You're my Melody

Description

»Should we got out and drink something?« The recordings for the first song to be created together by TVXQ were over after hard and sweat-inducing work. You’re my Melody was the title of the ballad that would melt everyone’s heart as soon as he heard the first chimes. The moving melody still gave Jaejoong the shivers. This song would for sure become one of their most successful songs. Junsu and Yoochun still stood close to each other in the last corner of the recording studio. Yoochun was taller by a head and made Junsu invisible for bystanders. Only the soft sound of his voice showed that he was talking to him. Jaejoong looked away ashamed. »Sure, why not? To mark the occasion...« he responded to Yunho’s question to distract himself from the lovebirds. Of course Jaejoong tolerated the relationship between his two band members absolutely and we would never have any objection but the sight of two flirting guys would probably be awkward for normal people. They were like brothers to him anyway, no matter if gay or not. Only two weeks ago they came out with the truth and told Yunho and Jaejoong that they were homoual. Jaejoong had noticed recently that they were pretty close and was simply relieved that the case was closed in the end. Maybe that’s why his reaction was so relaxed.

After a long day full with practice, Jaejoong was sitting in their living room and was waiting for that what Junsu had announced before. Completely worn-out and soaking wet from the shower he sank sighingly into the soft pillows. Also Travis appeared and came to Jaejoong who almost nodded off. He jumped on the couch as close to Jaejoong as possible to wake him up. »So? What’s the party here?« »Don’t know, either...Junsu...telling something...« murmured Jaejoong who was already on his way back to a deep slumber. As he didn’t get a reaction from Yunho he concluded that he was finally allowed to sleep. But in the same moment he was rudely awakened by nimble fingers that pinched and tickled his side.
It was pointless to fight Yunho’s strong arms. Yunho didn’t let go until Jaejoong eventually stood up and was broad awake. With a mischievous smile he stood in front of Yunho who sat helpless on the couch. With a full-length dive he placed himself on his center and started his revenge. Yunho gave up and didn’t even move a finger to signalize that he wouldn’t fight back anymore. Jaejoong jumped from Yunho’s lap and fell exhausted back on the couch.
At the same time, Junsu and Yoochun sneaked into the room. At the latest at this point Jaejoong could have become suspicious. Junsu took a deep breath as if he wanted to hold a big funeral oration and let the air out of his lungs again.
»Hey, guys« he greeted. Without a clue Jaejoong and Yunho were waiting. Yoochun cleared his throat nervously . That a heroic and totally unreachable man like Yoochun had to clear his throat like that showed that it would get very serious. »Well...the thing is this« he started to explain but was cut off by Junsu. »We are gay« he blurted out the secret. He scratched his head with one finger. He probably he wanted to prevent that the talk woul turn into a long speech, a discussion, or a argument.
»No way« said Jaejoong.  »Both of you at the same time?« he joked around and earned a vicious look from Junsu. Of course Jaejoong had understood immediately. He swung his finger between Junsu and Yoochun and grinned. »Alack, you two? Like really?« Junsu nodded and seemed ashamed, while Yoochun stood behind him like a guardian and presumably he laid a calming hand on Junsu’s back. Jaejoong didn’t plan to make fun of them with his comment. He bit his tongue before his tiredness could do more damage.
His own calm reaction had surprised him a bit. Shouldn’t he have as a guy have something against it hat his own best friends were a gay couple now? But even more surprising was Yunho’s reaction to the happening. He didn’t say a word about it. His face was and stayed
emotionless until he left the room. »Yunho!« Jaejoong shouted concerned and put out his hand as if he wanted to reach his sleeve but Yunho was already gone. Yoochun laid both hands on Junsu’s shoulders before he could run after Yunho. Even if Jaejoong obviously missed something, he was to tired to question himself or the newly enamored couple.  
Junsu turned around to Yoochun who closed his arms around him. A shock wave went through Jaejoong’s body. He was tolerant but he didn’t want to see them making out. »You don’t kiss now, do you?« he asked seriously concerned. They didn’t even seem to notice him and embraced each other tightly. Jaejoong immediately turned around and fled the romantic atmosphere into his room. »My bed...« He sighed almost fondly, dropped his clothes on the ground, and slipped under his soft blanket.

All in all it wasn’t as problematic or strange as Jaejoong had feared at all. Everyone got used to the new situation quickly and if it got too cheesy, Jaejoong could just look away. Maybe one of the reasons why it wasn’t bloodcurdling to Jaejoong was that Junsu and Yoochun didn’t seem like fags or erts. They seemed like a normal couple. To Jaejoong they mostly looked like every other couple did.
»Hey, guys!« Yunho called a little louder now to get the lovebirds’ attention. »Want to drink something?« Yoochun and Junsu just craned curiously for a short moment , looked at each other, and without making any arrangement they said in unison: »No« and giggled.«We already made plans« Yoochun explained with a grin and with ardor he went to his love struck conversation. Jaejoong’s eyebrows rose in shock. »Too cheesy« he thought. Nevertheless, they seemed happier in their relationship than most of the heteroual couples Jaejoong knew.  Well, they didn’t need to think about birth control or having children. Jaejoong smiled as he noticed the weird way of thinking of his brain. »So?« Yunho who was still sceptic towards the new circumstances looked asking at Jaejoong. »Want to go then?« »Sure.« Jaejoong smiled. As long as he was treated he wouldn’t reject any invitation. Also, he was relieved that he didn’t have to look at the lovebirds anymore. Too much was simply too much. He grabbed his jacket and Yunho and dragged both to the door. Before they left, he shouted to the couple: »See you later, guys. And have fun.« After the door was already closed, he realized the ambiguity of what he had just said. He looked at Yunho who had noticed it, too, and both of them laughed out loud.
 
***

Jaejoong could already hear the beat of the night club as he and Yunho were two street corners away. They talked enthusiastically about the songs they had produced recently and the success they had to look after. »It’s going to be a huge thing when we start our Europe tour in June, I can tell you!« Yunho shouted as if he was drunk, although they had just reached the entrance of the club. Jaejoong’s heart melted for a moment as he saw Yunho who was so happy and satisfied. Jaejoong was a few months older than Yunho, so he sometimes felt like a big brother, although Yunho was obviously manlier than Jaejoong and the band members saw him as the protector in their group. He was the band leader anyway. Jaejoon had rather soft features. When he used to have longer hair when he was younger a lot of people thought he was a girl. As time went by, some manlier features came but the image as the beauty didn’t seem to go away. For the comeback of  TVXQ after a pause because of an injury they had exercised a lot in order to become manlier and get their bodies in shape to fit their ages of over 20 years. Even if Jaejoong’s body indeed looked like a man’s body, he still appeared slimmer compared to the other members. A main reason was probably his very slim waist, although he had a broad back.
By now, Travis had spotted some seats at the bar and as they were walking there they were stopped by two girls who reverently asked for an autograph. Of course Jaejoong and Yunho did them this favor. »It’s a pleasure to have such loyal fans« Yunho sweet-talked around and both of the girls turned totally red and didn’t know what to say. »But aren’t you a little too young to go out this late?« The girls giggled and got even more red. »I bet you two still go to school. I don’t want to make your mothers complain that your bad grades are our fault. The girls caught looked at each other and were totally over the moon with Yunho’s voice and the intimate way he talked to them. Finally, they went home to not disappoint their god. Jaejoong hit him on the back. »You always have to do that and just can’t let go, huh? Look, how you caused them embarrassment.« »I’m sorry, mom« he replied and pushed him with his elbow. »Casanova« Jaejoong murmured.
Indeed Jaejoong represented the mother for the band members. He was a kind of replacement. He did not only have feminine features but also did the women’s work. He cooked, he often had to clean after his band members, and he was responsible for the daily order.
Travis ordered two Mexican beers for them what they immediately got. The DJ also noticed them and started to play a dance version of one of their older songs. That already became kind of a rite since they began to go to this club. Jaejoong was happy each time the people heard their music and everyone began to dance. »We could dance, too, by way of change« Jaejoong shouted through the loud music. Yunho shrugged his shoulders and was just going to say something when he noticed that his cell phone was vibrating in his pocket. He signalized that he had to pick up. Jaejoong would have really liked to dance in a club again instead of always studying those never-ending choreographies. In his opinion it was way to many anyway and noone, maybe except for Yunho, could memorize all of them.
Yunho was already a passionate dancer in his teenage years and would rather just dance every day instead of singing and thinking of new lyrics. Jaejoong had discovered his fascination for music pretty late and didn’t want to be anything but a singer. The whole dancing thing was sometimes beyond his capabilities.
While Jaejoong looked at the euphoric crowd on the dance floor Yunho came back to him, his phone still in his hand. »We gotta go« he said nervously. He noticed the disappointed look from Jaejoong but said nothing. They left the undrunk drinks at the bar while Yunho dragged Jaejoong out of the club on his arm but still focused to not hurt him. As they arrived on the street he let go and let him walk alone but Jaejoong immediately stopped walking and seemed wistful. Yunho felt a little bit bad for his friend who deserved a little bit of fun after so much work. »Max« he tried to explain without using many words. »What?« »Changmin is on his way to our apartment.« »What?« Jaejoong asked again but was more surprised than confused this time.
Since about Yoochun’s and Junsu’s coming out they had decided who they would pick as their fifth band member. They had noticed that four people weren’t enough for a polyphonic song and they chose Changmin. He was even younger than their youngest member but still he was exactly the tipe pf voice and personality they were looking for.
»Why already today?« »That was actually the plan but we forgot it because of all the stress. I’m glad that he called. He’ll arrive in about two hours. »We could have danced in those two hours.« Jaejoong was frustrated but Yunho couldn’t even see that anymore because he was already heading to the car while Jaejoong tried to keep up.
The Audi’s noise stopped in the underground garage and it was dead silent when they got out of the car. Their apartment took almost a whole level in the building and rarely anyone else lived there. »Hello?« Yunho called and the echo answered him. »Yoochun and Junsu obviously seem to have found some other kind of amusement« Jaejoong determined and the picture of a gay couple having a date confused him. »Yeah, yeah...«Yunho grumbled. »They
are your best friends. Why don’t you just let them be as they are and be happy for them?«Jaejoong complained. »Hooray!«Yunho shouted bored. »That’s new to me that you have something against gays« Jaejoong kept on annoying him on purpose and jokingly twined himself around him. »I’m gonna clear out some things out of my room then« Yunho said and untied himself.
The room-sharing seemed pretty difficult as they became a fifth member. There was a lot of space in the apartment but it was mostly used for unnecessary things like a fitness room, walk-in closets, and countless storerooms. Jaejoong and Yoochun always used to share a room until Junsu and Yoochun wanted to move in together. Jaejoong had volunteered to give his bed to Junsu which they rid of to buy a queen-sized bed. At that time nobody thought about the fact that it would have been easier if Yoochun had moved into Junsu’s room and Jaejoong had kept his room and the two beds. Such ab ed could be helpful in case they would get a new member, which was the case right now. Since Yunho and Jaejoong didn’t need to be ashamed of each other and knew the one another as a brother, it was no problem for them to share a bed for a period of time. The bed was big enough anyway, so that nothing like awkward could happen.
Jaejoong helped Yunho with his stuff and brought it into his room. It happened quick because some things were still in boxes from their moving-in into the apartment not long ago. While Jaejoong made the bed over and over again, Yunho stood in the door and examined him skeptically. »Will that always be like this when I’m living here?«»What?« Jaejoong was completely into his work. »I’m talking about your mania for cleaning, you twit.«But Jaejoong didn’t even listen. He was used to the lasting teasing because of his habits and already knew that the guys weren’t serious. Actually everyone was happy about it.
»Ok, twenty minutes left« Yunho murmured. »We could have danced« Jaejoong grumbled frustrated. »Instead of dancing you could put new sheets on the bed.« »Eh?« »Do you think that I sleep with you under the same blanket? Also one that you have used for days?« »You should be happy that I don’t make you sleep on the couch.
They could hear a key in the apartment’s door and the Junsu’s happy voice filled the air. Yunho just turned around in the door, while Jaejoong tried to squeeze past hi. Yunho shrugged confused as Jaejoong came so near but Jaejoong didn’t notice that at all.
»I assume you didn’t think about Changmin, either?« Junsu’s eyes widened as he remembered. Prompt he started babbling hectically. They didn’t really understand him and he  blamed Yoochun for always confusing him. He was ashamed that they seemed so unreliable. »That’s indeed unreliable« Jaejoong said to show that he at least understood that part.
»What?« A young, friendly voice resounded from the door which was left open by Yoochun. »Sorry for gatecrashing this. Someday let me in downstairs and your door was open. Changmin smiled shyly and Jaejoong already liked him. He was happy to have chosen him. »No Problem« the bandleader spoke. »Welcome to your new home. Do you need help with your luggage?« Changmin was obviously happy to be welcomed so nicely and not to have met just a bunch of arrogant singers. He nodded. The late evening went by fast and happily it was weekend because they stayed awake the whole night to talk and get to know each other. Yoochun and Junsu had decided that it would be better if they didn’t tell Changmin about them. Body contact was prevented and the smallest comments were held back. That was also more relaxing for Jaejoong. Long after midnight everyone became tired and Jaejoong already fell asleep on the couch. Changmin still didn’t unpack his stuff and Junsu and Yoochun seemed to have some other plans before they went to sleep, too. They went to their rooms and only Jaejoong was left slumbering on the couch. Yunho was halfway to his room when he noticed that Jaejoong was laying in the living room.
There weren’t many people who could sleep so calmly like Jaejoong. When he was asleep he seemed to be absolutely happy and satisfied. Yunho stopped and thought if he should really
wake Jaejoong up, leave him sleeping on the couch, or just carry him into their bed. Finally he galvanized him softly. »Sleepy head. You really don’t notice anything. Everyone’s sleeping already.« Jaejoong craned his head in surprise. He couldn’t say anything except for a tired grunt and slowly sat up. When he stood up he stumbled and he lost his vision for a second. Luckily Yunho could handle the weight of a whole body, otherwise Jaejoong would have lain in pieces of glass of the table. »Come on now« Yunho said and laid Jaejoong’s arm around his shoulders to support him.
»I’m not retarded.« Jaejoong’s voice sounded much more alert than before. Seconds before they reached the bed, he jumped down and kept on stumbling alone. When Yunho followed him Jaejoong turned around in confuse. »Oh, right. You’re sleeping here, too« he remembered and took of his shoes. Then the pants followed. He fell on the bed with a shirt and boxers and didn’t even bother to slide under the blanket. Yunho was still standing next to the bed.
He felt uncomfortable to sleep in one bed with Jaejoong. After all what has happened...He sighed, took everything except for his boxers an t-shirt of, too, and went to bed. »Don’t broaden, alright?« Jaejoong’s answer was a quiet, consistent snoring. Yunho smiled and turned off the little lamp.
 

***

The next morning Jaejoong woke up next to Yunho. His mouth was opened wide and Jaejoong didn’t want to have to stare at it, threw the blanket over the widely-opened mouth, and stood up. He couldn’t go back to sleep anyway. He went showering and the hot water on his pale skin felt so good after the stress. He braced himself against the cold wall and let the steamy water pound on his stiff neck. When he came out of the shower, his skin was still steaming and the whole room was filled with steam. The mirror was fogged and the ground was slippery. Suddenly he felt two hands that slung around waist and wiped the drops of water off of his abdomen. The hands were familiar but new in this way of touch. Then he felt two lips that were just as familiar and that pressed against his neck. He stretched his neck to let them wander further. They kissed his spine, his the skin over his aorta where the blood was speeding through, then the little hollow behind his ear and the lips kept on going. Jaejoong began to enjoy it and leaned back. The fogged mirror started to clear up again. At fist, he didn’t even want to look in the mirror but then, in the corner of his eye, he recognized who was teasing him.
He sat up screaming and accidentally pulled the blanket away from Yunho. As he saw Yunho, he fell out of the bed and hectically he stood back again. His head was almost glowing and was red from his shame. What did he just dream? Alcohol and less sleep never had good effects on him and he was also too used to homouality by now. He was so used to is that he did not even mind - he enjoyed it - if his own best friend kissed him gently. At that thought a shiver went down his spine. Yunho had woken up from the scream and was sitting in the bed. »What’s wrong?«he was asking with a tired voice. Jaejoong could do nothing but stare at his lips that had touched his neck so softly just a few seconds ago and he felt sick to his stomach because if the embarrassment.
 »It was just a very...very...bad dream. Nothing much.« He stumbled out f the room and went into the shower again. This time he turned it on ice cold. Then he came out of the shower, dried his hair with the towel very quickly, noticed that he had to go back to his room because he didn’t bring clean clothes. He quietly tiptoed to his room and in the same moment Yunho opened the door to go to the kitchen. A terrified noise came out of his chest. It sounded more like he was choking. »Dude, you scared me«Yunho yelled.
As he said that, Jaejoong felt better immediately. Yunho didn’t get a scent of his dream, how could he? During the day the pictures or better the touches disappeared out of Jaejoong’s head, while he was trying to stay away from Yunho and to do as many unnecessary stuff as
possible. Changmin settled down fast and got along with everyone pretty well. He even helped Jaejoong cleaning which he would have rather done himself to kill some time.
Until the afternoon he had calmed himself down enough to look at Yunho the same way as before. It was only a dream and he didn’t have to be ashamed of something Yunho didn’t know about. Yunho had gone to bed before him because he was bored and Jaejoong who had cleaned the entire kitchen went later.
»I like Changmin« Yunho said when Jaejoong came to bed. »I am glad that we picked someone like him.« »So am I. Now I don’t need to do all the work by my own anymore« Jaejoong joked around. »I’m afraid you do. It will take a while until he settled down completely. And then he needs to learn all the songs and choreographies. That is going to be a lot of work if we want to take him on the tour.« »That’s true.« Yunho kept silent for a while. »Hey, Jae« he was asking concerned. »Hmm?« »What did you dream last night?«
Jaejoong blushed and felt sick again. Was he easy to see through? »Why are you asking?«»You were said my name the whole time. And then you woke up screaming and were so strange the entire day.« Said his name? That meant that he knew that it was Yunho for the entire dream. How horrific. »I don’t remember. Must have supplanted it.« »Well, if you remember, you can tell me.« »Yeah...«he answered and turned away to sleep.
Luckily he didn’t have this kind of dreams again and it almost disappeared completely out of his memory. Everything kept on going like before. Since they had to teach Changmin, there was less time than usually and that meant less time to think about his best friend touching and kissing him after a hot shower. The week went by fast again and each night that Jaejoong spent next to Yunho was without any trouble and Changmin put much effort in his work to not be a burden for them. The weekend was reached.

***

Yunho sat in the kitchen with Yoochun, Junsu, and Changmin and ate the leftovers form Jaejoong’s delicious food. It was fascinating how a guy could cook like that. Jaejoong had already finished a while ago and had been out of sight since someone called him.
»So, guys. What are the plans for tonight?« Changmin shrugged. »Maybe I should learn some more song lyrics.« »We don’t have plans.« Yunho was still annoyed by the way Junsu and Yoochun used the phrase »We«. »What about you!« Yunho thought and shrugged, too. »We could go party« he suggested. »What is with Jaejoong by the way?« Yoochun asked. He had noticed, too, that he hadn’t come back since the phone call. »I’m gonna look for him.«
He stood up and went to the telephone first which was at its right spot but without Jaejoong. Then he went looking in their room and knocked on the bathrooms door but there wasn’t a bit of Jae. It started to dawn and to become cloudy. When he wanted to tell the others that he couldn’t he find him, he saw a silhouette and recognized Jaejoong at once. He was sitting in the darkest corner on the balcony where he probably didn’t want to be found. Something seemed to be wrong and in that case he needed to be found. He was sitting on the big lounger and his head was laying in his hands. Yunho went outside and a loud thunder boomed not far away and signalized that the rain would come soon. »Jaejoong«he said concerned. It was horrible to see a person who was so important to him in so much pain. Jaejoong didn’t react but he didn’t have to. Important was that he knew that Yunho was with him. »It’s starting to rain. We should go inside before you get sick.« Indeed, the first drops fell on their heads and clothes. Jaejoong still didn’t react but raised his head and stared into empty space. Yunho sat
down next to him quietly while the rain got harder. »Grandpa...« Jaejoong said after a while. Wet strands of hair stuck to his face and water dripped on his lips, which made the situation even more heart wrenching. »He died this morning.« Yunho was speechless and the news shocked him. He wasn’t that close to his family but he knew how much his Grandpa meant to Jaejoong.  
He laid one arm around Jaejoong’s shoulders. »He simply fell asleep« Jaejoong murmured churning and let himself fall against Yunho’s body. »Just fell asleep« he repeated und became angry. »How could he do that? Sleep...«he yelled and punched his fists against Yunho’s chest while a couple of tear drops ran down his cheeks. Yunho layed the other arm around him also and held him tightly until Jaejoong calmed down a little bit and stopped hitting him. »I’m so sorry« Yunho whispered. Silent sobs made Jaejoong’s body shake. The rain pattered down on them and after a while thy stood up together and went inside. Jaejoong’s lips were blue and he was shivering. »You should take a shower« Yunho suggested. »I don’t want you to get sick.« Jaejoong nodded. »Do you need something else or do you want me to help you with anything?« »I’m not retarded« jaejoong said his phrase but it didn’t sound very strong. »Ok.« Yunho brought him new clothes from their room and set them in front of the bathroom’s door when he heard that Jaejoong was already showering. Then he made a pot of tea and set it on the table.
»Thank you«he heard Jaejoong saying behind him. He turned around and saw Jaejoong pointing at the clothes. Then he saw the tea and sat down to drink some. The others had already left the kitchen. Yunho poured some into the cup that he drank all at once. »I’m tired. I think I’m going to bed already.« Jaejoong stood up and wanted to wash his cup but Yunho took it away. »I think I can do that today. You go to bed.« Jaejoong nodded immediately and left.   
As he woke up a couple of hours later he could hear Yunho breathing next to him. He took a drink of water that stood on the nightstand. He could still hear Yunho in the background. It was unbelievably calming, even if it was annoying at first. This way, he felt that he wasn’t alone. Someone was with him who could protect him and take care of him. He laid back down on the pillows and felt the warmth of Tavis’ body. He really wasn’t alone. He had the best friend that anyone could imagine right next to him.

***

Yunho had already told the others what happened the ay before. That’s why everyone was kind of quiet and tried to make it as easy as possible for Jaejoong, although they didn’t know how.  
But Jaejoong wasn’t that bad anymore. The news about his grandpa was a shock but Yunho brought him back on the carpet. When he sat down and wanted to eat breakfast, everyone seemed upset. »What are these faces?« He tried to make it more comfortable for everyone. »I’m fine, seriously« he explained and looked at Yunho because he actually wanted to signalize that he owed Yunho his good mood. But Yunho didn’t even see him.
»Jaejoong, tell me. I know, it’s not a good situation for you right now. And we all of us are really sorry.« »Nonsense, it’s not as bad as it seems.« »Well, so...Yoochun and I, we have our one-month-anniversary today and we wanted to celebrate that a little bit. Is that ok for you? Yunho would be here with you.« For Jaejoong it was more than enough if Yunho was there.
He didn’t need to worry at all. »And what about Changmin?« »He’s still with the manager. I don’t know when he is going to come back.« Jaejoong nodded unconcerned. Actually he felt much better compared to yesterday.
 »I’m fine, really« he assured. »Ok then.«
Actually he was already excited for the night and to do something with Yunho to distract himself. Since the entire day went by without much action, he was fondly hoping for even more. He had no clue what he wanted to do but he didn’t worry about it.  Everything with Yunho was fun. Yoochun and Junsu left around noon already. »And it’s really alright for you that we leave you alone?« Junsu asked before they left. Jaejoong nodded. As long as he had his buddy, he was more than fine.
»Where is he, though?«he was asking himself after the couple left. He started to cook something to kill some time. In case Yunho came home earlier, he cooked a little bit more. Without noticing he made Yunho’s favorite meal. He almost burned the meat and sat down with the food in front of th TV. Of course just crap was on. The good movies were always on weekdays, so he just watched a quiz show. The answer could haven been answered by a monkey with a little bit of brain and Jaejoong got bored
»The answer is so easy, ladies and gentlemen.« The voice of the quiz master was smugly. »Which color stand for passion and love and sounds like bread?« »This is ridiculous!«he moaned, turned it off, and threw the remote control with a loud bang in the glass table.  
While the dawn was breaking, there started to spread a feeling of emptiness inside of Jaejoong. Maybe he couldn’t handle the situation as he thought but he actually thought that his best friend would be there also. He started to feel pathetic as he sat there literally waiting for is babysitter. He didn’t even bother to turn on the lights when the night came.  He was sitting alone in the big and dark apartment and didn’t know what to do. With tired, babylike steps he went into the kitchen to wash the dirty dishes then he couldn’t think of anything else to do except for going to bed...at 8pm...He took his clothes off and just dropped them on the floor instead of hanging them somewhere like he usually does. The room was cooled down from the air conditioner and he had to slip under the blanket immediately. By now he was tired and exhausted, but he was churning inside because if his grandpa’s death and the because he had waited for nothing the entire day, so he couldn’t sleep. He was still waiting for Yunho while he was laying in the dark cold room and staring at the ceiling.
Now and then he looked at his phone to check the time. Without Yunho even the bed wasn’t the same as before anymore. It was cold and boring. When he checked his phone again it vibrated. He almost dropped it in the shock. A new message from Yunho. Maybe he was texting what time he was going to come back and that he was sorry for not coming home the whole time. Filled with some hope he opened the message...and read it...and needed to read it over again. Something like this was not what he expected.  


was in club, dancin.
I’m so done and spend the night at Alexa’s



Yunho didn’t even bother to use nice words. Not even the usual sayings or jokes. Where did the warmth go?
When they were in the club together Yunho didn’t even want to do him the small favor and dance with him but he would let his best friend down for one of his numerous female acquaintances. For Jaejoong he didn’t even take the time to drink something in the club.
And now he was amusing himself with a woman Jaejoong had never heard of before. That’s how much he meant to him... Just yesterday he was caring for him and now he was giving a about the fact that Jaejoong was empty and broken inside and that he was waiting for him alone in the apartment the entire day. Jaejoong felt a strange pain in his chest. It bit his heart.
He didn’t know what to do about it, neither what it was supposed to mean - the weird feeling as well as the text message. With a lost feeling he turned around in the big bed. He stayed on his side of the bed, although he knew that he would be the only one in there. He pulled his knees up to his chest and looked through the window up to the clear, black sky that was filled with stars. He felt exactly like one of them. He was one out of a many - hundreds, thousands - but still, he was lonely.
Junsu had fun with Yoochun and noone would spare a thought about him about how he was. Yunho was probably busy with Alexa, which Jaejoong did not want to imagine because it tore him apart. Jaejoong didn’t know what Changmin had to do with the manager the entire day but he wouldn’t want to talk to him anyway. And what was there to talk about? That he envied a stranger? Or that she took his best friend away from him? That was ridiculous. Every person with brains would consider him crazy or gaga, if not...gay.
Promptly the picture of him and Yunho in the bathroom flew back right into his mind and he shook his head to get rid of them. He fell asleep freezing and lonely and woke up just as lonely. He didn’t get another message from Yunho during the day. Junsu and Yoochun were staying in a hotel planned to come back at night.  Until then he would be alone with the rookie and had nothing to do. He stayed in bed, although he would have done breakfast ages ago by now in general. He would probably be cleaning the house.
He usually would call Yunho and asked where he was and what he was doing but he suddenly felt needless and clingy, little brother. Yesterday night he didn’t even reply to Yunho’s message but he was probably busy doing other stuff than waiting for his answer. Jaejoong was already typing...

When do I see you again?

...and deleted the text. »Way too clingy!«he grouched.

How was you night?


...and deleted it again. »Way too unnecessary!«

See you then-
have fun with Alexa...


It was horrible that he couldn’t do anything against his loneliness. He had never noticed before how much he was dependent and reliant on Yunho. He was his best friend and the only person in the band that he really needed. It was always natural that Yunho was with him. Now that Jaejoong couldn’t do anything but wishing him some fun he felt so lost. He had never expected to be so lonely without him.
He was still laying in the bed which seemed too big for one person now and was rolling around. He finally stood up at around noon, threw his worn clothes on the ground where they formed another messy pile, and began digging in his dresser, at what some things fell out, and he didn’t even know what he was looking for. He took a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that had fallen out. He still didn’t know what to do after he was dressed.
Had he never done anything by himself?
He didn’t do everything together Yunho, did he?
Jaejoong couldn’t remember but he could always be sure that Yunho was always there in ase he needed him.
He fell on the bed that was still warm. He let the air out of his lungs with a sigh, turned the TV on, turned it off, and threw the remote on the floor and the batteries were rolling on the wooden floor. He couldn’t hear any voices or steps outside, yet, so he decided to leavebefore anyone saw him.
Without showering he went to the park where he and Yunho used to walk around every morning, and sat down on the fountain. What was he supposed to do the whole time? Was he really that dependent? It was already later in the day. When you are alone it is nice to sleep in because you can waste a lot of time and day was almost over. The clear sky was dotted with tiny clouds and in his own thoughts he stared upwards. Jaejoong shouldn’t be so pissed and down just because his friend was with his - what was she anyway, girlfriend? - just because je was with this random girl. That seemed more than unhealthy.
As the sun had already disappeared behind some trees and Jaejoong desperately waited for the end of the day, he got a glimmer of hope. Tomorrow the work would start again, which meant that Yunho had to be back home. But Jaejonng’s cell phone already let a dangerous
vibration out. Still in thoughts he took it out of his pocket and looked at the display. New message from Yunho. And again a unpleasant one.

Ok, see ya tomorrow at work.
Stay at Alexa’s for today



Jaejoong snarled angrily. »What the...?« He couldn’t say more wit his strained jaw and again it bit h is chest. The returning imaginations of Yunho and that Alexa gave him a headache. As soon as Yunho had a new girl, Jaejoong wasn’t needed anymore and was a stranger. »Damned bastard! Traitor« he murmured.
»That’s no way for a gentleman to talk« an older lady said who passed him limping. »Sorry, Ma’am« he apologized. He didn’t want anyone to think bad about their music or the band but she probably didn’t know them anyway.
He walked home totally pissed. The sun was setting but the sky was still as bright as around noon. As he arrived home, he walked straight to the room which would be his and only his
room for now, but Junsu cut his way. As soon as he heard Jaejoong’s on the ground he came sliding down the hallway.
»Gosh, here you are. Changmin couldn’t find you the whole day and Yunho had no clue where you could be, either.« Jaejoong wanted to moan disdainfully as he heard that Junsu mentioned that he had asked Yunho. He would be the last one to know at this point - if we was interested at all. »I was in the park.« »All the time?« Junsu asked unbelievingly and stunned. »Yes, quite a while. And I slept in this morning.« Junsu looked at him in confuse. Jaejoong could almost read on his forehead what he was thinking.
In General, Jaejoong was the disciplined one, the one with a daily rhythm and sense of responsibility. Junsu seemed as if he was going to ask Jaejoong what was wrong with him, now that Jaejoong wasn’t cooking or cleaning up anymore, but leaving his room in a mess, slept until noon, spent the day alone and outside somewhere, and he did everything without telling a reason.    
»Don’t you want to know where Yunho is by the way?«he asked to keep Junsu from questioning. »Yes, he called me. Last night but what’s way more...« Jaejoong was stunned. »He called you?« »Yes« Junsu answered. He was startled that jaejoong was so staring into space with an motionless face. Jaejoong was pretty bewildered that Junsu knew that Yunho wouldn’t come home and still did not care about Jaejoong after he was so worried and caring about him.   
Without saying a word he went into his room and passed the confused Junsu.«Hey, Jae«he called but he had already closed the door. He went to his bed shuffling, threw his clothes away again and laid down on the bed, although the sun hadn’t disappeared behind the horizon yet. Without food in his stomach or taking a shower he tried to sleep. He was kind of excited for the work tomorrow because at least he could see Yunho again but he didn’t feel relieved. Something would still separate them and Jaejoong didn’t really know what. Also, how should he appear in front of Yunho? Should he just happily fall around his neck in relief to have gotten him back, should he be angry or even blame him because he bailed on his best friend?

***

When he stood up the next morning he was in cheerful spirits and even took a shower again. But as they arrived at the studios he saw that Yunho wasn’t there. While everyone but him warmed up their voices, his eyes went back to the door again and again. He wanted to see the friendly face he missed so much and that could make him happier. When the door opened eventually the waited-for face came in. Jaejoong’s heart began to pound in his chest and he covered it with his hand in shame. Yunho was smiling brightly as he came in. But as soon as he put his coat and bag away he went back to a serious, exhausted expression. Jaejoong had been staring at him motionless and without a word and it hit his chest again to see Yunho not even noticing him. Wasn’t he glad to see him? Did their friendship mean something only to Jaejoong? Or was Yunho falling head over heels for Alexa and couldn’t think about anything else? That thought sent a cold shiver down his spine. He did not want to be forgotten. No, Yunho wouldn’t go that far but in the short period of time that he spent with Alexa he had changed so much already. What did she do to him, he asked himself but already knew the answer and a new knife was rammed in his chest.
During the practice Yunho did neither look at him nor talk to him, except for the instructions to the songs and dances. Jaejoong’s inside became emptier and emptier. He got knot had grown in his stomach and kept on growing. It was heavy and seemed to pull him deeper and deeper. The practice went over and behind the windows the sun went down fast. Jaejoong was praying that something would happen to make Yunho at least ask how he was feeling or something like that. He was literally despairing.
The last notes of the song still hung in the air with a quiet echo of heir voices. His hair stood on end while his expression turned into stone and his arms hung down motionless on his weak body. The knot in his stomach wandered up to his throat where it formed a big lump. What was he supposed to do now? Although Yunho was with him again, nothing had changed. He didn’t have the courage to talk to him about it. He simply didn’t want to be an envious, clingy abundance.
Yunho was already grabbing his stuff and turned around to his band. Then he went straight to Jaejoong whose heart was throbbing in excitement. »Hey Jaejoong-ah.«»Hey.« Silence. »How was your weekend?«Jaejoong asked uneasily. »Great« Yunho was gushing and his face was turning happy immediately. So he was happier to be with Alexa than to be with him or the band. Jaejoong felt the lump growing again and it became hard to breathe. »That’s why...«Yunho started again. »That’s why I’m staying there for a while. Jaejoong was worried that his mouth was widely opened but he couldn’t feel anything. He probably didn’t understand correctly. »I thought it would be more comfortable for you if you have the bed for your own, you know?«he explained with grin and didn’t seem to notice how bad Jaejoong felt. ‘No! NOOOO!’ he screamed in his head. ‘That’s not true. I don’t want my own bed’ but his mouth didn’t open. He needed Yunho’s warmth next to him to fall asleep. »I gotta go. I’m  quasi expected.« Yunho slapped him on the back and left the room. Jaejoong’s chest turned into stone and his stomach imploded. ‘He was quasi expected...from Alexa’. Maybe he had a
dinner ready for him or something cheesy like that. Jaejoong could do that, too! He did indeed envy Alexa. The spot on his arm where Yunho had touched him was the only thing he thought of.
Junsu and Yoochun went to the door, engrossed in their talk. Changmin stood next to Jaejoong. »Are you coming or what?«he was asking in concern after he saw his face. Jaejoong held up a finger to signalize that he needed one more minute. Changmin nodded and hesitated before he followed Junsu and Yoochun through the door. Also the manager came to Jaejoong.
»Oh, boy. I heard about that with your grandpa. I’m really sorry.« He laid a hand on Jaejoong’s back and sighed. »And I noticed today that you’re not feeling too well.« Jaejoong wanted to contradict - it did not have anything to do with his grandpa - but the manager didn’t let him speak. »You can’t work like this. I want you to take a break, to take a timeout.«»No way!«Jaejoong said quickly but the manager had already left. Jaejoong had ended up completely alone once again.


To cover his bad mood he ran after the others as if nothing happened and caught up. He tried to act like always. »Are you alright?« Changmin asked promptly but at least in a lower voice so that the others didn’t hear him. »Sure«he responded too quickly. »You don’t seem alright, though.« »Well, you know how it is: all the work and now my grandpa...« Actually, he didn’t care about his grandpa much right now and felt bad to use him as an excuse. Changmin didn’t believe but didn’t say anything.
On the ride back home the city passed Jaejoong without him realizing. The lump in his throat and stomach did neither disappear nor did it shrink. It felt like it got bigger with every thought he wasted on Yunho who abandoned him. When they had reached the apartment he simply wanted to go to his room and frustrate but of course, Junsu stopped him. »Hey, what did the manager want from you? Did he notice anything?« He looked concerned at Yoochun. Jaejoong had to think for a moment to get that he was talking about their relationship. Junsu seem to care about nothing else but Jaejoong couldn’t be mad at him. »No, don’t worry. He wants me to take a timeout but that guy is crazy.« »Why a timeout?« »Grandpa.« Junsu nodded and slapped him on his back, which didn’t reach him as when Yunho did it. »But believe me, I’m over it now. It was actually a relief that he passed away. He was o sick and noone could care for him.« What else could he say to prove that he was serious? »I’m just stressed out a bit. Lot’s of problems and so on.«
Junsu really seemed to believe him now. Probably because most of it was the truth. »Maybe you should stay home, though. Because you are stressed and stuff. Just rest for a while.« ‘And not see Yunho anymore’ Jaejoong added in his mind. Maybe he had to let go and it would be the best for him but he couldn’t think about anything else. Junsu had gone to Yoochun to tell him the news. Jaejoong went to his room n relief and fell on the soft bed. The sad day frazzled him out and he closed his eyes disappointed. The already known queasy feeling spread in his stomach. It heavily sat on his lungs and made his heart sink. He was even lonelier than ever before.
When he woke up in the middle of the night he taken by excitement as he thought that the blanket next to him was Yunho. The bigger was the disappointment and the following emptiness. Then he came to realize something. »I think I am...«he began to stammer and
didn’t want to say it out loud. »Gay«he whispered and wanted to cry. And that’s what he did. In despair. A few lonely teardrops fell on the pillow and left dark, wet dots.
He knew he had fallen for Yunho, although he had never ever been attracted by men before. But the first thing he thought about when he woke up was Yunho. The last thing he thought about before he went to sleep was Yunho. And he thought about him and the warm smile the whole day. He didn’t know if he had been in love with him all the time but now that Yunho
was gone he realized aching how much he needed him - more than a best friend, much more. That’s why he needed his warmth around him and his protecting words.
He was squirming in pain as his intestines contracted. The realization cut his chest and his little heart broke. He felt sick and stood up to stumble to the bathroom. His breakfast came back up the wrong direction and the pungent smell of vomit distracted him from his thoughts a little. He was exhausted and laid down on the cold tiles and rested until he could go backto his bed. Tears gleamed on his cheeks and went down his chin. He still felt sick and he laid down on Yunho’s side of the bed where he carefully went under the blanket and clung to it with all his strength.  
He was imagining situations in which he would be with Yunho and the uptight and awkward way it would be from now on. His lungs turned into stone again and he felt only sickness, despair, pain, and sorrow. What should he do? He was so ashamed that he was in love with a man and was his best friend. But there was nothing he did more... Should he tell anyone, talk to someone? He couldn’t, he was too embarrassed. Even if Yunho loved him back, he couldn’t imagine how it would be. Would they have a relationship, with a man, easygoing and happy, even kiss him? And what about the public, the fans, the gossip? The imagination was repulsive to him but he just loved him.
Yunho would never like him back. He had always been the man among them and Jaejoong’s image of gays was sissy and campy. He himself was way to sentimental whereas Yunho was good in picking up women and breaking hearts. Even the one of his best friend...Jaejoong remembered the times Yunho had flirted with girls, the numerous relationships he had - non with a guy - and the numerous calls and messages from women who he met as the years went by. Jaejoong was taken by cold fear as he remembered how cold and distanced Yunho had been after Junsu and Yoochun had their coming out. Did he hate gays? Was he disgusted and was that even the reason why he had moved out? Jaejoong imagined the worst scenarios. In the worst case, Yunho could only kill him, which wouldn’t surprise him much. He was the most disloyal and stupidest there was.

Jaejoong could see the sky turning orange from the sunrise. In a couple of minutes he would be alone again. Today would be a long day because the choreographies were finished and they had to go through them all. He imagined Yunho dancing to the beat and spin around to the music. There was noone who was as coordinated as Yunho, who could control his body as he did. Plus, he had an incredible body.
Jaejoong winced at the gay thought and remembered Yunho’s body. Why had he never realized his feelings when he had seen Yunho half so many times. They didn’t need to be ashamed and Yunho’s body was something natural in his world.

He could see the sun behind the window and he was hearing quiet steps walking through the apartment. The minutes went by, the shower was an off a couple of times, plates
clattered in the kitchen, doors were opened and shut, and finally the front door was shut. Jaejoong closed his eyes to kill some time with sleeping. And he really fell asleep but it was an uneasy and light sleep and he was awaked by pictures of Yunho. As Jaejoong woke up it was already afternoon. Seemed like he need the sleep. He was rolling around in the bed and decided to play some video games to get his mind off current things.
He broke all records he had ever made. As he heard keys in the door he stood up. He noticed that he had slept in his normal clothes and he was neither washed nor had he eaten anything. But he couldn’t even think about eating. He went in the hallway to show that he’s alive and waited until everyone had come inside. He already thought and hoped that Yunho wouldn’t come back home. Junsu walked straight to him.  

»Hey, how are you doing?« He was friendly. Jonah shrugged. »Good, I guess.« He would never waste any words about his feelings for Yunho. »Did Yunho ask after me or something?« Junsu seemed surprised that Yunho hadn’t talked to him personally, yet. »Well, of course. How could he have known that you wouldn’t come to work?« That made sense. »He was in a hurry again and had to go early«Junsu joked. Jaejoong’s chest ached. It hurt and he raised and lowered his chest to make it look like he was breathing. »Are you sure that you’re alight? Yesterday you just disappeared without eating anything or showing any sign of life.« »I wasn’t hungry and was tired« he said. »It’s probably stressing me more than I thought.« He was shivering at the thought how much it stressed him out.
The following nights went by pretty much the same way. Lonely and sad. During the day he was alone and neither Yunho nor the manager called him.
Monday, Tuesday, and also the Wednesday went by. It was Thursday and Jaejoong’s thoughts were stuck. They were stuck on Yunho. Again, the time had come when everyone came back home and when he was waiting for the night to come. He tried to stay awake over the nights to waste as much time of the day as possible. He even tried several o movies but watching a man and a woman having wasn’t exactly what he needed, all the more after he just realized that he was in love with a guy. He holed up in his bed when he could hear the keys again. He didn’t know what he could use as an excuse this time. They always asked him what was wrong with him but he couldn’t tell the truth. And each day he needed a new excuse. One day he even said that they were just imagining his mood, which was totally crab.

***

There was a silent knock on his door. Jaejoong grunted and pretended to still be asleep. He heard clumsy steps that could only come from Junsu. »Are you asleep?« Jaejoong didn’t react. »Ok, you’re not asleep« Junsu determined and fell on the mattress. Jaejoong turned around in anger. »I just fell asleep« he protested. »Sure,.« Junsu looked around in his room and screwed up his nose. Then he stood up in disbelief and picked up an old sheet from the floor.
After a while, Jaejoong realized that it was a shirt. »That’s at least three years old.« »So what?« »How did it find its way to the floor? You don’t even wear it...« Jaejoong shrugged impassive and stood up. He stopped in front of the dark window and placed his hands on the window board. Raindrops began falling from the dark sky.
»What’s wrong with you, Jae?« Jaejoong kept silence and was anxious. »Be honest, something has to be wrong. You just have to look at this. Look around!« Jaejoong followed
his words and looked around in his room which was covered in clothes and trash. Then he looked down at himself and noticed the crinkled, dirty clothes he was wearing. »You have really have changed. You are not yourself anymore.« »Because I’m not cooking and cleaning for you anymore?« »No! Because you are giving up yourself and left everything what makes you yourself behind.« Junsu’s voice was getting louder and that was pretty unusual for him.   
»Since Yunho has left...«he yelled and paused all of a sudden as if someone had hit him on the mouth. His eyes grew wider and it almost seemed like he had a vision. »What?« Jaejoong asked impatient but Junsu shook his head. »Nothing, nothing.« He seemed concerned but also as if he thought of something. »What?!« Jaejoong grew even more impatient. He liked the furious Junsu better at that moment.
»Even if it is not as I’m thinking right now, it has something to do with Yunho, am I right? Now the talk turned into a serious conversation. Jaejoong couldn’t think of any words to alibi.
»I guess it’s exactly what you think« he admitted as Junsu’s gaze rested on him and almost burned his skin. »So...« Junsu didn’t have the courage, either, to tell the truth. That’s...I’m sorry.« »Why? You don’t need to be. It’s not your fault that he moved out.« All the blood went out off Junsu’s head. »We-well...«he stammered. Jaejoong’s mind got quick. His senses were on the alert. If Yunho could have been stopped from moving out at any chance... »I’m sorry, really, Jaejoong.« Jaejoong raised his eyebrows and was listening.
»Back in the day... I introduced him to him to Alexa.« »That’s not really a reason.« But Jaejoong became sceptic already. Junsu scratched his head. »And I put a lot of effort in hook him up with her.« Jaejoong could feel cold shiver going up and down his spine. So Yunho knew Alexa long before he moved out and hadn’t bothered to tell him about her. »If you had just told me earlier...« Junsu said, lost in thoughts. »What?« »Well, that you are...« He leaned towards Jaejoong. »That you...like him.« »How could that have changed anything?« Jaejoong was really grumpy. He himself didn’t even know it before. And also, to hear it from someone else’s mouth made it just sound even more ridiculous.   
Junsu eyes grew wide again and was tensed up as he was asked this question. Jaejoong then walked unpleasantly over to him and grabbed him by is arm. »Junsu!« He wanted him to talk. »Everything.« »What are you talking about?« »It would have changed a lot, maybe even everything« he answered the question from earlier. Jaejoong didn’t understand and he seemed to have a question mark on his forehead because Junsu started looking for words to explain.
»Explain it to me!« »I’m sorry. I can’t.« What the hell does that mean you can’t?« Now it was Jaejoong’s turn to get loud. »I mustn’t« he murmured uneasily. »Who says that?« Junsu lowered his head. »Yunho« he said. He probably expected a fight or something like that because he was surprised when Jaejoong let go of his arm and went back to bed without a word. He laid his head in his hands.
»Seems like there were a good few things he didn’t want me to know« he said in disappointment. A cold shiver went down his spine again. »That’s not true« Junsu said and it sounded also like a little apology. »Was there also something else I don’t know?« Junsu hesitated at first. »Maybe I should just tell you the whole story. These circumstances« he
looked around again, »change a lot at this point. Jaejoong looked up again and tried to listen while his mind was going insane.
»You probably remember how angry he was at me when Yoochun and I became a couple.« As he remembered that time. Junsu smiled for a short moment. »There was a good reason for
it. And no, he is not homophobic. Jaejoong was relieved a little bit as he heard that. »Quite the opposite« Junsu added and Jaejoong became curious.
The opposite? So he didn’t mind gays?
 »During our comeback we had a conversation. He said he could only talk to me about that issue.« Again, Jaejoong realized that he obviously didn’t mean much to Yunho if he didn’t want him to know anything about him. And he had always been thinking that he was his best friend.
»It was a sensitive topic« Junsu kept on explaining. He seemed to notice Jaejoong’s grumpy expression. »Sensitive subject« he murmured irritated. What was fishy enough that a gay of all the people was allowed to know?
Jaejoong’s eyes grew wide. Suddenly his mind was revolving around all the stuff that was connected with the word gay. Yunho didn’t mind gay, it was quite the opposite...He talked to his gay friend about sensitive topics that a (at that point considered hetero) best friend wasn’t supposed to know. Jaejoong craned his head listened carefully to what Junsu was telling him. He didn’t reall< understand it but he knew that it was going to be important.
»He asked me if he should talk about it to the others...to you. But unfortunately I advised against it.« He looked ashamed at the flood. Jaejoong said what he couldn’t have imagined to say. »That’s why I should have told you earlier that I....how important he is to me.« Junsu nodded.
»He didn’t know how you would react...as his best friend. That’s why I advised against it. He listened to me and didn’t tell you anything to this day. And when Yoochun and I told you two that we are gay and also a couple...he was hopping mad because I told him not to talk about it, not to tell you, when he was in the same situation. But we...« »You did talk about it.« Junsu nodded again. »So, what are you trying to tell me with this? Yunho has girlfriends and all these flings...« Jaejoong’s thoughts wandered to him and Alexa.
»Now he is even staying with a girl« he reminded Junsu who could only nod his head again. »Yes, and I have a feeling that it’s all my fault. First him I told him not to tell you and now all the mess with Alexa. I’m really sorry.« »But how sensitive could the topic be that he couldn’t talk to his best friend about it? He’s obviously not gay because of all his....  acquaintances.« »That is exactly what was so delicate about it. It was about you.« Jaejoong was shocked. He talked about him behind his back? And then it was also delicate? Maybe he had known that Jaejoong had a tendency to homouality or something and wanted to know how Junsu thought about it.  
Jaejoong kept on looking at him questioning. Junsu started explaining again. »The delicate point was....that he ‘usually’ likes women. But there was a little exceptional case and he wasn’t sure about it.« »And what the hell has that to do with me?« Junsu stared at him in disbelief. »You still don’t get it? Or do you just want me saying it out loud? I thought it was obvious by now. Jaejoong kept on thinking but silenced. »YOU were the exception« he yelled almost irritated.
Jaejoong was too slow. Then he understood. If he had realized his feelings before, it may woul

Foreword

Yunho and Jaejoong have been close friends and band members of TVXQ for quite a while now. However, as if it doesn't mean anything to him, Yunho moves out for a couple of days. To one of his many friends called Alexa! Jaejoong feels left behind and is hurt. He realizes how much Yunho means to him right at that point where Yunho decided that a break would be the best for him -because he doesn't want to lose his best friend.
Jaejoong can't understand why or what is going on. It seems like everyone knows except for him.

---- this story is going to be more realistic and about gays so be aware of those two points  x)  some things in advance: i am really really sorry but didn't have the time to make some space in my story - it might be confusing. this is the link to the story in better quality:   http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/amelila/   it could also be that names like Travis or Jonah appear because i wrote the names with western names first to cover that it was actually about YunJae

and i hope you enjoy reading it ;)

 

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Dailycommenter 98 streak #1
As I am trying to find an old story on here but I cannot remember the title so I am going through all the story links I found this sounds interesting and has a nice description
foamtwt #2
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summer-star
#3
visiting old stories!
danslapoubelle
#4
What an adventure of emotions! I cannot wait to read the remainder! (Technically, I am fully against , but I suppose this is an exception...)