Why Can't I Accept (That You Won't Breathe Again)?

Description

Why Can’t I Accept? (That You Won’t Breathe Again)

Title: Breathe Again
Pairing:
SunYeon (Sunny/Taeyeon)
Rating: PG; character death
Summary: If she leaves this world… how can I go on?
Length:
1 600~ words

“Dear lord, I’ve never asked you for anything before because you have given me everything.” Taeyeon choked out, on her knees in her bathroom.

…never once had that bathroom feel so dead.

“And now, I’m on my knees begging you. Please, please don’t let her go.” Taeyeon couldn’t hold it in any longer. Usually, she wouldn’t have let her emotions get the better of her.

But it was different this time. It was somebody she loved. Somebody worth crying for.

“Three days. Three days left for me to spend with her. Honestly, I thought it was going to be forever…” As if on cue, her mobile rang a familiar tone.

‘Honey are you hungry~?’

All Taeyeon could do was it up and force a smile for her bunny. “Sunny?”

“Taeyeon~!” Sunny exclaimed. It was natural, unforced and you wouldn’t have been able to tell that she was slowly slipping away.

“Sunkyu-ah.” Taeyeon held back a sniff and carefully placed her words together, making sure she didn’t place hints as to her current state of near-depression. “Is there something wrong?”

“Nope!” Sunny exclaimed. Taeyeon thought that the Sunny speaking to her was the angel that she had met years before and little that she knew, Sunny would never feel the same.

Sunny is known for being happy, lively, energetic and the sort. But honestly, the thought of never breathing again scared her all too badly. She had to be strong for Taeyeon, Taeyeon needed an angel, an oasis and a diamond in the rough.

She got Sunny.

And Sunny might as well act like it.

“Then why did you call?” Taeyeon bit her lip, her blood pumped through her veins from her agitated heart, worried that Sunny was going to leave her sooner than expected.

“…I just wanted to hear your voice.” Sunny replied somberly, much to Taeyeon’s turmoil.

“Do you want me to run there?” Taeyeon asked with panic visibly strung to her speech due to the younger girl’s solemnest.

“There’s no need.” Sunny chuckled with discomfort alluded by a stifled squirm.

“You’re having a needle again, aren’t you?” Taeyeon playfully figured.

“It’s just small.” Sunny expressed with a cough lacing her declaration together.

Then it struck Taeyeon.

Hearing Sunny speak freely burns the reality into Taeyeon more than she thought it would.

Sunny was going to die, Taeyeon couldn’t change that. All she could do was make Sunny’s transition to a better place a little easier.

But she fools herself, being in Sunny’s life made it harder to leave- to want to leave.

Taeyeon mustered up everything inside of her to choke out a few words. “Sunny-ah, I’m coming.” Taeyeon hang up and dashed into the pouring rain, with only her favorite PJ’s on, before the girl on the other line could object.

--

Taeyeon reached her destination, earning flabbergasted looks from bystanders. But Taeyeon didn’t care. She only cared about reaching the love of her life as soon as possible.

Time, Taeyeon had all the time in the world (which never seemed enough)… but Sunny didn’t.

Taeyeon reached a familiar that she was never able to miss; the get well cards, the beautifully decorated notes and thoughtful balloons stuck on it made it hard to not notice.

Without a second thought, Taeyeon pushed –more like barraged- the door open. “Bunny!” Taeyeon screamed at the top of her lungs desperately and ran towards bunny like a maniac who could scare off the Boogeyman.

“Taeyeon, what are you-?” Sunny was cut off by Taeyeon tenderly, yet hungrily, hugging her.

“Don’t, just don’t say anything.” Taeyeon hastily puffed out from her excessive running in the rain. “Let’s enjoy this.”

“Yah! Taeyeon, you’re wet!” Sunny exclaimed, exaggerating her observation by rubbing Taeyeon’s, rather soaked, back.

“I don’t care, Sunny-ah.” Taeyeon whispered impulsively. Sunny suddenly pulled away.

“Who are you and what have you done with the real Taeyeon?” Sunny snorted teasingly.

Behind Sunny’s now-pale complexion, chapped lips and hoarse voice, Taeyeon could see through Sunny’s still-alive chocolate eyes, that she was scared. They both were.

“Why do you ask that?” Taeyeon asked with a flabbergasted expression.

“You haven’t called me Sunny in a while.” Sunny said.

“Shut up Sunkyu.”

--

The best Taeyeon could do for the next three days was smile for Sunny to remind her that she’s going to a better place and yet, Taeyeon still prays. She curses God, offers him anything and begs on her knees just to keep Sunny with her.

