tried going through everything again. There was something I wasn’t seeing. Something that was crucial, yet invisible to the eye.

And then something hit me. Something that had been destined to happen, before Yong Guk entered the room, bringing that jar. Back then, I had been seconds away from discovering something.

“Tao…” I whispered. His own flaws had given him away. I grabbed my coat and realized minutes later that I only was allowed seeing him tomorrow.

I sighed and collapsed on my couch. What could I do right now? I couldn’t go to The Lennox House right now, for I did not want Zico to send me Zelo’s leg to warn me again.

“.” I closed my eyes and groaned. This was hell on earth. I wrapped my arms around my own stomach, something I did frequently and cringed.

When I opened the door and walked inside, I noticed how Tao was lying on his bed, eyes glued on the ceiling. I tried maintaining as calm as possible, but I couldn’t hide my agitation. “Stand up.”

Tao turned his head and blinked confusedly. “I don’t want to. I’m aching.”

I linked his remark to the fact that he had seen one of Zico’s costumers earlier today. I was sure of the fact that it had been Myungsoo. “Please. I need to show you something.”

Tao refused listening to me and groaned. “Just let me disappear, please.”

I walked over to him and laid my hand on his forehead. “Listen, I’m not a cop. I can’t help you legally. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t solved things before. My company exists to bring corrupted people like Zico down. I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m the second best investigator.”

“Then who is the best?” Tao crawled up and rubbed through his swollen eyes.

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