But she knows- they both know that it’s not enough.

Love’s not going to keep you alive at the end of the day. It saves you from the bitter truth.

--

Sunny woke up to a lightly sleeping Taeyeon next to her. She could feel her pulse slowly fading away and she contemplated, should she wake Taeyeon? With the IV’s, the heart monitor and all those buttons for help, Sunny couldn’t help but feel a little confused that she was still there.

She only lived that long for Taeyeon. And only Taeyeon.

 The atmosphere in the room was gentle and calm.

…still, Sunny was close to flat lining.

“Taeyeon, wake up.” Sunny screamed frantically as Taeyeon woke instantly.

“What’s wrong…?” Taeyeon looked to the straightening heartbeat on Sunny’s heart monitor. She felt her heart skipping every beat that they could, Taeyeon wasn’t going to lose. Not now.

She’ll fight for love, even if she makes a fool of herself in vain attempts.

 “NO! NO! Sunny, please, stay with me!” Taeyeon pressed the buttons and darted out the door, screaming for nurses. It seemed that not many people heard her.

All Sunny could do was watch her lover in terror while she felt her life dissolving.

“NURSE! NURSE!” Taeyeon forced out of , various passersby could only look at her as if she was a psycho fresh out of an asylum.

“…Taeyeon stop.” Sunny tried to restrict her feelings and push out brave words instead, even if she knew that both of them would go down in the end anyway.

Taeyeon looked behind, straight to Sunny with fierce and bloodcurdling determination that Sunny had never seen in Taeyeon before. “N-no, Sunkyu! I can still save you, okay? Just a few more nurses a-and syringes and-”

“Taeyeon, look at ME! I’ve been pumped with drugs, cut open at least a million times and been looked at in sympathy! I don’t want to keep living a life like that!” Sunny roared as Taeyeon stood in the doorway, looking like a lonely fool.

“At least you have a life!”

“Oh my gaw- this isn’t called living, Taeyeon! I may have you, be in love more than anybody ever could but sitting on a friggin’ hospital bed with fake hope, isn’t living!” Sunny could swear that she felt her heart stop and restart again.

Taeyeon let out tears that she had refused to ever let out in front of Sunny before.

She tried to be strong, tried to be everything Sunny couldn’t be.

“Then what do you want, Sunkyu?”

“Just stay with me… it helps.” Taeyeon obliged and hopped into Sunny’s bed with delicacy. “I love you, Taeyeon…”

Taeyeon watched on, her tear-stained face froze in place as Sunny closed her almost-lifeless eyes ever-so-slowly. “I love you too, Sunny.”

“I know…”

And there went Sunny’s life. It didn’t die alone though, Taeyeon’s heart went with it.

--

‘My reason to breathe is gone; I might as well just not breathe at all. She wouldn’t want that. She would want me to find someone new, be happy and live on without her. All I can do is respect her wishes.

Respect.Not act on, my heart died along with her. There’s no chance that I’d fall for another, that’s for sure.

Sunkyu-ah, how are things up in heaven? I can’t believe that’s it’s been ten years now. Back then I remember the panic the settled me when you started flat lining. Now, it just seemed silly to have been screaming for nurses.

I’m sorry for not accepting that you were going to go anyway.

                Love,
                Taeyeon.’


‘I lived for her love. Blood and drugs may have been pumping though my veins and my whole body… but in reality, all I could feel pumping in my heart was her and her love. I’ll never find another love like hers and all I can do is wait for her to join me in this beautiful place.

How has your ten years been Taengoo? Can you believe it? Time flies by too quickly. Look at us, we only lasted a mere 16 years. If only I listened to you that day.

Do you remember? That day when it was raining and I wanted to go to your house for dinner and the sort? If only I had put on my coat instead of full out dashing like those Pokémon in Pokémon dash. (Yeah, yeah, hardcore gamer’s reference… you love it :P) Maybe I wouldn’t have a caught a flu that turned out to be serious pneumonia.

Okay, so we blamed the doctor for not diagnosing me right but we both know it was my fault… or yours for making me furiously, utterly and completely in love with you that I just couldn’t wait until the overnight rain would pass over.

So I’m wishing you happiness
Love from,
Sunny~’

Foreword

If she leaves this world… how can I go on?

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WanLove21 #1
<3
BarbieTiffany
#2
Congratulations for getting featured! <3
leebyungiee
#3
congrats on the random feature :D
-xNerdrii
#4
Congrats~ c:
AverageCupOfTea
#5
congrats on the rando mfeature(:
Jaelovza
#6
Congratulations
OnASnowyDay
#7
Congratulations! c: